*Aslesha*

I did it. I just ruined my life and hurt the person whom I love the most in this world.

You did it for him. He'll understand once you tell him the truth. He'll understand.

Oh god!

My head starts paining really badly and I feel faint and fall on the floor.

Maine usse rulaa diya. That's the last thing I've ever wanted to do. Tears start streaming down my face and Neel comes and sits beside me.

"I'm so sorry Neel" I say sobbing loudly. His nose is bleeding and he has a sore eye with a cut on the corner of his lips. Bahot bure tarike se maara Viraj ne usse.

He just shakes his head and rubs my back lightly. I hear heavy footsteps coming up and the faces of my friends come into view.

They are all shocked to see the situation here and rush towards Neel and me and I quickly wipe me tears.

"What the fuck dude? Veer party chhod ke gusse me gaya and you are all bloody here. Usne tujhe maara?" Tej asks angrily, eyeing me curiously.

"Kya hua Aashi tu aise zameen pe kyu baithi hai? Kya hua? Kuch toh bolo tum dono!" Pari shouts.

"Bolo Aashi" Neel whispers and everyone's eyes fix on me.

"Vo.. vo thodi misunderstanding ho gayi. Viraj ke saath rehna chahiye tum logo ko. Go to his place" I say.

He needs them. Inhe kya muh se explain karu sab? Inhe bhi operation ke baad hi batana hai. Warna Viraj tak baat pahoch hi jaayegi.

"Rudra aur Joel Gaye hai uske ghar abhi uske peeche bike le ke" Shabnam says. "Kaisi misunderstanding vo toh bolo?"

"I can't tell you guys" I say looking down at my feet.

"You can tell us and you will!" Pari shouts at me. "Mujhe nahi batayegi tu Aashi?" She says, hurt clear in her voice.

Iss problem ka ek hi solution hai.

"Viraj caught me and Neel kissing" I say directly and shamefully as everyone gasps.

Then everything goes silent.

Tej is the first one to speak. "Aashi how could you? Vo ladka tumhare peeche itna pagal tha. So damn deep in love. Har wakt Aashi Aashi. Aur tu Neel. Saari izzat chali gayi tere liye jo thi. What about the bro code dude?"

"Tum dono ne uske saath bahot galat kiya" Saumya says shaking her head and gives us a disgusted look then leaves. Tej follows her.

"Tum dono se ye ummeed nahi thi" Sid says. "Shame on you guys. Mujhe sharam aa rahi hai tum dono Ko apna dost bulaate hue" Shabnam says and they both leave.

Now it's just Pari, Neel and me on the terrace.

I hear Sid shouting downstairs that the party is over and asking everyone to leave.

Pari still doesn't say anything. Neel is standing near the edge of the terrace and looking out.

Her phone starts ringing, breaking the silence.

"Hello? Darwaza nahi khol raha? Thik hai just let him be on his own hum kal baat kar lenge usse college me.. just meet me in five on the backside of my house" she says and hangs up. Then with a final look at me, she leaves too.

"Chalo tumhe ghar chhod deta hu" Neel says. I look at him. Just look at him.

Ek ladke ka dil toda. Do ladko ki friendship todi. Humara relationship toda. Sab ke saath friendship todi. Sab ka bharosa toda.

Aur Viraj ne Chaddha muh toda.

Mujhe ye toh pata tha ke Viraj ko bahot gussa aata hai but itna... He just became someone else a few minutes ago.

"Hospital jaate hai? Tumhara naak ab tak.."

"Nahi it's fine. Chalo tum" he says.

I sigh and leave with him.

"Sorry and thank you" I say when Neel stops the car in front of my house. He nods.

"Tum apna khayal rakho. Jyada stress mat lo. Kal mai aata hu milne fir se okay" he says patting my head.

I go home and enter my bedroom. I change into my pajamas and lie down. My head is about to burst open. The pain is unbearable.

Kal se college vagera band. Ab recovery ke baad hi jaana hai college. Do weeks baad admit karenge mujhe aur fir surgery. I'm scared. Terrified.

And Viraj.

I've officially ruined everything good that was in my life. He hates me. Vo already pyaar vyaar me believe nahi karta tha. Mujhse ho gaya aur maine kya kiya?

Bass ye surgery vagera sab khatam ho jaaye. Fir usse sab sach bataa dungi. Lekin abhi uske liye cricket jaruri hai. Uska career jaruri hai. I hope this incident doesn't affect his game.

My friends hate me too. But they'll too eventually know the truth. And I hope they forgive me.

Viraj ko Mumbai me nayi girlfriend mil gayi toh? Ya New Zealand wali koi mil gayi toh? Ye toh maine socha hi nahi shit. But I don't think so. Aa jaaye tour se bass. Bahot seva karne lagaaungi usse.

My phone starts ringing and my heart skips a beat. Oh my god is it Viraj?

It's Pari.

It's past 12. Vo bhi mujhe sunaane ke liye call ki hai kya? Boyfriend ka ho gaya. Ab best friend ki baari. I receive the call.

"Darwaza khol tere ghar ke saamne hu" she says as soon as I pick up.

"Huh?" I blink in the darkness.

"Darwaza khol!" She orders and I quickly get out of bed and open the door.

She waves at someone behind her and I see that her dad had come to drop her off. Akele usse bhejte nahi uncle.

"What's wrong with you itne raat ko kya.."

"Shut up. I'm gonna sleepover" she says and walks straight into my bedroom as I follow her in confusion.

Kya ho raha hai ye sab?

She sits on my bed and then offers me ice cream that she bought with her. I take it with a frown.

I start eating it and she does the same. The whole time we are silent. I know her mind is in overdrive right now and she's processing all that happened today.

She clears her throat and looks at me like a mother who is waiting to ask her daughter how did she get less grades.

Here we go.

"Kya natak hai? Viraj caught you kissing? Seriously? You love him, I know. So why did you do something like that to hurt him so badly?" she asks raising her eyebrows. I apply my acting skills and make a what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about face.

"What do you mean? I just started feeling a- a liking, attraction towards Neel and so I.."

"Bullshit" she states with a poker face.

"Arre what? Sach bol rahi-"

"Bull fucking shit" she exclaimes. "You better tell me the truth because my head is exploding here since the party and I can't think straight, or eat or sleep or do anything for that matter-"

"Tu abhi dabaa ke ye ice cream toh khayi"

"-Shut up! Tu mujhe sach bata de fir mai bhi so paaungi aur tujhe bhi sone dungi" she orders and I can see that her temperature is rising each second.

So she saw through my game. I internally feel really happy that she didn't directly believe what she saw and judged me. Meri bachpan ki dost yuhi thodi hai vo.

But should I tell her? Of course I trust her but.. I guess I should. But what if she tells Rudra. Vo Viraj ke saamne jarur apna muh khol dega. But I don't think she will tell him. I trust her.

I sigh. "I have brain tumor" I say toying with my lip as I wait for her reaction.

She just looks at me with a straight face. No expression. Just stares at me for a minute.. 2 minutes.. 3.

"Um Pari?" I say sitting beside her and she gasps when I shake her shoulder.

"WHA-"

"Shhhh papa so rahe hai" I whisper yell at her.

"You.. mai.. kya.. tumhe ye kaise? Kya tum-" and then she starts crying.

I hug her and she hugs me back. "Are you gonna die" she sobs.

"It's a non cancerous tumor. I'll have a surgery and they'll remove all of it" I say and she looks at me hopefully with glassy eyes.

"Sach me? Tu thik ho jaayegi fir?" she asks grabbing my hands.

Mujhe thik hona hai Pari. I want nothing more than that.

"Jyada chances thik hone ke hai but it all depends on the surgery. So lets see" I say.

"Oh my god Aashi! Tune mujhe pehle kyu nahi bataya? I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you" she says and starts crying again.

"Aye pagli. Marrne nahi wali mai jo itna ro rahi hai. Itne jaldi tera peecha nahi chhodungi" I say, not being sure myself about what I said, and wipe her tears as she chuckles.

"Toh Viraj?" She asks and I feel a stab in my heart. Everytime I hear his name, I'm gonna feel like this now.

"It's the world cup he will be playing for. Mai usse bata deti toh vo rukta. And I don't want that. I want him to go and play for our country. It's been his dream always. And in a game like cricket there are no second chances. It's now or never" I say.

"He deserves to know" she says after a moment.

"But I love him and I can't come in the way of him and his ultimate goal in life. And surgery ke baad jab vo wapas aayega I'll tell him na. Tab tak you too can't tell anyone. Please" I plead.

"Nahi Aashi you have to tell him" she says.

"I can't. I want to see him play the world cup. It'll be like ruining his life. I won't ever do that. I'm doing it for him, you have to understand. So you can't tell anyone. Koi bhi nahi".

"Fine" she says shaking her head.

"Promise?"

"Promise".

She again hugs me. "Tu meri jaan hai Aashi. Kuch nahi hone dungi mai tujhe".

~•~•~•~•~•~•

The next day Neel and Pari both come together after college to meet me.

"Hey guys. I hope tum dono ne kuch kisi ko kaha nahi" I ask as I keep my novel aside and gesture them to sit.

The medicines make me drowsy and I feel so weak nowadays. I just feel like sleeping the whole time. It's like day by day my energy is sucked out of me.

"Nahi kisi ko kuch nahi pata hai" Neel says looking at Pari from the corner of his eye nervously. Pari does the same.

Now that I notice, both of them look super nervous and fidgety. Jarur kuch toh baat hai. Kuch chhupaa rahe hai kya mujhse?

"Kya hua? College me kuch matter ho gaya?" I ask getting nervous myself. they don't answer and just look at each other.

"Guys! Sab log bahot buraai kar rahe honge na meri. Neel tumhari bhi. I hope vo tumhe jyada taklif nahi de rahe" I say looking at Neel.

"Arre nahi. Gussa hai sab but thik hai. You're worth it" he says and I give him a small smile.

"Umm aur Vi- Viraj?" I ask clearing my throat as it suddenly feels dry. Do I really want to know about him? Vo toh sabse jyada gussa hai. Hurt hai.

"Aslesha vo.. Viraj chala gaya" Neel says.

"What? What do you mean chala gaya? Kaha gaya?" I ask as panic rises inside me and suddenly my vision goes blur and I feel faint.

This is happening a lot since yesterday.

I grasp the bedsheets in my fist and close my eyes tightly as pain shoots in my head. Severe and strong.

"Oh my god Aslesha" Pari sits beside me and hands me a glass of water. I chug it down and take long breathes as the doctor had advised me. Slowly the pain fades away.

"Tum- tum kya bol rahe the ke vo chala gaya?" I ask again, my nerves still in a frenzy.

"Cricket camp Aashi. Cricket camp gaya hai vo Mumbai me" Pari says quickly.

I see Neel giving her an odd look but my attention is quickly back to what Pari said.

"But vo toh agle hafte jaane wala tha na" I say.

"Ha but vo jaldi gaya. Vo world cup ke baad aayega ab directly" she says.

"Aayega vo" she says looking at Neel.

I sigh. Oh okay. Mujhe laga achanak kahi chala gaya hamesha ke liye. Darr hi gayi thi Mai.

"You rest now Aashi. College ki tension mat le tu. Tere notes vagera sab mai sambhal lungi. Aur kisi ko bataaungi bhi nahi. Everybody thinks ke tu apne cousin ke shaadi me gayi hai" she says and I nod.

Even then I can't help but feel like something very wrong is going to happen.

Or maybe it already has happened.

~•~•~•~•~•~•

"We're gonna have to shave your head" Dr. Chawla tells me and my eyes almost pop out of my sockets.

"WHAT" I scream banging both my hands on the table and standing up.

"Aashu" papa looks at me worriedly and makes me sit down.

"Not all your hair darling. Just the part where there's gonna be a surgery" she says and I sigh in relief.

Brain tumor kaafi nahi tha jo ab mujhe takli bhi kar rahe hai.

Today I got admitted in the hospital and tomorrow is my surgery. It's been 2 weeks since the party at Neel's house. I have seen none of my friends except Neel and Pari who come to visit me almost everyday.

Trupti madam comes sometimes too. My kathak teacher. She was so worried and tensed after she came to know. She's like a mother to me so I had decided to tell her.

Papa too is on a leave now and has not left my side since a week. He does all the work at home. I hate seeing him so tensed and working all the time. But I seriously can't help it. I can't work or do anything physical at all nowadays. I get tired easily and feel weak all the time.

Viraj ki bhi do hafto se koi khabar nahi. I hope his training is going well. I miss him so much. Ek pal nahi jaata jab uski yaad nahi aati.

Does he miss me too?

The doctor talks to us for a while but I hardly pay attention. My mind is fixed on only one thing.

Kal Viraj ki match hai.

He'll finally play for our country. I can't wait to see him play with the Indian jersey on. Kitna khush hoga vo. Hopefully khush ho. It's the biggest day of his life.

Me and papa then go to my room in the hospital. Yes my room. Maine papa ko kitna kaha ke general ward bhi chal jaata. But he wouldn't listen to me at all. Bahot kharcha ho gaya hoga.

"Papa aap please ghar jaao. Yaha sab doctors vagera hai na. Subah aa jaana aap. You need rest" I tell him and he chuckles.

Papa ko bahot taklif ho rahi hai. There are dark circles under his eyes, his shirt is crumpled and he hasn't shaved in a few days. I'm used to seeing him young and active. These days he looks old and tired.

Vo paise save kar rahe the because he wanted to travel the world. It's been his dream. But ab vo possible nahi kyu ki vo paise mere treatment me lag gaye.

In that moment I decide that I'll make his dream come true. It'll take time but surely I'll do it for him.

"Patient tu hai. You need rest. Aur tumne itne saal rakha na mera khayal. Kuch din mujhe bhi rakhne do" he says and puts the blanket upon me.

"Papa"

"Ha Aashu"

"Jo Viraj ke liye mera decision tha, aapko sahi laga ke galat?" I ask him.

He sighs and sits on the stool beside my bed.

"Dekho Aashu, tumhare view se sahi tha vo. Ke tum uske liye achha chahti ho vagera. You are a person like that. Khud se pehle dusro ke baare me sochti ho. So for you it's right. But ye jaruri nahi ke sab ko sahi lage. Jitna mai Viraj ko jaanta hu vo bahot gussa hoga jab usse pata chalega. But he loves you right, so it'll all be okay. So tumhare liye aur uske liye ye decision shayad sahi hai. But the people who care about you, for example me, Pari, Neel. We want to see you happy and relaxed in this condition. Jo tum nahi ho. But Viraj hota toh I know ye puri journey tumhare liye aasaan ho jaati. Sometimes I hear you crying to sleep. Sometimes I see you staring into a distance for hours upon hours. That's not how I want to see you bachha. Aur Viraj hota toh he'd support and comfort you in a way I can't, your friends can't" he says and my eyes fill with tears.

"You're so selfless and strong. But this was his decision to make Aashu. You could tell him and force him to go. Jabardasti. But at least you should have told him. Tumhare paas toh fir bhi reason hai, wajah hai. Usse waha kuch pata hi nahi. Why would the girl he love do something like that to him? Usse ye baat khaye ja rahi hogi. He must hate you, but he must be hating himself more right now. I'm just being honest here. Bura mat maanna" he says and wipes my tears.

He is right. Vo aayega tab usse manaa lungi. Bass vo jaldi se aa jaaye.

Slowly sleep starts to pull me in the darkness and I close my eyes to take a few hours break from reality.

Tomorrow is a big day.

~•~•~•~•~•~•

Vote and comment if you liked the chapter. I'm tired now so bye.. ily :)