The music still played loudly but to Dazai and Chuuya who were busy appreciating eachother, it was nothing but background noise, irrelevant and muffled.

Neither wanted to acknowledge how they behaved or the things they said to each other.

Chuuya, even in the euphoric state he was in, could still hear the doubtful and unhappy voice in the back of his head.

'You'll hurt gim again, you'll break his heart. Stop leading him on you coward'

"Osamu?" The other didn't look at him but Chuuya somehow knew to continue. "Am I hurting you? Am I hurting your feelings?" He wondered if Dazai would tell him the truth, because Dazai's didn't know that he loved him back.

Dazai huffed and then took a drag of his cigarette, exhaling the smoke by the side of Chuuya's head, "Will you ask questions?"

"No. I just want to know if I am."

"Then yes. But it's a type of hurt I've been dealing with for years and years now. Just stay the same way you are now."

Neither elaborated on what they meant or why they asked anything that they did.

Both of them not wanting to unveil the fact they were in love with each other. But Chuuya was already very much aware that Dazai loved him and his answer further solidified that.

They went back into the party and unwanted distance slithering it's way between them.

Both of them were drowning in the consequences of their own actions. Dazai had said too much and Chuuya had done too much. They weren't behaving like best freinds and Chuuya was slowly teetering on the edge of being a cheater.

Now he found himself sat on one of the couches, drink in his hand paired with Sara's vape, he watched Dazai through the crowd as he sat and laughed with Ranpo and Fyodor.

He took a drag from the vape and exhaled, running his hands through his hair, the alcohol was beginning to ware off and all that was left was bitter regret. He was leading Dazai on, he was going to hurt him again-

He took a large gulp of vodka, then looked at the cup, realising that he was fucking up again. He put the cup down and went to give Sara her vape back.

If he stayed any longer and thought any more, he'd drink himself into an abyss again.

"I'm going to go home."

Sara looked at him, face laced with concern, she took his hands in her own and analysed him carefully, "already? You feeling alright? You look a little pale."

"You know how I had the best fucking time of my life just now but I was drunk and I fucked up... and now-"

"You're feeling guilty?"

"Yeah."

"You shouldn't feel guilty for having a good time."

"I... but Dazai.. I'm-" he didn't know what to say, he didn't know why he felt so guilty for having genuine fun.

Sara dove in to hug Chuyya, "Fucking Shirase," she huffed and then pulled away, looking at him sadly "of course you're gonna think having a good time will lead to a bad outcome, that's all that's been happening when it comes to Dazai but trust me when I say. What happened tonight between the two of you is a good thing, a blessing," she paused and held up her phone "and I'm expecting a saucy post with all the pictures and videos Yosano took."

Chuuya sighed, hoping and praying, "I just hope Dazai isn't mad at me."

Sara cast her gaze towards Dazai and then began a swift walk towards him before Chuuya could stop her.

She talked to him and then Dazai turned to look at him, Chuuya knew there was no concealing how he felt so he looked promptly away. After a few seconds Dazai walked up to him "want to go home?"

"That would be preferable. I was... sitting and I suddenly got upset- you know, for no reason at all and I found myself wanting to drink."

The taller placed a hand onto his shoulder, "What? why?"

"I just said... I don't know," he did know.

"Come on I'll stay with you, we need to leave this place smiling not miserable. Let's play a song."

Chuuya felt hesitant to agree but feeling as though perhaps Dazai was right he nodded and allowed himself to be dragged by Dazai to where eveyone was dancing.

It took Chuuya a few minutes to let himself feel it and sing, while everyone had their arms around each others shoulders as they dance messily around the room. It was particularly funny when Atsushi slipped backwards and both Akutgawa and Lucy let go of him, causing him to fall to the floor. But eventually Chuuya started kicking his legs and dancing around too, grateful that Kenji and Dazai were holding onto either side of him or he would have dropped, like Atsushi had.

Dazai slumped into Chuuya and gulped large breathes in "Jesus christ I'm tired."

"About time," Chuuya laughed "you're so drunk you can't even walk straight let alone dance," he took Dazai by the hand, smiling when he heard Dazai mummble something. Somehow, Dazai was even more far gone than he was.

They stumbled into a spare room, it had been a treacherous jounrey here, both of them hitting the walls and laughing, but it seemed like Chuuya was well enough to offer Dazai some water, "come on let's sober you up and then we'll-" Chuuya made a move to get up but Dazai grabbed him by the wrist, Chuuya's eyes widened for a second, feeling Shirase's hard grip but then he was encases in tight hug and he fell back on the bed, coddled in Dazai's arms. "What the hell samu?" He muttured.

"Just wanted to hold you," the latter replied, digging his face into Chuuya's hair "s' that a crime?"

Chuuya wrapped his arms around him and let out a laugh "no. Not at all."

"I love you," Dazai whispered quietly "I'm so fucking in love with you."

Chuuya's heart raced, Dazai probably wouldn't remeber half of this tomorrow, right? Admitting it once, just saying it out loud to Dazai once, would be okay right?"

"I'm in love with you too."

Dazia looked up at him and blinked at him like he was a child not understanding anything "no! But-" He hiccuped "it's not in the same way I am! It's different."

Chuuya smiled and kissed him kn the nose "sure, whatever helps you sleep at night darling."

There was a long period of silence, in which Chuuya wondered if Dazai had fallen asleep, until he spoke again, "It would make me sleep much better if Chuuya was in love with me too."

Chuuya laughed, Dazai sometimes reffered to him in third person but it was usually a habit he had when he was drunk, this time, however, it seemed like Dazai had forgotten he was holding Chuuya; it seemed more like he was holding a stranger. In spite of this realisation Chuuya kept the conversation going, "Maybe he is in love with you too."

"Haven't you heard? He's still dating that dickhead," Dazai whined.

"He is. But he could always be in love with you regardless."

"Thats true," Dazai nodded, head tucked in Chuuya's chest "I hope he'll love me one day. I think I'd be the happiest man alive. But anyway I need to sleep now. Goodnight."

Chuuya huffed out a laugh "goodnight, my love."

He felt Dazai smile.

After ten or so minutes Chuuya slipped away from Dazai's hold, he placed his hand over the top of Dazai's and squeezed it, brining it up to his lips to give it a gentle kiss.

He silently left the room, allowing Dazai at least an hour or so to rest before he would inevitably have to drag him home. In the meantime he was set on finding Yosano, so he could ask her to send him all the photos and videos.

"Chuuya!" Atsushi called out, stumbling forward to him "Where's Dazai gone?"

"He needed some rest and I need him at least somewhat sober so I can get him home. Do you know where Yosano is?"

"Yeah she's having a smoke with Mark outside," the boy hiccuped.

"Alright thanks."

Atsushi flashed him a bright smile and a wave before turning to Louisa "hey! Don't eat all the macaroons!" and made a run for it.

Satisifed, Chuuya then walked towards the terrace, sliding the door open "hello," he closed the door and took a seat next to Yosano, who greeted him with a nod of her head "mind if you send me those video?."

"Depends... Are you gonna shove them in Shirase' face?"

"Can't I just have them to appreciate them?"

"Duhh. But... honeslty I just really want you to say a big fat fuck you to Shirase without directly saying fuck you," she must have then realised that Dazai was missing "where is the menace anyway?"

"Fell asleep. I'm letting him rest for a while so we can go home, there's no point getting a taxi when he lives a few blocks down."

"Say Chuuya?" Mark suddenly spoke up, Chuuya looked at him "if Dazai had kissed you would you have reciprocated it?"

Chuuya looked down at his lap, eyes narrowing "I would have... actually I could barely keep myself from initiating it but you know... I don't think it would have ended with just a kiss."

Mark chuckled and nodded, extinguishing his cigarette "don't be mean Yosano, send him the videos, the man's starved," he then closed the door, leaving Chuuya and Yosano on their own.

They talked a little about the party, about school, some summer plans.

In the end Chuuya suggested that it would be fun if they all went to Hokado, in the same place he Oda and Dazai had gone, they could swimming and light a fire and some drinks.

Yosano liked that idea quite a lot and they decided that the two of them would plan the four day holiday together.

But he'd keep that a secret from Dazai for now.

They conversed for a short while but eventually Chuuya felt his eyes start to drop and he knew it was time to wake Dazai up.

Easier said the done, Dazai had never been the type to wake up very easily and he was still drunk.

"Don't wanna," he whined as rolled on the otherside and rubbed his eyes, "can't we just sleep here?"

"You can if you want but I'm gonna sleep either in my bed or in your-"

"No!" Dazai interuptted with a whine, "I don't wanna sleep on my own! I wanna sleep with you."

With a roll of his eyes Chuuya lifted Dazai so he was sitting up, "look at you, acting like a child," he ruffled Dazai's hair and then waited a bit so he could get his bearings "think you can stand? I'll walk you home and we'll get you into bed," he then reached out and helped Dazai rise from the bed, steadying him gently.

"You're sleeping with me right?" Dazai asked, as he fell into Chuuya's side, "I want you too..."

"God you're on the verge of collapsing and that's you're biggest concern?" Chuuya rubbed at his temples, lacing their fingers together "Yes, I'm staying with you."

Dazai huffed petuantly and nodded "m'kay then," it seemed he couldn't quite belive that and Chuuya had to take a deep breath to not get slightly annoyed.

He lead Dazai out of the party, people waved at them or shouted heart-felt goodbyes that filtered through the music and above the chatter filled room. Both of them waved back happily, albeit Dazai's was a little wonky but at least it was cute.

The walk was silent but calm, occasionally Dazai would stop and sway slightly on his feet or stare up at the stars so transfixed that he bumped into Chuuya's back a few times but that was okay. It was sort of sweet.

When they made it back, Chuuya led Dazai to the bedroom and got him out of majority of his clothes, leaving him only with a t-shirt and boxers, he gave him a peice of extra minty gum to chew (which Dazai also complained about) while Chuuya went to wash up and then ordered Dazai to spit the now tastelss gum into his hand so he could throw it away.

Chuuya got two glasses of water for the both of them but when he got back to the room Dazai was already under the covers and fast asleep. He took a few minute to admire his sleeping beauty, heart thundering with overzealous affection. He watched the rise and fall of Dazai's breathing, thorat welling up with tears; he shook his head and then placed one cup on Dazai's side and the other on his before clambering in with him.

"I told you I'd sleep next to you," he whispered, not intending to wake him up.

"Chuuay says a lot of things but I can't never tell if they're real or not."

Chuuya didn't say anything else.

"Come on its one o'clock Dazai!"

The man groaned "I've got a headache."

"You've been saying that for the last two hours and I gave you pain killers an hour ago."

"I don't wanna get up."

"Evidently," Chuuya mutturred, irttiatied as he sat down at the edge of the bed, he didn't say anything, he just stared at the carpet.

"Chuuya?" The shorter didn't say anything so Dazai continued "did I say something last night, something... that I normally wouldn't?" He didn't expect that question.

"How much do you remeber?"

"Uhm.. its a bit jumbled... but I remember.... that you went to sit on the couch, right?" Chuuya turned to look at Dazai, he was sitting up, his eyes were strangely unfocused, as if he was thinking of all of his mistakes.

Obviously Chuuya wasn't going to tell him that Dazai said he loved him and that it was mutual, "No you just whined the whole time."

"Oh alright then... was I alone with someone at some point? I remeber talking about you to someone."

"I left the room for a while, to talk to Yosano, so maybe then."

"Oh."

Chuuya didn't want to lie but there was nothing he could do about it, last night, as amazing and therapeutic as it was, couldn't say anything to him. Even though it was marvellous to be so close to Dazai, the alcohol willing them to unravel and show their true uneducated selves, to let themselves give in to each other, was also dangerous. Chuuya knew that if he kept going he was going to hurt Dazai, one way or the another.

"What did you talk to Yosano about?"

"We planned a trip to where we went with Oda, Thursday to Sunday, since none of us have classes then."

Dazai nodded and then flopped back under the covers, snuggling into the pillow, it took Chuuya all the willpower he could muster to bring himself to disturb Dazai again. Rather, he pulled the covers off Dazai "up! It's one o'clock, get up! I'll make you some coffee and we'll play some games."

"Fineee," Dazai rolled out of bed, his body thumping onto the floor and then he began dragging himself towards the bathroom.

Chuuya held back laugh and then placed his hands on his hips "Doesn't that just take more effort than walking?"

"If I get up I think I'm gonna see those pearly white gates," Dazai rasped as he sat himself up ever so slightly, just enough so that he could press on the bathroom door handle, he then slid in as if he was a snake and the door shut behind him.

Chuuya shook his head as he chuckled slightly "want a black?" He called out just before he went to leave the room.

"Black! But put like a teaspoon of milk!" Dazai replied from the bathroom.

"Coffee any good?" Chuuya asked as he pulled open the nearby window and took a packet of cigarettes before he sat himself down on the couch next to Dazai. The taller nodded but didn't say anything, seemingly lost in thought, that, or he was still suffering from his hangover.

With a comfortable silence settled between them; Chuuya smoked his ciagrette and Dazai sipped on his coffee, both of them gazing at the clouds that passed by the window.

There were a million and one things going on in their heads, Chuuya could guess just by the troubled expression on Dazai's face that he was confused about last night events, neither wanted to talk about it, they'd crossed a serious line last night and Dazai probably had a million and one questions to throw at Chuuya but neither wanted to ackowledge the way they behaved because it would mean admitting their feelings.

To distract himself from his thoughts Chuuya turned on the game he'd been playing lately, thanks to Tachihara. Despite Dazai not saying anything about wanting to play Chuuya took out a spare controller, in case Dazai wanted to join, he knew Dazai had an account, Tachihara had managed to convince him to play as well, sly bastard.

It took Dazai around fifteen minutes to finish his coffe, put the mug down and pic up the controller "can you let me join your world now then?" He asked, getting comfortable on the couch, cold feet sliding under Chuuya's warm thighs " when did you get this game?"

"Tachihara, he could see me eyeing thissss-" Chuuya pressed a few buttons "character so he went and spent money on my account to get me him."

"He's really cool, I've wanted him for a while. And he's a hot dragon."

They played in silence for a while, going around collecting items, "wanna fight a boss?" Chuuya questioned.

"Which one?"

"The dancing lovers? I love fighting them."

"Do you love fighting them or watching them dance?" Dazai asked with a smirk.

"Then what about..."

They played peacefully for a while, Chuuya should have known not to get serious about the game with Dazai, he should have known that Dazai would ruin this dodge.

He should have known Dazai would get him killed.

Chuuya shot up from the couch, almost throwing the controller across the room
"Fuck you! Honestly! I would have won!" He was this close to throwing a tantrum, he was sure he was about to until Dazai snatched the controller from him and dangled it above his head like he was a starved dog.

"Oi! Give it back don't be a dick!" Chuuya began to jump, fingers just barely grazing the handles of the controller "Dazai!"

"Whats the matter Chibi ? I can't hear you from all the way down there!"

Powered by anger, Chuuya swung forwards, his hand firmly clutching the controller but in doing so his feet came off the ground for a split second and his body came crashing into Dazai, who had been too busy holding the controller above Chuuya's head to pay attention to the fact he was balancing himself on the tips of his feet.

And they both came crashing down.

Dazai fell with his back to the floor, a pained sound seeping from his lips, Chuuya squealed, face planting onto Dazai's chest as they collided and fell.

The controller had been thrown across the room, one of the joysticks popping off in the process.

Startled, Chuuya lifted his head, eyes falling to where the controller had fallen onto the vinyl floor, and then towards where the button had fallen near the couch legs, he then felt Dazai's legs twitch slightly... underneath him.

Face scarlet in colour, Chuuya averted his gaze towards Dazai, who was laying with his eyes closed and scrunched, feeling panicked. He felt a squeeze and he looked down... Dazai was holding his hips.

Chuuya shifted uncomfortably, his eyes suddenly widned.

Oh

Oh god.

Dazai was...

Chuuya's heart raced, Dazai was hard, right underneath him.

He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help it, Chuuya moved forward slightly, Dazai's erection sliding into the crack of his ass, he suppressed a shudder and leaned closer to Dazai, pretending that he was concerned if Dazai was hurt.

In reality Dazai was fine, the reason his face was so contorted was because he was in such a predicament.

Chuuya then slid hid ass backwards slightly, Dazai groaned and Chuuya bit his lip "are you okay?" He asked as he pressed himself downward.

Dazai's hands squeezed his hips and he opened his eyes, not expecting to find Chuuya's so close to his own, his sun kissed hair trailing down his shoulder and face, the tips just barely gracing Dazai's face.

"I'm-" Chuuya moved again, a minuscule amount of friction forming between their bodies. Without meaning to Dazai whined "its just my head," he lied, face reddening. Oh, how Chuuya loved that sound, he moved again and Dazai threw his head back.

Chuuya leaned forward to move some of Dazai's hair out of his face "you sure?"

Dazai gripped onto his hips tightly, brining them forward to create that friction again, Chuuya obliged, letting Dazai do what he pleased.

He repeated that action a few times until he stopped and swallowed harshly as he looked at Chuuya, eyes watering and lips parted, his breathing heavy.

Thinking this was getting too intense Chuuya turned his head and cleared his throat nervously.

"Chuuya I need to pee," Dazai whispered.

He felt Dazai twitch underneath him when Chuuya shifted uncomfortably under Dazai's gaze, he definitely didn't need to pee. "Right yeah," he said awkwardly as he shuffled off of Dazai's lap and watched as he sat up and got up, back facing him, "why aren't you facing me?" Chuuya asked to appear oblivious.

"It's not a concious thought," Dazai replied and then took a deep breath "just got up this way" he threw a shrewd and forced smile over his shoulder and then ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut quickly, leaving Chuuya a horny mess on the floor.

What the hell?

Chuuya was sitting in a kneeling position, legs wide open, the sudden thought of Dazai's erection pressing into his ass made him squeeze his legs as he chewed on his bottom lip, Dazai was big, he could feel it underneath him, technically he shouldn't be suprised, he'd heard it far and wide, like a fairytale, how big he was but feeling it, if only a little was a whole different story, with a whole different ending.

He couldn't imagine what it must feel like to have him inside...

No! No, if he started thinking about that he'd have to go the the dorms and have some alone time.

But still, the way Dazai had grabbed his hips- Chuuya trailed his hands from where he was holding his balled up fists to his chest, down to his hips, his hands ghosting over where he could feel Dazai had held him with such- desperation.

He could only begin to imagine how it would feel to have sex with him, considering all these, almost moments, it would probably be quite passionate?

Something a long those lines at least.

Shaking his head Chuuya got up and decided that a smoke was in order, he needed to take his mind off what had just happened and what Dazai was doing in the bathroom.

Whether the taller was waiting his erection out or dealing with it... Chuuya could barely contain himself from walking up to the bathroom and saying 'let me help you' all seductively and sexily; what an embrassing fantasy.

To take his mind off his ridiculous thoughts, he sent a text to Yosano asking her for the pictures and videos again and then set about posting some of them.

Just as he was midway in that process, the screen blanked for a second and Shirase's name popped up.

Chuuya rolled his eyes as he picked up.

"Yeah?" He asked, tone dull and uninterested.

"Could you come over?"

Chuuya exhaled the smoke and then flicked it into the ashtray and then rested his arm on the windowsill "depends," he began "if you want me over to do jack shit, then no."

There was silence "I want to have sex."

Chuuya sighed, he was going to say no to it, after all he didn't want to give himself over to Shirase whenever the other felt like it but... he was horny after what just happened, but he couldn't compare sex with Shirase with what, he thinks, sex with Dazai would be like, it would be a slander to Dazai's name.

But he was desperate for something.

"Fine. Not now though, I'm busy doing school work, so I'll be over in a few hours."

"What school-"

"Shirase."

Chuuya wasn't going to have him complaining, wasn't going to listen to his bullshit, not anymore, if Shirase just wanted sex but wanted to love Yuan then Chuuay was also going to use him for sex and love Dazai. He didn't want to lower himself to Shirase's level but sometimes fire with fire is the best option.

"Don't ask for more than you deserve."

Chuuya ended the call just like that and continued on as if nothing happened, his mood wasn't dampened and he wasn't angry or upset, just felt indifferent.

However he did think, for his sanity sake, that he'd post the videos and pictures later, so he put his phone away.

He heard Dazai's footsteps behind him but he didnt turn around to look at him "Who were you talking to?" Dazai pushed Chuuya over with his elbow slightly and then scooted next to him "you didn't sound to happy."

"Who do you think?"

"Shirase," Dazai lifted his pointer finger "I think we should give him an ugly nickname!" Chuuya turned to look at him, clearly amused, his nostrils flared in his fruitless attempt to keep a laugh in. 

"Have anything in mind?"

"Well you said he sucked at sex, now I don't know if thats cause he's tiny-"

"Depends who you compre too."

"Myself?" Dazai asked puzzled.

Chuuya flushed and looked away, "Well I wouldn't know," he muttured.

Dazai tugged on his sleeve and Chuuya looked in his direction, Dazai then used his hands to show how big he was... oh my god, Chuuya thought, Dazai was at least half as big as a ruler "soft," he spoke.

Chuuya took a deep disbelieving breath "I wouldn't know Shirase soft, it's not like he walks around with his dick out unless he's getting changed and I'm always facing the other way."

Dazai raised an eyebrow "that's sad. When I'm sleeping around, we've always ended with a smoke and a few laughs here and there-" he paused and smiled "unless it's with Sara, she starts complaining about school."

Chuuya grinned "hot," he said mockingly and then bumped shoulders with Dazai "anyway that's not the point, if we want a comparison then you're gonna have to show me hard," what the hell kind of conversation was this? Chuuya thought and what was more surprising was that he wasn't digging for this information because he was horny, it was just funny.

Dazia lifted his hands again and did a little estimation, "about-" he was past the point of half a ruler now "this," he grinned and then motioned for Chuuya to show Shirase's length, while still keeping his hands up.

Chuuya did the same and tried his best not too give a biased response, the tips of their fingers then neared and  unsprisngly Dazai was a few inches bigger than Shirase.

Well it looked like a lot more than a few inches but Chuuya was being generous.

"Pfft- you're kidding! Chuuya come on, how- how have you been getting off that?!" Dazai laughed and Chuuya couldn't help but join in.

"Usually have to put in more effort, to actually end up finishing."

"You told me before that sometimes you didn't even finish, honestly can't imagine having no sense for other people..." Dazai paused amd then suddenly said in a louder voice "and it's with a guy! Guys are so much easier than women!"

Chuuya wheezed slightly amd looked away bashfully before turning to hit Dazai around the head "Oi! You trying to toot your own horn here?! You some kind of sex god?!"

Dazai grinned at him mischievously "would you like to know," he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Oh my god!" Chuuya turned and stomped away "you dirty little-" Dazai laughed as he trailed after Chuuya, their laughs echoing through the room paired with music from the game. The brunet draped himself over Chuuya's shoudlers "what? You think a hug is gonna make up for the fact I now have a permanent idea of what your cock looks like and your sex record? Not like I didn't know with every woman in this school yapping about it. But still," Chuuya didn't mean for his tone to come out bitter and upset but by the time he realised he sounded like a petulant child he'd ready finished his sentence.

Something in the hug changed, with Dazai wrapping his arms themselves securely around Chuuya neck, touching Chuuya's back to his chest, "you know you deserve better," he whispered while digging his nose into Chuuya's hair.

Chuuya brung his hands up so he could hold onto Dazai's arms "I know," he tunred his head slightly, Dazai's face coming into view slightly, "I know," he repeated, Chuuya felt his eyes prickle with tears and he looked away quickly "Maybe I'm just doomed to have shitty relationships and even shittier sex."

Clealry startled Dazai turned him around; now facing eachother, Chuuya brought up his hands to his eyes and cover his face out of sheer embarssment, he couldn't believe he was crying over this.

Then again, it made sense, he was in a relationship he didn't want, with the person that he did want right in front of him and it also sucked that he'd had so much sex and yet he could only remeber three or four times he'd enjoyed it; he wondered at which point he'd just accepted it to be normal.

Dazai pushed his hands away from his face, revaling bright, crystal-like eyes, "come on now, baby dick isn't worth all your precious tears Mon amor," Chuuya snorted and then reddened at the nickname.

"What the hell?" He muttured while hiccuping amd laughing and crying "don't go saying gay shit like that to me, it's making my heart skip."

Dazai cupped his face and lifted it so their eyes met "ahh Chibi! Are you falling in love with me?!" Dazai teased.

Chuuya wiped some morw of his tears away "I will if you keep seducing me in French."

"If that's all it takes we'll be dating within the next two weeks," Chuuya sniffed a little and smiled "and as for your need to have great sex, if you strip now we'll be done by the time you have to leave to see Shirase."

Chuuya tunred absolutely red, like he was overheating and Dazai quickly rushed to feel the beat of his heart "wow," he wolf whistled

Chuuya batted his hand away "fuck off," he shot weakly.

Dazai grinned and pulled Chuuya in for another hug "if that happened then baby dick will have to live up to the mightiness of..." Dazai thought for a moment "daddy dick!" He finished trimphantly. They stared at each other for a split second, in complete silence and then burst out into a cacophony of laughter.

"Oh I am so telling the others!" Chuuya barked "I can not believe you just said that! Pftt- hahaha Daddy dick!"

Dazai had to use Chuuya' shoulder for support because he was on the verge of collapsing onto his knees.

"I'm- I was-" Dazai wheezed, his knees giving out and his hands sliding down Chuuya's body.

"You're-" Chuuya could barley breathe, at that point they were laughing so hard that it was silent, Chuuya barely managed to suck in a breath "you're tugging my trousers off-" he rasped out and Dazai laughed even louder, as the waist band of Chuuya's boxers appeared and then his trousers slipped off fully, they let out wheezes at the same time and the room went quiet with their deadly silent laughs.

They weren't sure at which point they stopped laughing because it seemed to drag on forever; both of them were sure they were going to die from lack of breath but miraculously they didn't.

"Imagine if-" Chuuya exhaled "imagine if we died and on our graves it would say-" he snorted "cause of death: laughter cause one idiot pulled the other idiots pants down cause he called himself-" Chuuya wheezed again d"addy dick-", his eyes overflowing with tears.

"Please stop talking-" Dazai rasped in between laughs "I think I'm gonna throw up-"

They laid on the floor together, taking deep rhythmic breaths to calm down. Neither meant for their hands to touch but they did and they laced their fingers very gently together.

It took a while for them to calm down, small giggles and laughs escaping their lips occasionally but eventually they did and Dazai was the first to speak."Do you really wanna go to baby dicks house?"

"No..." Chuuya chewed on his cheek, contemplating, "but I'm horny,"

Dazai scoffed in amusement "so what? You're gonna shag for two hours and be back?"

"Two hours?" Chuuya almost wanted to laugh "more like five minutes and then I'll be back."

The brunet didnt look impressed"he lasts for five minutes and you have one round?"

"Yup."

"You know my offer still stand-"

Chuuya rolled his eyes with a chuckl, sliding his leg to the left to kick Dazai in the leg "fuck off," he then sat up and ran his hands through his hair "I'll go but ill be back, I promise."

"I know you will but you know when someone goes to see their boyfriend they're usually happy."

Chuuya looked down at the floor "not me."

The entrance to Shirase's home was boring, the stairs and even the smells were as mundane as ever, unpleasant and unkind to Chuuya's senses.

He traveled up the stairs and down the hall to the right and mechanically opened the door to Shirase's room, he was sitting on his bed, phone in hand.

Chuuya looked around, hating how melancholy and uncomfortable the room seemed, it was abysmal and dark, curtains drawn, led lights on, even when it was still light outside. There was alway light in Dazai's apartment, compared to this, it was like he was walking into a clearing.

Shirase stood up, not saying anything as he placed his phone down, with screen facing downwards. He then went and placed his hands on Chuuya's hips.

Immediately Chuuya remebered Dazai squeezing his hips and rutting them forward.

He looked up at Shirase, eyes wide as he realised that he'd imagined having sex with Dazai while he was with Shirase, Chuuya would bet money that Dazai was better, for now, he could pretend.

Chuuya pretened it was Dazai's lips on his, he pretended it was Dazai's hands running down his stomach and to his thighs, he pretended it was Dazai's voice who commanded him to turn over like every time, he pretend that he was still on his back gazing at Dazai's face, he pretened it was Dazai's cock drilling sloppily inside him, he pretened that the desperate fingers that wrapped around his cock weren't his own but Dazai's, because like every woman Dazai had touched had said 'he always makes sure you finsih first', he pretended that the name he called out was Dazai and he pretended that the bruising grip on his hips, though not gentle, was also Dazai.

Shirase left him on the bed on all fours like a rag as he went to clean himself, Chuuya felt the need to cry again, it was easy to convince yourself you were with someone else when you're high on adrenaline but now... it was clear as day that Shirase was not Dazai.

Disheartened, Chuuya got up and showered quickly, deciding that he wanted to take a bath at Dazai's home.

Once he stopped smelling of sex and mistakes, he slipped his clothes back and sat at Shirase's desk chair.

"You're looking better," Shirase spoke up, and then motioned towards his torso "healthier, I mean. It's good."

Chuuya let his head rest on his propped up arm, vision now tilted, his rigid edges softened at Shirase's words not only because he was better but also because Shirase at least had some humanity left in him, "I've been taken care of," he replied.

"By?"

"Dazai."

Of course Shirase had sharpen Chuuya's edges again as he shifted uncomfortably at the mention of him "are you cheating on me with him?"

Chuuya laughed "really? Shirase, you're gonna get all nervous about it now? When you've been cheating on me for months?" Chuuya scoffed "you're unbelievable

Shirse looked at -almsot hurtfully- and got up, his confidence seeping back "I told you to drop that," he swung his legs off the bed  "Yuan is going through it right no-"

"Which is her own fault," Chuuya countered.

"Look Chuuya, it's embarrassing when people cheat on you, it means you're not doing somehting right and you've been spending all your time with Dazai lately. I don't want you cheating on me." 

He'd had enough. So Shirase didn't want to be shamed and humiliated but it was fine if he projected those horrid feelings on Chuuya? Fuck that. Chuuya got up and storde towards Shirase, stopping just when their faces were inches apart, but it was different from before, there was no lust. Chuuya smirked and trailed his fingers up Shirase's bare chest and the tapped his chin, keeping his pointer finger there, he lifted himself up slightly so that their lips where ghosting over eachother.

"If I wanted to have Dazai bend me over and fuck me till I can't walk I would. But I'm being kind and sparing some of your pride," His eyes darted dangerously upwards "but if you press my buttons one more god damn time about Dazai. I might just say fuck you and your pride."

He poked his nose, flashed him a fake closed eye smile, pulled away and walked out the door.

His heart was hammering loudly, his hands were shaking and his body felt unbelievably heavy.

He knew he was going to get an angry phone call later, he knew it would be paried with threats but he didn't have anything to lose anymore, other than Dazai. But Shirase wasn't going to tear them apart anymore.

Pleased with himself Chuuya began a gleeful walk back to Dazai's apartment.

Realistically, Chuuya shouldn't tell Dazai what he'd said but... he could use his supposed ignorance to Dazai's feelings to tell him. Right?

He wanted to show off that he'd said that, he felt so good about himself having said that and he knew Dazai would be proud.

And anyway Dazai had offered...

Even if it was a joke.

"You would never belive what I just said to Shirase!" Chuuya burst through the door, eyes glowing with joy and amusement.

Dazai was looking through the kitchen cupboard and then turned his head in Chuuya's direction "Yeah?" He took a a bar of choclate out "go on then," and he motioned for Chuuya to come into the house.

Chuuya practically did a hop, skip and a jump to the kitchen, stopping right infront of Dazai, "so we had sex which was shit and all but after... he was, like, Chuuya are you cheating on me, you know its embrassing- obviously I'm not saying it the same way he did-"

"Must have been wondrous aftercare," Dazai replied sarcastically and leaned agaisnt the counter top.

"Thats what I was thinking! Anyway I got all mad because how can he accuse me of cheating after he did that to me-"

"Wait, cheating with who?"

Chuuya shot him a look as of to say 'what are you dumb?' He crossed his arms "who do you think?"

"Me?"

"Obviously you! I'm spending every second with you and Shirase knows we sleep in the same bed."

Dazai nodded wisely, "Yeah guess that makes sense,"

Chuuya then began to pace around the kitchen, waving his hands around in disbelief "like imagine thinking I'm cheating? Or maybe even being suprised if I was? Because at this rate, the normal thing to do would be to cheat on him but anyway that's not the point-"

He took a deep breath, running out of breath at his own excitement " I can't remember exactly how I said it but I got annoyed so I went up to him- wait stand here-" Chuuya motioned for Dazai to stand in front of him, very little space between them; for a second he thought if it really was worth it to re-enact, but he decided that if Dazai didn't know his feelings it would be fine. "Right so I did this-" he placed his hands just shy of Dazai's waistband "and I said something a long the lines of if I wanted to get Dazai to bend me over and fuck me until I can't walk I could but I'm being kind and sparing your pride " and then he trailed his hand up towards Dazai's chin, just like he did to Shirase, he felt Dazai attempt to supress a shiver but continued "and then I was like but I might just say fuck you and your pride" and then he poked Dazai's nose.

Dazai looked at him a little stunned then seemed to recover "now that's kinda..." he scratched the back of his head, "that's very ballsy of you,"

"Right?!" Chuuya grinned.

Dazai smiled "he's probably in shock right now."

"Now he'll leave me alone for at least a week so we can go to Hokado and be undisturbed!" Chuuya grinned.

There was a beat of silence as Dazai thought "would you sleep with me though?" Chuuya looked at him shocked, heart stopping, was he being serious? Dazai quickly rectified, "I mean... would you sleep with me to spite Shirase?"

For a moment Chuuya didn't move, he sat quietly, supirsed by the question, he looked at Dazai and walked towards him, he took Dazai's hands into his own, watching as his thumb stroked the top of Dazai's knuckles, "I've done enough messing around with my body, if I'm gonna have sex with you, it's going to be because I'm in love woth you," and he looked up at him and smiled softly.

Somehting in Dazai's eyes changed, Chuuya couldn't quite make out whether his eyes were growing teary or whether they just softened "that sounds just about right for you."