I still couldn't get over just how soft this bed was. You could practically melt into this mattress and the blankets just encase me in warmth. There was no way I wouldn't miss this luxury.

Yawning, I sat up in my bed. I hissed in pain as I applied pressure to my left arm. I held it up and moved back the sleeve, the memories of last night returning as I saw the cuts.

Almost forgot about that...

I pushed the sleeve back down and swung my legs over the side, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. I made sure to only use my right arm so the cuts wouldn't start bleeding again.

Before they went back to the Institute or whatever, Clary and Izzy left me some more clothes for me to wear. There were only like three outfits, but they said it would last me until I didn't need them.

Probably because they don't want me here so they're trying to get rid of me.

I shook the thought away and grabbed a purple shirt and some blue jeans, slipping them on before going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth and brushing my hair. Turns out, Izzy said hairbands look nice on me so she left a few here. And I had to admit, I really liked them. I picked a purple one and placed it in my hair as I left the bathroom and headed out to the living room.

Magnus and Alec were both up already and Magnus was dressed while Alec was still in his pajamas. They were both making something to eat for breakfast and didn't notice me yet.

"Good morning." I said as I strolled over to them and sat down in one of the chairs. The two looked away from what they were doing and smiled at me.

"Morning, Elizabeth." They chorused. "We're making eggs and toast. Want some?" Magnus asked, dividing what he had made into three portions and putting it into three plates while Alec finished buttering the toast.

"Sure." I smiled, Alec put two slices of toast on my plate and Magnus set it in front of me. "Thanks." I say, taking a bite of my eggs.

Oh my gosh, they're all amazing cooks! It's not fair!

Alec and Magnus grabbed their own plates and sat at the table, Alec immediately diving into his toast.

"Elizabeth, can you hand me the jelly. It's in the fridge." Magnus asked, I nodded and got up to grab it. I opened up the fridge and looked around before I saw the jar of grape jelly and grabbed it, heading back towards the table.

Just then, Rafael walked in, yawning with a sleepy looking Max behind him. He was rubbing his eyes as he stretched and yawned, both mumbling 'Good mornings' as they wandered into the kitchen.

"There's some more eggs on the stove if you want 'em." Alec said, pointing towards the pan. Max nodded and grabbed a plate for himself and his brother and serving himself. Rafael grabbed two slices of bread and popped them into the toaster.

"So what's the plan for today?" I ask all of them. I'm pretty sure they have things they need to do, I didn't want to get in the way.

"Well later on, I'm going on patrol with Izzy, Jace, Simon, and Clary and Rafael has training." Alec answered, I nod along and look to Magnus as Rafael groaned.

"I have a client today, but that won't be for another hour or so and after that I'll be working with Max on his magic." He said, Max smiling in excitement.

"That's cool. So do I stay at the house?" I ask them. They looked confused, as if they hadn't thought about that before.

Of course they didn't. Did you think that they really cared about you?

I winced slightly, but tried to cover it up with a slight cough. Rafael raised an eyebrow, but other than that there was no real reaction.

"If you want, you can go with me and Rafael to the Institute later. Until then, you can stay here with Max." Alec offered.

Me and Max both smiled at each other as he said this. I haven't gotten to know him much, but he seemed like a fun person to be around.

"That sounds great." I answer, taking a bite out of my toast.

"Rafael, you're gonna have to get ready to go once you're done eating. We're leaving in twenty minutes." Alec said as he finished the last of his food, he stood and put his dish in the sink. Rafael muttered something back with food in his mouth and Alec walked back to his room to get dressed.

Magnus and I were done eating shortly after Alec had left and both put away our plates in the sink.

"When's your appointment, papa?" Max asked. Magnus seemed to think for a few seconds before answering. "In like an hour I think. What time is it?" He looked down at his incredibly expensive looking watch. "It's 7:47 right now and the appointment is at 9:00."

Rafael got up, taking his plate to the sink before walking off to get dressed. Max did the same but instead he head for the living room and sat on the couch, turning on the TV and flipping through channels.

Magnus was sipping at some coffee and walking out towards Max when he bumped into me, dropping the cup and spilling the coffee on me. The cup fell to the floor and shattered, pieces of it flying everywhere.

"Oh my gosh, you okay Elizabeth?" Max asked, leaping off the couch over towards me. The scalding drink was sizzling into my skin and it felt like lemon juice was stinging into my cuts. Instinctively, I held up my left arm, clutching it in pain with my eyes squeezed shut.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" Alec asked, rushing out now dressed and Rafael who had only changed his shirt so far.

"It's okay, Alexander. It's only coffee." Magnus said though he looked concerned as well. My arm was in agony, the cuts stung as the drink seeped into them. I winced, holding it closer to myself and they noticed.

"Is your arm okay? Did some of the glass from the cup cut you?"

Once I heard the words 'cut you' I panicked, my eyes widening.

"No, no, no! I'm okay, it's fine. Just really, really hot coffee." I rambled frantically, letting go of my arm. Magnus' eyes narrowed in suspicion and they all looked at me like they didn't a believe a word I just said.

"But you were only worried about your arm?" Rafael said slowly, regarding me with calculating eyes.

"I don't know! Maybe I got another scratch and I just found out about it!" That was a terrible excuse, but it was the best I could really do.

"Elizabeth, is something wrong with your arm?" Max sounded a bit scared as he asked me this, worry swimming in his deep blue eyes.

I shook my head furiously, not trusting myself to speak and say something stupid to make them more suspicious. I brought my arm back up and cradled it to my chest.

"Just tell us, Magnus can use a spell to lessen the pain for now." Alec said, rolling his blue eyes.

"It's okay, I can handle a little pain." My eyes widened as the words left my mouth. Why the hell would I say that? That sounded suspicious. I was hoping they wouldn't catch my mistake but when I looked at them, they looked like they were starting to put the pieces together.

"Let me see your arm." Magnus ordered calmly, crossing his arms as I held mine closer.

"Let me see your arm." He repeated, his voice still calm though I could tell he was irritated.

"No." I said defiantly, glaring at him.

Why does he care? It's just an arm!

He sighed, rolling his eyes before reaching forward and grabbing my wrist. I protested sharply at this as he pushed back the sleeve.

"No! Stop it! Let go of me!" I cried out frantically, not wanting him to see. They all gasped as they looked at the sliced skin on my arm.

The cuts looked worse then I remembered them. Last night, they were only places where the skin had been torn open. Now they looked awful and made me feel terrible.

The waterworks were starting up before I could stop them. "Please, stop! Just leave me alone!" I pleaded, trying to yank my arm away.

They all looked up at me. But instead of looking disgusted, they looked terrified. No, not even terrified. They looked... I don't even know how to describe it. But I knew it probably wasn't good for me.

Magnus' hands went limp and I finally pulled my arm away from him, yanking the sleeve down, ignoring the pain.

"Elizabeth... What, why would you do this?" He finally seemed to have found his voice.

"It's none of your business! Just... Just drop it okay!" I was about to storm off, but Rafael reached forward and grabbed my right wrist, holding me back.

"Are those recent?" Alec asked softly. The unidentified emotion was still there in their eyes as they looked at me.

I didn't want to answer, but I'm pretty sure the way I looked down at the floor in shame told them what they wanted to know.

Why couldn't I be normal? Why do I have to be such a screw up and ruin everything?

"Why? Did we do something?" Max eyes were watery, but the tears weren't falling. I shook my head no, how could they think it was them?

"No, absolutely not! It's not your fault! You guys have been great! It's... It's me. I'm weak and I can't handle anything. This is my fault." I whispered the last part quietly, keeping my gaze down as more tears came.

Before I could detect the movement, they had me all encased in a hug. All of their arms were wrapped around me, like they were trying to protect me from anything that could harm me. They didn't say anything and neither did I, we all just stood silent. I stood there, motionless for a while before I finally melted into the hug, sobbing uncontrollably. They held me for a while, I'm not sure how long but they didn't let go of me. My sobs gradually became short hiccups and sniffles and they loosened their hold slightly, but not fully letting go of me.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Alec asked, his voice gently. I nodded slightly, my throat felt a bit sore from the sobs. I pulled back from them slightly and they let their arms fall as they backed away slightly to give me space.

I tried to ignore the longing for the hug to return, for them to not let go of me and keep me warm and safe.

"I-it was yesterday when we were at the park. I-I was talking to Victoria and she was telling me about Shadowhunter stuff. I asked her what parabatai were and she explained it to me. So I asked her if she thought we could ever have a bond like that." Now that I said it out loud, it sounded really stupid. It made a lot more sense last night in the bathroom.

"What did she say?" Alec said, looking worried.

"Nothing really. Just that she didn't know me that well and she wasn't sure." I mumbled, feeling ridiculous for overreacting.

"We need you to speak up, what did Victoria say?" Magnus urged me gently.

"She said she wasn't sure." I spoke louder this time, but I still felt embarrassed. What kind of person gets mad over something like that? She never even said no, just maybe.

They looked a little surprised and confused, but didn't comment their disbelief.

"And that's why you cut yourself?" Rafael asked, I frowned and nodded.

"I know it was stupid, but I couldn't help it. I just felt so bad and I didn't know what to do."

"But I told you that you could talk to me." Rafael told me, looking disappointed.

"I know, but I didn't want to. What happens when I leave, huh? You won't be there to treat me like a child whenever I start crying. I do not need your help!" I shouted, startling all of them.

"Elizabeth, calm down. We want to help and you shouldn't feel that way. Anytime you need something, you can immediately come to us." Magnus spoke calmly, but I knew he really wanted to scream. To yell out how stupid I was for doing this.

"Look, you ARE NOT MY PARENTS! So stop acting like it! I don't need you telling me what's right and what's wrong! Just keep your nose out of my business and leave me the hell alone!" The words kept spilling and I could see the hurt on their faces when I said it. But that didn't stop me, I had too much pent up aggression and anger to stop.

"I don't even understand why I'm here! I already know you guys don't honestly care about me so stop pretending that you do! I don't need or want any of your stupid pity so give it to someone who cares!" I snapped.

When I stopped yelling, I was breathing heavily. They didn't say anything for a while, none of us spoke a word.

The silence was making me uncomfortable, what were they thinking? What was going to happen now?

I felt bad for what I had said, they were obviously nice people who were trying to help me and all I do every time they try to be nice, I start screaming at them. I really am a terrible person.

Well now they surely won't want to be around you. You've ruined EVERYTHING!

"I'm sorry." I said suddenly. They weren't expecting to say anything and especially not that. "You guys are only trying to help and I'm just pushing you away."

They smiled slightly, but I know that they weren't exactly happy yet. "It's okay. But seriously, the next time something like this happens, tell us. We don't want you doing this to yourself." Alec told me, scolding me slightly.

"Okay, I'll try." I promised. And I wasn't lying, I don't want them worrying about me so the least I could do was try. For them.

Their smiles got bigger and I grinned back. I knew I was starting to get way too deep and it was going to make me not want to leave, but in this moment, I really didn't care.

•~•

Sorry for this short chapter but the next update should be pretty long.
I'll see you next time!