Donovan heard the words Mrs. Marshall said as she broke down the equation on the board. Donovan even managed to transfer the equation to his notebook and write notes below it. Outwardly, he knew he appeared normal and concentrated but he didn't think at all of the world around him or the lesson in front of him. The only thing in his mind was Carter's raw knuckles.

He knew that type of redness. It came from attacking a punching bag with ferocity, not with precision and trained execution. Those kinds of marks came from feeling too much and needing to let it out.

Donovan knew because he'd worn those same bruised knuckles before.

What was the cause?

Even as he wrote the mathematical breakdown of solving the equation, he worked through the evidence surrounding Carter.

Besides her knuckles, she'd put up a guard around herself. It wasn't defensive, he knew what that looked like from the first week of getting to know her. This guard felt different... fragile, as if a single word or action could crack it. Coming from a girl who had spent years building her defenses, this didn't fit.

The look in her eyes told him that even the mind that was constantly at work, picking people apart, analyzing the world, spinning in hundreds of directions had been... stopped? No. Not stopped but iced over in a way. The thoughts were there but something bigger kept them from brightening her eyes.

She'd been called into the office, he doubted she'd done anything to warrant a talk with the Principal. He'd read her file, she didn't act out without good reason. She might have high emotions but logic heavily dictated her actions.

He didn't think it was her father that caused her to be called in. If something happened she'd get a call. With how much she loved her father, she'd risk having her phone go off in class. No, he didn't think it was her father for the reason of her going into the office.

Then what was it?

Sighing, Donovan dragged his hand through his hair. The biggest question of all staring at him. Why did he care so much?

She was Link's friend. She was someone who had a father who'd been shot. She was someone he, for the first time, could be real with.

"Hey," Link said.

Donovan looked up at him and found him wearing a baffled expression with a slight frown of concern.

"What?"

The question made Link frown even deeper. "The bell rang. We need to leave."

Hearing this, Donovan gazed around. When had the class stopped and when had he stopped being aware? He mentally shook himself. That was dangerous. He couldn't lose focus. His job was not to care about Carter, it was to care about Link. He needed to remember that.

Quickly packing up, he followed Link out of the classroom and into the crowded hall. Donovan didn't search the mass of faces. He focused straight ahead, forcing his eyes to remain trained on their path, nothing else.

"Do you think Carter is okay?" Link asked.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Donovan asked.

The question came too quickly, too blunt. Even Link with the many minute details he often missed, gave Donovan a look. Donovan held his emotions in, hiding them from Link.

"Because she got called into the office," Link said. "And usually we cross paths as we go to math and we didn't today. I was just wondering. Aren't you?"

Yes, Donovan was and too much for his liking.

"We have free period together and she's usually in the library before us," Donovan said, casually. "You can ask her if she's okay then."

"Okay."

Donovan kept their pace even and relaxed, he didn't rush them. They would arrive at the time they normally did and Link could ask Carter if she was okay. If Donovan stood right there to hear the answer and access its truthfulness, that was natural, he rarely left Link alone.

But when they entered the library, Donovan couldn't see Carter. Most of the tables were already filled with students, none of which were Carter. And the empty tables left didn't have any sign of her belongings. It was possible that for whatever reason she got called into the office that it meant she left for the day. That hadn't been an outcome Donovan thought of but made sense.

Though the thought of it made him feel...

He didn't know.

"I don't see her, do you?" Link asked.

"No. Why don't we sit, she might be coming late."

They sat but minutes ticked by in which Donovan couldn't make sense of anything before him and each time the door opened, the person entering was never Carter. Exasperated with himself, Donovan stood.

"I'm going to get a book," he said.

"Okay, I'll wait here if she comes."

The doors opened and Maddy walked in. Link perked up and Donovan knew if he spent a long time in the rows of books, Link wouldn't notice. Slowly, he made his way around the first floor. He wasn't searching, he wasn't. When he reached the back corner of the second floor, he stopped.

Sitting in the corner, eyes unfocused, arms draped over her bent knees was Carter.

For a moment, Donovan watched her, but beyond her strange complete stillness, he could read nothing about her current mental or emotional state.

When he approached, she raised her head. Again he saw a hint of something filling her mind, blocking out her other thoughts.

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

When she shifted, he noted the slight grimace. Tight muscles didn't happen because of a few minutes of sitting.

"I don't know," she said.

Carter uncurled her legs and winced. Donovan shoved his hands in his pockets, something in his chest twinging at her obvious discomfort. A discomfort from being trapped in one spot for too long.

"You didn't come to lunch and from the tightness in your muscles, I'm going to guess you skipped the last two classes as well," he said.

"What do I care," she said. "Not like I wouldn't be bored in them anyways."

Her flippant didn't convince him. This girl took action, which meant inaction had a heavy meaning to it. Only he didn't know what meaning.

"Why did you get called into the office?" he asked.

At the flash of pain in her face and her stillness, Donovan narrowed his eyes. Something happened. If it were related to her father he felt sure she'd say so. After all, she'd shared with them what happened. She had to know they'd... he'd be understanding.

That meant it wasn't her father.

When Carter rearranged her expression into something close to neutral and shrugged, Donovan knew she wouldn't share with him.

Part of him understood, connection with others didn't come easy for her. But the other part of him wanted to know. Wanted to know so he could stop overthinking about her.

"It was nothing," she said.

The lie annoyed him. A refusal to tell him he would be fine with. But a lie. That felt insulting.

"Carter, when will you realize you can't lie to me?"

She looked up at him. The girl he'd been getting to know was back, her eyes bright with something other than a glazed look. "When will you realize just because you can see everything it doesn't mean you have the right to know everything?"

Donovan could have laughed at her accusation if he didn't think it would sever all ties between them for antagonizing her.

"That's rich coming from you," he said evenly.

To his surprise and concern, his retort didn't receive a sharper one in return. Instead, Carter dropped her gaze. Donovan waited, willing for her to come at him with some sort of remark. A piercing statement would be easy to handle than this silent girl.

When the silence stretched on, Donovan broke it.

"What's wrong, Carter?" he asked.

Again when she met his gaze, she cleared her expression of any emotion. Despite knowing this would likely happen, Donovan felt disappointed.

"Nothing," she said.

Donovan flexed his jaw in irritation. Anything other than a lie he could take. She could swing at him for all he cared. 

"Just because you wear the mask well, doesn't mean I can't see beyond it," he said.

Carter stood, but Donovan saw how stiff her body was. Even as she causally leaned against the wall, he could tell it was because of tiredness and not nonchalance as he knew she wanted it to appear. To accentuate her point, she slid her hands into her pockets, holding Donovan's gaze with a look of disinterest.

"What do you see, Donovan?" she said, carelessly. "A girl who didn't feel like going to class. That can't be something new."

"No, I see someone desperately trying to mask something that goes deeper than boredom," he said.

Carter managed to control her features, giving Donovan nothing to break down but telling him more than she thought. If she was working this hard to keep her thoughts and emotions hidden it had to mean the issue was too vulnerable.

She might be hurting inside but she didn't seem to want him to know or see it.

"Carter," he said, softening his stance and his tone. "Despite how, at times, you have tried to push Link and me away, we are your friends."

Without moving at all, Donovan saw how she tensed. It wasn't the tension of someone preparing to fight, but the tension of a scared animal ready to run. Donovan struggled to stay calm even as he wanted to know, to make sense of what had this strong girl ready to flee.

"And what?" she said, carelessly. "That means I share my deepest darkest secrets with you?" She gave a derisive laugh. "I've known you for only a couple of weeks, what makes you think you have a right to know?"

"Don't you understand that's how friendship works?"

"Then I'm not good at friendship."

There was no disagreeing with that statement. But with her past, he understood. "I would have to agree."

Carter scowled at him. "How is that supposed to make me want to tell you anything." She shook her head. "Besides, what do you even know?"

Donovan stepped closer. "You pretend you're fine, but you're not."

Though he'd meant the words to be a hand reaching out, offering an opening for her to share, Carter glared. He felt as if she'd slapped his hand away.

"You don't understand what is going on," she said.

Pushing herself off the wall, Carter strode passed Donovan. Gently, he reached out and held her arm, making her pause. He looked down at her tense profile and tight lips.

"Maybe not," he said. "But if you force people away long enough they won't be there when you need them."

"I don't force people away," Carter said, yanking her arm free. "They leave on their own."

Carter walked away and Donovan did nothing but watch her leave.

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STOP! ✋

(🎶In the name of love before you break my heart, think it oooovvvveeerrr.🎵 I'll be honest I don't even know who sings that song. I think it might be the Supremes.)

If you have thoughts and those thoughts have no place to go then feel free to let them free here. I'll freely accept them. 💬🗯💭

This chapter doesn't completely align with the chapter from A Secret Service.

I realized something as I wrote this chapter, people remember things differently.

Especially in a moment like this that's very emotional, Carter would see from the perspective of someone whose been hurt in her past and believes that she doesn't deserve to have people stay with her. This means all of Donovan's actions would be perceived as aggressive or intrusive.

But from Donovan's POV he's trying to reach out. He sees a girl who is hurting and wants to help. His actions are caring, not aggressive. We can only know this once we see his side of it.

Even the dialogue doesn't match completely and I like that because again, people remember things differently.

I don't know if you noticed this or not. I found it really interesting and fitting.

Let me know if you thought that too or just got annoyed that it wasn't exactly like the imprinted version of the book that lives rent free in your head.

Vote, comment, follow! But only if you see this as me kindly asking you and not me be aggressive about you supporting me.