Jax

Without even realizing it, I had accepted him.

If my father knew what I had just done he would probably do a three-sixty kickflip in his grave, but one look at the happy shine in Corey's brown eyes momentarily silenced any doubtful thoughts before I could begin my usual cycle of overthinking them.

The man was pretty much a big teddy bear, confirmed by the way he gathered me up tightly into his arms after realizing what the severing of our tether meant, the giant man hunching over and burying his face into my neck as I tried my best to push away from his Herculean grip.

I hadn't really wanted to get away from him, my actions being more of an effort to save my crumbling ego that felt like it was a hair's breadth away from shattering, rather than a rejection. But I soon found myself crumbling against the man as his demeanor suddenly shifted and a growl that I could only describe as ferocious, rumbled its way through his chest. 

"Mine."

I took a deep breath of humid air, practically withering in Corey's strong arms as he uttered the word, if it could even be classified as that. It sounded more like some kind of feral grumble than anything, so low that I would have missed it if his lips weren't so close to my ear. The sound was borderline terrifying, dripping with assertiveness as waves of dominant pheromones began to roll off of the man.

I began to tremble.

No, no, no.

I wanted so badly to not fuck up this rare moment, given that fucking up things was damn near considered one of my core personality traits. But I wanted this so bad - this one precious moment - one that should be nothing but joyous and happy as we reveled in the huge step forward that my acceptance brought to our budding relationship. So, I tried my best to take slow, deep breaths in an effort keep my rapidly increasing anxiety under control. 

Please, just let me have this.

"It's okay, Jax. We will be okay. He's our mate, he wouldn't hurt us." I heard Luka in my mind, attempting to calm me as wave after wave of dominant pheromones began to scatter my brain, leaving the broken pieces to find their way into the cracks of the high walls that I'd built to keep out my darkest memories. 

Part of me wanted to curse at my wolf, to scream at him at the top of my lungs for being so absent lately. But another part of me knew that he was probably struggling far worse than I was the past few months, seeing as to how he had long accepted his mate - Corey's wolf - the moment that we laid eyes on him.

I both envied and held a certain degree of anger towards for Luka for being able to love our mate so unconditionally, seeing past the vastly superior degree of dominance that his wolf held over us. My wolf and I were technically one and the same, but sometimes it felt as if we were completely different people.

Luka appeared inside of me at age thirteen - as most wolves do - but by the time he appeared, the damage was already done. Sure, Luka had experienced the tail end of my Father's sick 'lessons,' but he would never truly understand the depth of my scars - both emotional and physical.

He would never know what it was like for me as a three year old, my only wish to be loved by my parents, but instead getting beaten as if I was nothing better than some feral rogue as Father proclaimed that I was to be his perfect Beta heir.

He would never know what it was like for me to be six years old, training myself to hold in my tears because I knew that if Father heard them he would whip me bloody with his big, leather belt.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as more memories shoved their way forth and my breathing began to pick up despite my dire efforts to keep it even. 

My mate whined softly as he sensed my fear and slight apprehension towards him, and his grip on my body tightened substantially. He pressed himself against me as if he was trying to make us become one, his touch quickly becoming so tight that it was almost bruising, but I didn't dare move as a strike of realization hit me, suddenly recognizing exactly who I was dealing with.

"...Dashiell?" 

My suspicions were verified when I felt a rough tongue lap possessively at the freshly re-bitten mark on my neck, large hands caressing my body possessively as the Alpha wolf began to scent-roll me. 

My body went slack for a moment despite my rapidly skyrocketing anxiety, stimulation on my mark impossible to resist as it called to the deepest, most primal chemistry of my being. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, my brain liquifying to complete mush as I was unable to think of anything but the onslaught of tingles that ripped their way through me. It was as if I was stuck underneath a tree during a rainstorm the way lightning crackled a path through my nerves, lighting them ablaze. It was overwhelming, all-consuming and felt so damn good.

I could get lost in this feeling forever. I found myself thinking, clutching tightly to my mate's large biceps to keep myself from floating away with the steam that escaped the shower stall when his teeth sunk down on the skin that bared his mark, firm fingertips digging deliciously into my hips as he his warm lips hummed around the sensitive flesh. Luka whined, desperately scratching at the barrier of our mind in an effort to claw his way to the front of my consciousness, to his mate. And I almost let him.

Almost.

However, as another possessive growl worked its way through Corey's - no, Dashiell's - body, the gigantic wave of dominant hormones that came with it effectively cut straight through the hazy smokescreen of pleasure like a molten knife.

My eyes flew wide open as I summoned every lingering bit of my strength and sanity that hadn't been stripped away during his assault of my sensitive mark to push myself away from him. My back hit the wall of the shower hard enough to vibrate the glass, but I didn't even register the pain as I gazed incredulously at the beast before me.

Although still in Corey's physical form, I could easily tell that his wolf - Dashiell - had taken over the reigns completely. I assumed that it was a forceful takeover considering I hadn't been given any sort of heads-up, but I couldn't blame Corey for it. 

Although not by right, Dashiell was an Alpha by blood, and if Alphas were known for anything, it was their overly-possessive instincts. Therefore, I also knew that it must have been absolute torture for Corey to kept his dominant wolf at bay for all of this time, unable to properly connect with his other half. Seeing his mark fade more and more every day as I played an unintentional game of tug-of-war with his heart probably made the Alpha inside of him go half insane, and a corner of my heart that wasn't frozen in terror fluttered helplessly at the thought of Corey baring that burden without complaint, all on his own.

"Mine." Chanted Dashiell as he advanced upon me again. If he looked scary before, he was now nothing short of petrifying as he stared down at me, eyes swirling with an undeniable need to claim. His fists were clenched tight, breaths audible and canines extended as he stared at me with an expression that I could only describe as challenging. 

The Alpha was now pulsing steady tidal waves of dominant hormones that collapsed down on top of me, washing over my skin and chilling me straight to the bone. The shower stall rapidly filled up with the the scent, leaving me to suffocate and drown in it as if I were a hamster thrown into a fish tank. 

My previously rapid breathing was now just straight-up hyperventilation. 

I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to succumb to these painful memories that haunted me, but I couldn't help it. 

It was too much.

And just like that, I was a child again.

+

"It seems as if somebody needs yet another lesson." 

I writhed around helplessly on the floor beneath him, shaking my head rapidly in protest to his words since my throat was much too dry to speak. It felt like I had cried out every drop of water in my body last night while I tried to deal with the mind-numbing pain that radiated from my freshly broken tibia. I had begged Dad with all of my heart to take me to the pack clinic for help, but he just shook his head and told me the same thing that he always did.

'Pain builds character.'

I didn't even know what that last word meant, it hadn't been on my vocabulary test at school yet. 

"Well then would you care to enlighten me as to why the Alpha informed me that you were talking about our special Beta training with his son?" He stared down at me with a look of disgust, just as he had all of my life.

My Father always looked so big as he towered over me, his eyes unreadable black holes of nothingness. I always hated the darkness in his eyes, it seemed like they captured and destroyed any light that was unfortunate enough to enter the bottomless pupils. 

I whined, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth as I tried to conjure up enough saliva to speak, but it was hard considering I hadn't had a drop of water in what felt like days, given that I was unable to walk to the fridge in my broken state. Luckily, I was able to peel my sandpaper-like tongue from the roof my my mouth to choke out a few words, hoping - praying - that they would be enough.

"O-Osias is m-my f-friend." I managed to rasp out. My voice was no louder than a whisper, but it was all that I could manage.

"I don't give a shit who your friends are. I told you that you were not to speak of my training to anyone, correct? So why did you seem to think that this... this friend of yours would be any exception, huh?" he bellowed, taking a step forward as he deliberately began to release the one thing that he always knew would force me to comply with whatever he wanted of me. 

His dominant pheromones. 

They were like my own personal kryptonite the way that they forced my body into submission. It wasn't so much the pheromones themselves that I was afraid of, but moreso the sullen promise that I knew they carried with them. I was effectively conditioned to associate those wretched pheromones with nothing more than pure agony, as that was always what followed in the wake of their presence. 

I choked on the overwhelming scent that threatened to swallow me whole, coughing my little lungs out as I tried my hardest to shove myself far away from the man with my good leg, to scurry away before the pain happened, but I wasn't nearly fast enough. 

And then, I couldn't breathe. 

Calloused hands wrapped around my neck, squeezing tight just like the Boa Constrictors that we learned about in school last week. My short legs dangled uselessly underneath me as I was slammed against the wall with a force all too strong. My Father's breath wafted across my face from his close proximity as I kicked at him with my good leg and clawed desperately at his hands, begging for him to release me even though no sounds were able to escape my parted lips. 

"What the hell did you tell him, you fucking mutt?!"

My breaths came out in short, strangled gasps when I tried to respond, to tell him that I was sorry, that I wouldn't ever do it again, that I would be good. But the combination of his dominant pheromones that send paralyzing fear shooting through me as well as the lack of oxygen to my brain rendered me incapable of doing anything other than staring at the man in front of me with desperate eyes, hoping that he would somehow see that I was so, so sorry.

That I would never break his rule again.

"You could make me lose my fucking position as Beta if someone finds out, you dumb, worthless, little shit!"

The back of my head hit the brick wall behind me over and over as he hurled me against it like a rag doll, like he was using each time he smashed my skull in as punctuation to emphasize his words.

My eyes rolled around aimlessly in my head as I felt something thick and wet trickle down my neck, the veins in my forehead pulsing against my skin in a desperate attempt to circulate blood. I felt myself going lightheaded, but I wasn't scared of it. The darkness that slowly creeped into the corners of my vision was a welcome alternative to the torturous pain that endlessly echoed throughout both my mind and body.

Through all of this pain however, I smiled the tiniest bit as one hopeful thought floated to the front of my mind. 

Maybe this time, I wouldn't wake up from the darkness again. 

__

IM SORRY I PLAYED YOU GUYS I REALIZED THIS CHAPTER WOULD BE ENTIRELY TOO LONG IF I INCLUDED COREY'S PROPOSAL IN IT. Therefore, it will be in the next chapter. Pls don't kill me, I am already diligently working on that chapter and it will be out sooner than later :)

Let me know your thoughts so far! Love you all!

xoxo, Alex