Max P.O.V

I'm a horrible person, and I know it. Clayton is at his smallest, ready to break, and all I can think is; I wish he would shut up.

For weeks the only thing I seem to hear him talking about is dying. He is driving me up the wall and the anxiety is killing me!

He is between chemo cycles, which, for Clay, a cycle is chemo everyday for a two weeks and two weeks off for healthy cells to grow back. This first cycle has taken its toll on him. He is thinner and paler and when his hair started to fall out the previous week, he almost lost his mind.

What is less evident, though, is the emotional changes that accompany the physical. Clay is more irritable, depressed, prone to snapping angrily before finding you a few days later and crushing you into a hug as he apologized, near tearfully. But, perhaps the most disturbing, for those who noticed, is the blow this has been on his already suffering, low self-esteem.

When Clay sits it's with his arm crossed, or his legs tucked to his chest. He's now never without a hat and won't take his shirt off when we have sex. In fact, he has kicked, in all literal sense of the phrase, kicked me out of bed for touching his stomach and sides.

Every mirror in the house has, somehow, come up shattered beyond repair and Clayton's poor punching bag has earned even more duct tape patches, despite Dr. Tio and Roy's insistence that Clay not over exert himself. It's to the point that Roy has chain and padlocked the gym door, such that not even Emmy can pick it back open. Not for lack of trying.

With no outlet Clayton spends countless hours on the couch, unable to keep his attention on books, movies porn, he just stares out the window and over the lake.

Being with him is exhausting and emotionally draining and I don't know what to do. I can't seem to help anymore and the longer I'm with him the more hopeless everything feels. Like, what is the point? And of course, as I'm am constantly reminded, a month has passed, and Clay was only given four to live.

"Are you going to eat today?" I asked, leaning over the couch arm to kiss Clayton on the forehead. "You really should. Your next session starts tomorrow."

"I'm not hungry." He sighed, cupping the back of my head to pull me into a proper kiss. I leaned back down, a little reluctantly and broke it off quick.

"Knocking!" Bradly called, swinging the door wide, not knocking at all, as I leaned up by the coffee pot. "Has Clay eaten today?" He asked me, shrugging out of his jacket and boots.

I glanced over, feeling a bite in my chest for some reason. Even since Hunter implied some going ons with Bradly and Clay I felt some resentment towards to freckled ginger. "No, he hasn't gotten off the couch since yesterday."

Bradly frowned and trooped into the living room as Emmy swung the door open and stomped the snow off her own boots and let herself into as well.

"Guten tag, Maxwell." She chimed, kissing my cheek as she hugged me from behind. I wish she would fuck Bradly already and keep him away from Clay. "How are you this morning?"

"Lousy." I deadpanned grumpily.

She gave me a sympathetic look and hugged me tighter, her boob fully pressed into my ear. "I know this sucks and he is being-"

"I'm fine, Emmy, just tired." I said, tugging out of her grip and going back to watching my coffee.

"I know you're suffering too. It's hard to be around this everyday." She pressed, taking my hand and leaning against the counter with me. "Take it from me, you need to step back and take a day off. Clay needs us all at full function."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Come on, where and I supposed to go and what do you expect me to do?"

She swiped the coffee pot away before I could pour myself a cup and heald it, easily, out of my reach. "Well for one, there is an little restaurant in town and they serve coffee. Even if you are away for just a little while. I'm not asking you to dissappear for days, I want you to take a few hours. Go away." She said firmly as I reached for my coffee.

"Come on, Emmy! I need that! You want me to go into town for a cup of coffee?!"

"Yup," She said putting her hand on my face and holding me back at arms length.

Fuck! Being short sucks!

"Fine! But I'm not happy about it!" I growled. She smiled and kissed me again, once on each cheek.

"We'll still be here when you get back and hopefully we will have Clay up, and eating." She said confidently. If only I still had her optimism.

Town was much like it usually was, nearly empty and snow covered and the restaurant was much the same, minus the snow. I debated for a while about going in, just on the off chance Hunter was working, but the lure of coffee was stronger and I went in anyhow.

He was, but the coffee was totally worth it. He brought it to me, without speaking and without any cold glares like I was expecting. I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

He wasn't bad looking, at all in fact. He was shorter than Clay, but just as brawny, with dirty blonde hair and a handful of freckles, now that I looked closer, under the shadow of the bruising.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asked turning around to face me as he started to walk by.

Damn...."Was I?" I'll play it casual.

"Yes, you were." He said, coming to stand closer. "Do you need something?"

"No, I was just thinking. I didn't mean to stare." Well, I wasn't lying.

"I want to apologize for hitting you the other week." He said completely out of the freaking blue! "I'm sorry, I have been an ass to you and it's not fair. I was never really mad at you. Are you alright?" He reached out and grazed the pads of his fingers across my cheek.

Why did I just blush?

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was nothing." He nodded and turned to check on his other table. "Hey! Uh..."whoops, that was loud. "Can you ask you something?" I said quieter.

He held up a finger, checked his other table and came back to sit across from me. "Of course you can."

He goes nothing. Paranoia, paranoia the destroyer.

"What you said about... Bradly and Clay... was it true?"

Here's for hoping.

"Yeah, it was. He cheated on me with Bradly after we had a couple stupid fights. I caught them together." He said, his voice level, not breaking eye contact. "It really sucked. ....Uh, pun not intended." He smiled, sadly. "But what was worse was he'd always told me I had nothing to worry about, that he and Brad were like brothers, just friends and nothing else." He shrugged.

"Why were you worried before? Had they been together?"

"You don't know?" He asked, looking a bit shocked. "Brad is who Clay experimented with to find out for sure if he was gay."

....I think my brain shorted out. No, no I didn't know that! "I had no idea." I muttered.

Hunter fidgeted a bit, like he just told me something he hadn't meant too. "I'm sorry you had to hear this from me. I understand if you don't believe me. I'm sure I haven't inspired much confidence in my character." He forced a chuckle as he got up. "I really am sorry for the things I said to you. Sometimes I get angry."

He was walking away, I was confused, I didn't know what was happening, people were not telling me things, I only had half the story; what was really going on?!

I caught Hunter by the sleeve. "What time do you get off work?"

"Welcome back." Clay dropped his arms around my shoulders, pressed into my back and kissed me at the corner of my mouth. "I missed you." He sighed, nuzzling against me.

I sort of hummed in response.

"Where did you go?" He asked.

"Just wandered around town a bit." I lied.

"Outside? You were gone for awhile, I didn't think you liked the cold." He half teased. I guess he was feeling a little better, but I was in no mood.

I shrugged him off and finished taking off my coat. He stepped back to the island and watched me. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly. "Your awfully quite."

Here it was, my change to ask, to come out and spill my guts about being jealous and suspicious of him and Bradly, tell him I'd spent the morning with Hunter, ask him all the new and slightly incriminating questions I had. I really was going to, my mouth was opened, and Bradly walked in. Suddenly I didn't want too say anything. Especially when he clapped Clay in a hug, kissed his cheek and bid him goodbye.

You leaving?"

"Yeah, Bowie comes in today. See you later Max." He said, squeezing my shoulder and smiling at me.

"Bye." Good riddance. He left and silence fell between Clay and I.

"What we're you going to say?" He asked.

"Where is Emmy?" I asked innocently.

"She left about an hour ago." He said casually. He poured me a cup of coffee and handed it to me.

"She left?" He and Bradly were alone?

"Yeah, her dad has a bunch of plow trucks to fix and she promised to help." He said, frowing at me. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"What did you do with Bradly. You seem...happier."

"We just hung out." He shrugged, giving me a weird look. "Snuggled on the couch, ate pancakes." I couldn't tell if he was trying to joke around.

"Did he sucked your prick?"

Whoops...was that the out loud part of my brain?

"What?" He said incredulously. Guess it was the out loud part of my brain. "Where did that come from?"

"..." Oh shit, how am I supposed to cover my ass after that! "You and Bradly had a...a thing! Why didn't you tell me?"

"What, when I kissed him when I was thirteen! I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter! I never asked you about everybody you've ever kissed, I don't fucking care!" He was getting pissed.

"No, not when you were thirteen. I'm talking about what broke you and Hunter up! I'm talking about when Bradly sucked your cock and Hunter watched!"

"..."

A heated glow burnt Clayton's face. He looked a little shocked, and very flustered. "You know about that?"

"I do."

"Then I don't see why you are mad at me."

Is he serious!? "You cheated on Hunter with Brady and are confused as to why I'm upset?"

He looked at me, half angry half confused. "What the fuck are you talking."

"Hunter told me-"

"Oh! Hunter told you!" Clay practically shouted over me. "Now it all makes sense! Everything! Hunter is a fucking lier, Max. He's never spoken an honest word in his life. Whatever he told you, it's not the truth!"

"Well at least he's telling me something! I'm constantly out of the loop when it comes to you and your little gang!-"

"God damnit!" He yelled, smashing the cup of coffee in his hand onto the counter. Little shards of ceramic skittered away across the granite and warm coffee splashed to the floor. "Your going to trust him over me! What do I have to tell you to get through to you, he's full of shit!"

"How about the truth. What really happened, why did you and Hunter break up and what was the fight that got you in jail over."

Clayton clenched his jaw and looked away, his face red, his ands trembling. "I can't tell you that." He snarled through clenched teeth.

Oh my fucking god! This is exactly what I was talking about! What the fuck! Why couldn't he tell me!? He wanted to talk about distrust!? I felt disgusted, exhausted, feed up and sick of it, of him. I was done.

"Fuck you too, Clay." I breathed.

His head snapped around to look at me, pissed off and wounded. "Max?"

"You know what? I'm done. This is it. I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of playing ring-around-the-rosy. The only thing I hear from you anymore is about you dying, and when you aren't telling me how many hours you have left, it's just shit like this; shallow petty bullshit and I'm so done trying to get you to talk about something else, go out with me, eat, feel better, let me touch you! You are exhausting! And I can't do it anymore..." I pushed past him and walked away. I felt rather then saw his eyes, hurt, watching me leave him all alone.

I just broke his heart. Took it and shattered it like that coffee mug. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and I heard Clayton sniff and his breath hitched on a stifled sob.

I'm a horrible person...

"Hey, what's wrong?" Hunter asked, looking concerned. He opened his door to let me in.

***Trollololololololo. Welcome to the downward spiral, don't worry, it's just as bad as it sounds, but we serve snacks ;) but they're all bitter sweet because I'm an ass. I want to say, for all those hanging in there and still reading, thank you. No really, thank you! You are a good person! Have a good one, I have to get back to class. Vote, comment, Troll. >~<!