Past.

He was sitting on the floor in his quarters hugging his knees, tears having run dry finally.
Breathing labored.
Hands trembling.
Mind replaying that horrible moment again and again and again.

A gun lay beside him.

I will drop you dead in front of me, Captain Shikhawat.
I will kill you.
Kaash bhagwan ne mujhe thori aur himmat de di hoti, aur me goli aapke seene pe chala deti.
But I wont leave you...

Her words came floating to his mind, in the midst of his turmoil.

He picked up the gun, turning it in his hand, indecisive yet.

Then, just as he thought he had decided, the door to his room barged open, and his heart thumped, as the newcomer saw him sitting there, gun pointed at his temple.

They stared at each other, and he slowly lowered the gun.

Slowly, he got up, wiping his face on his sleeve.

Raj : "Main Leh waale mission ke liye volunteer karna chahta hu sir."

Col Shakti (a little angrily) : Kyu kar rahe ho ye?
I dont need you as a volunteer.

Raj (in the same polite, yet form tone) : " I insist, Sir"

Col Shakti : Do you think I am stupid?
Do you think I dont understand that you are trying to kill yourself without having to commit suicide?
(Sarcastically) Why dont you just hire a hit man? I can give you some good contacts.

A hint of smile crossed Raj's face.

Raj (simply) : Agar is mission me bach gaya, to I will take it as a sign that God wants me to live.
Par yaha raha, to zarur kuch kar baithunga.

The Col nodded reluctantly, and left.

.....

Present.

She was murmuring his name disturbedly even in sleep.
He gathered her slightly shivering form more tightly in his arms.

She seemed to sense his increased nearness and relaxed, her breathing normalising.

He shook his head, taking a deep breath, caressing her hair.
She soon fell asleep properly again.

He carefully made her lie down on the bed, pulling the blanket up to cover her bare shoulders, which had been uncovered by her fidgeting.

Slowly he got up and walked to the window, guilt washing over him, now that his anger was down.

She loved him. Thats what she was telling him.
And all his anger at the system, at her friends, at himself, he had lashed out on her.

Still she had submitted to him.
He ran his hands through his hair, turning to look at her, remembering what he did sometime ago.

..Him shaking her angrily, yelling at her to leave...
....Her reluctance to leave.. the look in her eyes, the one of complete worship, like she used to have earlier, when things were fine between them, in KMA.
....him lashing out at her, showing more anger them necessary, as he wanted her to leave, not trusting himself....
...her hugging him...
...him throwing her on the bed so roughly, she gasped and held on to him tight, closing her eyes...
...her submissive form, as he undid her clothing...
...Him touching every inch of her, not gently at all.....
...Her naiveness in these things...as she tried hard to keep pace....
..Her moans as he suckled her nipples...her nails digging into his shoulders as he bit them...
..Him ploughing into her warm, willing body, again and again...making her cry out...

He bit his lip at the last memory, running his hand through his hair again.

True, he had been mindful of her inexperience when he took her, trying not to hurt her as he entered...
Yet, had he been too rough?
She had, after all, begged him to stop, when he showed no signs of finishing, his mouth and hands ravishing her over and over.

He walked over to the bed, and sat beside her.
Her lips were chaffed and broken.
He ran his thumb gently over them.
Then bent down to kiss her forehead lovingly.
Slipping into his blanket, he came over her, caressing her shoulders, gently kissing the bruises he had given her, resting his head on her shoulder.

......

She woke up, slightly dizzy.
After all, she hadnt eaten anything since last afternoon, and the exertions of the previous night on top of that...
Her body ached slightly...
The events of the previous night came crashing back, and her eyes welled up with tears, shivering as she remembered his anger...
Especially because she turned to find the space beside her empty.

Her heart sank...So he had left after all...

Tears flowing freely now, she tried to get up, quickly wearing her clothes, a little haphazardly.

She ran out, searching through the house, though in her heart knowing it would be empty.

Finally, she came back, and sat on the bed, tears flowing freely now, when the bedroom door opened, and he walked in.

His eyes fell on her.

"Naina..tum uth gai..wo main.."
He stopped, as his eyes fell on her teary ones.

He rushed to her, cupping her face, sat on his knees in front of her.

"Tum..ro kyu rahi ho...
Are you...hurt?
Naina..tumhe dard ho raha hai?
I am sorry..main.."

She hugged him, making him stop mid sentence.

"Aap...mujhe laga aap...chale gaye.."
She said, in between sobs.

He hugged her hard, kissing her hair.

"Naina, main...bas breakfast ke liye kich cheeze lene gaya tha..."

He continued to caress her, then after sometime, gently separated her.

Cupping her face, he gently kissed her forehead.

"Kal raat ke liye...I am sorry...main..mainne bohot hurt kiya na tumhe?
Sabka gussa tumpe utaardiya....
He said, guiltily.

"Aap mujhse...mujhse..pyaar karte ho? "
She asked, innocently, still unsure.

In response, he grabbed her, pulling her extremely close, and whispered in her ear playfully.

"Tumhe shak hai to....thik se batav?
I promise I wont be a jerk like last night. I will be... gentle....
He whispered the last line lustily..

She smiled, blushing red, and tried to free herself from his hold, which he tightened.

"I love you."
He said, seriously now.

Kissing her cheeks, he got up.

"Tum fresh ho jaav, main breakfast banata hu."

She nodded, and just as he about to leave, hugged him from behind.

He turned, took her in his arms, engulfing her completely, burying his head in her hair.

They stood like that for a while, then he gently separated her, and saw with a gush of relief, that she was finally smiling.

"Jaldi aavo bahar fresh hoke, you need to eat. Kabse kuch khaya nahi hai jaan."

She nodded, and he turned to go, smiling to himself after a long time.