Disclaimer: Kukuku. I don't own Naruto.

Warning: Language. Innuendos.

Beta: Lavendor Queen

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(Day 2, Noon, Naruto's POV)

Naruto turned his attention away from Sasuke as he paced back and forth in the small inn. Last night Naruto had sent out a frog summon to contact Jiraiya. While he knew his father would indeed be helpful in tracking Mia (as his tracking skills were greater than his or Sasuke's combined), it wasn't Jiraiya Naruto wanted so much, as his spy-network.

Naruto knew a handful of Jiraya's contacts in the network, and they knew him. He, like Sakura, was still training to take over the network and it would be a while before he (unlike Sakura who already achieved it) would be able to take cover the network in Jiraiya's steed. In his defense, Jiraiya wasn't all that concerned with passing on the spy-network so much as the Toad and Rasengan legacy (and eventually Sage). He also knew Jiraiya wanted to pass on his Fūinjutsu to Naruto, but it would be a while before Jiraiya felt comfortable to introduce the subject to Naruto.

Within hours the toads responded that Jiraiya would meet them within this very inn the next day at noon. The inn was stationed on the border between the Land of Fire and Iron.

"Relax, Naruto," Sasuke muttered under his breath. He was seated in the booth, and the duo were the only guests at the inn. The waitress who served them tea was still giggling and winking at Sasuke. The Uchiha steadfastly ignored her.

Naruto gave a snort, running his hands over his face and through his hair. "What the hell is taking him so long?"

"Relax. I got here as fast as I could."

Naruto whirled around, relaxing when he saw Jiraiya entering the inn. But, he didn't relax completely, there was an underlying tension inside of him.

"You need help finding your old enemies, huh?" Jiraiya said, raising an eyebrow and sliding into a booth. "I already have some information for you. One, those mercenaries you mentioned are in the clear. Either they're dead, or have an airtight alibi, or it doesn't fit their psychological profile. The majority of them are dead, actually."

"Good riddance," Sasuke snorted.

Jiraiya waved him off. "However... when you mentioned teleporter... well, let's just say I found something interesting." Jiraiya gestured for Naruto to sit down, and with a growl of annoyance, the boy complied. Only when the teenager was settled, did Jiraiya lean forward and drop his voice to a low volume, "Rumor has it there's a shinobi who's been popping up in one place before disappearing within the same hour. In each instance, there's always a body to be found."

Naruto stilled, his eyes widening and Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Naruto swallowed roughly. "You don't mean...? That Kaa-chan...?"

Jiraiya looked down. "... I don't know. The thing with the bodies though... they all have one thing in common. They all have a registered kekkai genkai."

"... So this person has been targeting kekkai genkai users?" Sasuke inferred.

"Maybe," Jiraiya allowed. "We don't really know what his... or her's... goal is."

"Why are we just now hearing about this?" Naruto asked. "Someone killing kekkai genkai users... that's pretty big. And a teleporter to boot."

Jiraiya shook his head. "Because all the deaths up to the last one, not counting Mia's... possible outcome... have all been... covered up. Each kekkai genkai user was old and frail and died from a heart attack. Nothing unusual. The only thing unusual about it is the fact that they all willingly left their homes, traveled in the middle of the night out into a secluded area and then just... died. Weird. But nothing criminal, not to mention the majority of the details have been... exclusive. Some villages refuse to share the information in general and it's a testimony to my skills to have been able to divulge this much, if I do say so. The last death, though... was a young woman. Completely healthy. Died in the same circumstances as the others, though. There could be other deaths, I suppose. But they're either too covered up, or no one knows about them, yet."

"How many so far?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"Thirty-seven," Jiraiya responded somberly.

All three shinobi bowed their heads at the number.

Naruto swallowed roughly. His voice cracked a bit when he asked, "So... so then we don't have to worry, though, right? Kaa-chan... Kaa-chan doesn't have a kekkai genkai, right? Tou... Tou-chan?"

Jiraiya kept his head bowed for a moment longer. "Not... not really. However... however to protect her, and to mask her weakness... Konoha registered her of having one. Only those who are close to her, or have worked with her before know the truth about her... lack of chakra."

Naruto felt cold. "What... What's her kekkai gankai registered as?"

"Manipulation of nature chakra."

Naruto buried his face in his hands, letting out a slow breath. After counting to ten, he removed his hands and stood up from the booth in a jerky motion. His eyes glittered with determination. "Alright. Alright fine. So this idiot might have kidnapped Kaa-chan. There wasn't a body, though, so he didn't kill her. Maybe because Kaa-chan doesn't have a chakra system, he can't do what he did to the others. That gives us time. We're going to find her. And we are going to save her."

Jiraiya gave a grin and Sasuke smirked.

"Got any leads, Tou-chan?" Naruto asked, a feral grin in his face.

"As a matter of fact..."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(Day 2, Evening, Sakura's POV)

Sakura was covered in sweat and she ached down to her very bones. It was taxing to have gone from the Land of Iron all the way to Amegakure in such a short time, but it was all necessary. She needed to reach the rest of the Akatsuki. The sooner everyone started helping, the sooner they could find Mia.

Sakura ran through the rain, her breathing coming out in uneven breaths as she tried to control it. She ducked into the Akatsuki main building and yanked her glove off. She bit down into her thumb, a coppery-taste pooling into her mouth before she planted her bleeding thumb on a door.

The door slid open, the seals recognizing her blood and Sakura ran inside.

She knew exactly where Sasori's room was and she wasted no time in reaching it.

Sakura threw the door open. "Sasori-sensei!"

Sasori looked up from his tinkerings, setting aside the tools and the human head he held. He frowned at Sakura. "Sakura? What are you doing here? Did something happen."

Too out of breath, Sakura only nodded her head. After a minute of trying to catch her breath, she managed to say, "Get everyone... something happened... it's Mia."

Sasori stood up swiftly, placing a hand to steady his swaying student. "Go ahead and head to the meeting room. I'll get everyone together."

Sakura could only nod.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

"What's this about Mia, un?" Deidara asked after everyone in the Akatsuki gathered (minus Tobi and Zetsu).

"Sakura. Tell us what happened," Pein commanded.

Sakura bowed her head to her leader. "We were sent on a simple mission. Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, Yamato, Mia and myself... we didn't run into any problems along the way. However, when we reached the compound and headed to bed... about midnight, Kakashi-sensei noticed a strange chakra in Mia's room. When he went to investigate, the chakra and her were gone. We scoured the lands and we can't find a trace of her, or her kidnapper. Tobi arrived shortly after and headed away just as quickly - I guess he had a lead or something. Naruto and Sasuke decided to look into Team 7's enemies, Kakashi is looking into his own enemies, Yamato is returning to Konoha, and I headed here."

"Wait, so some fucker up and kidnapped our bitch?" Hidan asked, glowering. "The hell?! That's like... that's like an insult."

"Not like, you imbecile," Kakuzu growled out, "is. Whoever took her could be hoping to strike at us. It could the Chuunin Exams all over again."

"But who could do such a thing? To be able to sneak past their team and to teleport so far away with Mia..." Konan trailed off, a worried expression on her face.

"Sasori," Pein began.

Sasori bowed his head. "I will check my spy network and see what comes back, Leader-sama."

"We thought... that it might not just be targeting at a group as a whole," Sakura began. "We thought that the kidnapping could be targeted for one specific person."

The Akatsuki fell silent at that, chewing over the information.

"Tobi thinks that could be the case."

All eyes turned to Tobi as he strolled in the room, an underlying tension in his body that most of the members weren't used to seeing in the happy-go-lucky man. "Tobi wants to know if anyone here has any big-bad enemies that can teleport."

Pein was the first to respond, "I am certain that I successfully eliminated any possible enemies for myself and Konan. The only living enemy that remains is Danzō from Konohagakure."

"Danzō's cleared," Tobi chirped. "Tobi checked him out already! Anyone else?"

Hidan scratched the back of his head. "Fuck. I guess I could have pissed off someone. I kill a lotta people and they tend to have families or whatever bullshit."

"The same applies for me, at least to some extent," Kakuzu said dryly. "Although I doubt any of my enemies did this. Mia isn't the way to get to me."

Deidara shrugged. "I don't think I have any enemies that can teleport, un. At least if I do, I don't know about it."

Itachi shook his head silently.

Kisame frowned. "Same with Hidan, actually."

"I'm meticulous about my enemies. They don't live long enough to extract revenge," Sasori said dismissively. "And Mia isn't my most treasured person, so it wouldn't be as effective to kidnap her."

"Hmmm..." Tobi hummed, tapping his mask thoughtfully.

"I'll see if I can find a teleporter first. It would probably be easier to look at all the long-ranged teleporters in the land than our list of enemies," Sasori said dryly.

"Fuck yeah," Hidan said, grinning.

"Come on Sakura. Let's get to work," Sasori said, beckoning his pupil.

Sakura nodded and followed behind him, anxious to find her friend.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(Day 3, Early morning, Kakashi's POV)

Kakashi loosened his grip on the rope and a scream cut through the air. Up high on a cliff that overlooked a flat valley, Kakashi stared down at the man tied to his rope. The man was dangling over the edge, his hands bound, and his eyes covered. The rope was wrapped around his feet, but it was loose enough that it could very easily slip.

"I will ask again," Kakashi said pleasantly. "Where's Ryozo?"

The skinny man gave a whimper, shaking his head. "P-Please..."

Kakashi released the rope for a split second before grabbing it, causing the man to free fall for a moment before stopping short. He gave a choked sob.

"Hmm. For a civilian, you're holding up surprisingly well," Kakashi told the man. "However my patience is thin. A friend of mine is in danger, and I don't have time for this. Last time before I end this and move on to the next source of information. Where. Is. Ryozo?"

And again, Kakashi released his hold, and again he caught it.

"Stop! Please! Okay, okay! R-Ryozo-sama i-is staying at the Furōtingu inn. R-Room twelve. Please, I swear that's all I know."

Kakashi nodded his head, despite knowing that the man could not see the action. "That's all I needed to know. Now, was that so hard?"

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Kakashi henged into a nondescript civilian. He surveyed the inn with a calculating eye before he walked in. With ease, he casted a genjutsu over the civilian innkeeper - the innkeeper was given the impression that Kakashi was never even there and he would ignore any odd noises or things out of place. Kakashi went up the stairs, not making a single sound. When he reached the door, he opened it slowly, before opening it more widely. Ryozo stood by the window, his back to Kakashi. Kakashi could see the man holding his scratched out Kumogakure headband.

"I figured you would be coming, Kakashi," Ryozo said and Kakashi dispelled his henge. Kakashi didn't bother trying to deny it: Ryozo was a chakra sensor and while Kakashi's disguise was necessary for no one else to recognize him, it was pointless against Ryozo. "I heard about your friend. Shame. You were close, weren't you? I heard you even lived together."

Kakashi did not respond right away.

Ryozo turned around slowly, blue eyes dancing with amusement. "And you came to me because you think I took her, or at the very least I know."

"I know it's true for at least one of those," Kakashi said, giving Ryozo an eye-smile. "We both know which of us would win in a fight, so let's save everyone the trouble and you just tell me what I need to know."

Ryozo chuckled. "I'm afraid I can't quite do that. Because I quite like the idea of this hurting you."

Kakashi nodded his head, accepting this. He had expected as much. "I don't suppose you could agree to take this outside of the village, Ryozo?"

"I think that sounds like an excellent idea, Kakashi," Ryozo said, sounding oddly pleased.

It's a trap, Kakashi thought to himself. Normally he would just backtrack and attack Ryozo then and there in the village before escaping to regroup, but he didn't have the time. He needed to defeat Ryozo as quickly as possible, and preferably without anyone else knowing he was doing so (as it might tip off Mia's kidnapper that he was on to them).

But it's a trap I'm just going to have to spring.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(Day 3, Evening, Obito's POV)

Obito paced restlessly back and forth. Zetsu had been sent out to find Kabuto's whereabouts days ago and he had yet to return. Obito was having trouble just randomly choosing places and searching for Mia. He knew that it would just make Zetsu's job harder to track Obito down after he found the information, but Obito hated not doing anything.

He felt a surge of anger and frustration boil inside of him and his fist snapped out, slamming into a nearby wall. He broke through the wall, leaving behind a dusty hole all the way through to the next room. He yanked his arm out, his face twisted into a snarl.

It's been three days. Three days. She's been in the hands of an enemy for three days. She was only in Orochimaru's for minutes and she already had a arm and leg and now can't stand the sound of snapping. She still flinches when someone snaps a damn twig.

Three days.

Three whole days.

"Oh fuck," Obito breathed, giving a sigh and sitting down on his bed. He threw his mask off because suddenly it felt too suffocating to wear. He rolled onto his side, staring at a picture on his nightstand - it was of Mia during her first festival. She was blushing brightly, but looked positively pleased.

Obito's hand drifted out to the picture and he picked it up, holding it above him as he rolled to lay on his back.

What if because I let Kabuto go, he's really the one who kidnapped her? Obito thought. Because I was so focused on my war, I've lost... no, nearly... I refuse to think that she's gone now... that I've nearly lost my closest friend?

Obito closed his eyes, setting the picture back down on the nightstand.

"I'm sorry, Mia," he whispered.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(Day 5, Noon, Mia's POV)

"I look like an expensive prostitute," I declared, exiting the bathroom and sitting down on our bed. I tugged down at the end of my rather short kimono, giving X a puzzled look. "Are you sure this is the right size?"

"Positive," X said, staring at me. "... An expensive prostitute?"

I covered my chest with my arms. "Please. You could never afford me."

X gave a small whine. "You don't know that."

"Pretty sure I do," I said firmly, pulling up my white socks that went up to my knees.

X sighed, sitting next to me on the bed. I looked over at him. "Are you seriously wearing that mask? This is supposed to be our honeymoon! My husband is so not wearing a mask when he's with me on our honeymoon. That just makes me feel like he's ashamed to be seen with me or something."

"I bet you'd let Tobi wear a mask on your honey," X pointed out.

"That's different," I said immediately.

"Well it doesn't matter what you think," X said petulantly. "You're just a trophy wife."

I gasped. "Well! Why do I have to be the trophy wife? Why can't you be the trophy husband?"

"I am handsome enough to pull it off..." X trailed off. "But I don't want to be the trophy husband, so you have to be the trophy wife."

I folded my arms across my chest stubbornly. "I am not. I don't want to be the trophy wife."

"Fine. Then how about we're equal partners in the marriage?" X offered reasonably.

"But that's so boring."

X threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Well you don't want to be the trophy wife - "

"How about I'm an ex-slave and you're my rescuer who bought me off of an evil tyrant in the far off distant lands of Narnia," I suggested. "On the way to escape his clutches, we fell madly in love and eloped."

X nodded his head. "Good, but how about... I'm the long lost prince from the distant lands. For the majority of my life I thought I was, but a common man, and then my father, the king, died suddenly. In his will he told everyone of my birth and how he never got over my mother and he passed his throne to me. It was a rough start adjusting to my new life as a royal prince, but I managed. I also managed to bed every single princess I had ever come across and win the hearts of everyone with my charming personality and looks."

"Then what am I?" I asked, unsure of where I fit in his story.

"You're the maid that I shacked up with in a closet and accidentally got pregnant," X said plainly.

I hit his arm. "I am not!"

"But you said you felt like an expensive prostitute - "

I hit him again and he held up his hands in surrender.

"How about we're two childhood friends who accidently fell into a whole other world and went on an epic adventure, falling in love along the way, before we returned home?" I offered.

"That's so overdone," X whined.

"Like your story wasn't."

"It was totally original."

I snorted. "Okay. Fine... I'm a time traveler who is currently stuck in this time period. I used to be the secret bride of Uchiha Madara, but I lost control of my kekkai genkai (which allows me to transport from one time to another) and was sent back into the distant future. Now I'm traveling back in time, one decade at a time, to return to my darling Madara. You are a dear friend, though, that I fell in love with while in this time period and are trying to coerce me into stay in this time period with you."

X gave a hum. "I'm not just a dear friend, though. I'm also a long lost prince, who - "

I held my hands up. "Fine. You can be a prince. But I'm sticking to the whole bride of Uchiha Madara, because damn, that would be awesome."

"I thought you loved Tobi," X said slyly.

"It's Uchiha Madara."

"Fair point."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

My arm was hooked through X as the two of us walked behind Sayako. She was talking to X about something, but I wasn't paying all that much attention. My stomach was fluttering with nerves and I clutched the small bag I held in my hands. Inside it were the emergency weapons in case there was an unexpected turn in the plans. Which I could almost guarantee there would be because I was technically still part of team 7 (because our mission wasn't done, yet... probably, I wasn't dismissed from the team) and there was always a twist with that team.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I piqued up, dancing from one place to another. Sayako turned to me, raising an eyebrow and X looked over at me. "I'm terribly sorry, but do you mind if I...?" I gave the woman a pointed look and she seemed to understand.

She gave a thin, humorless smile. "Down the hall on your left, third door to your right."

"Thank you," I said in a rush, pulling away from X. I hesitated a brief moment before I kissed his masked cheek, keeping up the whole we're-totally-on-our-honeymoon-and-not-at-all-going-to-steal-from-you facade. I hurried away, feigning embarrassment at my biological needs.

When they past the hall I had headed down, I waited a minute before I hurried to the vault. It was nerve-wracking running down the hallways to the vault. I kept thinking I would be attacked, or caught, or something. However it really did seem like she had no guards around.

I skidded to a stop, stumbling a bit in my one-and-a-half-inch heels (shut up. I hadn't worn heels in over six years - Tobi was very strict about me not wearing anything I couldn't sprint in).

The entrance to the vault looked like nothing, but air. There were white-gold marble pillars with detailed designs on the bottom and top on either side. I knew the designs were actually seals, and they glowed a dull gold. However there was no door, no windows, no anything. It was an open area and I could stare straight into the 'vault'.

It was a huge room with shelves that went higher than my apartment was tall. Most of them were filled to the brim with texts, items, weapons. There were some items that were too big or irregular to be placed on shelves, though, and they were placed over in a corner to the far right.

I let out a slow breath, my heart skipping a beat, before I crossed over into the vault.

Nothing happened.

I sighed in relief. X's theory had worked and I could safely pass in and out of the vault. I flexed my fingers. Alright. I had limited time to drag whatever the hell I could carry out of the vault before X's shadow clone of me was saw through by Sayako. X's shadow clone of himself would be coming by with the storage scrolls to store whatever I managed to get out of the vault and I would off and on my way.

The vault measured the chakra inside - measuring what entered, but not what left. If any alien chakra entered the vault, everything inside went bye-bye, and the mission would be a failure. However if I - a chakraless person - could drag the things out of the vault, then X could use chakra to store it and viola. We win. They lose.

First thing was first, though, and that was finding the text that X was hired to find in the first place. Thankfully, Sayako seemed to have everything categorized alphabetically by who deposited the item. It didn't take long to find the old scroll and once I grabbed it and placed it outside, I set to work on our prizes.

Ooo. That looks sharp, dangerous and devious, I thought excitedly, grabbing some sort of dagger and placing it out. I grabbed as many scrolls as I could carry (I kicked off my high-heels to increase my speed), along with anything that looked even remotely bad-ass (and that I could reach)

After some minutes, my eyes rested on a completely awesome desk. I had no idea what the hell a desk was doing here (although from all the glowing red seals carved into it, I guessed it was there for a very good reason), but I wanted it.

I sprinted over to it, grabbing both ends of one side and tugged as hard as I could.

It didn't budge.

"You little shit," I muttered under my breath before moving to the other side and leaning my entire weight on it. "Moooooove, you little fffffuuuuucker."

It creaked.

I glared at it.

Then a brilliant idea popped in my head. I clapped my hands and skipped over to my handbag, pulling out a strong, but small rope. I tied one end to a desk leg and threw the other end outside of the vault.

X could use his chakra to pull that baby out for me, I thought smugly. Now back to stealing!

There was a growing pile of items outside the vault, and I was starting to get a little worried that we wouldn't have enough room (and that something happened because X should have been here by now). However my worries were assuaged when X appeared, and gave me a thumbs-up.

"Nicely done, wifey-who-will-never-leave-me-for-Madara," X said.

"Thanks, slutty-hubby," I said, grinning. "Do you think you could grab that rope and pull the desk out? I can't move it, please."

"That desk looks positively expensive. I'd love to steal it," X said happily, grabbing the rope and pulling. The desk creaked and whined as it scraped across the marble floor, but it finally made it out of the vault. "Now I'm going to store everything in the scrolls, you place it in your handbag and return to the real-me and Sayako. We then walk out of here like nothing was wrong and viola.

"Yay," I chirped and X started to seal everything away. Once all the items we had snagged were taken care of, I placed them in my handbag, slipped on my high heels and gave X a nod of my head. "See you soon, hubbie."

"Later, wifey," X said cheerily.

After X poofed away, I turned on my heel and began to make my way to the meeting-room, however before I could exit the hall with the vault...

"What the...!?

I froze, my heart stopping.

"Where's my desk?!"

Slowly, I turned around and found a rather portly man with two shinobi flanking him. He was staring in disbelief, and then his eyes rested on me. "... You. Who are you?"

I panicked and reached into my hand bag and pulled out a handful of balls.

"What are you doing?" the man demanded and the shinobi started to advance slowly towards me.

I threw down the chakra-poison (a poison that attacked the chakra system and within seconds those that breathed it in were rendered useless - no chakra, so I was immune).

The entire hallway exploded in a gaseous purple and I coughed at the sharp smell of sulfur. I then turned on my heel and sprinted away, ignoring the sound of bodies dropping.

Within a minute, I had reached the meeting room, panting.

"Wifey?" X asked, standing up from his seat across Sayako, papers spread out on her desk in between the two.

"We've been found out," I told him.

"Excuse me?" Sayako asked coldly.

"Hmm... Wanna go out in style?" X offered.

"Do you even need to ask?"

X seemed to grin at me, as he wrapped an arm around my waist and positioned himself between me and Sayako.

"Just what the hell is going on? What do you mean?" Sayako demanded.

X pulled out two smoke-pellets and one poison-pellet. "I mean... we're going to gas our way outta here."

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Kukuku. 

Answer: FanFiction writing / Video-gaming.

Question: If you could go anywhere in all the multiverses with any three people - where would you go, and with who?

Reviews are love!

Picture by KamiKaze-no-Ryuu on deviantART.