Hoseok patted the space next to him so Jungkook could lay down. The carpet was warm and fuzzy beneath them.

The ceiling above was white color with brownish spots. Jungkook was trying to make shapes out of the dots while Hoseok's mind remained blank.

His hectic job had his mind racing twenty-four seven, but with Jungkook everything was calm. Euphoric. It was so soothing and calm that he could fall asleep.

"Do you see that?" Jungkook asked, pointing to the ceiling. "I see a lion. Can you see it too?"

Hoseok shook his head no, "Not really. I don't have a very vivid imagination."

"Hmm. I do. Maybe that's why we balance each other out." He grinned.

Hoseok nodded with a sweet smile. The silence returned as they kept looking at each other. At one point Jungkook looked back up, nibbling then inside of his cheek.

"Hoseok," he began.

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm going to leave. Actually, no. I am going to leave."

Hoseok held his breath. It hurt to breathe. He knew this was what was best for him. For his mental health. He couldn't bear to see him shut down into a depressive shell again. That hurt far worse than him leaving.

"That's good. Really good." He said with a lump in his throat.

"I don't want to leave you. If you could—"

Hoseok pressed his finger against his lips to stop his speech. "I can't come with you." He responded.

Jungkook's face saddened within seconds. How could he start over without his sunshine? Hoseok was the only that was keeping him sane.

"You need to grow by yourself. I have no part in your healing. If I go with you, you won't ever heal completely. You need to get out by yourself and learn your body, your thoughts. Self caring and self love is necessary to function. If I go with you, I'd only put you behind."

Jungkook laid his head on Hoseok's shoulder and squeezed his arm tight. He didn't deserve him. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not even a million years.

He knew that Hoseok was right, but the fear of being alone was submerging him into a spinning vortex. Could he be by himself and be okay?

"I'm sorry we can't be.  If he hadn't showed up in my life then maybe we could be together. I really wish we could." Jungkook whispered.

Hoseok hummed, kissing the top of his head. "Me too. Right person, wrong time." He said.

Jungkook looked up at him and grabbed his face. He planted a kiss on his lips and then went back to resting against his shoulder.

It hurt to have an almost with Hoseok.

It hurt far worse than Taehyung leaving.

What a tragedy to know that even though their connection was so immense their timing just wasn't
right.

•••

"Are we going?" Yoongi asked as he adjusted his collar.

"Going where?" Jimin asked not moving from his place by the glass door.

"To deposit money for your mother."

Jimin turned around, shifting his attention to him. "How do you know today is the day?" He asked intrigued because ever since Chan started guarding he had switched the days.

Something about going on the same day with Chan felt odd. Not to mention his mother was still not accepting the money so at times he skipped doing it.

Not because he didn't want to help her, but because he knew that when he did the talk with her it always ended up in heartbreak.

"I've kept tabs." He admitted. Over the last months he had kept up with what Jimin did because he never stopped caring.

Jimin flickered his eyes back to the outside. Hearing this made it sound like Yoongi never truly left even though he wasn't physically present. The faucet started dripping at full force.

The only way to stop his mind from making up things was to move. So he rushed past him, but Yoongi caught up in no time.

"Let's take my car." Jimin stated.

"Okay. That's fine."

Jimin impatiently waited for Yoongi to find the keys. When he found them, they made their way to the car. It was basically brand new. They've only been in it a few times.

Occasionally, Taehyung would take him out and even let him drive. At that moment he was completely numb so nothing could amuse him. Not even the fancy car.

Yoongi opened up the passenger door, but Jimin opened the back door and got in. Little things like these ached and he had to remind himself that these actions were justified.

On the way, Yoongi played music at a low volume. He didn't want the silence to be awkward which still was but at least it wasn't completely quiet.

Yoongi stood behind as Jimin sent the money and got the confirmation paper. After he received it, he walked ahead trying to stay away from his guard as much as possible.

Having him so close sent shivers down his spine and made his heart thump at a stupidly rapid pace. Yoongi didn't seem to notice that he was trying to stay away because he stood mighty close.

"I'm going to talk to my mom, okay? Can you stand over there? Or do you want to see me dial her number?"

"No. It's fine. I'll stand right here."

Jimin turned his back on him and dialed the number. His fingers were shaky and sweaty. Talking to his mom wasn't a good idea, but he needed to stay outside for a few more minutes. Being in a car with him alone was a bit claustrophobic.

"Hello?"

"Hey mom," he responded, a bit shaky.

"Hey Jimin..." her voice trailed off. She stood silent for seconds until she spoke up again, "How have you been?"

"Uhh...I've been better," he murmured as he slightly turned his head to see Yoongi from the corner of his eye.

He was still standing feet away and facing the other way. It was a windy day and although the air was still a bit cold for March, the warmness was starting to peek through.

"Listen mom, I sent money. Can you please accept it? At least this time." He bit the inside of his lip waiting for the rejection.

"Jimin, I'm not accepting that. I'm never going to accept it. How can I, when I know that you sell your body for it?" Her voice was full of disappointment and sadness.

He couldn't argue with that fact. It was true. He had been selling his body and decency for years now. The growing emptiness and self loathing was getting worse, but he was an expert at surprising suppressing his emotions.

"I want to help you and grandma. Please. Just take it." He mumbled not even trying. It was pointless to try to convince her because he wouldn't.

The day she found out what Jimin did, their relationship was destroyed. It felt like they drifted apart and as much as he tried to get closer it always ended up pushing them further apart.

"Can I ask you something?"

Jimin raised his eyebrows a bit shocked. By now their conversation would've been over in a fight. So he cleared his throat before responding.

"Yes."

"Are you going to do this forever?"

Jimin released a sigh, "I...I...don't know."

"I hate that you do this to yourself. You need to love and respect your body. Doing this is only going to hurt you in the long term. I wish that you...that you would've never met that woman. She's evil. She...she drove you down that path. If you wouldn't have met her then maybe you would still be with..."

Her voice trailed off again and he could tell she was getting emotional. Jimin felt his eyes flood with tears. His eyesight became blurry and his mind raced with the what if's.

Would he have been happy right now if he never accepted Jeongyeon's offer? Would he be married to Yuta?

And although it was easy to imagine this alternate universe, now it was hard to picture a life without Yoongi.

His choices were what led him to Yoongi. As much as it hurt he wouldn't want it any other way. What Yoongi and he had was magical. Even if it was one sided.

"Mom, love is not for me. It didn't happen with Yuta and it won't ever happen. I—I have to go. I'll call you later."

Before she could say anything, he hung up. It took him a few seconds to recompose himself. Then he quickly opened the door and didn't say a word to Yoongi. He hoped that he hadn't heard their conversation, but he was sure that he had.

Yoongi was everywhere and his senses were impeccable. So, he leaned by the window and closed his eyes pretending to be asleep. His face was a deep red and as much as he attempted to cool off it was impossible.

Damn, he was pathetic. His life was dull and empty. His world revolved around a man that didn't want him. And sadly nothing would change.

Yoongi looked at him from the mirror and saw his expression harden. Almost like he was thinking too hard about something. He knew that look too well. Jimin was being harsh and judgmental with himself.

And as much as Yoongi wanted to comfort him and tell him that it would be okay, he couldn't. How was it fair to sweep in and pretend nothing happened when he broke him to pieces?

All instead, he avoided the potholes in hopes Jimin would rest.