ALLIANCES Alright, clearly something is already wrong.
ok so like i said this iks my first story be nice plz Can't make any promises, sweetheart. Sorry.

btw its set afte rsunset so Sooo...? Anyway, Rsunset sounds like a beach resort.

ThunderClan

Leader: Firestar - ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt

Deputy: Brambleclaw - dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes

Medicine Cat: JayFeather-gray tom That's it?

Warriors:

Squirrelflight - dark ginger she-cat with green eyes

Apprentice, Foxpaw

Dustpelt - dark brown tabby tom

Sandstorm - pale ginger she-ca What be a she-ca? Is that some new brand of cars. The Sheca.

Cloudtail - long-haired white tom

Apprentice DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace If I remember correctly, Daisy never became an apprentice or changed her name.

Brackenfur - golden brown tabby tom

Sorreltail - tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with amber eyes

Thornclaw - golden brown tabby tom

Brightheart - white she-cat with ginger patches Pretty sure there's more to her.

Spiderleg - long-limbed black tom with brown underbelly and amber eyes Wow, y'know, in the rest of the story, you're grammar and spelling are awful, but here you write a perfect description of Spiderleg. Hmm, peculiar, huh?

Whitewing - white she-cat with green eyes

Apprentice, Icepaw

Birchfall - light brown tabby tom

Graystripe - long-haired gray tom

Berrynose - cream-colored tom

Hazeltail - small gray-and-white she-cat

Mousewhisker - gray-and-white tom

Cinderheart - gray tabby she-cat

Poppyfrost - tortoiseshell she-cat

Honeyfern- light brown tabby she-cat

Lionblaze - golden tabby tom

Hollyleaf - black she-cat

FoxHeart-reddish tabby tom Woah! Stop! I have been applauding you, and you give me this? First of all, the name Foxheart is already taken. Second, it's a curse in the magical world of Warriors.

IceFire-white she cat Icefire? Hmm...ok...

ToadRibbit-black-and-white tom Stop right now. Excuse me? Toadribbit? That must be one of the worst names I have ever heard. I get you're trying to be original with you new names, but come ON! Toadribbit?

RoseFlame-dark cream she cat Ok, this one is good.

BriarStorm-dark brown she cat Ok, I guess.

BumbleFlower-very pale gray tom with black stipes Such a manly name. -3-

BlossomWind-pale brown she cat iwth a dark stripe along her spine I'm pretty sure BlossomFALL is a tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat. I have no idea who this "Blossomwind" is that you speak of.

Apprentices: OHMIGOSH YOU SPELLED IT RIGHT!!! That pained me to say "ohmigosh". It really did.

Fox DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace Who the heck is "Fox DaisyPaw"? I have heard of no such thing.

FlamePaw-firecolored she cat with one grnee eye one blue eye I'm sorry, but "firecolored"? There are two things wrong with this: 1) you spelled it wrong. It's supposed to be fire-colored. 2) a cat cannot be the color of fire. It would have to be set on fire to accomplish that.

LakePaw-bright blue gray she cat with blue eyes ITS BLUESTAR'S CLONE!

The last 2 r starKits siters What are "siters"?

JazzPaw-red she cat with blue eyes and a black tail Ok, I'm sure Warriors don't know what jazz music is. Now I'm imagining Firestar and Graystripe playing the saxophone.

Queens:

Ferncloud - pale gray (with darker flecks) she-cat with green eyes mother of Dustpelts kits How did you create this whole description without screwing up?

Dawnsparkle-bright tortishell she cat with garguntan blue eye's mother of Jayfeathers' ktis, formaly of Shadowclan I already hate this cat. Why? 1) she freaking broke the code by screwing around with Jay Jay. 2) her name sickens me. 3) she's responsible for Starbutt's existence.

Kits:

StarKit-graysh-blue-and purple she cat with molting orange eyes and a white star on her forhaed How can a cat be purple? With a star on its forehead. Ok, this is tacky and unrealistic, and I don't like her at all.

Elders:

Longtail - pale tabby tom with dark black stripes, retired early due to failing sight

Mousefur - small dusky brown she-cat

Weaslepelt-big red tabby he cat with bight yellow eyes (hes Rowanclaw's dad, he came to Thunderclan when Dawn- did0 I am not understanding. What is "dido"?

LeafPool-brown tabby she cat Leafpool never retired, moron.

ShadowClan

Leader: Blackstar - large white tom with huge jet-black paws

Deputy: Russetfur - dark ginger she-cat

Medicine Cat: Littlecloud - very small tabby tom

Apprentice, Flamepaw (ginger tom)

Warriors:

Oakfur - small brown tom

Apprentice, Tigerpaw (dark brown tabby tom)

Rowanclaw - ginger tom

Smokefoot - black tom

Apprentice, Owlpaw (light brown tabby tom)

Ivytail - black, white and tortoiseshell she-cat

Apprentice, Dawnpaw (cream-furred she-cat) LE GASP! It's another Dawn!

Toadfoot - dark brown tom

Crowfrost - black-and-white tom

Apprentice, Olivepaw (tortoiseshell she-cat)

Kinkfur - tabby she-cat, with long fur that sticks out at all angles

Ratscar - brown tom with long scar across his back

Apprentice, Shrewpaw (gray she-cat with black feet)

Snaketail - dark brown tabby tom with striped tail

Apprentice, Scorchpaw (dark gray tom)

Whitewater - white she-cat with long fur, blind in one eye

Apprentice, Redpaw (mottled brown and ginger tom)

Tawnypelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes

Flamewind- flame color tabby tom with green eye's

Tigerclaw-huge dark brown tabby tom with long claw's and amber eys I'm pretty sure he died...

DawnFeather-cream tabby she cat (shes a different cant then the one in tC ok?) I'm not stupid *coughcoughcough like some people coughcoughcough*.

OlivePaw-bright brown she cat Something about "bright brown" doesn't seem right.

Queens:

Snowbird - pure white she-cat

Elders:

Cedarheart - dark gray tom

Tallpoppy - long-legged light brown she-cat

WindClan

Leader: Onestar - brown tabby tom

Deputy: Ashfoot - gray she-cat

Medicine Cat: Barkface - short-tailed brown tom

Apprentice, Kestrelpaw (mottled gray tom)

Warriors:

Tornear - tabby tom

Crowfeather - dark gray tom

Owlwhisker - light brown tabby tom

Whitetail - small white she-cat

Nightcloud - black she-cat

Gorsetail - very pale gray-and-white cat with blue eyes

Weaselfur - ginger tom with white paws

Harespring - brown-and-white tom

Leaftail - dark tabby tom, amber eyes

Apprentice, Thistlepaw (long-haired white tom)

Dewspots - spotted gray she-cat

Apprentice, Sedgepaw (light brown tabby she-cat)

Willowclaw - gray she-cat

Apprentice, Swallowpaw (dark gray she-cat)

Antpelt - brown tom with one black ear

Emberfoot - gray tom with two dark paws

Apprentice, Sunpaw (tortoiseshell she-cat with large white mark on her forehead)

Heathertail - light brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes

Breezepelt - black tom with amber eyes

Elders:

Morningflower - very old tortoiseshell queen

Webfoot - dark gray tabby tom

RiverClan

Leader: Leopardstar - unusually spotted golden tabby she-cat

Deputy: Mistyfoot - gray she-cat with blue eyes

Medicine Cat: Mothwing - dappled golden she-cat

Apprentice, Willowshine (gray tabby she-cat)

Warriors:

Blackclaw - smoky-black tom

Voletooth - small brown tabby tom

Apprentice, Minnowpaw (dark gray she-cat)

Reedwhisker - black tom

Mosspelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with blue eyes

Apprentice, Pebblepaw (mottled gray tom)

Beechfur - light brown tom

Rippletail - dark gray tabby tom

Apprentice, Mallowpaw (light brown tabby tom)

Graymist - pale gray tabby

Dawnflower - pale gray she-cat ANOTHER FREAKING DAWN. THEYRE GONNA TAKE OVER AND FORM DAWNCLAN AND WE WILL ALL DIE!!!

Dapplenose - mottled gray she-cat

Pouncetail - ginger-and-white tom

Mintfur - light gray tabby tom

Apprentice, Nettlepaw (dark brown tabby tom)

Otterheart - dark brown she-cat

Apprentice, Sneezepaw (gray-and-white tom)

Pinefur - very short-haired tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Robinpaw (tortoiseshell-and-white tom)

Rainstorm - mottled gray-blue tom

Duskfur - brown tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Copperpaw (dark ginger she-cat)

Queens:

Icewing - white cat with green eyes, mother of Beetlekit, Pricklekit, Petalkit, and Grasskit

Elders:

Heavystep - thickset tabby tom

Swallowtail - dark tabby she-cat

Stonestream - gray tom

Ok! Obviously we can see that this book need serious work. What? No, I'm not here to help the author with that! I'm here to criticize! :D