Thirteen Heart

         It's often the little things that win someone's heart. Mom always used to tell me 'everything coming straight from the heart is far valuable more than any gift money can buy,' how come? I would ask her. Her green eyes would light up with this strange warmth, she would smile to herself, her slim back bent over the pot of boiling beans and then what after some quiet seconds, she'd reply. 'Alice, a lifeless object can't give us happiness. Happiness is inside us. A piece entitled from one to heart to another always strikes happiness because it hits right on our heart," I'd shake my head, confused. 'I don't understand,'

            The sound of her laughter filled my mind. 'One day you will, my silly clown,'

I bit down on the side of my lips, my hair pulled back into a tight braid as I stood dressed perfectly into a neat pair of plaid trousers and  a red tee.

My eyes shifted to the timber wall-clock. Five o'clock it read while the black second needle swept away.

"Straight from the heart." I whispered to the narrow kitchen drawers.

The cabinets creaked nosily when I opened them. The white paint chipped off into my hands, sticking to my clean and nicely scrubbed hands. 

            I spotted a large container filled oats and a box of raisins. Right then I knew what I was going to make for Devlin.  The minute I checked on Devlin last night ( or early morning whatever you want to call it), I knew I had to do something for him. It's not fair that he's the one who gets to play the nice guy all the time.

            Now it's my turn to be one to him.

I smiled and set right to work. Even though I may or may not be a good cook but for his sake I had to try. With each passing second, it was getting harder and harder to control the massive burst of happiness erupting inside me. I couldn't wait to surprise him.

~*~*~*

After exactly one hour and eighteen minutes I had the accomplished the impossible feat of baking a batch of fresh oatmeal and raisin cookies. Not to mention, the kitchen was absolutely perfect- all the dishes were clean and the granite counters were spotless.

Liza would be so proud. She probably wouldn't believe me if I told her that I, Alice Brown had baked cookies without tearing down the kitchen.

Carefully, I balanced a warm cup of milk in my left hand while the other gripped tightly to the plastic tray filled with cookies. My cheeks were beginning to hurt from the wide grin on face but I couldn't care less.

I walked to Devlin's room and was greeted by a closed pale blue door. Should I knock?  Yah, Alice how are you going to manage to do that. Both of your hands are filled with food. Maybe I should try using my foot.

No, I won't do that.  What if Devlin opens the door and finds standing looking a freaking one legged rabbit. Never mind.

            "Devlin," I quietly spoke up.

No reply.

"Devlin," I tried a bit louder.

            "Oof" A grunt resounded through the other side of the door.  Sounds like someone fell off the bed. Maybe I startled him. Yikes.

            "The door's open," Devlin replied, his voice tried and gruff.

"Um," I shuffled my feet, staring at my SpongeBob socks- the ones Sandy had gotten me for my birthday. "My hands are kinda occupied,"

"Coming," He sighed loudly.

He stepped out, his black hair in disarrayed mess while these hideous purplish, grey bags were under his striking brown eyes. A loose white undershirt clung stubbornly to his olive colored skin.

            He let me into his room, an amused smile on his lips. "So is this some sort of sorry for thinking I'd make a pretty girl,"

            I stuck out my tongue. "No, doofus it's a thank you for staying-"I caught myself in time. There is no-way I'm telling him that I checked on him last night. He'll think I'm some sort of creep.

            "For?" Devlin urged me to continue, a teasing spark in his gorgeous brown eyes. Mother of all things chocolate, his eyes- waves of comforting warmth filled them, golden-browns and black streaks lighted their way through his eyes. I swear they'll be the death of me.

            "For everything," I shrugged causally, placing the plate on the messy bed and milk on the bedside table.

            Devlin's teddy bear quilt was sprawled across the floor and so was his pillow. "Were you sleeping on the floor?" I asked- trying bit down the laughter stuck in my throat.

            He came up to me and wrapped the quilt around his arms whilst dragging the pillow onto the bed. Quickly, he placed them on the small bed.

            There was faint red tint in his cheeks. It was barely visible but it was definitely there.

"No. I wasn't," His eyes briefly flickered to my face before turning to fix the quilts.

            "Really?" I grinned, crossing my arms over my chest.

            "I fell," He smiled -all to himself. For a silent second, our eyes met. "I fell hard," He finished in a quiet voice. Strangely enough, I felt heat rush to my face. With an awkward hand, I tucked away the loose strands of hair behind my ear.

Is he implying that he fell for someone? For me?

What in the world are you thinking Alice? Get grip over idiotic brain. He probably doesn't look at you in that way. Or does he?

            "Mhm," I averted my eyes to look outside the elegant French windows. The sun was beginning peak through the clouds, shadows of the previous night began disappearing from the sky.

"So cookies, huh?" Devlin picked one up and bit it into it. I watched his face, my heart beating wildly with anticipation.

Finger's crossed, I hope he likes them.

His face twisted into a wide grin as he stuffed the entire thing into his mouth. "They're really good," He mumbled, his cheeks filled with cookies.  

I never thought a compliment would make me this happy. "Seriously? I've never baked before. Lisa always told me I'm a terrible cook," I clasped my hands by my chest.

He furrowed his eyebrows together. "Lisa?"

"My little sister. You know I met her yesterday."

            "She must really miss you," The side of his cheek was caught in a small dimple as he smiled wistfully.

            "Yah, she does. I told her I'll come back after I pass the exams,"

His smiled dimmed. "What exams are you talking about? Aren't the semester finals over?"

            Embarrassment covered my face. I didn't want to tell him about this. What if he thinks I'm a dumb girl? I don't want him to think that. I'm not dumb. Well I used to be somewhat brainy back in middle school. One thing was suddenly confusing me- why do I care what he thinks of me? Why does it matter? It shouldn't matter but it does. It does matter. Why? I don't want to know.

            In a minute, understanding dawned upon on Devlin's face- the thin contours of his face were arranged into sympathetic expression. "Re-test, right? You flunked your exams. Is that why you left your place?"

            I chewed the insides of my cheeks, not really wanting to reply. I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I'm just lost. I lost myself. That's why I couldn't clear those exams. That's why I couldn't clear any test life threw at me.  I wanted to scream on top of my lungs but I couldn't.

            His eyes took my silence in, the expression on his features softened. With large steps, he strode to where I stood, his long, gaunt fingers finding mine. "Hey, it's alright. There's nothing to be ashamed of,"

            My eyes closed on their own accord. The gentle warmth from his fingers sunk into my aching bones. I wanted to cry yet I wanted laugh out of joy at the exact same time.

            "Look all of us mess up at times. Even I did,"

I opened my eyes, shaking my head angrily. "You're lying just to make me happy,"

            "I'm not," He smiled. "I flunked the first year of grad-school. Man, seriously I couldn't mind to focus on those stupid books. But then I realized something-"He pointed to his chest. "I blamed my heart all that time- for falling in love with wrong person, for giving everything to a girl who didn't deserve it.  When the poor thing did nothing, I was the one who choose not to pay attention to my education. I didn't realize it at the time my degree may not make me happy but the happiness of all the people around me lay in it,"

"Is that why you choose to become a doctor? For your family,"

The smile disappeared from his face, a condemning look took reign.  "Not just for my family but for a better life as well. I wanted to help the people around me in my some way,"

            "Oh," I mumbled, looking away from him. "So I should have tried for my family's sake,"

"No, that's not what I meant,"

"Then?" I asked, tears brimming in my eyes. Devlin thinks I'm selfish for not trying. He thinks I like making my family miserable. Not everyone can be like him.

He brought his hands to my arms, gripping them tightly. His eyes refused to leave mine, they stubbornly held my gaze. "For yourself, Alice, do this for your own sake. This may sound vain but education matters. You may not realize this now but in the future all of us need money and these books I so dauntingly called stupid always stay by our side. They never betray us. When everything in the world abandons us, knowledge stays. Wiser is the man who learns from his mistakes. The past is done and over with. All we can do is pave a better future,"

            "You sure know how to talk," I breathed out. "Are you sure you don't want to run for the next presidential election? I'd vote for you"

"Alice," He sighed.

"Okay, okay. I promise I'll try my best and I'm going to clear those exams with flying colors,"

            He shook his head slightly, laughing.  His hands still hadn't left my arms. I don't think he realized how close we stood. I could feel his peppermint breath fan over my face. After a while a wave of silence fell over us, a blank look covered his face.

            His fingers tucked away a stray strand away from my face, leaving a trail of fire behind. My heart hiked up to my throat. I didn't dare to breathe- afraid a small move might shatter the thin glass of air between us.  

The tips of his fingers lingered on my skin for a second longer before leaving them in a subtle gist. A ray of light from the morning sun flittered through his eyes, making them glow with a golden hue of warmth.  The sharp counters of his angular jaw were fitted into a thin line. He drew his lips together, pressing them together until color drained them.

            Even I don't know where this confidence came from as I lifted my hand to his cheek.  The stressed lines on his face relaxed under my hands. I could feel his rough stubble brush against my skin. Goosebumps rose on my skin. The beats of my heart were growing louder- they were so loud that I was afraid he might hear them.

            "Alice," Devlin spoke in a straitened voice, shattering the tender moment in a quick second. My hand left his face. I watched as a painful piece of air left his parted thin lips.  A mortifying blush covered my face.

            Dishearteningly, I noticed Devlin put some distance between us. He stepped back, his hands leaving my arms. What was I doing a minute ago?

I blinked a couple of times to hide the tears in my eyes. Did he just reject me? No, there was nothing in the first place to be rejected.

            "Thank you for the cookies. I really liked them," The polite nature of his tone caught me off-guard.

            "You don't have to thank me. I should be the one-"

"Alice, look um-"Devlin pressed a hand against his head. "I have a-lot of work to do," He wanted me to leave. Of-course, he wouldn't want to be around someone like me. Alice, Stop being so dramatic. He probably has a ton of work since I wasted his time yesterday.

            I didn't reply. I don't think I could.  Quickly, I left him in the room. Despite what I told myself, the stupid ache inside my chest wouldn't lessen.

~*~*~*~*~

"Are you okay?" Sandy asked, a frown making an appearance on her freckled cheeks. She tied her pigtails into a bun, standing next to me in the gym lockers. I hated P.E. (physical education/ gym class). Actually it wasn't Coach Stockens hard drills and exercises that made me hate this class. I enjoyed running till my lungs began burning and my pulse hiking upwards painfully. There were other reasons why I abhorred gym, reason I didn't want to think of right now in my current terrible mood.

I shrugged, my gym shorts hiking up my legs as I placed my leg on the bench to tie my laces. Sandy sat down on the bench, her eyes scrunched up in a perceiving way. "I swear on SpongeBob and Sandy's love that I won't tell Oliver anything ever again no matter what he says,"

She had gotten the wrong idea. I wasn't mad at her. I was upset because of a chocolate eyed boy.  If I were in her spot, I would have done the same. Come on, Oliver told her that he had feelings for me. He pulled out the love card on her and according the invisible friendship manual love comes before everything.

"Sandy-"I began, only to be interrupted.

 "Oliver told me he'd tell your dad you're dating Devlin. He saw you come to school in Devlin's car,"

            "He what?" I screeched -my blood boiling as a feverish blush rose to my cheeks. Oliver, how could he even say that? Chocolate quadruple fudge!

            "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," She chanted, frantically, her reddish orange hair falling out of the white hair clips. "Oliver looked so mean. He told me if I didn't tell him who you're living with.  He'd get Liza to tell your dad about Devlin. I was scared. I didn't want you to get into trouble,"

 I honestly couldn't believe Oliver would do that. Why didn't Oliver tell Sandy the real reason? Why didn't he tell her that he liked me? - Not that I wanted him to but still why did he lie?

            I placed a hand on Sandy's shoulder. "Calm down Sandy, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. Oliver is a jerk,"

            "He is," She sniffled, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. "We're good?"

I gave her a quick hug. "Of-course, you're the best friend I've had. I could never be mad at you,"

             "You're awesome," She smiled. "But maybe not as much as SpongeBob, "Her face looked so guilt ridden when she said that I couldn't help but laugh.

 "Silly Sandy,"

~*~*~*~

            "Girls," Coach Stockens shrill voice rang through the soccer field, halting the intense match between the senior and junior girls.  All of us were dripping with perspiration. Our cleats were covered in mud and grass. I wiped a hand across my face, trying to block the mid-afternoon bright sunlight.

            Sandy jogged back to my goalie position. She looked ready to past out at any moment. Her skin was burning with red patches. Good thing, I didn't get sunburned as easily as she did.

            "You okay?" I whispered, getting out of my stiff stance.

She fanned her burning face.  "I could throw up,"

            "Err, that's not good,"

She coughed in agreement.

            "Two laps around the ground now," Coach barked from under the shed by the bleachers. "All of you," All the girls started heading towards the edges, wearily- their movement sluggish and slow. No-one in our class treated gym seriously. Everyone was here just because gym was a compulsory subject and an easy A.

            Sandy groaned. "Is she trying to kill us?"

I started running to the corner of the field, ready to use up every last ounce of energy I had left. "Come on, the faster we get this done the better,"         

            I heard her steps behind me. "Yah, yah you just want to be the first one to finish as usual,"

"I do not," Okay, maybe I did. Reason one, being it looks really cool to be the first in the lockers. Secondly, I wanted to get the hell out of here before any of the other girls get a chance to catch up with me.

            "Slow down," I heard Sandy yell. Never. Today is the one day I didn't have the strength to face them.

            I ran as fast my feet would carry me. My P.E. tee ruffled with the wind, leaving gentle cool trailing along the sweat.  One more lap to go.

            "Alice," I heard the voice I despised the most call for me. Beatrice.  She jogged freely next to me, her dirty blond hair in a neat ponytail. An overly sweet smile was fitted on her perfectly craved face as her brown-black eyes stared at me in pure disgust.

            My strength seemed to be failing me now. I tried running faster but it was of no-use. This is as fast as my empty stomach would allow me to go.  Beatrice had far more stamina than me. She may not be fast but could run for miles and miles without breaking into sweat.

            I would admire her if she weren't so nasty to me.

"I was doing this project where I have to survey people-"She ran in perfect synch with me, her feet not in a step ahead of mine. "And ask them how many time do they shower in a week and if they use deo," She spoke loud enough for the girls running behind us to hear.

            A few snickers left the group while some of them laughed. I turned around to find Sandy staring in a different direction. She was too afraid of them, afraid that if she stood up for me they might turn against her as well. I didn't want Sandy suffer with me anyways.  

            Everyone had stopped running. All the junior and senior girls with their faces covered in sneers made a loosely-tied circle around Beatrice and me.   Carmen another junior from Beatrice's group walked right up to me- her messy curly hair in a tight bun. "Yah, tell her how many times do you shower in week. I bet the answers zero,"

            "You stink," Amanda hollered, her petty figure standing in front of the group of senior.

 I'm pretty sure I don't stink. They just need a reason to pick on me. Why did I ever do to them? Why do they hate me?

            "Haven't you heard of a thing called deodorant?" Carmen wrinkled her nose upwards.

            I bit down on my lips, not in the mood to reply, knowing that if I spoke back they'd make my life a living hell.

            "I heard she failed her exams," Jessica, the tall one, shouted as she approached the group. "Looks like the loser ain't going to prom,"

            "Omg," Beatrice cheered and did a fist pump. "Prom won't stink. Phew,"

Everyone hollered in agreement- their face lit up in haunting grins. Beatrice beamed at the response, twirling in her spot. "Prom's gonna be purr-fect,"

            I ran, tears prinking my eyes. It still hurt. No-matter how many times I go through this. I will never get used to it. Every time a lump formed inside my throat wanting me to rip myself apart. Each and every thing they said still cut through my thick armor.

Their words tore my flesh, gnawing the soul inside- my heart believed whatever they say. It's stupid but my insecurities always got the best of me. I am Alice Brown and I am a loser. I am Alice Brown the outcast, the girl who was never accepted by her own father, the girl who will never fit in no-matter how hard she tries. 

I didn't ask for the world to be at my feet. I just wanted a small place in this big wide world. Did I ask for too much?

            River of tears was threatening to break lose. I bit down on my lips until I could taste the rusty taste of blood. I won't let them see my cry. They want to see me break apart and fall down but I won't. Not in-front of them.

            ~*~*~*~

            The Cafeteria was filled with different, tempting aromas. All the students were chattering animatedly- few were standing on top of the lunch tables and instantly got down when they spotted the principles or teachers. The environment here was chaotic and so vibrant. Everyone was excited for Prom. Girls chatted about their dresses and dates. The guys were too busy coming with news ways to propose to their girls. Long lines enthusiastic teenagers filled the left wing- that's where the prom tickets were being sold.

            Turning my attention back to our table, I opened the lid of my Tupperware lunch box. I had packed few of the oatmeal cookies I had kept aside before I gave them to Devlin. Sandy clicked her pen noisily as she tried finishing her brand-new math book which she bought from the money she was 'supposed' to spend on her prom dress.

            She looked up from the bulky book, a guilty look on her face. "Sorry about gym class,"

I sighed. "Don't start on that again. Like I said before I don't care about them," 

            "I should have said something but I get so scared,"

I tried giving her a comforting smile. It's always hard for me to smile when I'm down. Your lips bleed when you smile, the pain is almost unbearable but I had to nevertheless. "I don't want you to say anything. It's bad enough that they're miserable to me. I don't want them to pick on you as well,"

"It's not fair. You should tell coach about this,"

I rolled my eyes. I'll tell Coach Stockens about them when a steam roller runs over my dead body. She will probably make fun of me and tell me to man up. I remember when Martha Tucker, the freshman, was balling her eyes out during a basketball practice because she someone stole her science fair project.  Coach Stockens specifically told us to not to help her. She told us that Martha need to learn few things about life. All of us watched Martha cry her heart out, no-one daring to help her.

            "Coach probably knows about it,"

"She doesn't-"

            "No, she does. Sandy, she was standing literally ten feet away from us when they made fun of me. She doesn't give a damn,"

            Angrily, I stuffed an oatmeal cookie in my mouth. The minute the cookie dissolved I had to spit out. Coughing and spluttering on the tasteless burnt dough with horror I realized how terrible it was. It tasted like burnt pieces of coal- actually worse than that.  Yuck!

            Holy chocolate cow! How in the world did Devlin eat this? I could barely bear the smoky taste. Unscrewing the cap of my bottle, I chugged down the entire bottle of water.

I turned over the brown spotted cookies to find they were burned black from the bottom. "These are disgusting," I huffed. "He ate them without a single word,"

            "What are you talking about?" Sandy raised her eyebrow, folds of her freckled cheeks lifting upwards as well.

            "Nothing," I muttered, shutting my lunch box.

He lied to me. He lied right to my face. He thought it would hurt my feelings if he told me the cookies were pathetic. Alice Brown is a lot stronger than that. He thinks I'm some sort of wimp. He doesn't know. He doesn't understand. I've could have handled the truth.

            "Alice, you look like you're about to kill someone," Sandy spoke, her voice terrified.

Running a hand across my face, I heaved a deep sigh. "You bet I am,"

Devlin Hutchins, you better get ready.

~*~*~

            Standing by my locker in the packed hall with teens racing to their classes, I dug my hands into my locker shelf and tried finding my art brushes. Maybe I should clean my locker. Literally, I can't take a book out  without having fifteen more falling on top of me.

             After minutes jamming and digging my fingers into the empty side slots, I found my favorite thick red brush. Grinning to myself, I carefully tucked inside the pocket of my blue bag.

            I felt a tap on my shoulder- I turned around to find Oliver standing behind me, his hands buried in the pockets of his orange swim team hoodie. He had a cap covering the mop of curly chlorine bleached hair. His stormy blue eyes flickered to the students passing us. It was like he didn't want anyone to see us together.

            He looked scared or was it embarrassment?

Ignoring his odd behavior, I smiled at him. Then I remembered what Sandy told me. Should I be angry at him for lying and for blackmailing my friend?

"Oliver-"I started out, deciding to ask him why he blackmailed Sandy and if he really would have told my dad about Devlin but he beat me to it.

"Look Alice," He breathed out, blowing a ragged breath of air. "About the other day-"

"I was about to ask you the same thing,"

            "No listen," His stormy eyes met mine for fraction of a second. "Don't tell anyone about it. I didn't mean what I said. It was stupid of me,"

            I felt my heart fall to the pit of my stomach. My eyes widened slightly.  What in the world is he saying? "Huh?"

            He ran a frustrated hand across his mouth. "I do like you. Well I used to like you when you were actually... never mind.  Now Alice, things are different. I have a reputation and the guys on the swim will laugh at me if they find I got rejected by someone like you,"

            Heat rushed to my face. It felt as though he had dumped a cold bucket of ice on me. Don't cry, don't cry, Alice.  

            Tears stung bitterly in my eyes. I laughed when I wanted to cry and hide under my bed. "What do you mean by 'someone like you'?" My voice shook with each word.

            Guilt struck a chord on his face. Oliver's cheeks turned into a light shade of red. "Sorry, I didn't mean that," A groan left his lips as he grabbed a fistful of hair. "Here's the thing. I really like Beatrice and I want to ask her out to prom. She won't go with me if she finds out about you. This has nothing to do with you. You're cool Alice. It's just that I-"

            "Oliver you know me and you know that I don't spread gossip. Whatever happened between us will stay between us. I promise," I grabbed my bag from the floor and slammed my locker shut.

            Breathe in, breathe out. You're strong. Don't cry.

            "Thanks and I didn't mean-"Oliver folded his hands together in a desperate plea, his eyes looking like a harmed doe.

            "Forget it," I nearly yelled, some eyes snapped in our direction. Red painted Oliver's cheeks as his eyes noted the attention we receiving. I lowered my voice, my fist clenched into a tight ball. "We used to be friends and now you're embarrassed to be seen with me. There was a time Oliver when you were the nobody and I wasn't embarrassed to hang around you because you were my friend. Because I loved you for who you were,"

            I turned my back towards him and ran out of there. He didn't even try to stop me. Of course he wouldn't. My mind rushed back to the times when my friends used to tell me to ditch Oliver. They told me he wasn't cool enough for me. I remember telling them to back off because he was my best-friend. I remember standing up for him when the boys at middle-school would be mean. I remember being the hand that picked him up whenever he fell.

            I remember every tear we shed. I remember every laugh we shared. I remember every single moment we spent together.  I remember everything.

            Sadly enough, he doesn't remember anything.

~*~*~*~
            I sat in the back of the art room near the bottles of paints and brushes. My hands furiously striking the white poster, the paint was leaving the pencil borders. I couldn't care less. I dipped the brush into the black pellet of paint, smeared it into the red. The bull I was painting for the exhibition was looking absolutely angry. The bull's eyes were bloodshot red which were peppered inside the whites.

            Out of the corner of my eye I saw Oliver walk past my table- his head hung low- he went over to the paint inventory, his hands absentmindedly grabbing the bottles of paint. I could feel his eyes burn a hole through me.

            If he wanted to talk, I'd have him get over with it rather than have him stare at me with that stupid guilt-ridden face of his. Mrs. Clark skipped over to my table in a purple jumper, leaping like a fairy in a garden of roses and unicorns. I wonder from where she gets all this cheeriness.

            "Oh my," Mrs. Clark exclaimed, her mouth forming an impeccable circle as she took in the painting. "Alice, dear- this is so different from what you usually paint. It's much more darker and so austere. Oliver," She motioned him to join us. I released a low sigh, of-course she'd ask her favorite student to examine my sudden change in style.

            "Look at it," She pointed at the poster.

Oliver eyes flickered to my face for a brief second before intently staring at the painting. "It's beautiful Mrs. Clark," He gave me a small smile which I didn't return. "Just like her," He added the minute I looked away.

            My head snapped in his direction. I glared at him. He couldn't say things like that. Oliver stared back, unashamed by what he had said.

            Mrs. Clark didn't seem to have heard him. She grinned, widely. "This will look absolutely amazing in the exhibition,"

            "Thank you," I muttered.

Mrs. Clark danced away to the next table. Oliver stayed but he didn't say anything for a while.

Finally he opened his mouth to say something I never expected him to say. "Alice, you ruined your own life. Okay? I know you're better than what you've become,"

            My heart skipped a beat or two at his words-in a frantic and gut-wrenching way. He still believed in me. There was redeeming glint in his eyes. It made heat stab my chest.

            Sparing my painting one last look, he walked away before I could reply. I clenched my brush tightly. The wooden splinters from the brush dug into my skin.

Honestly, have I changed so much that Oliver thinks I've ruined my life? Am I honestly better than what I've become?

            I haven't become anything. I'm still the same old Alice except this Alice isn't living her life anymore.

            Oliver just doesn't understand that.

~*~*~*~*~

            The winds were wild today, insanely fast. Trees and their branches swayed in the wind's direction. The sky was immersed in dark grey clouds while the sun was nowhere to be seen, hidden behind a curtain of thick clouds the sun's bright light was infused with darkness.

            All my emotions were tightly bottled up inside me as I made my way out of the school's parking lot heading towards the sidewalk that led to Devlin's apartment.

            Everyone rushed to their shiny cars and few of the Winterville high-schoolers rushed to parking-lot where the buses were parked. My eyes found a tall figure with blonde hair mixed with fading greys standing on the other side of the road in front the high-school's boundaries. It vaguely reminded me of dad. What was he doing here?

            My feet carried me away- towards the side where he stood. It was dad. He was walking with Liza, a red cheerleading dress with yellow strips clung to her perfect stubby figure. A red statin bow tied her blond hair into a tight ponytail.

Oh God! How could I forget? Today was Liza tryouts for the high-school cheer team.  She was going to be freshman next year. I wonder if she made it on the team. There's only one way to find out, I'll ask her. My excitement couldn't be contained- a goofy grin forced my cheeks to move apart.

I began sprinting towards them. Hastily, I dodged the people walking in the opposite direction- few of them gave me annoyed looks when I bumped into them.

I was few feet away from them, so close that if I reached out for them- my fingers would brush against their shoulders.  Liza's laughter could be heard till where I stood. Dad smiled at her as he gave her a side hug.

Judging from their good mood, I guess Liza made it. My little sister is going to be on the high-schools cheer team. I couldn't be happier. My hands reached for Liza's. I was just about to pat her shoulder when someone shoved me off the sidewalk.          

The burly man carrying a trash bag muttered a grunt of apology before trudging away.

I turned back to look for my dad and Liza to find they still were walking a few meters ahead of me, their face bright with joy. It's the happiest I've seen them in years since the accident.

In that moment I realized something. I couldn't dampen their mood. If they saw me here, they would be reminded of everything- of all the bad memories attached with me.

I couldn't ruin this small moment of happiness. I couldn't. The reason I left home was so they could be happy and now they were.

            A deceitful tear slid down my cheek as I turned my back towards them.  My chest felt heavy and numb. A lump in my throat was making it hard to breathe.

            I walked away, too weary and numb to cry again.

Mom, I never thought there would come a day when I won't be able to hug my own sister. I won't be able to share her happiness and tell her how proud I was of her.

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 Note:  I hope you guys enjoyed this extra-long chapter. The bullying sequence is real. Yes, I took it out from my own life's story and I didn't even bother to change the names of the girls. Opps. It happened in middle-school. I don't think bullying happens in high-school. Everyone is too busy in their lives to notice anything.

            Haha anyways, I know this is a super sad chapter but I'll make it up to you. Poor Alice, I think I threw a storm of bad things at her.

            She'll be alright. Hopefully.

Please do comment, they always make my hard work worth it.