Again, trigger warning. But I mean it, this book seriously is just disgusting. If anything triggers you it's really not for you

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As soon as I walked onto school I saw my friends. Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon all were on their phones. Jin was back hugging Taehyung. Jungkook and Taehyung seemed to be arguing about something.

Taehyung seemed relatively calm compared to Jungkook. In fact, the way his lips slightly curved upwards made it seem like he even found it funny or amusing. Jungkook on the other hand, he kept poking at Taehyung's chest. He was in his face too.

I wonder what has Jungkook so angry. He usually seems bored or annoyed whenever Taehyung talks, but something he said must've set him off enough to confront him. Props to him, I could never get in Taehyung's face like that.

At this point, I turned away. I continued walking in the opposite direction from them. Yesterday they excluded me on purpose. Today I'm excluding myself.

The teasing isn't worth it. These days I'm at such a low that if pushed any further, I don't know what I'll do. I'm so close to the edge. I don't know how much more shoving I can take before I finally snap. When I get to the darkest part in my mind, I don't know how I'll react after that. I don't know what I'm capable of and I'm scared to find out.

I hurriedly got all my books out of my desk in my homeroom class. Even before coming to school I decided I was going to avoid the others. I'll sit in the library all day and work on both yesterdays and todays school work.

Before leaving I went over to the podium. On top was a paper with our classes rankings. Taehyung was only 4th in the class with a 96%. At least he's in top 5. I'm at 15 with a 82%. That's out of 20 kids. The only kids doing worse than me are the ones who sleep in class on purpose. My grades have fallen so much since moving here. I was 2nd in my class since middle school before I moved here.

The halls were empty. As I made my way downstairs to the library, I kept an eye out for all of the guys. I didn't want to see them. I don't want any of them knowing I'm here today.

I sat at a table in the back of the library. My books were scattered across the table shortly after I sat down. Nobody would sit with me if I made a mess. Then again, I doubt anyone would sit with me even if I didn't. At least this way, I'll give them more of a reason to beside me just being me.

First I'll work on math. The textbook is good at teaching the lessons. Better than my other classes textbooks anyways. It's only statistics. It's mostly vocabulary.

Random sampling is based off of chance. Systematic sampling would be numbering off a population and only using every say- 5th number. Only it doesn't matter the number, it's just a random pattern. Stratified sampling is dividing a population into two groups and then taking a random sample from those two groups. It all goes on from there.

By the time actual study period began, I was finished with math. I began to work on history next. That's only reading and answering the questions at the end of the unit.

My phone lit up. I was using it as a calculator while working on statistics.

Jungkook: You ok? Are you at school today? Where are you? Study period is so boring.

I swiped left to clear the notification.

He surprisingly didn't call me Chubmin. He also wanted to know if I was here today and where I am. None of the guys ever ask me that. Why does he care anyways?

I shook the thought out of my head and opened my textbook. 

Students all began to fill the room. I looked up at the clock. It's lunch time. A lot of kids bring their lunches in here to eat while they study. I only sighed and continued to write down english phrases in my notebook.

I'm finished with all the day befores work as well as most of today's. I'm debating just going ahead and working on tomorrows to.

"You're here today? Have you been here all day?" I heard Jungkook ask.

I jumped out of shock and looked behind me to see him smiling. My body relaxed.

"Yeah" I said.

I turned my attention back down to my paper. Trying to find where I was at.

"Chubmin, you avoiding us?" He asked.

I sighed and set down my pencil. I kept my head down still. Even if it's only Jungkook, I didn't feel like facing him much.

"No. I just- I needed to study the work I missed yesterday" I answered back.

I wasn't lying at all either. I did need to work on yesterday's work. However, I definitely was using it as an excuse to avoid everyone.

I wonder why he's in here anyways. He usually eats out in the cafeteria with all the guys. Maybe whatever happened this morning was bad enough to make him sit away from all the other guys. I'm not sure why he'd come here to hide away in the library though. He's well liked. He shouldn't have to hide away like me.

He took a seat beside me and pushed my books over. All he brought to eat was a chocolate bar and a water bottle. I felt sick just looking at the candy.

"I can help you. Depending on the subject" he offered.

I felt a bit awkward. He leaned in closer to me to look at what I've written down. I felt my body stiffen. I glanced over at him and back down at my paper. My handwriting is so sloppy. He probably is having trouble reading it if he has to stare at it this long.

"No thanks. I'm ok" I said.

I don't know why he's offering to help anyways.

He pulled away and laughed a bit. I kept my gaze on my papers. Tensing up a bit as I prepared for him to make fun of my writing.

"Come on, let me help. I feel like if you focus too much you'll end up fainting or something over dramatic"

I felt confused. It wasn't him making fun of my writing, but he definitely wasn't being nice either.

What does he even mean by "or something over dramatic?"?

I felt my shoulders drop some. I looked over at him with my brows knitted.

"what do you mean?"

Jungkook's eyes told me he was sorry but his shrug told me he was unbothered.

"Well, because you clearly always need attention. You'll do anything to get it, so it seems." He answered.

A bullet through my chest. I jolted forward the slightest bit with a hurt gasp.

"Is this what you all think of me?"

He only shrugged again.

"I-if none of you can stand me then why do you act like my friends?" I asked another question.

I don't understand why they keep doing this to me. Why do they enjoy bring me down so much? It's working. I'm hurt. I'm never happy. Isn't that feeling enough? Shouldn't they feel accomplished by now? All I ever feel is depressed.

"We're are all friends. You're just fun to mess with" He said.

I tore my eyes from him again and looked down at my paper. My face heated up. I held my hands together and squeezed them tightly.

"W-well I hate it." I spoke quietly.

I squeezed my hands so tightly the tips of them turned red. I began to naw on the inside of my bottom lip.

"So sensitive. Here, eat your feelings." He said.

I looked over to him to see him pouting. He handed me his chocolate bar.

I looked down again. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I shook my right leg. Focusing all my energy on that so I remain calm.

"Seriously, Chubmin, take it" he insisted.

I kept my eyes closed.

"I'm fine, thanks" I shook my head.

I felt like if I didn't open my eyes then he'd go away. I wish things really worked like that.

"I want to see you eat your feelings" He spoke out with a serious tone.

I felt embarrassed. Back here it's basically just us. Even so, I still wanted to disappear.

Jungkook out of all of them. Jungkook is the one forcing me to eat. This is the worst thing they could've done to me yet.

"Well, i don't feel like eating so-"

"just eat the damn bar." He cut me off.

I flinched and opened my eyes. Looking over at him as I slowly reached out to grab the bar.

Even holding it made me feel like puking. I hate it. I hate the way it looks, smells, and tastes. Nothings appealing about it.

I unwrapped it and glanced at him. He surprisingly looked uncomfortable too. Not sure why he would be when he's the one telling me to eat it.

I broke off one piece. Put it into my mouth. I didn't chew it. Just let it sit on my tongue and begin to melt. It was disgustingly sweet.

My chest tightened as I looked at the wrapper. There's 35 grams of sugar. It has 406 calories. This tiny disgusting bar alone. I don't even deserve to drink water after eating just one piece of this.

My mouth filled with chocolatey spit. I felt tears brim. I scrunched up my face as I swallowed my spit and chewed the rest of the piece.

Oh god. I'm disgusting.

I looked down at the bar and pushed it away from me.

"I-I'm full" I said shakily.

I need to puke.

"No. I know you can eat a whole bar on your own" He said.

I couldn't look at him. I only focused my eyes on the bar.

"Ah.. I can't. I really can't" I said.

I felt like I was on the verge of throwing a temper tantrum.

"Of course you can, y-you're going to show me that right now" he said.

I'm trying so hard not to cry. My throat burned. My heartbeat was racing. I my palms begin to sweat. Deep breathes didn't help me calm down.

"Jungkook-"

"Eat it" he cut me off.

I grabbed it again. I broke it into all of its pieces.

I put the first piece into my mouth. I chewed it slowly. Hoping maybe he'd get bored if I didn't eat it quickly, but he picked up a piece and handed it to me. I ate that one too.

I had 4 pieces of chocolate in my mouth. It was sticking to the roof, my teeth, the sides, and my tongue. The taste made me gag. Some spit dripping from my mouth. I wiped it onto my uniform sleeve. The tears in my eyes began to well up. I sniffed as I reluctantly swallowed.

11 pieces left.

My stomach wasn't settling well already. It wanted me to throw it up. I can't eat the rest.

Jungkook handed me four more pieces.

I took them from him and put them all into my mouth at the same time. Chewing them as a stream of tears began to run down my face. I began to hyperventilate. The spit in my mouth caused me to choke once I did swallow it. I scooted my chair out and spit the half melted pieces back onto the wrapper. Coughing into my sleeve as I ran out.

I slammed the door to the nearest bathroom opened. Hitting each stall before getting to one that wasn't occupied.

My throats contracting. I gagged a few times before finally throwing up the chocolate with ease. It left a burning sensation against my esophagus. The acids from my stomach as well as blood escaping my mouth.

I screwed my eyes shut as I shamelessly puked with the stall door opened. Each breath I got was short and shaky before the next round hit.

I can barely see through the tears, but I can feel the snot run down my nose to my lips and off my face into the toilet. I let out a throaty cry and a gag every time I'm about to hurl some more. Never being able to catch enough air before the next wave hits.

This feeling is familiar to me now.

My hearts racing. The burning in my chest was only increasing. My palms are sweating as my fingertips curl around the hem of my shirt. Each wave leaves me weaker and weaker. In more and more need for air. I feel so close to passing out, but I never do.

When I was done, I felt so tired. I let my body relax against the wall of the stall. I reached forward for some toilet paper and wiped my face and tossed it into the toilet. Inside the bowl was mostly blood, the chocolate was out of my system.

I looked out to see Jungkook right outside the stall.

"What a waste of my money" He sighed before shaking his head.

I shook my head too and looked down. I glanced at his shoes. He began to walk away after. Leaving me in the stall beside blood and chocolate puke.

I really thought he was a little better than the rest. Turns out, they're all the same.