this can go for any rockstar (male) you please to think of. it'll be from their point of view.

it's based off of a song i heard for the first time in a while that a good friend showed me a long, long time ago and it hurt just as bad this time that it did the first.

prepare yourself, guys.

where is she?

the thought crossed my mind for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night. it was late, from what the clock on the wall told me. i was sitting in my favorite chair since it was the only one i could truly get comfortable in, and i had been waiting around for her to finally come in for the last four hours or so. i was beyond exhausted and i just wanted some sleep, but i knew it was a lost cause to try and rest knowing she wasn't back yet. at home. safe in my arms.

god, i missed her. i was worried sick.

i knew she didn't like me to worry much about her or anything like that, but i always did. i couldn't help it.

i loved her.

finally, like a miracle had just happened, i heard the door open. i shot up from my chair, my eyes wide and hopeful - until i saw her stumble in. my already-subtle smile fell from my lips at the sight of her expressionless face and i went toward her, my hands moving up to help her stay steady enough for me to close the door behind her. the smell of whiskey reeked from her lips and i softly sighed, helping her down the hall to our room to get her into some comfier clothes before i laid her down. she wasn't completely wasted, but i still wanted to make sure she got into bed safely.

i laid down beside her, my chest feeling a bit empty from the fact that she had been out drinking. it wasn't an often occurrence, but it always seemed to be without me. of course, i understood she needed her space, but she always came back... giving me the cold shoulder as if i had done something wrong. i always dealt with it, though. why, you might ask?

i loved her.

i went to turn and wrap my arm around her to pull her close to me, but she was already on her left side; facing away from me with nothing but her back greeting me. i pursed my lips, knowing i shouldn't even bother since she just seemed to want to sleep away the hangover she was bound to have in the morning. i understood.

⌘

i woke up around the usual time, half an hour or so after the sun had risen. i looked over at her to make sure she was still there, which she was, and i stroked her hair for a moment; needing to touch her in some way. after a while, i finally got up and did my routinely business in the bathroom before i made my way to the kitchen to put on the coffee. i knew she would need it when she came around to waking up.

i sat at the kitchen table as it brewed, my gaze wandering about the back yard through the window as blue birds chased each other around and as squirrels scampered up trees and jumped from limb to limb like were flying alongside the birds. i began to wonder if they had families like humans do... an aunt, a second cousin, and so forth. i wondered if they had significant others that they would do anything for. or if they had to pay bills with their acorns and whatnot.

i also wondered what was taking the damn coffee so long, until it was finally done.

i got up and made my way over to pour myself a cup, but my hand had slipped a bit and the steaming hot stream of brown liquid lurched right onto my hand. "shit!" i hissed, setting the coffee down before i went over to the sink and ran some cold water over it as i sighed, wincing about the excruciating sting the coffee had done to my skin. i huffed as i took a wash cloth and wiped my hands free of the water and i grabbed the half-empty mug and just drank it as it was since i was suddenly in no mood for anything sweet.

i wandered around to the living room as i sipped at my coffee, peeking through the curtains to find that the garbage was still on the side of the road. i sighed, my head shaking since i knew they were supposed to have came yesterday. what really took me by surprise, however, was the sight of a yellow cab pulling up to the curb. my brows furrowed, knowing it had to be a mistake - until i hear heavy footsteps coming down the hall way along with the jangling of zippers and magnetic buttons that just weren't aligned quite right. i snapped my gaze toward her, my mind not even registering what i saw.

the bags on her shoulders, one following behind her.

what was this?

"where ya goin?" i asked her, my grip on the handle of the mug tightening. she just looked at me blankly, not even taking the time to stop. she only slowed down.

"i'm leaving," she said shortly.

i couldn't get mad at that. it was the truth. but where was she leaving to?

"i-i can tell that, but... wh-"

"look," she interrupted me. her voice was soft but stern; her way of letting me know i had done nothing wrong, but that i better not argue with her about the matter at hand here. "i can't... i can't do this anymore," she said, her head shaking as she stopped at the front door, her hand on the door knob.

i set the mug down, my hand coming to rub at the back of my neck as my heart began to race and my chest tightened. "wh-what are ya talking about? i thought we were fine, i thought you were okay, i --"

"well, you thought wrong," she said shakily. i could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes from where i stood. she shook her head, her lips pursing as if she were trying to force them not to quiver.

she never was one to openly express her feelings, especially the unpleasant ones. i understood that... i just wanted her to be happy. i always did. i always will.

i looked at her, my expression of one who had just been shot directly through the heart. and that's exactly what it felt like. "but i... can't we talk about this? please, i..." but her shaking head cut me off again. i knew it was hopeless. she was as stubborn as they came, and it's funny to think that's one of the reasons i love the girl so damn much.

the sound of the cab honking its horn broke the silence. "i gotta... i gotta go," she said, gathering and adjusting her bags once more before she just looked at me for a moment. she looked lost. she waited for me to say something, i guess, but i knew nothing i could say would change her mind. and i think she knew that. she turned the door knob and opened it up, giving me one last solemn smile before she ducked her head and left.

i was frozen in my spot - frozen in time, it seemed. i couldn't bring myself to comprehend what had just happened... and i wasn't sure i wanted to. that empty feeling in my chest returned, weighing my shoulders down as they slumped and i just stared at the door blankly. a part of me was hoping she would come back a moment later, saying she was stupid for thinking she could leave me... but she never did. she never came back.

and i was never the same.