I thought I was strong enough to deal with pain. I can handle getting a cut or something really big like falling. It doesn't hurt that much anymore. I close myself for ages after a lot of people hurt me.

No, I didn't became a bully. I would never do that. I did became a bully, but to stop the bullies in high school (another story).

Anyhow, I am here just...
You never get over losing somebody is like a stab that never goes away. It never goes away. It's always there as the memories of my younger brother just pops one after another like a shower of disappointment and regret.

There are so many things. I didn't do, or the feeling of what if. I don't want to lose neither of my family members; however, it happen.

I thought I was prepared for anything, but no kind of old pain can prepare you for that truck of pain. I see him everywhere. I zoom out to think about him.

I cant do it honestly. I don't know how I am going to deal with this. I only cry alone. I like to comfort others, but I guess I have to push it back which I am doing.

No, I don't want too. I am truly believe he is gone on a trip, and he has bad reception. I can totally see it. That's what I will believe to reassure me. Until, everything comes down.

That sounds nicer...
Somewhere. He is somewhere happy and smiling. He is alive and well.

I love you, bro.