may 15 2017

I KILLED YOUR BABY!!!!! I FUCKING KILLED OUR BABY!!!!

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does that answer your questions?

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ANO RJ? NARIRINIG MO BA AKO? SPEAK UP!

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naubos ko na ba yung mga tanong mo?

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ako naman. say something.

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i'm..... i'm sorry...... i'm so sorry rj.....

she waited for him to lash out on her, blame her, curse at her, throw her harsh words, but he did nothing. he just stood there looking at her. void of any emotion. when she didn't get any word from him she knew she lost a battle she never dreamed of fighting... so she turned her back defeatedly and started walking back to their room. she decided to pack her bags and brave the fact that she needs to drive in the dark. she had to.... she doesn't have any reason to stay. not anymore....

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rj came into the room only to find maine packing her things. she did not bother to look at him and just continued fixing her things. he walked towards her and hugged her from her side. he basked in her scent as if it's the air that keeps him breathing and alive. he'll not lose her this time. come hell or high water he'll get her to stay and come home to him. he softly whispered,

i love you

she cringed at the words he uttered. she closed her eyes, balled her fist and with gritted teeth she spoke

don't

i love you

rj....

i love you maine. mahal kita

STOP!

mahal na mahal kita

RJ STOP IT!

i love you. mahal na mahal na mahal kita

please make it stop

no maine. that's the fourth time.

she gave him a confusing look.

you were suppose to say 'i love you please come back'

what do yo---

twice maine. last night and this afternoon.

what are you saying?

in your sleep. you were saying the exact same thing in the exact same order -don't -rj -stop -rj stop it -i love you please come back- ....why can't you follow the same order when you're awake. hindi ko alam kung ano yung sinasabi ko sa panaginip mo that time. not until what happened earlier. why won't you say what you were telling me after the fourth line...

she realized that was the same dream she's been having, only now she had a clearer picture of whose hands were grasping her, it was richard.

because it was not you.... rj it was not you.... it was a faceless luminous angel. i had that dream after i woke up in the hospital. you were holding my hand, sinusubukan ko syang abutin but your hand never let go of mine hanggang sa mawala sya but everytime bago sya mawala ng tuluyan sasabihin nya yung i love you and everytime i would answer the same. i love you please come back.... then i'd wake up.... i've always believed that angel was our baby....

tama na. stop hurting yourself. kung nasan man yung anak natin.... sigurado ako malungkot sya na makita nyang nasasaktan ka ng ganyan... let our child be in peace maine. stop punishing yourself and give our child's heart a reason to be happy.

no rj. hindi mo naiintindihan. pinatay ko ang anak natin. i'm the one who killed our baby.... sana nakinig ako sayo. kung inisip ko lang at inintindi lahat ng sinasabi mo sana hindi huminto yung pintig ng puso nya.

hindi mo pinatay ang anak natin. hindi mo yun ginusto.

pano mo nalaman? how can you be so sure na hindi ko ginusto? nandun ka ba? ha? you were not there! wala ka dun kaya hindi mo alam!

i know maine. i should know! kasi kahit wala ako dun kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksaktong nangyari, alam ng puso ko na hindi ka gagawa ng ikapapahamak ng anak natin.

pano ka nakakasiguro?

i've read your letter maine. the one you were supposed to give me on our anniversary....