Should he?

Should he not?

Was it wrong?

Was he breaching trust?

Again?

Chuuya managed to make it to Ranpo's and Yosano's shared apartment in around ten minutes and was now spending the next five minutes pacing around at the front door like an idiot. On the one hand he wanted to know the truth but was scared that he was going pushing Dazai's trust (which he only gained back less than twenty minutes ago). He was also scared about what he would if it was true.

He couldn't break Dazai's, and in the process, his own heart again and say he didn't want to be freinds, that just felt like too much. But if he and Dazai were going to be friends in the way they used to again then Dazai -if he was truly in love- was just going to keep falling harder and harder for him.

But then he could also prevent that; encourage Dazai to see other people, it would hurt Chuuya, he knew that. But the thought of hurting Dazai was vastly more painful than hurting himself. And he'd hurt Dazai too much already.

He just wanted what was best for them both, he wanted Dazai to be happy, to smile, to be by his side and he, himself, wanted to be happy and smile. But he wouldn't believe that the only way to do that was to be in a relationship with Dazai. Though... if he thought about it, if he did get into a relationship with Dazai he would probably scream from the rooftops with how elated he would feel.

But that was fantasy, not reality.

In the end he decided he couldn't back down now, he was here, Dazai had said what he said, even if he thought Chuuya hadn't heard. And Chuuya was just clearing up all the miscommunication, even if it was by not talking to Dazai directly.

Maybe he'd heard him wrong and he was stressing over nothing, they'd had miscommunication problems before after all.

For now, all he had to do was knock on the door and wait patiently. From the other side he could hear muffled voices and then the door keys being fiddled with in the keyhole. Nervously, Chuuya brought his hand up to fiddle with the ends of his hair, taking deep breaths when he felt his abnormal breathing return.

The door opened and Yosano stood there, clad in pyjama bottoms and a big knitted green jumper, her bangs pushed up by a green headband, she raised an eyebrow at him, "What are you doing here?" She asked, not cold or dismissive but surprised. Chuuya had not once come here before, in spite of the many invites.

"It's Chuuya," Ranpo called out from the back, he didn't even need to turn around, somehow he already knew.

Yosano frowned, clealry irritated, "yes, I can see that Ranpo," she called back and then turned to look at Chuuya again "I'm guessing you're here to speak to him?"

Chuuya lowered his hand and looked down with shrug, "whoever wants to listen, or whoever has answers."

"Stop questioning him Yo-yo, just let him in!" Yosano glared in his direction and let Chuuya in with a grumble about how irritating Ranpo behaved when he knew somehting she didn't.

The apartment was very them, it was cozy and warm, the furniture was a deep spruce colour, complimented by smaller decorative items scattered around, there was some colour but not too much for it to feel overwhelming. There were things scattered around, sweets in a jar, a book scattered here and there, there were ties and blazers thrown on the back of chairs or on a table. Chuuya thought it was more Ranpo's style than Yosano's but then again Yosano had always fluctuated with her style.

When Chuuya walked in, Ranpo was sat on the couch, feet, with bunny slippers he probably got from Kyouka perched on the living room table, he pointed for Chuuya to sit, smiling at him. Hesitantly, Chuuya sat on the beanbag across from him, shoving his hands in his pockets bashfully.

Yosano walked in not long after that "have you eaten today Chuuya?" She asked, whilst placing her hands on her hips.

Chuuya had to think about it for a second "No... I haven't."

Ranpo and Yosano shot each other looks "we don't have much, you okay with noodles?"

"Anything is fine. I'm not that hungry."

"Chuuya?" Yosano called, looking at him almost sweetly but Chuuya knew better, so did Ranpo judging by how his eyes were cheerily looking around the room like he didn't want to acknowledge that he was here.

With a wince Chuuya looked up at her, struggling to look her in the eyes, "Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Chuuya quickly looked down at his lap, like a scared child, thought he was quite amused by the familiarity, "Yes ma'am."

Satisfied with the answer, Yosano went to the kitchen "oh, and Yosano give him some of my cookies."

Chuuya looked at Ranpo rather surprised, he knew that the other must be taking his health seriously if he was willing to share his snacks with him.

They used to argue over food all the time in High School. Chuuya would buy food from the canteen, sit happily at the lunch table next to Dazai, after shoving the brunet and his tray to make some room and before Chuuya could even begin grab a bite, Ranpo would snatch it from right under his nose and run away only to be chased and cursed at and insulted. Then they'd argue over how much they were willing to share, which usually ended up with Kunikida telling them to stop acting like children, Dazai would give his food to Chuuya and to punish Ranpo, Yosano wouldn't give him the jelly she would buy for him in the morning.

Sometimes, if they bought snacks after school, both of them made it a point not to share with specifically eachother.

Chuuya couldn't count the times he'd ignored Ranpo because the man had swindled his food from right under his fork, it was too many. So the fact that Ranpo was willingly offering them, not only showed that he cared for Chuuya and that all those years of food arguments had been jokes but also that food didn't matter as much to Ranpo as people did.

"No its okay," Ranpo raised an eyebrow at him but it wasnt like he needed to tell Yosano not to listen to Chuuya, she already knew. They had that weird mind thing that he and Dazai had, in which they knew what the other was thinking.

Maybe it was because they too knew each other since they were children.

"I need to ask you something about Dazai," Chuuya began, his throat becoming dry from nerves.

"Dazai?" He mirrored, as if he didn't know the scope of the situation already.

"Yes, Dazai."

"So I was right," Ranpo ran is hands through his hair and opened his closed eyes, shuffling further into the couch, "you two have made up."

"What?!" Yosano shouted "oh shit!" She must have hurt herself. The sound of the tap turning on and the water pouring into the steel sink, the sound pouring and a packet being opened echoed from the kitchen and shortly after, Yosano came out holding a packet of cookies and a pot of noddles. She placed them down onto the table and then sat down next to Chuuya on another beanbag.

"You made up with Dazai?"

"I did. We did. I went to class, as usual and saw a girl flirting with him and I don't know... I just got upset over it. So I left class and then after some time he came up to me-" Chuuya pulled the Romeo and Juliet book out of his bag "he gave me this."

"So that's why he spent so much time looking for Romeo and Juliet copies. I thought it was strange that he was looking so much into it, I didn't think he cared all too much about your course," Yosano thoughtful elaborated "that means he was going to give that gift too you months ago."

This is what Chuuya meant when he said that going to Yosano and Ranpo would be efficient, they didn't know what they could and couldn't say. It appeared, that Dazai was considering making up with him a long time before now.

Either way Chuuya continued "well we spoke, I said to him why I wasn't talking to him even though I missed him so much, we mentioned the debate briefly- mostly as a joke actually. And he even managed to bring up Shirase."

"Damn, I didn't expect that," Yosano muttered.

"But this isn't the point," Chuuya shook his head then lifted his hips from the beanbag, to slide the key out of his pocket, he held out his hand onto his lap and uncurled his fingers, with a smile he traced the edges of the keys fondly "he gave me his key again. So it means we're going back how we used to be."

"Did he mention that night to you?" Yosano questioned, getting more comfortable on the beanbag.

"He told me what happned on his side, how you all came to me and what he did instead."

"Thats surprising too." Chuuya looked at Yosano this time.

"All this isn't the point. The point is that I said...I didn't mean to. It was a thought. I spoke before I could think. I said something along the lines of 'love being hard' or maybe it was difficult? I don't know exactly and Dazai..." chuuya took a deep breath, remembering clearly the breathless whisper. "Dazai said...well he didn't think I heard him say it but I did. He said 'especially when you're in love with your best friend."

Yosano choked on her own spit and sat up, nearly falling out of her beanbag, she grabbed onto the side of Chuuya's beanbag almost as if she was going to hurl him and it across the room, "he said that?! Like, actually?!"

Chuuya frowned "do you think I'm lying?"

Yosano's eyes widened, "no... it's just..." It seemed like Yosano didn't know what to say, given how she sat back in her seat and gazed at the floor, like she was deep in thought. Ranpo now took the initiative and apparently what he was going to say was serious as he took his feet off of the table and sat forward, elbows on his knees.

"To put it simply Chuuya, you didn't hear him wrong," Ranpo's gaze was serious, eyes fixated on Chuuya, "Dazai has been in love with you since high school. Remeber that time you went and danced in the rain? And then Dazai ignored you for a week?" Chuuya nodded "he realised his crush on you in that moment, but he couldn't handle it and spent the rest of the week ignoring you because he was having a crisis. And then his little crushed turned into a big crush and his crush turned into love. And he's been putting up with it ever since."

Chuuya just sat there, unable to say anything but he was beginning to notice the increasing ringing in his ears.

Even so Ranpo continued "despite that he never tried to break you up with Shirase for his own gain. He supported you at the beginning because you seemed happy with Shirase even if you were making terrible decisions and hurting you. It was only once everything was hurting you that he confronted you properly about it. That day he ignored you and you stopped being freinds."

Chuuya felt his breathing become uneven and he clutched his chest, Yosano reached out to hold onto his arm in comfort and he nodded vaguely to himself, mentally starting to do that method that Sara did on him, so he could calm down, it worked somewhat.

Ranpo looked at him seriously, "He's been in love with you through all of it."

"Even...even now?" Chuuya asked shakily.

"Even now," Ranpo nodded.

Chuuya was visibly shaking, so now Yosano shuffled closer, "then... then after our argument... what happened with him?" He didn't even know if this was a question he should be asking. Dazai would have been in love with him when he said and did all of those awful things. Not only did Dazai have to deal with losing his best freind but also a broken heart.

Suddenly all the reactions Dazai had enacted made sense, him not wanting to pick Chuuya up from parties, his reaction the next morning after that horrible phone call. The complete rage he unleashed when Chuuya had been hurt, the willingness fo fight despite it not being in his nature. The question about Chuuya loving someone. The tears he shed when Kyoyo had visited. It all made sense now

"Yosano?" The other man called out.

Chuuya turned to look at her and she huffed, her eyes dimmed and she looked down.

She turned to look at Ranpo "is this a good idea? Chuuya's not in the right mental space."

Ranpo looked at her, carefully "he needs to know the truth. He needs to know that he wasn't the only one who's suffered."

"Okay," she looked at Chuuya "if you need me to stop, tell me."