"Letters"

January 1997

Dear, Carmen

I haven't heard from you since the New Year but I'm in dire need of advice right now.

It's Mica. She's been acting weird for a while now- a long while, actually. And not a bad kind of weird, she's just different. But also a good kind of different. She touches me more, and I don't mean hugging. If we're walking next to each other she will hold my hand and this used to be because I was being too slow but now she walks next to me. It's weird because she hates walking slow and I walk REALLY slow.

She sits really close as well. And I'm not complaining because it's nice, it's really nice. If I'm busy she'll lean her head on my shoulder, or if she's napping next to me in the library her body is pressed against mine.

It always makes me feel so warm and relaxed whenever she touches me. Sometimes it feels like my body is static, a similar sensation to dragging a feather over my skin but it's everywhere. One touch renders my senses useless, and I have to re-tune to reality like an old radio with a new antenna.

Anyway, as I said, I need advice.

Mica invited me to The Three Broomsticks on Saturday. And not in a friendly way. In fact, she asked me in front of Leslie and specifically told him he couldn't come. I know it hurt his feelings or, at least, it should have but he simply smiled and told us to have fun.

Ever since he's been teasing me about our "date". Is it a date? She never specified that it was a date but this is Mica. She doesn't specify anything. Besides, I don't even know if I'm ready to date. And if I am, what if it's not what it should be? What if we can't make each other happy and ruin our friendship? She's my best friend and, right now, I don't think I can lose her.

I didn't think I would have to confront this so soon. Of course she had to make a move, with all that stupid Gryffindor bravery and whatever.

Help?

Circi.

*

The next day, at breakfast, Circi swirled her cereal around the bowl. She picked up the milk in her spoon and poured it back out of the bowl and occasionally glanced at the open window where the mail owls came in. She'd only seen one owl all morning, having risen at the crack of dawn so she wouldn't miss any mail.

Leslie hadn't appeared yet and the hall was filling quickly, he often liked to be early and deduce the drama that had undoubtedly happened the night before. It was usually the only morning entertainment for Circi.

This morning, however, she was stuck between playing with her food, owl spotting and watching Harry Potter as he stood in the centre of the hall with his friends. She hadn't spoken to the boy for months- not that she felt the urge to- but his body was animated as he spoke to Hermione before hurrying after a group of girls who had just passed him.

She watched him carefully, chewing on a spoonful of soggy cereal slowly. He turned around and looked past his friends and towards the doors.

There, Draco stood staring wide-eyed at Harry and the girl beside him before backing out of the hall.

As Harry took off, the girl sat down and Circi recognised her face momentarily. It wasn't until Mica entered the hall and hugged her tightly did the pieces click. That was Katie Bell.

Draco cursed Katie Bell.

Potter's pretty adamant about it.

A familiar bubble of panic settled in Circi's chest. She looked around the hall. Draco was gone. Harry was gone. She stood, the bench scraping under her, and headed for the door. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed Professor Snape speeding towards the exit as well.

Outside the Great Hall, she became disoriented. There were students in every direction, coming and going, there was no way she would find either of them. Snatching at the sleeve of the nearest student mulling around the corridor, she demanded to know where Draco was. They shrugged her off, ignorant to the question, but their friend pointed down the corridor.

When she turned to leave, Professor Snape passed by, his cloak billowing behind him and she walked fast to match his pace.

"Draco's in trouble, Professor." She informed him, making sure they were heading in the right direction. "It's Potter-"

"Miss Malfoy, I suggest you return to your breakfast."

"Oh, you know I can't do that, Professor," she mumbled, starting to rub the scar across the back of her hand.

The sound of spells bouncing off concrete bounced off the corridor walls and a student pointed to the boys' toilets before running off. It fell silent the second they met the door, although whimpering soon followed. The boy was sobbing, a cry Circi was familiar with and she barged past her Professor to get to her brother.

The ground was flooded, one of the pipes had burst and the water was crawling towards the drain in the centre of the circular entry. There was blood in the water, seeping from Draco as he lay in the centre of the entry covered in lacerations across his chest, sobbing. At his feet, in the archway that revealed a corridor of toilet stalls, Harry Potter looked down at the boy with a horrified look on his face.

Circi barely saw him as she dropped beside Draco. She pressed her hands to his cheeks and spoke to him, trying to distract them both from the bloody water soaking their clothes. Professor Snape came splashing in, circling Draco and ignoring everyone but the injured boy.

He held out his wand, repeating an incantation, and Draco's wounds began to close. Circi looked up as Harry splashed out of the room. She watched him turn the corner and leave, looking down at Draco once more before running after him.

"Expelliarmus!" She yelled, pointing her wand at the boy as his wand flew from his hands.

Harry turned around, hands raised, panting heavily. He kept his eyes on the ground.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't know-"

"Stay away from my family." She snapped. He shut up, meeting her vicious gaze and saying something quietly. "I can't hear you, Potter." She snapped, drawing nearer and pocketing her wand.

Her eyes were positively wild. Her mother's eyes. A wild animal, half-tamed, half-abandoned. Sure, she had conflicting loyalties but she'd be damned if she saw Harry Potter humiliate her brother once more.

It was clear he thought she was now part of Draco's posse. The longer the standoff remained silent the more she observed his thoughts cross his mind. It was all there, clear as day. Who's side is she on? She was part of the DA. But she didn't fight the death eaters. She must be a death eater.

Even the thought of association angered her. Taking one step back, Circi watched Harry hesitantly bend down to collect his wand.

His fingers brushed it briefly. Circi ran forward to kick it away and, when he lost his balance for a second and looked down she swiftly kicked him in the face. The Boy Who Lived fell backwards, cradling a bloody nose as he scrambled for his wand once again. Circi let him take it, fists clenched. She wouldn't do anything else to him but she could feel his apprehension.

He looked over her shoulder before turning and leaving her in the corridor. Behind her, Professor Snape and Draco were standing in the doorway watching her. Draco held his abdomen but the pain in his eyes wasn't caused by his injuries.

"Are you okay?" She asked, reaching out to him. He flinched away, a minute action she chose to ignore but he flinched nonetheless.

*

Carmen's response landed on Circi's desk in Professor McGonagall's classroom. The owl had flown in through the open door, ignorant that it was just the two of them and that it should only be permitted in the owlery and the Great Hall.

But Carmen's owl, much like his owner, had a penchant for evading the rules.

Hesitating, Circi looked down at the letter, unsure whether to move towards it. She was serving detention for breaking Harry Potter's nose and her quill had created an indentation on her palm from how hard she was holding it. New callouses had formed on her fingers as she wrote out her own rendition of the lines Professor McGonagall had given her.

'I will kick people in the face'

It was a small edit, she had only omitted the 'not' in McGonagall's original version. Placing down her quill, she barely touched the envelope before McGonagall appeared beside her, detransfiguring from her cat form to hold up the letter. The Professor then looked down at the parchment on the desk and frowned at the lines Circi had written.

"I expect you back here tomorrow at the same time, Malfoy."

"But tomorrow's Saturday, Professor," Circi took back the letter, hearing a bell chime six o'clock in the distance. She should be in Hogsmeade with Mica tomorrow.

"Yes, it is," McGonagall said, crossing her hands in front of her body. "I suspect your literacy skills will have improved by then."

"But I have plans in Hogsmeade tomorrow."

"Detention extends to the weekend, too, Circini. Your plans will have to wait." McGonagall turned around, and walked down the classroom and back to her desk. "You are dismissed."

There was a lot Circi could say. A lot she wanted to say, which she did but under her breath as she left the room and returned to her dorm. The Slytherin common room was full of students but none she knew or liked so she retired to her bed.

In the dorm, Rhiannon was pouring over a muggle language book on her bed. The curtains were half-drawn, enough to send the message she did not want to be disturbed while allowing the light to filter into the enclosed space. The room was filled with laughter, mainly Niamh's as she watched Fern and Myrna holding their bodies up in the middle of the room. They both were bent backwards, arching over like a bridge and occasionally looking at each other with fierce determination.

Fern took pride in her flexibility, she had partaken in Gymnastics competitions through her childhood and had given it up mostly to come to Hogwarts. Myrna, having thought the sport was some sort of muggle nonsense, had sniffed at her passion but, after a short while, she grew to enjoy competing against Fern.

As Circi crossed the room to her bed, Myrna craned her neck back in excitement to greet her with a mischievous grin.

"Hey troublemaker." She shifted her hands slightly, her wrist twisting suddenly, and she dropped to the ground as Niamh cackled. Myrna cast her a disapproving look before snatching an opened letter from her own bed.

The room was circular; they had been moved further into the tower this year, which they all appreciated since they were gradually gathering collections of knick-knacks that the lower dorms did not have the space for. Circi's bed was adjacent to the door, situated next to a window where the waterline of the Black Lake lashed at the glass. Myrna's bed was next to the door but the girl had no trouble stretching herself to not move from the middle of the room.

Casting a sceptical look at her roommates as she removed the letter from the envelope addressed to her, Circi settled against the pillows on her bed:

Circ,

Heard you got a week detention with McGonagall, meet me by the lake whenever you get out tomorrow,

M x

Myrna was wiggling her eyebrows when Circi looked up again and Niamh giggled at the look on her face.

"This wasn't for you." Circi reprimanded, biting back a smile.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't tell us about the Harry incident so I figured I'd put my sleuthing skills to the test." Myrna shrugged.

"And you found nothing, congratulations." Circi rolled her eyes. She wasn't annoyed at them despite how much the act riled up the others. In part, she was proud of herself for keeping the mystery around the subject. This meant no one knew what happened to Draco or why Harry had attacked him. It also meant Leslie had kept his mouth shut for once. The three girls were looking at her expectantly now but she simply drew the curtains around her bed.

"Loser!" Myrna called out, the noise muffled behind the curtain.

Lighting her wand, Circi nestled it between her shoulder and the pillows so that it illuminated the unopened letter in her hand. It was from Carmen, that much was certain from the Breckinridge seal and the careful, cursive, handwriting. The lack of writing on the page was the most disappointing. It read:

Every time you come to me about relationships you're worrying about a girl. Why do you think that is?

You'll figure it out, Circi, just give yourself time and be nice (I know you struggle with that). I will see you soon,

With love,

Carmen

She had signed off the letter and stamped it with her parents' royal seal, reminding Circi that the woman was basically a princess fifty percent of the time. Sighing, she threw her head back and looked up at the canopy above the bed. In the blue light of her wand the green velvet intermingled with the darkness but, as the shadows crawled through the colours, she could see a slithering shape of a snake-like creature.

It was her mind, a figment of her imagination, but as it moved she watched it unblinking. Her eyes strained as darkness crawled over the canopy, dry and itchy but the snake was drawing ever-closer. She blinked and she could've sworn she saw eyes.

"Lumos maxima!" The light from her wand grew brighter, banishing the shadows. The room outside the curtains was silent and, as she lay back down, she listened to her pulse in her ears. Before muttering 'nox' and rolling over to sleep.