ADRIEN

I would rather die fighting for my country.

That thought has stuck to me ever since the moment I knew I wanted to join the military. And when I found out about the mine explosion and father's passing with it, that line became my mantra for years.

But things have changed along with my feelings and now things have been so hard for me.

I keep on saying the mantra in my mind, but it doesn't make sense to me anymore. Above my love for my country and its people, there is Marinette. I love her and I have her already. I'm afraid...of losing her again.

"I want you to be on the frontline with me."

When Monarch said those words, my heart dropped. It was a feeling I could not explain. Was it like a punch to the gut? It couldn't be, it felt worst than that.

"W-What?" I mutter in shock. It was the only word I could manage to say. I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen but I prayed long and hard that it wouldn't become my reality. Yet some prayers are never answered.

I visited Monarch's makeshift office to receive updates on the new movement. With everyone's efforts combined, we've been going to different places to spread the ways and make others aware of what and who we are fighting for. Past members of the mutiny were in-charge of going to the areas badly affected by the explosion years ago to give classes to the young children out there who needed it the most. Marinette was the happiest to know that when I created and drafted that plan to show her. Those people had to lie low for some time because everything we are doing for now should not be detected or be found suspicious by the rebels and even the government. Those who stood close to the government before have also gone to different places. They took into account the amount of support we needed especially from those who chose to live in blissful ignorance. They helped with helping others become aware of our social responsibilities not only as citizens but as humans. The amount of silent support that has started to overflow from the reports I've been receiving keeps on adding the feeling of hope in me. It's a simple kind of joy to know that they changed even just one person's point of view in this fight that is brewing.

What touches me the most, though, is how much the garrison has changed. The people here have grown more patient with each other. Others started to mingle with those who they deemed their enemies before, while some are still in the process of opening up to most and that's okay. As they have started to finally start conversations with one another, each have found multiple similarities that they share. Watching them realize that we are all the same and equal always brings me back to the time when Marinette and I started to treat each other with patience.

The different things, I mentioned, that they have assigned amongst themselves do not even comprise of half the effort everyone has been contributing to. The drive and will keeps getting stronger every day especially since it's almost the date of our planned revolution.

Despite the happy and hopeful atmosphere in the garrison, there is still a hint of stress and doubt in it. Monarch would be one clear example. He hides his true emotions and from the others, only a few people like Marinette, Nath, Nino, and I get to see and hear his growing fears and worries over this whole ordeal. We only have one chance to make this work and this, especially, is a fight we cannot afford to lose.

This brings me back to the situation at hand.

"You heard me, soldier," Monarch states. "I need people with me on the frontline and you have to be one of them."

There is a certain sound of reluctance in my voice, as much as possible I want to hide it from him. "I...I appreciate the offer and the fact that you thought of me to stand with you, but-"

"But you want to turn it down," he immediately interrupts me."

"Sir, I-"

"Don't call me sir."

I shake my head, "No, allow me please. I am about to make a selfish request."

"And I have made mine," he shoots back. "I know you want to turn it down because of Marinette, but please think about this, Agreste. You have been acting as my right hand man for this whole operation. Why must you want to back down now?"

I clench my hands, hanging by my sides, into fists and set my mouth in a hard line as I get down on my knees. His eyebrows pinch together as he watches me in shock. "Adrien," he starts but I instantly beat him to it.

"Sir, if I were to die, I want it to be beside her," I plead.

"Stand-"

"I just got her back," I continue with more conviction, "I...I can't lose her like this. If I stand on the frontline, who will protect her? I can't bear to know that anything could happen to her."

"I won't waver with my decision even if you kneel."

"Monarch," I utter, using his name, "you were not there to witness how they hurt her back at the south. You were not forced to watch and do nothing about it." My head droops low as the tears that have welled up in my eyes slowly start to run down my face. First one, then another follows - it's a continuous pattern of the only way a physical showcase of my heart breaking is vulnerably shown.

I could hear Monarch letting out a deep sigh. Then I feel his presence near me as he crouches down to be at the same level as I. "Adrien," he starts off softly, "I know that you would give your life for her, I understand...and I'm sorry because above everything else, we are soldiers. We all have a duty to fulfill."

I face back up to look at him, trying my way to continue talking (or begging) myself out of his request. "This revolution we are preparing is what we all have aimed for. And can't you see? We have more people who are supporting us. We're almost reaching that goal that this revolution is not an armed struggle to shed the blood of other people."

"Yes," he nods in assent, "but you are forgetting the fact that it is mostly from the the willingness to risk shedding one's own blood for the sake of the people...not just one. Who else aside from Lahiffe and I could lead the people?"

------------

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I walk away from Monarch's office after talking with him. With every step I take, the feeling in my chest grows heavier. I've been preparing myself for these days but I never knew that they would happen so soon. The fact that Marinette and I could lose each other because of this is an unbearable thought.

I continue to walk, mindlessly finding my way back to the mess hall since dinner is being served around this time. I haven't eaten much for the past days and now, I've completely lost my appetite. Maybe being in mess hall could help me regain it just a bit.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wraps around my stomach from behind and hold on tightly to me. "My soldier," the voice from behind says. Her cheerful tone of voice brings a smile on my face yet clouds my heart with fear. I'll keep my worries from her for now. I think it's best for her, especially.

I force out a soft laugh then as I loosen her arms to turn around and face her, I tenderly hold her face then press my lips on her forehead then whisper against it, "My nurse." I draw back fully to meet her blue eyes and notice her flushed cheeks.

"What about my lips?" She whines softly, pointing at them while her other arm is still wrapped around me.

I lightly laugh and look at my left and right to see if there was anyone nearby to see us. "What are you doing out in public?" I ask in a hushed voice. "What happens if someone will see us? If it will reach Monarch, he will definitely kill us for the public display."

"Screw him," she quickly states then pouts her lips. "When will I ever get to hold you freely like this again?"

Just as I was about to reply, my smile falters for a bit. I fix it and hide the fact that I was taken aback with what she said.

"It's time for dinner," she, thankfully, continues. "Do you want to eat with me in my room?"

I smirk at her as a thought comes to mind that could tease her. She lets out a small yelp when I bring my mouth to her ear. "Eat...you?" I whisper, huskily, "I'd gladly do that."

"ADRIEN!" She shrieks, fighting her way off my hold, then immediately clasps her mouth and looks around. Once she knows the coast is clear, she jabs her elbow at my stomach causing me to emit a short groan in pain. "Don't utter those things in public!" She yells in a whisper.

"Sorry...but I did not hear you say no, though. And are you meaning to say that I can say them in private?" I continue with my teasing.

Her cheeks flush all the more red and she averts her gaze from me and grabs my hand. "Come on," she mutters, "let's go to my room where we will not do any funny business."

"Don't worry about me, Mari. I would never do something that will make you feel uncomfortable," I tell her, now serious with my words.

She pauses in place to look back at me, and with a small grin on her face she simply replies, "I didn't say no though, right?"

My breath hitches in my throat with her unexpected choice of words for her reply. Now it's my turn to blush hard.

Once we arrive at her quarters, I see some bowls of food on the bed table. One is full of fruit, one has soup in it, and the rest are a bunch of vegetables and meat mixed in it.

"We can eat on the bed, tonight," she tells me after closing the door behind her. "Anyway, I'll need to change the sheets later."

"If you say so," I murmur under my breath and fix myself on the bed after taking off my shoes. I sit up by one side of the table and watch her take her seat across from me on it.

"Wow," she claps her hands together excitedly looking at the food then looking back at me, "I'm starving. Have you been eating?"

"Uh..." I rub the nape of my neck, debating whether I should tell her the truth or not. I guess I'll stay neutral for this. "When I have the time-"

"You should be eating!" She cuts me off, her face showing that she is worried about me, "Your health is on the line if you don't think about it! Here," she pushes the bowl of fruit towards me and hands me a fork, "I want you to finish the food here."

Just looking at the different slices of fruit in the bowl makes me want to dry heave. Nothing is in my stomach but this empty pit could still make me feel sick. A thought crosses my mind and I immediately bring it to action. "How about," I start and place the fork she just handed to me back on the table, "you feed me?" I manage to beam at her while she looks taken aback with my request. If she does this, she would start to feel very shy as she continues and would stop...maybe she wouldn't also bother me to finish all the slices of fruit.

"S-Sure," she stammers but still keeping the smile on her face. She lifts the fork and pierces one slice of a peach and brings it near my mouth. "I hope you like peaches."

I swallow down a gulp and eye the piece of fruit right before my face. "I...I love them." Which is true, but for the situation at hand I can't even think of eating anything. The amount of stress and pain I am dealing with is just hurting me physically especially my appetite. I take the peach using my teeth and bite into it though I can't even taste anything. I definitely am not feeling well. After chewing, I hide how I bitterly swallow it down my throat. "Woah, it's so good," I lie through my teeth. I grab the fork from her hand and use it to pierce another slice. This time, I bring it near her mouth. "Now, I want you to try it." So that I won't also eat a lot.

She lets out a bashful smile yet still takes the slice with her mouth. Her eyes light up as she continues to chew on the slice of fruit. She swallows it and makes me grab another piece for her. "Is it just me or does the food taste better ever since we all started to work together?" She asks in a cheerful voice after she takes another piece.

"I don't know." I shrug my shoulders, playfully. "You tell me. You're the one who's really enjoying the food."

"Aren't you going to get more?"

I wave a hand at her in dismissal. "Don't worry about me. I feel full already."

She cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow. "Okay," she drawls out. "I can move the bed table away so that we have more space for the two of us, and you might get hungry again later."

I doubt that.

I help her take away the table, being careful with the dishes. Once they are all placed at the side of the room, she surprisingly tackles me so we both land back on the bed. We both laugh together as she lies on top of me, wrapping her arms around me as I do the same with mine.

She leans in to press a soft kiss on my lips and for that moment there, I close my eyes to savor it. "There is a reason as to why I really wanted you to be with me now," she whispers after she pulls away to look into my eyes again.

"Hmm," I hum in thought, "I'm trying to see what it is this time."

"Can I ask you out on a date?" She quickly asks.

"W-What?" I stammer in disbelief. I watch her to see if her reaction would change and tell me she's joking, but she's still serious. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Let's go on a date two nights before the final day," she presses on.

"Like our tradition here," I murmur in realization and wrap some strands of her stray hair around my finger in a playful manner.

"Mhm," she perks up and nods once. "You did it for me the last time. I want it to be my turn...anyway, you have to go the date. We'll be busy on the day of the movement, but I know that you'll be standing beside me, right?"

My finger freezes mid-air from wrapping her hair around it as her question catches me off-guard. Just when my mind was drifting away from the main problem I am facing, it is brought back like a sudden slap to the face or a punch in the gut. I manage to pull off a smile but decide to avert my gaze away from hers or else her eyes looking at me could make me start to cry for her.

"What should I wear?" I ask, hoping that she would not notice how I am intentionally avoiding her question.

"You would know," she replies. I inwardly sigh, thankful that she does not push further the other topic.

"So you mean, nothing?"

"N-No! Adrien, stop teasing me like that!"

"I'm feeling normal about it! You're the one who is blushing!" I cup her warm cheek with my hand and she pushes it away.

She pouts her lips at me then lets out a soft whine, "You better go, okay? I'm going to look extra pretty on that night."

I grab a hand of hers and bring it to my mouth to leave a swift kiss on it. "Aren't you always pretty?"

She scoffs, "You are such a smooth-talker."

"I try at times."

"Adrien," she utters, turning albeit serious but a hint of a smile is still evident on her face, "I remember you saying that you dream of a perfect world, somewhat of a utopia."

I remember saying that too. Those were one of the days when I was still trying to recruit Marinette in the mutiny. There was a part of me already that time wherein I felt that I was going in a serious situation blindly. What's worse was that, I knew that I was going in blindly.

"I realized then that it is too idealistic," I confess. "What we are doing now is the kind of world I would want to live in. It's full of hope and not a false promise..." my voice falters a bit and there is this display of reluctance with the next words I want to say to her. But time is running out, and I would want her to know what I truly want from her. "And speaking of promises," I continue, "I hope this is one that you could fulfill."

She curiously peers at me, "You want me to promise you what, Adrien?"

"Promise me, when this is all over you'll stop working for the garrison."

"W-What do you mean?" She spits out, "You want me to stop working as a nurse?"

"A nurse for the military, yes" I quickly answer, "...I want you to let go of everything that's been holding you back. Your parents, the people you've been with," I close my eyes before I continue, "...even me."

"Adrien?" She brings her hands to my face, forcing me to look at her, "What's wrong? You've been off ever since I invited you to come with me here."

Ah, so she did notice.

"Marinette, I don't think I can sleep beside you tonight," I utter earnestly.

I start to sit up and she moves to give me space. She also sits up beside me but grabs tightly onto my arm to keep me in place. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" I shake my head, "Of course not!"

"Then at least tell me what's wrong," she argues, "Why would you want me to let you go?"

"I-" I let out sigh and swing my legs to the side of the bed. "Give me time...I will tell you, maybe before our date, I don't know," I ramble on, "I just need time, please."

"Now you're making me feel restless," she mutters and shifts in place to sit beside me. "At least give me a gist of what's bothering you, that's all I'm asking for," she pleads.

Due to my overwhelming feelings, I pull her by the neck and slam my lips on hers. With my eyes closed I kiss her deeply with all my want and need hoping to be fulfilled by her touch only. She reciprocates the kiss, pulling me closer to her by tugging on my collar. It starts out rough but then tension changes when I start to kiss her jaw and down to her neck. But it happened too fast since I draw back before she could even move forward. I hold her face in my hands and caress my thumbs on her flushed cheeks. Her breaths come out in short pants as she keep her eyes on me.

"I have duties to fulfill," I whisper, "and they may involve a lot of generosity from my part. The problem is...I don't think I'm ready to give anything away anymore."

Especially now that I have you. Marinette, I don't want to leave you so soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Sidenote, might be disgusting for some) Yo, i'm like this huhu every time I encounter something SO stressful, I suffer from hyperacidity and psychogenic fever. Eating for me is too unbearable and I have to force myself to chew on plain crackers. Sometimes, I vomit out stomach acid since it's the only thing in my empty stomach. Take care of yourselves and please don't be like me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm sorry for letting you wait this long for the latest chapter huhu

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