I was laying on my best friend, Alyssa's bed, watching as she was picking out clothes for school tomorrow. Alyssa was Darcy's daughter, and apparently we were the third generation of friends; our parents had been best friends, and Grandpa Dan was good friends with Darcy's mum, Louise. 

"I really wish I could still go on the France trip. I mean, I'm president of the French club, I should be the first one going! And I know we could afford it and ugh." I sighed, hugging Alyssa's pillow pet. Mum had wrote a book two years ago, and it became incredibly successful almost overnight; she's just published a sequel, and a movie was in the works. It made me incredibly popular among the other 14, 15, and 16 year-olds in my school, not that I really cared. I liked my little group of friends.

Still holding the shirt she was considering, Alyssa turned and gave me her "I'm about to lecture you," look.

"Lil, it's kind of your fault, you know. Your own bad decisions got you here. And it's not about the money, you know that."

I glared at her, and closed my eyes. "I can't wait to get to sixth form, maybe then it'll all blow over with a new school and new people."

Alyssa came and sat on my bed. "Yeah, probably. Lily, you know I love you, but you really fucked things up."

"I know."

Last month, some guy I had been crushing on invited me to a party.

And when I say "party" I mean, a crazy party in which people are drinking and smoking weed.

And I gave in.

And when I came home high, Mum was angrier than I've ever seen her in my entire life. The whole school knows, and since they have a "What you do outside of school can get you in trouble in school" policy, I'm not allowed to go on any trips with the school. 

Everything has just seemed so bad lately. Mum's rarely home now, since she's been invited on the set for the movie adaptation of her book so make sure the book is properly adapted. When she is home, she's writing nonstop.

Mum never remarried, and it's like living with a ghost, especially since we got our own apartment and stopped living with Grandpa. And I can't just tell Mum to stop working and spend more time with me. She has fans and readers eagerly awaiting her book.

I hung out with Alyssa as much as possible, but I couldn't be at her house all the time. 

So I started doing what Mum used to do apparently.

I went to Grandpa Dan's grave and talked to him.

I don't remember him too much, I was really young when he died, but Grandpa Peter told me that Dan used to go to Phil's grave and talk to him. Guess talking to dead people runs in the family. What an odd thing to have in the family. 

I told Grandpa Dan all of the things I never told anyone else.

How I truly feel about myself, the hate and the anger.

How I'm afraid that my friends- with the exception of Alyssa- only use me because of Mum.

Who am I in this world? What purpose do I have? What am I going to do with my life?

My worries, my doubts, my fears, I tell them all. 

An the worst and scariest thought I have:

"Grandpa Dan? I think, I'm scared, I may have schizophrenia, too."