20 Years old
Novem

Manal finally came to me a few nights after Felicity was reintroduced into Caillum and Jana's life. The meeting hadn't gone as smooth as anyone had hoped, Caillum had been confused but had reluctantly greeted his mother with nothing but love, Jana however had not acted the same.

She had flat out refused to acknowledge Felicity as anything other than another family member and not her mother. Felicity had tried to be understanding, you could tell by the way she kept nodding her head at every word. She was trying to be patient, it had been 8 years since she had seen any of her children and Jana had been a baby, so her reluctance was understandable.

However, it all went to hell when Jana had called Neema mum, Manal had taken me from the hall before I could witness the pinnacle of the debate but from what I had seen, I knew it would get ugly.

Felicity was livid, livid that her youngest daughter was calling her other child mother, she was enraged but Neema couldn't be blamed. She had done the best thing to do in that situation, she had never not mentioned felicity. She always had mentioned their mother but the longer Felicity stayed gone, the easier it became for Jana to just forget about the imaginary mother that she had never met or remembered.

No one could really be blamed.

My thoughts of Felicity, Neema and Jana quickly dissipated the moment I caught sight of Manal, her amber eyes glowing as she prepared to tell me what it was the gods had said. She ushered me into a secluded room, my legs folded beneath me as I waited with abated breath for her to reveal.

"Your dream, was a difficult one... I battled with its meaning for quite sometime, not happy with the small snippets the gods were revealing but it finally came to me" her hands were crossed together as she stared deeply at me.

Churning fiery eyes, glinting with silver hints. Such relations with the gods would have been thought a myth in the old world but then they had also thought werewolves were a myth and look where we were now.

"The death of the butterfly and the birth of the moth was a warning, not a premonition" her eyes were downcast as one of her hands moved up to her necklace that always hung around her neck and then she began rubbing at the crystal, in what I could only assume was deep thought.

"Both insects are extremely similar, they both go through a metamorphosis, a transition that takes them from one form to the next. Sometimes it is hard to tell which one they are becoming unless you are an expert in these things."

Her eyes met mine as the next words hit me before they were spoken, "You are the caterpillar but the gods are warning you that you have choices and the wrong one can see you go from butterfly to moth. One thrives in darkness and the other in light."

"You need to meditate how I have instructed you and staring at the Aquamarine Crystal is not going to help you," she plucked out another chunk of the rock but this time it was attached to a leather rope, which she forced me to place around my neck.

When she was satisfied with the way it looked she continued droning on, "You also need to separate yourself from the constant surrounding of this male, he will not help you make decisions if you do not make them for yourself."

"And lastly you need to feel it Vanya, because change is coming and it has already started within you." Her delicate brown fingers patting along my heart.

"You need to think from here" she murmured pointing to the middle of my forehead, and I knew she didn't mean my mind. She meant that I had to align my body and reconnect with the understanding of life that were free from the pressures I faced. I needed to recharge and connect my body, which was all well and good if I hadn't been doing that already.

I was lost. All this time I had thought I was opening myself up to change and the gods will but here Manal was, telling me that all I had been doing wasn't good enough. I felt like crap, as if my best would never be good enough. I was tired, I had tried and tried.

I had been trying all my life to be something more and it was never enough. I felt despair entering into my bones, it was crushing down on me. Beating into me like an unrelenting fist out to create carnage. I was just so damned tired, tired of never being enough as I was. I was always too young, too innocent, to free, too something. I could never just be me and be wanted.

Manal could tell I was reaching the end of the tether and so she tried to console me but I was done. She was leaving me and when she did I knew I would definitely become the night dwelling moth the gods prophesied because all around me people were finding their happy endings and mine kept evading me.

"Thank you Manal," sincerity in my words but defeat in my eyes. We hugged for along time and then she bid me farewell, her last day here was fast approaching. After tomorrow there would be no meditating with Manal or catching her silver hair blowing in the wind as she prayed. No, we were in our final moments and it was sad that the gods made us part ways like this. With a dark cloud hanging over both of our heads.

//--//

It all went wrong after that. It had been going wrong for a while now but it all came to a head by the end of the day at it was all because I met Nerro's mate.

For days on end Nerro had been on a high and though he was naturally a happy person he was unnaturally giddy. he was twitching like he was about to have a seizure, his gums flapping a mile minute as his feet tapped ridiculously fast. he was excited and it took me and Eliza a few minutes to pry the information from him which was a rarity because Nerro was unusually good at keeping secrets.

this few minutes of prying information from him where abruptly cut off as huge bear like male entered his sitting room, trousers hung low on his hips as he scratched as his scruffy hair. Eliza was mumbling something about his eyes but I hadn't gotten that far up because I was still stuck on the happy trail that lead down to that beast slung behind his trousers. this male was definitely a bear, because not only was he extremely hair his male... appendage was bear fixed. He was larger than life, his height rivalling even Khans and that was uncanny because Khan was massive.

He was clearly a werewolf and I got that not only from his large body size but by the time I made it up his golden tanned skin and looked into his eyes, I just knew. There was something about looking into the eye of a werewolf that had the hair on my skin raising, maybe it was because my nature naturally told me that I was in the presence of a real predator. I don't know but whatever it was their eyes seemed to have that glint, his violet eyes were glimmering and in that moment I knew exactly why Nerro had been twitching like he was on some medication - or missing some- and that was because he was clearly suffering withdrawal symptoms from being away from this male.

He was gorgeous. I had seen a lot of gorgeous men in my life but this male, whoever he was, was prime male. Veris was good looking but this male was a god, he had that real manly vibe going on. he was rugged and unkempt but then there was this softness in his eyes when he looked at Nerro and I just died.

"Stop drooling my man hoe" growled Nerro, swatting Eliza on the nose, he clearly hand seen me, which gave me a few seconds to pretend I hadn't seen his abdominals jerking randomly.

"yeah, Vanya stop drooling at Nerro's man" I opened my mouth to object but that sly devil kept going and drawing information from the wide eyed bear.

"Sorry, I don't know your name, why don't you introduce yourself hun" she smiled, waving her hand fro him to step forwards. I coughed a quiet "Thot" underneath my breath which earned me a glare from Eliza but a snicker from Nerro.

"This, you thirsty little cactus, is my mate Niko. Niko these are my annoying friends Eliza and Vanya, Vanya is also my brothers... girlfriend,"

He hesitated when introducing me because though me and Veris had been exclusive for a while we had struggled to put a name on it because the term girlfriend was an old and antiquated term. No one was really girlfriend and boyfriend anymore, they were either mates or husband and wife, anything less was practically the equivalent of being friends because no one really acknowledged the bounds of that relationship except the two people in it. It was annoying because we either had to get married or try and force people to respect the relationship we had, we were still struggling with that.

"So Niko, how long have you know our little ferret Nerro for?"

"I'm not a ferret" he grumbled but Eliza was waving him off as she waited for Niko to open those seductively wide lips and speak. His voice was a deep rumbling timbre that I felt all the way down to my toes and Eliza felt somewhere deep because her eyes rolled back as she pretended to faint. Damn Nerro was lucky.

"Umm well, we met not too long ago, I uhh actually came her to speak to one of the Alpha's brothers and ran into Nerro here," He replied nervously. He looked so uncomfortable by Eliza's obvious infatuation with him, her tongue was practically wagging as she hung onto every word that slipped from those delectable lips.

"And it was love at first sight" she sighed wistfully.

"No, not really, there were some difficulties... I don't- should I?" he asked looking unsure as he turned to Nerro for confirmation on how much information he should tell us. We wanted it all and Nerro knew we would.

"He means that he wasn't gay and I wasn't what he expected or wanted,"

"No it wasn't that, its just I've never been in a relationship with a guy and when you meet your mate well that means relationship. There is nothing casual about it." We all knew this which was why there were so many issues between mates. People just expected you to either be together and claim each other or be apart and reject each other, there was no in between in this society no matter how hard you tried because it only ever prolonged the ultimatum all mates ended up giving. It was ridiculous.

"I always envisioned myself settling down with a female," He murmured in thought, which earned him a harsh growl from Eliza. His apparel left its appeal as soon as he spoke anything bad about Nerro, though he wasn't really saying anything bad and they ad clearly surpassed this issue. Eliza didn't quite see it that way as she shot to her feet, fist waving as she staggered towards him in ager.

"Why you listen-" Nerro quickly stepped in front of his 6ft something cowering mate, his hands up high as he defended the poor male.

"But since his mate before me was a bitch, the gods spared him from another female's poisonous vagina and gave him me" he smiled, hands out as if he were showcasing the amazing gift that he was.

"Yeah you and your shrimp dick", shouted Eliza clearly offended by his comment about the female anatomy but calm enough that she wasn't planning on killing Nerro's hunky mate.

"What am I interrupting?" called a voice entering the room and then I was off my feet just so I could hug my ever evasive male.

"Hello love," ghost whisper against my ear as he pulled me tight into his chest and kissed my cheek deeply, my eyes slid closed as I reveled in his touch. I had missed him and it had only been but a few days, a few days without his kiss his touch.

"So whats going on?" he asked addressing the room as he took a seat and pulled me onto his lap, his arms wrapping around my waist as he encouraged me to lean back.

"Well Niko was telling us about how he met your brother,"

"He wasn't, well not really but why not. I was basically walking down a corridor in the compound and heard shouting so I hurried down so I could see what was going, cause I'm nosy. Then the noise just stopped"

''So I was all disappointed and went about my business and then somewhere in the maze of trying to find the exit I bumped into him"

"What were you doing there?"

"I was - "

"not you Nerro, no one cares" his face turned sour at her interruption but a quick from Niko had him grinning teeth so wide I thought his jaw would dislocate.

"Well I had to speak to, Khans brother"

"ah yes you mentioned' murmured Eliza frostily though not at him, just the thought of Carson sent everyone sour. Veris tensed beneath me clearly not liking the turn in this conversation but I was hoping that Niko would leave it at that. We didn't need to know which brother, but maybe because he was becoming comfortable with us hetold us anyway.

"Yeah I went to see Carson because he had apparently forbid my mate from seeing her dying son" I could feel my heart beating out of sync as I clutched my chest, it always hurt going back to that point of my life.

I grunted in pain but Niko must have mistaken it for encouragemtn because he continued with his story, battering my poor weakened heart. "That wasn't the case though, she had been lying and th- what babe?" he questioned turning to Nerro in confusion when Nerro gripped his arm.

Nerro just shook his head and I could feel him motioning to me but my eyes had become bleary as I was transported back to that younger me. It had only been two years but it felt like a century ago and yesterday at the same time. I felt disjointed from the situation but the pain was still so fresh. I was confused.

"Sorry, its just that the subject is touchy for me. Carson is my mate-"

"Was" spat Veris beneath me, his hands gripping me tighter.

"Is, was, what does it matter? The male is a cunt that doesn't matter anymore" growled Eliza but how wrong could she be because in Veris' mind Carson would always exist and that small slip of tense was all he needed to switch.

He climbed to his feet, forcing me to stand with him before storming from the room. I nodded apologetically at everyone before chasing him out of the room so we could have this confrontation that he clearly needed. I called his name but he kept going, arms swinging furiously as he marched down the pathway, his pace ridiculously fast so I had to run and catch up but even when I was sprinting by his side he kept going.

I flung my arms around him and he finally stopped moving but his body was vibrating, anger radiating from every pour in his being.

"Veris" I started softly, my hand stroking along his chest as I lay my head along his back but my tone only seemed to agitate him more. He yanked away from me, pacing before he swung around to face me.

"You still call him your mate" he was furious, his jaw was clenched as his face turned a blotchy red. I tried to step towards him but he waved me down, gesturing for me to stay back.

"He is" I cried somberly, shoulders shrugging even though I knew he would only hear my words and not how badly it broke my heart to acknowledge that.

"Then if he is your mate then why the hell are you fucking me" he spat, words venomous like a poisonous viper. I should have listened to his warning rattle because now he was striking with the intent to kill. To turn me numb and cold to the world so he could devour what was left.

"Answer me butterfly" he screeched and I flinched so hard it was if he had stuck me, I knew he was hurting but so was I. He didn't need to hurt me anymore than I already was.

"Why can't you see that I chose you" I sniveled, my heart a bleeding mess on the floor that he had devoured and spat back out. I was tired, so tired of fighting for love when all I got back were charred pieces of whatever they could afford me.

Why couldn't I ever have anything pure and keep it?

"I can't help that the gods chose him for me but I have chosen you. I have chosen to put that bond aside and be with you, why can't you accept that?"

"Because I know the truth"

"You don't know shit! Let's be honest for once, you are grasping at straws because you have decided you don't want me anymore." The words were flying from my mouth, whooshing around me like the wind in a tornado, upturning earth in its unbridled anger.

"So say what you really mean and don't try flip this on me!"

"I-" he was stammering now because I wasn't hiding in the eye of this storm he created, the tumultuous wind. No I was standing in the center like a crazy person and demanding he do his worse, that the wind knock the breath from my lungs and take my life because that was what Veris was. He was the wind and though the wind was so important, on an angered day the wind was feared.

I wouldn't fear him though. I wouldn't fear the words he was about to spew because I knew I had been through worse.

I had survived the the shriveling of my skin, the acrid smell of sizzling, charred flesh as I was burnt alive by my love.

I would survive whatever he said next even if I didn't know how, I knew I would.