dear chuuya,

i spent every waking minute with research, phone calls to other biochemists, pharmacists and doctors, and writing notes without a single breather. it wasn't rare that you had to remind me to eat and drink properly (you're damn good at cooking, so my conscience was at peace for a while), to literally carry me away from my table in the middle of the night so i slept, to listen to my endless ramblings and hopes and ideas as to how to solve all this.

after a couple of months and a steady drip of progress, my professor - who, at that time, knew every detail of my work and was very intrigued - told me about a charity meeting he would attend with a few colleagues of his, offered me to come along, and gave me time to think that through, since a few important doctors and big companies would be expected there, as well.

that's where atsushi came into play. innocent, friendly, good-natured atsushi... and simultanously the one you can't forgive, even if you don't know why because you refuse to know. you probably only remember that there was something, which leads to a flare of hurt in your chest, and no matter how you embrace your every emotion, you cannot do so out of fear.

you're scared, chuuya, and so am i. i am scared i lost you to somewhere i can't reach you.

- please let me find you.