23 Years Old
Januar

She was having a breakdown. There were 3 hours until the wedding started and Jana was having a breakdown.

Her large brown eyes rubbed raw as she stared down at me, sad soulful eyes begging for an escape. I saw so much of myself in her it actually scared me. I didn't want her to struggle through finding herself like I did but I knew that was inevitable.

Jana was confused, a young girl who needed direction and love but felt as if she were not getting any. It wasn't the case of course; she was loved by every member in her family but sometimes when a family was so large it was easy to get lost in between the different faces.

It was hard and so I tried to be here for her but by from the situation we were in it seemed I had failed. Her freshly styled hair had unravelled around her shoulders, knotting up as the loose curls hung around her shoulders.

Her nails dug into her knees as her back was against the tree, her body balancing precariously on a thick branch. Jana was always at home in a tree it's why we called her monkey amongst other names.

"What's wrong ladybug?" She stared solemnly at me, her lip wobbling before she hid her face into her knees. "Jana" I called but she ignored me face buried away as she hid from me.

"Don't make me climb up there" I growled playfully but I still got no response.

Pulling up my sleeves and hiking up my skirt, I began my ascent, grumbling as I made my way further up the large tree. I wasn't a young girl of 15 anymore, climbing trees wasn't as easy as it used to be. My feet kept slipping and I was sure I was ruining my nails but that was fine, I could fix that all later.

"Oh, you really came up" glossy eyes full of surprise.

"When do I ever break my word"

Her lips pursed as she thought about it, her little shoulders rising as she shrugged. Never, I tried to keep my word because I knew how easy it was to loose trust.

"What's wrong my love" her nose scrunched up as fine wrinkles settled over it, brows furrowed as she picked at her shoe in annoyance.

"She brought this woman home and said she was my mother and then tried to shift me over to her. I barely see her anymore, unless she's making sure I'm in my lessons. I hate it"

"Oh Jana," I sighed, shuffling closer to her on the thick branch of the tree. My arm wrapped around hers as I tried to bring her closer to me, my legs saddled on either side of the tree for better balance.

"Can I come with you when you leave Vanya, I don't want to stay here. Caillum is mad all the time and Neema just ignores me" she looks up at me with so much hope, her heart in her eyes as she practically begged me to help her. My words were stuck in my throat as she implored me with her weepy eyes.

"I don't want to stay" and what was left of her composure completely broke. Her face sunk into her hands as her shoulders shook with sobs. Her hair cascading around her shoulders and covering her face like a curtain.

"Shhh, come here my love. It's okay." I hushed, bringing her body closer, wrapping her into me.

Humming softly as I rubbed her back and stroked her hair, forcing her tears to keep rolling. She needed to get this all out, it was no good to hold in such negative emotions. It would only poison you, turn you toxic, bitter. She was too young, too loving to ever become that.

"Caillum called me a brat and when I hit him Neema told me off, it's always me! I don't do anything wrong and I always get in trouble" she yanked her head from my shoulder as her blotchy face met mine, eyes spitting in anger as her hair billowed around her.

She looked like a warrior ready to go to battle.

"I think she hates me but that's fine because I hate her too" such conviction in a child so young, but then who was I to say that when I had been 13 and convinced that I was in love.

This world matured our minds too fast.

How quick we went from innocently hopefully, to seeing and resentful.

"Jana-"

"I do! I hate her soo much" she growled, fire in her words as she tried to convince me, words that fell a little flat to seasoned ears.

"No you don't" my hand rubbing against her damp cheeks, softening her fire with my soft love. My soothing touch.

"You're just mad with her and that's okay, we are allowed to be mad sometimes but always remember that Neema loves you and I know you love her too" she stared at me quizzically wondering how could she feel an emotion so close to hate that it could almost be considered as such.

So similar that it could only be hate. No other emotion was so consuming, so blood boiling. No other emotion but love, love was consuming. Blood boiling and so strong.

They always said there was a thin line between love and hate and I believed you could feel both at the same time for the same person, but the important lesson was that one emotion would always trump the other.

I always chose love.

"Do you think I'm a brat?"

There was a fear in her voice, a childish fear that was irrational but so real. A fear that if left to harbour in the deepest vestiges of our soul would fester and fester until we were adults with hang ups about ourselves that we couldn't rationalise or pinpoint its existences.

Childhood was such an important stage to becoming an adult, yet everybody pretended that children knew no better. They did know better and they hardly ever forgot lessons of their youth. They were often buried in their subconscious and acted out in their everyday adult life.

"No, Jana. I think you are amazing. Caillum is just a moody boy" I reassured her, my hands running through her wild hair.

"Yeah, that's why I kicked him."  She grinned, her chest puffing with pride.

"You shouldn't have kicked him though" I lightly reprimanded, beating down that pride until she felt humility and regret.

She needed to learn to think before she acted but I feared that by teaching her to do so would change a fundamental part of her nature.

Jana was so untamed and free. I loved that freedom, that untamed beauty that shone through her like a beacon. Jana was stunning. She would truly become a warrior because she had a fighting spirit. Her spirit was sometimes hard, tough willed and unreasonable but it was beautiful to watch as she charged into life with her hands first and her sight second. I hoped she never lost that nature.

"Vanya, do you like me" she questioned shyly, her hand coiling around one of her strands. I didn't even have to think about my response.

"Of course I do, you are a beautiful and sweet girl. You are strong and full of fire, you are smart and sassy. You are amazing Jana and I love you very much."

"I love you too Van" she grinned, her face resting on my shoulder as her tears dropped onto my skin.

"Of course you do, our hair's the same colour."

//--//

I was finally ready. I had been running around like a headless chicken, picking up all the minor details and making sure that everything ran smoothly so Neema didn't have to panic. I was doing everything to keep her stress at bay but as the minutes drew closer she began to panic anyway.

I was the only person who could really help because the majority of her friends were either pregnant or had young babies that clung to them like a second skin.

Sahina had two boys one after the other, the youngest was a 1-year-old and was generally a miserable baby unless he was in his mothers arms. The older child was a lot more pleasant but he was happiest when he was clinging to his mother's legs.

Emmaline's boys and girls were getting big but she had left them out of the procession just because Lara's daughters made up a large number of the procession. Lara couldn't help out as much because she was rounded with her 3rd pregnancy. That would make their brood a whooping 6 because we couldn't forget the little 1-year-old boy named Isaac she had given birth to.

These women were breeding machines, they procreated and procreated like that was all they were good for but all the while they had their fingers in other pies. Neema helped advise Khan with human relations, Emmaline was still a healer and had begun training up some students. Sahina had found her passion in mate relations, and Lara was in the events business. She helped plan weddings and ceremonies, just not this one because Ferron had forbid it as she was about to pop.

Theses women were amazing and I aspired to be just like them, I wanted to give back to the world while still giving to my children. I had hope that I would have some one day just not now, I was in no rush.

"Are you ready to go" a deep rumbling voice rolled over my body and set me alight, his voice always did that to me even though we had agreed to be friends. The lust would always exist between us but we had managed to put it aside or at least pretend we didn't feel the urge. It had worked up until now.

Veris' thick hand wrapped around mine as he guided me through the grass, walking slowly so I could mind each step in my lovely lilac dress. It swooped around my feet making me feel like an ethereal goddess.

My hair was placed in a loosely braided bun with wisps of curled hair hanging along my face and small flower crown was interwoven in my braids. I loved my hair and my skin. The sprayed on make up which made me glow, I looked like me but softer, more pliant and feminine. I loved it and I could tell Veris did too.

His Adam's apple bobbed every time he looked over at me, his green eyes full of carnal desires. It felt good to be wanted in a sexual nature, it had been a while since I had felt wanted and not felt disgusted about it.

"You look beautiful" his breath gliding over my bare shoulders caused my air to get stuck in my throat, eyes wide as I breathed through my nose. The sexual tension was fierce.

Roughened thumbs slid against my smooth cheek and rubbed along my dampened lips, this was like foreplay.

A shadow hovered above us as anger tinged words rang in the air between us, "It's time to go," growled Carson.

My skin sizzled causing me to jump away from Veris' touch, the electrical current was strong.

I felt as if I had been caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing and the hurt look Carson was giving me suggested I had, which only annoyed me more because technically I hadn't. I mean I had because I was leading Veris on but I hadn't because seriously, who cared about Carson.

"We will come when we are ready" growled Veris, chest puffed out as he stepped to Carson but Carson didn't back away. In fact, he stepped towards Veris, body posturing as his broad shoulders straightened and his head jutted out.

Carson had grown substantially. Though he had always been tall he hadn't been quite as large, he had thickened out quite a bit. Him and Veris were nearly the same height. Carson was taller but Veris was slightly thicker, the differences so marginal.

It was hard for me to say who would win out of a fight between these two but such thoughts were irrelevant because there would be no fighting. My hands rested against warm chests as I pushed them both away, their hard muscle melting around my soft skin.

"I can take myself to this wedding if you two want to participate in a cock fight. In fact, we all might be able to attend this wedding if you both just whip them out and compare sizes... it will save us some time" I drawled lazily.

Green and grey eyes bulged wide as their jaws hung wide, catching flies were they. I wanted to laugh, laugh so hard because Eliza's filthy words were plaguing my mind and rotting me from the inside out. She always had a negative effect on my vocabulary but at least it shut them both up.

"Nope?" I questioned moving my head to look at both of them, "okay then, let's go Veris. I'll be speaking to you later Carson"

Then we were off, my dress bunched up in my hand as I strode towards the gazebo. My arms hurting as I dragged a still shocked Veris along with me. I could feel Carson staring deep into the back of my head but I didn't look back, whatever his issues were we could discuss them much later.

Right now we had a wedding to get to.

We stood at the entrance of the gazebo, Veris' shoulders stiff as he stood alone all the while I fluffed over the girls and made sure their dresses were on correctly and that their hairs were still in place. I didn't want to ruin Neema's vision.

The boys were already standing with their father but the ceremony hadn't begun. Ryan was not standing at the pew with them but I could see the top of his head in the front row with his father, Carson's mother and their two sisters.

The male who had been in Khan's office a few years back, Kyle I believe, was here and by Khan's side but Simeon seemed to be absent. I found it weird that he would miss such an important event but then I guess it was hard to just leave behind suffering people just so you could celebrate. It was something I know I battled with. Having these joyous moments when I knew so many people out there were suffering.

In the peripheral of my eye I saw Carson's arrival, how his shoulder lightly skimmed across Veris' and how Veris stuck his out further so that he could bump into Carson. My heart thudded as I expected Carson to go off on one but he only turned to look at me as if he had felt my eyes on him. His eyes asked "is this the male you chose" and my eyebrows naturally raised because let's not forget about his choice of female.

His lips pursed as he turned back around,

understanding my unspoken words as he took his place in line next to his nephews. His nephews liked him a lot, especially Micah who was a lot less boisterous out of all the children, he was quite studious for a 5-year-old.

I nodded at Jana just as the music began a light drumming, a soft swaying dance as the girls made their procession up the isle. After the girls, I went, Veris clutched tightly by the arm as I tied to smile.

Carson's eyes were flaming pools of fire.

My lips tilted up in a mocking smirk as I swayed my hips a little more sensually.

Let him stew on that. I looked up at Veris in adoration and his eyes narrowed in annoyance. Yes, I was playing a dangerous game but maybe now they would know how it felt to have their emotions played with.

My pearly white teeth glinted as the wedding march picked up. My full pink lips stretching as I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. My lashes lowered as I peaked up between them, the image of innocence and seduction. All the while I moved up the isle slowly, making sure my performance was caught by both males.

I knew I would come across as mean, a temptress, a tease but in all honesty I wasn't.

I was just teaching them a lesson that they struggled to grasp.

I am not a female to be controlled.