I have avoided socializing with people because I can't fight my own demons.

My own sick sarcasm.
My own suicide thoughts.
My own sickness...

That what ppl tell me. That I am sick. I hate hearing that... If I am so sick then why I am here? I am defective aren't I? Why? Why do people say something they don't really mean.

They get upset when I say the truth. When I tell them their hidden secrets, it's easy to see through it; however, I am defective because I am not normal.

I am not good enough.
I am no one yet.
I haven't succeeded.

Hehehe...

I don't know how I am here yet. I feel so empty sometimes the only thing I have okay. The only thing I do in those times. I cry because that makes the pain go away. Makes the uselessness disappear.

I cry in the dark where no one can ask that stupid question.

"Why are you crying?".
"What's wrong?".

I Don't Know.

Please.
Stop asking.
I don't know.
I don't know why..

I do apologise because I am not good enough. I have always tried my best all the time even got a job. I try having a normal life, and I am still useless.

That's fine by me.

After all, I don't understand the reason I cry nor why I am useless.

I guess. It used to make him feel better. I don't lived with my dad anymore, but his words are daggers to my heart. A heart I no longer use or seem the need to fix anymore. At least, not for him I don't.

I am not angry. I forgave him a long time ago. He is just dead to me. That's all.

Oh, to be clear. I am not useless neither are you.