(Robert Walton is sitting on a wooden box and writing a letter. He is reading aloud as he writes.)

ROBERT: Dear Mrs. Saville, how are you? I am horrible, since you banished me from your abode with a restraining order. I deal with the depression by writing you letters I know you will never receive, crying myself to sleep, and hoping by luck I die out here in the great white land of ice and snow. To be honest, all I really want is a friend. One that won't ever leave or complain about anything or insult my clothes and sanitary habits... Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is. I hope you will one day permit you to be in the same country as you. Love, your brother, Robert Walton.

(Stage briefly darkens and relights. When it relights, Victor is sitting on some furniture and with his knees to his chest.)

ROBERT: (Writing and reading aloud.) Dear Mrs. Saville, I finally got my wish! I have a friend that does nothing all day but stay quiet, stare off into space, and occasionally say, "Woe is me!", "I am an unclean man!", and "Dead-dead- all of them dead!" Not one complaint about how I only brush my teeth at New Years and Saint Valentines Day because I might "accidentally" kiss someone, nor does he complain of the smell of the place. It is like a dream come true. I can only hope-

VICTOR: (Suddenly. Stands up and points at the sky.) It was a dark and stormy night! (He walks slowly over to Robert as he makes this speech.) Lightning flashing, wind howling, women screaming, and babies... they were sleeping through the night... that was the most haunting of them all. Not a babe, not a babe awoke but...

(In Robert's ear.) My baby was just born.

ROBERT: (Writing and reading aloud.) I actually now believe that I should have been more specific in what I wanted in a friend.

(Victor takes the letter and tears it.)

VICTOR: We have no times for letters my boy! I have a story to tell! All in ten minutes! Eight now that we spent two on your ridiculous letters! Now, as I was saying, my baby had just been born.

(Dark part of the stage lights up. The Creature is there.)

There he was, my creation. He was the most horrifying thing I ever laid eyes on. More horrifying than Dracula. Scarier than sewer. And with a more offensive appearance than ones own middle school pictures! It was disgusting! Yet, for some reasons, I was somehow blind to his horrifying face until I gave him life! Why that was, I don't know! That's kind of how marriage works. Anyway, I ran away, hoping that somehow the situation would take care of itself, because letting a lone, dumb, super strong monster loose into a world of abusers is perfectly sane, right, RIGHT!?

ROBERT: Do you want me to answer tha-

VICTOR: Silence boy! (Walks to the Creature.) So, I spent months in horror hoping I would never see him again when I heard my baby brother had been murdered. Soon after his maid was put to death on false charges!

ROBERT: Man, this story is dark, can't we lighten the blows or something for the childr-

VICTOR: Silence, child! Then I met with the beast and he told me his life story, just as I'm telling you mine. And this is what he said...

CREATURE: You desert me as a kid and now you want to be a part of my life? I don't think so. After my own foster family abandoned me and some gang kids tried to kill me I decided to hate you forever... I actually killed your brother... and framed the maid... I feel really bad about it now, to be honest...

VICTOR: Go to your room! This instant! You know that killing family is against the rules!

CREATURE: It's not my fault that I killed your beloved friends and family. If you had taken care of me when I was a child I would not have ended up a murderous psychopath. I'm not in control of my own personal actions!

VICTOR: Excuse me, young man!? Don't use that tone with me! And take some personal responsibility for your life! Where did you learn to be such an irresponsible, runaway... Oh, I kind of see now... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... But still! That doesn't give you an excuse! Do as I say not as I do!

CREATURE: That doesn't work! I'm sick of this! And I want a girlfriend, Dad!

VICTOR: No way! You are not dating until you're at least three years old!

CREATURE: I want a girlfriend NOW! If you do I'll be so good! I won't kill anyone! I promise! Not even those annoying little poodles! Please, dad, please!

VICTOR: Ugh! Fine, I'll make you a girlfriend.

VICTOR: (To Robert.) So I foolishly began to make him his dream girlfriend. Blond... skinny... tall, but not taller than him... successful, but not too much to intimidate him... hates those annoying little poodles... The works. And what does he say when I'm done?

CREATURE: I asked for a red head, Dad!

(His side of the stage darkens.)

VICTOR: So I sent her to Hawaii with a suitcase full of cash and a nice work recommendation. She's actually quite successful right now and is the only thing I feel happy about in my life... I'm really glad I didn't kill her... Anyway, the Creature went ballistic and killed my best friend...

(Offstage man's scream.)

VICTOR: And my wife...

(Offstage woman's scream.)

VICTOR: And then my dad died from depression...

(Offstage man's groan.)

And I decided I would ground the monster... to death for life! If that makes any sense... Now, I have followed him here to the North Pole and finish the job!

(Epic silence.)

ROBERT: So... I was hoping we could cancel those long term friend plans.

VICTOR: Of course.

ROBERT: Ok, I just need you to-

(Victor falls over dead.)

ROBERT: Victor? Victor!

(Jumpscare Creature appears behind him.)

ROBERT: AH!!!!! Oh, it's you.

CREATURE: Dad! I'm so sorry! I was a jerk and I didn't mean it! I love you, Dad! Really I do!

(He collapses and cries.)

ROBERT: Dude, this is like the most depressing skit, koreanwriter01 has ever written! Can't we end this happily?

CREATURE: The skits already dragged out way too long...

ROBERT: Perhaps we could have a... part two?

OFFSTAGE: If you think that this play should have a part two, give us a vote! If koreanwriter01 gets five votes on this story, she'll work in a happy ending in part two! But only if she knows you care enough for her to write a part two!

(Stage darkens.)

(If she gets only one or two votes with truly enthusiastic and devoted readers, though, she'll do it anyway. The must be TRULY enthusiastic and devoted readers, though.)

Note: This skit is free to perform anywhere (preferably with no alterations) at the performer's risk.