The studio audience went wild as the theme music reached its crescendo. From hidden speakers, the announcer's voice boomed out, "Ladies and gentlemen! Give a warm Burbank welcome for your host - Gu-u-uy Smiley!"

A trio of spotlights whirled across the stage, before stopping at the top of a flight of stairs. At the centre of the lights was the grinning figure of Guy Smiley. He made his way down to the stage, waving to his fans and blowing kisses. At the bottom of the steps he took a microphone from one of the stage hands.

"Hey!" Smiley extended his arms in welcome. The fabric of his trademark green suit glittered under the studio lights. "Hey! It's really great to see you all here tonight for another episode of - "

"Bet! Your! Life!" the crowd roared back, their response conducted by Guy's sweeping gestures and the glowing words that appeared on the prompt boards dangling from the overhead lighting rigs.

Guy raised his arms for silence. "I'm sure you all know the setup by now. But - for those of you who might just have got back from Mars ... ." Guy gave the audience an exaggerated wink. "... Here's how it goes. We have three contestants, each each one looking for a chance to win our grand prize of ten million dollars!"

On cue, a hidden band played a musical sting and the stage lights went up. In the middle of the stage was a pyramid of dollar bills, with two skimpily-clad hostesses posing beside it.

"And," Guy continued, "for our losers, an all-expenses paid funeral from our sponsors at Eternal Rest Incorporated." The band started to play a downbeat dirge and the lights shifted, illuminating a pair of jet-black coffins, each one occupied by another hostess. "Remember - when you gotta go, go in style!"

The audience clapped and cheered. Smiley let the applause run its course before continuing. "So, shall we meet tonight's contestants? Bring 'em on!"

A platform with three podiums on it was wheeled onstage. The podiums looked like they had been made in a mad scientist's laboratory from ceramic insulator stacks and sparking Jacob's ladders. The contestants behind the podiums looked like afterthoughts.

Guy mounted the platform and thrust his microphone into the face of the first of the contestants: a middle-aged woman in a dowdy floral print dress. "And who do we have here?"

"I'm Betty. I'm a homemaker from Springfield, Illinois."

Guy shimmied to the next podium.

"I'm Josh Smith from St Louis, Missouri."

"And I'm Grant Davis, an auto-worker from Flint, Michigan."

Guy flashed each of the contestants a reassuring smile. "We'll find out more about each of you later - if you survive, that is!" The audience roared with laughter. "Now, are you ready to ... ?"

"Bet! Your! Life!"