We'd been on the road for half n hour but it felt like six as we sat in the quiet, nothing but the radio humming. The highway blurred in front of me, car tail lights speckled the far distance. Christmas traffic was the worst and I knew I wouldn't last more than an hour or two before I asked Jade to drive. I hated driving. I hated the attention it required. It exhausted me.

My phone started to ring from the cup holder and before I could reach for it, Jade snatched it up and held it out in front of him.

"Do you mind?"

"Nope," he swiped the screen to answer. "You're driving. Hands on the wheel. Hello."

"Oh," Ivan's voice came through and Jade peered over at me, looking pleased with himself as he held the phone between us. "You're. . . together. Great."

"Hey Ivan," I chimed in a sweet voice. "You're an asshole."

"Look, I knew if I warned you that Jade was coming, you'd leave without him and—"

Before he could explain himself, I tapped the end call button. I'd get over it but I wanted him to stew for a little while. He was right, if he'd warned me, I would've left before Jade arrived and hijacked this solo excursion. Jade stared at me, still holding the phone.

"That was rude."

"Eh."

I looked out at the expanse of buildings on one side of the highway, the snow capped mounds on the other side. Sometimes I wished there was more to see during these long stretches of travel. Ivan had shown me the photos of Jade's trip to New Zealand. Nothing was flat. The roads there twisted and weaved through hill sides, surrounded by forests, mountains and paddocks of animals.

I'd decided to swipe through his Instagram posts after that, addicted to the beach shots and sunshine. I'd stopped looking after he posted a photo of him and a beautiful local girl with warm brown skin and cultural tattoos down her thigh.

Not that I cared. I just wasn't following his journey for. . . that.

Jade dropped my phone back into the cupholder and we continued to drive in the quiet. Well, I did. It was too much to expect Jade to be comfortable in the silence.

"How's it going working with kids?"

"It's a little more than that," I murmured.

He hummed with agreement. "You like it?"

"It's hard to describe how I feel about it. The work is emotional. You can't like, turn it off when you leave for the night. The things I see and hear about stick with me, even when I'm sleeping. But it helps to know I'm making a difference where I can."

I could feel Jade watching me, but I didn't look over at him. He'd always thought I was a spoiled princess and I didn't care to know what opinions he'd formed over my current line of work. Whether he thought it was performative or a guilt thing or whatever. Okay, fine, I did want to know what he thought, but I wasn't going to ask.

"Pull over," Jade suddenly said and I looked over at where he was staring out of the windshield. On the upcoming shoulder, there was a couple jacking their car up. The snow was still falling, though it was light, it was obvious from here that the two of them were freezing.

I indicated and started veering over to the shoulder, being careful to come to a slow stop behind the four wheel drive. Jade unbuckled his belt and slipped his toque on before he jumped out. For a brief moment I considered waiting in the car, but that felt useless. The cold air hit me as soon as I stepped out and I sucked in a quick breath, walking over to where Jade was now crouching beside the man.

"Hi," the woman who was hugging herself beside the open door winced with a smile. "Not the greatest weather for this to be happening in. Thanks for stopping."

"I actually don't know how to do this," the dude admitted, looking at Jade with what I assumed was embarrassment. Though the red cheeks could've been from the blistering cold. His knee was in the thin layer of snow. Beside him was a jack, a few different tools in a leather pouch and a spare tire. It seemed like he had what he needed, he just didn't know what to do next. I didn't think it would be polite tell him that even I knew how to change a tire.

Jade gestured for the man to move and then he slid the jack under the car and started pumping, lifting it up with ease. Within moments, he had the wheel nuts and the wheel off. There was a small piece of glass in the tire and Jade carried it with one hand, a long silver tool in his other. He nudged me as he passed and flicked his head at the trunk.

"Pop it for me, doll."

Following him, I opened the trunk and he slid the flat into the space where the spare must've been.

"You can head back to the car," Jade swept his gaze over my frame as he stepped back and closed the trunk. "Go keep warm."

"You don't need any help?"

He chuckled and put his hand on my lower back, guiding me back in the direction of the couple. "No, I'll be fine. It's not a two person job."

I nodded and started walking back to the jeep, smiling at the woman as I passed. The heater was still keeping the car warm when I climbed into the drivers side and sighed in content at the immediate relief. Up ahead, I could see Jade putting the new wheel on while the couple stood, huddled behind him.

My gaze wandered at the limited scenery. The wheel streaks through the snow covered road, the trucks with Christmas decor on their grills.

Through a gap in the roadside thicket, I could see a pond, frozen over, trees surrounding it and shrubs collecting snow. It was probably just a small, shallow body of water but I loved the ice, the way the water was frozen in time beneath a glass like surface. I hopped out of the car, second guessing myself when the cold air hit me again but I kept going and hopped over the roadside barrier.

I could feel twigs beneath my feet but I couldn't hear them. Not over the droning of the highway behind me. As soon as I reached the edge of the pond, I crouched and brushed the snow back with gloved covered fingers. The water must not have been clear when it froze, the ice was clouded with debris and murk.

As I used a stick and tapped at the ice, creating a little hole, I thought about the fact that I wasn't allowed to do this sort of thing as a child. Get dirty, play outside in the middle of winter because our clothes were expensive and snow and mud were a terrible combination. The moments I craved and missed out on made me mourn for a time long gone.

Not being able to turn back the clock and do things differently was such a helpless feeling. I could never recreate those experiences. I could never laugh with Ivan about the summer rain puddles we splashed in, or the mud slides we rode or the forest floors we explored because none of it ever happened. If I was allowed to get involved in social sports or play with the boys, it was a miracle.

We never had dirt under our nails or sticks in our hair or stains on our clothes. You'd think I wouldn't know what I missed out on, but I did.

I felt it whenever I had the privilege of watching the kids I worked with. There were often times I had to take a child into their back yard while their parents were talked to. I cherished being able to sit down and get involved in whatever game they wanted to play. Their imaginations were limitless, it healed me for a brief moment. Until I broke all over again, knowing that the entire reason I was there was because their childhood was more of a nightmare than I'd ever experienced.

"Oh my fucking G— Dahlia!" Jade shouted and I startled, standing up and spinning around to find him stomping toward me with his hood still up and his arms wide spread. "What the fuck, Dahlia. I said, wait in the car and I come back to find you missing and you're out here playing with sticks?!"

I was a little embarrassed and a lot angry. "So?"

He stopped in front of me, his usual unbothered mask nowhere to be found. Honestly, I preferred seeing something real from him for once, even if it was a ridiculous reaction aimed at me. "I thought something had happened. You couldn't just give me a heads up?"

I looked around, gesturing at the vast nothingness as we shouted at each other. "What was going to happen in five minutes, Jade?!"

He stepped closer, anger radiating off him. "You ever heard of trafficking? That couple are a decoy and I stupidly send you back to the car where you're kidnapped, driven across the border and never seen again."

That drew me up short.

"Okay fine," I shouted. "Fair call, but I'm right here."

His gaze mapped my face, brows still furrowed in frustration. "I can see that."

When did he get so close and since when did he smell that good? Like the forest had decided to spritz him with some of its essence.

"I just wanted to play with some ice and sticks," I shouted again, turning around and folding my arms like a child. A pathetic child that never found the courage to tell her parents she deserved to be a kid.

Jade fell quiet behind me, his presence still so obvious, even if I couldn't see him.

"You wanna build a snowman?"

I turned around and met his eyes, now a darker green under the cover of the thicket. "Oh you're making fun of me now?"

He recoiled. "What the fuck, no—"

"Let's just keep going," I said, pulling the keys out of my pocket and shoving them into his chest as I passed. He took them, his hands encasing mine for the brief exchange. I ignored the shot of warmth that flew up my arm.