Did I think that I would be standing here, in a room full of people who were staring at me, during a snowstorm on Christmas Eve?

No.

Did I think that by coming home, the man that I have loved my entire life, was going to profess his love for me, allowing me the ability to finally admit to him that I loved him as well?

Yes; yes I did.

Is that what happened?

Well, of course not.

24 Hours Ago

"I hate Christmas," I whined to Natalie, my roommate.

"Is this because of....?"

"Donovan? Yes. Every year, his family hosts a 'Holiday Party'," I said in air quotes. "They invite all of their friends and neighbors, including my family and every year, Donovan and I, sit around cracking jokes at all of the fugly sweaters and Mrs. Kirby's terrible singing voice while getting drunk on eggnog. Then, every year, I want to tell him how I feel, but do I? No. I chicken out, like a loser."

"Why don't you just tell him how you feel?"

I rolled my eyes. "Are you kidding me? We grew up next door from each other. We have been friends; good friends, for as long as I can remember. What happens if I tell him how I really feel and he doesn't feel the same way? I can not go the rest of my life without talking to him."

"Why would you have to stop talking to him?"

I threw my hands up in the air. "Embarrassment, duh." Just then, my phone rang and I checked the caller ID. "Ugh, it's him; probably wanting to know whether or not I'm going this year."

"Answer it," Natalie urged me.

I took a deep breath and painted on a smile as I answered. "Van! Hey! Merry Christmas!"

Donovan's incredibly sexy voice came through sounding as smooth as silk feels on freshly shaved skin. "Hey, Lex! Merry Christmas to you, too!" His voice always set a fire to ebb at my core. "You coming home this year? I missed seeing you last year."

I didn't go home last year because I couldn't spend another Christmas mentally kicking myself for not coming clean with him.

I cleared my throat, stalling for an excuse. "Oh, yeah....uh, I have this thing..."

Natalie raised her eyebrows at me, curiously, as I literally smacked myself on the forehead.

Thing. How original, Lexie.

"Well, change your plans and come. I have something I wanna tell you and I don't wanna do it over the phone," Donovan pleaded.

My heart started beating faster with anticipation at what it could be. "Oh, wait....um, I'm getting another call. Can you hold on a sec?"

"Sure."

I jabbed the mute button on my phone and began pacing around the room, talking at a speed that only the roadrunner could understand and flailing my arms about wildly.

"He wants me to come home, which I knew he was going to say, but now he says he has something he wants to tell me and he wants to do it in person. In person! Does he secretly have a crush on me, too? I mean it has been two years since I saw him last; maybe he missed me so much that he realized he loves me!"

"Woah...woah! Slow it down, Boomhauer! I can barely understand you! Did you say, he loves you?"

I stopped pacing and threw my hands up in confusion. "I have no clue! I just don't know what else he could possibly want to tell me!"

"So, the choice is easy, then. Go home."

"What?!"

"If you don't go, you'll never know. Tell him your thing changed and that you're coming home now."

"But...."

Natalie narrowed her eyes at me and lowered her voice, scolding me. "Do it!"

I pressed the mute button again and began to speak. "Hey, I'm back! Guess what?! I no longer have to do what I was going to do. So, I can come home!"

"Oh, good! I can't wait to see you, Lex. Have a safe flight and I'll see you tomorrow at the party!"

Oh, God....he's gonna tell me at the party?!?!

12 Hours Ago

"Oh, Lexie, sweetheart! I'm so glad you decided to come! Your Dad and I love having you home. Don't we Frank?" My mother was always so cheerful. I've never been able to figure out how she does it.

"Yes, dear," my Dad said as he pulled into the driveway of their two-story home. "It's always good to see you, Muffin."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Muffin...no matter how many times I tell him not to call me that, he does it anyway.

I stepped across the threshold, into the house of my childhood. It still smelled the same, like fresh baked cookies and peppermint; Mom's Christmas go-to scents.

I climbed the stairs to my room; the ones I had taken so many times throughout my youth, sometimes with Donovan by my side. I could see us running up and down them as toddlers and walking arm-in-arm as we headed out to Prom together- going only as friends, unfortunately.

As I made my way into my room, a whole new round of memories hit me, like a wave beating against the shore: me, laying on my bed, while Donovan sat at the foot of it on the floor, studying and laughing together; him, hugging me in front of the bookcase, while I cried on his shoulder when my grandma died; me, getting ready in front of the full-length mirror for that Prom where I thought we'd finally be together as a couple.

A tear slipped down my face as I thought back to what we had together. I closed the door and slumped against it.

I hope tonight goes the way I want, but no matter what; I have to tell him the truth. I can't keep doing this to myself.

3 Hours Ago

I smoothed out the wrinkles in my skin-tight, red dress that dipped dangerously low in the front and scarily short in the rear, while I stared at myself in the mirror. My honey-colored hair was twisted into loose spirals that fell over my shoulders. My near-perfect make-up contoured my face and accentuated my ice-blue eyes.

I took a deep breath and headed downstairs to join my parents for the walk over.

"Oh, Lexie! You look so beautiful! Doesn't she, Frank?" My mother gushed.

My father's eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at me. "I don't know...Don't you think you should maybe wear something a little less...revealing?" He said 'revealing' like it was a dirty word.

"Frank!" My mother scolded him.

"Well, look at her, Joanna! She kinda looks like a streetwalker!"

A streetwalker? What was this 1944?

"Can we just go now, please?" I begged as they continued to argue with each other.

"Yes, yes, of course," my mother said calmly.

Donovan flung the door open as soon as we arrived. "Lex! I'm so glad you came!" He pulled me into a tight squeeze and I became putty in his strong arms.

"Hey, Van," I beamed at him.

God, was he handsome. His navy blue sport coat hugged his frame unbelievably; every muscle showing through. His beard wasn't shaved, but also wasn't all Grizzly Addams either; it was the right kind of stubble that was just noticeable. His dirty blonde hair was gelled into short spikes on top with freshly shaved sides. He was undoubtedly, the sexiest man I had ever seen.

Donovan's emerald eyes roamed over my body and I thought I saw a hint of desire flash through them. "You look amazing," he grinned at me.

I could feel myself blush at his words or maybe it was the staring; I'm not quite sure. "Thanks....you wanna get a drink?"

"Definitely. Let's go!" Donovan grabbed my hand and we raced toward the kitchen like a couple of teenagers.

30 Minutes Ago

We were sitting in the corner of Donovan's parent's living room, laughing and cracking jokes at all of the hideous Christmas sweaters like we do every year; when all of a sudden it occurred to me that we hadn't yet talked about what he needed to tell me in person.

"Van, you said you needed to tell me something yesterday."

He took a swig of the bottle of beer he was holding and nodded. "Yeah, I do."

My stomach started doing flip-flops. "Well," I nudged his arm with my elbow. "Spit it out," I teased him and giggled.

For the first time all night, his expression was serious when he turned to face me. "Lexie, I..."

Just then, a drop-dead gorgeous redhead came bounding over to us, throwing her arms around Donovan's neck and plopping onto his lap. "Donnie!!" She squealed; her voice so high it would make a dog howl.

Donovan smiled at her then, spoke to me. "Lex, this is Jill."

Jill rearranged herself so that she could look at me better. "Hi! It's so nice to meet you!" She stuck her hand out for me to shake.

"Jill, this is my best friend and next-door neighbor, Lexie," he introduced me.

I took her hand. "Pleasure is all mine."

No, it wasn't. I was filled with jealousy at the sight of this woman in his lap- in my Donovan's lap.

"How is it you two know each other?" I questioned Jill.

She smiled at me and held up her left hand, flashing me a sparkly half-carat diamond, sitting atop a bright gold band that glistened in the light from the lamp that rested on the table next to us. "I'm his fiancé."

My heart plummeted into my stomach like an anchor to the bottom of the lake. "Fiancé?" I asked Donovan as I turned to him, mouth still gaped from shock. "This is what you needed to tell me?"

Donovan's expression was sullen. "Yeah, I'm sorry you found out like this. I wanted to tell you before Jill showed up, but I lost track of time."

Tears burned at my eyes and suddenly, I was angry; full-blown raging mad. I stood up, almost knocking the lamp off of the table and with my fists balled, began unloading everything. The last 20 years of emotions poured out of me like a waterfall spilling into a river.

"You have got to be kidding me! I have spent my whole life, my whole life, waiting for you and now you go and do...this?!" I gestured between the two of them.

The room fell silent as people gathered around to see what all of the shouting was about.

Donovan furrowed his brow in confusion. "What are you talking about, Lex?"

I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. "I'm talking about the fact that I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember and just when I thought that maybe you were gonna tell me you loved me too, you turn around and get engaged to someone else!"

Donovan moved Jill off of his lap (who looked like she had been slapped in the face and boy did I want to accommodate that) and stood up to face me. "You're in love with me?...This whole time?"

I finally realized that every single person in the whole house was now staring at us, including my parents. My mother looked at me, one hand clinging to my Dad, the other hand clutching her chest with a look of pity upon her face. My cheeks burned hot as I glanced in their direction.

I couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer and ran from the living room, flinging open the front door; only to be hit in the face by the stinging ice-cold wind and snowflakes the size of June Bugs.

A thick blanket of snow covered the once cleared sidewalk. By my estimate, it was probably ankle-deep and at the rate the snow was falling; we'd be lucky if the accumulation for the night, stayed under a foot. However, it took me all of about ten seconds to decide to go for it anyway and I quickly shuffled down the walk to my house, throwing the door open, then slamming it shut behind me.

I rushed up those dreadful stairs into my painful room of memories and launched myself onto my bed, sobbing into my pillow. However, it wasn't long and there was a knock on my door.

"Go away, Mom! I don't wanna talk right now!" I yelled as I picked my head up slightly from my pillow, only to bury my face in it once more.

I heard the door click and I knew she just let herself in anyway, but the voice I heard, was not hers.

"Lex?"

I sat up immediately and whipped around to see Donovan standing there; his eyes that were always so happy now carrying pain inside them.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I tried to wipe away the evidence of my heartbreak from my face.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

I sighed. "Because I was too chicken. I was afraid if I told you, you'd reject me and things would never be the same between us."

He crossed the room and sat on the edge of my bed, facing me. "Lexie, my entire life, you have been there for me. No matter what, I looked forward to being with you. For me, our friendship meant more to me than anything."

I hung my head. "I know. That's the same for me, too. That's why I never said anything."

He stuck his finger under my chin and lifted it to meet his gaze. "I have always loved you, too and not as just a friend, but I was scared as well. Then, when you moved away and didn't come home last Christmas, I thought I had waited too long and missed my chance. So, I tried to move on."

My stomach twisted. He loved me too, but I waited for longer than I should have...he had Jill and I lost out. "I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner, but I wish you all the best with Jill. You deserve to be happy."

"I just need some time, Lex. This is a lot to throw at me suddenly."

"I understand," I whispered.

Donovan pulled me into a hug, which I accepted easily. As I inhaled his alluring scent, I decided this would be the last time I came to see him.

Christmas Day

"Are you sure you have to go, sweetheart?" My mother inquired with a sullen look upon her normally cheerful face.

"Yes. I'm sorry I can't stay," I replied as I stood in the entryway of my family's home with my bags packed and ready to leave at 8 a.m.

My parents embraced me before I made my way down the walk and into my Uber, heading off to the airport. I knew I was running away, but there was no way I could stay in that house with all of those memories floating around like ghosts in every room, chipping away at my already broken heart.

While I waited for my plane to board, I kept scanning the airport from my seat, hoping that Donovan would come rushing up to me, scoop me up in his arms and confess his love to me. However, it was not the movies; it was real-life and that kind of stuff didn't happen.

When I arrived home, all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die, but of course, Natalie wouldn't let that happen.

"How'd it go?" She asked excitedly, jumping up from the couch and turning off the TV.

I made my way to my room. "He rejected me; just as I feared he would."

Natalie was right on my heel. "He doesn't love you?" She seemed dumbfounded by this new revelation.

"He's engaged," I said, mockingly. I didn't mean for the word to come out the way it did, but I couldn't help it. I was seriously kicking myself for being so stupid.

"No, I'm not," Donovan stated as I opened the door to my room and found him sitting on my bed.

My mouth dropped open so far, I swear it hit the floor. "What...what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, " he responded, standing up and stuffing his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.

I dropped my luggage on the ground as I stepped inside. Natalie closed the door behind me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Why? I thought you would be wrapped up in Jill."

He scoffed. "That's the thing. I realized that I don't love her like I love you and I told her that. Then, she threw her ring at me and walked out, but I'm surprisingly ok with that because this is where I wanted to be anyway."

"What are you saying?"

Donovan gulped and moved closer to me, his face just inches from mine. "I'm saying, I love you, Lex and I wanna be with you...I always have."

My heart was beating so fast it felt as if it was going to leap from my chest. I moved in closer, my lips almost touching his. This was the moment I had been waiting for and I felt as if I was going to wake up at any time; only to discover I'm still on the plane and it was all a dream. "You do?"

"Yes," he breathed, closing the gap between our lips and wrapping his arms tight around me.

My head was spinning and my heart felt light like I was literally floating on air. Our lips moved furiously, hungrily together.

Before I knew it, our clothes were strewn around my room and our bodies were entwined, rocking together towards pure and utter bliss. It was a high I didn't want to come down from.

As we laid there, tangled up in each other, I realized I had never been happier than I was in that moment. He was finally all mine.

"Merry Christmas, Lex," Donovan whispered to me, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Merry Christmas, Van. I love you."