2024-02-27: minor edits until- well, i'm not sure if i'll rewrite this or just make edits, we'll 'Cross' that bridge when we get to it. fittingly, it's still late at night as i'm writing this
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It... is 1 am. Perfect time to write. I shall not sleep. There are a few typos, mainly because I've been exclusively writing this after around 12:30 am and I couldn't be bothered to fix any that I didn't catch within like a minute. I call this the "I am not high, just very sleep deprived and gay" chapter (credit to whoever put that in their A/N, I didn't think of it). Probably like 90% of this isn't plot-relevant at all, but there's a tiny bit of foreshadowing. I bet you can't find it!

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Blue was chanting as Nightmare walked into the kitchen. He looked over to see Erratum drinking a bluish-green, frothy substance out of a giant sippy cup.

"What the hell is tHAT??" Nightmare screeched, worried that Erratum would poison himself.

"LaundRy det3rgenT," replied Erratum calmly, setting the empty cup down.

"I-" Nightmare was lost for words. "Please tell me it isn't poisonous."

"It won't poison Erratum," Blue said. "It just keeps his voice from glitching as much. We're experimenting to see if the quantity he consumes affects how long it lasts."

"Wow, blUe, tho$e are Big w0rds," Erratum said, wiping away a false tear. "I'm so ProuD of y0u."

"Shut up."

"NeveR."

"Experiment No. 15," Blue said aloud as he wrote on a notepad, ignoring his boyfriend. "One gallon of detergent. Full effect lasted 23 seconds. Erratum, keep talking."

"Okay. I am t4lkiNg aBouT th1ng$ noW. Lik3 th3 skY. It'$ v3rY pReTtY."

"Stop. Decline rate of glitched letters is the same speed. Total time affected: 37 seconds."

Nightmare looked at Blue's notepad. It was full of nonsensical doodles, but they were written in a way that made him think they were some kind of code.

Blue sighed mournfully. "It's all exactly the same: 37 seconds, with a margin of error--" Erratum snorted. "--of a single second. Whether it's a teaspoon or a cup of detergent, the effects last 37 seconds."

Just then, Dust burst through the door. "Did I hear someone say they're drinking laundry detergent?"

Erratum, sipping detergent, looked up. "1t's aCtuaLly f4briC sofTeneR."

Blue suddenly realized something. "Tide Pod Challenge!!!"

"nO--" Nightmare exclaimed.

"yES--" Erratum refuted, pulling a box of Tide Pods out from under the table.

"It's not like it'll hurt him," Blue pointed out. (Side note, kiddos: It might not hurt Erratum, but it'll hurt you. Please do not eat laundry detergent.)

"Ye4h, 1t'$ n0t LiKe 1t'Ll HuRt Me," Erratum agreed, popping a handful of Pods into his mouth.

"How do they taste?" Blue asked.

Erratum made a face. "TeRr1bLe. AnD*n0w My=Vo1c3 i$^m3s$eD uP+eVeN m0r3." It seemed that actual detergent was the polar opposite of fabric softener, somehow.

Nightmare and Dust glanced at each other, unable to understand Erratum. Blue didn't seem to share that problem, though, as he pestered Erratum for more details because "I can't eat them, but I want to know how they taste. Obviously. Forbidden gushers time!!"

Then the conversation devolved into making as many meme references as possible, at which point Nightmare and Dust left. They did NOT feel like listening to smol childrens make memes, especially because it was still before, like, 10 am., and Nightmare STILL hadn't had his coffee, which was why he went into the kitchen in the first place.

"Ughhhhhh, I need coffee," Nightmare groaned.

"Same," memed Dust, slumping onto the couch.

"Shut up."

"Yes, boss."

-----

"Hello," Killer said, seeing their new children (Erratum and Blue) sitting at the kitchen table. "Have you eaten breakfast ye--"

"WHY is thIS ONE Kansis," screeched Blue, "but tHIS IS NOT ARKANSIS?!?! America, EXPLAIN!!!!!!"

"Lo0k 4t 4lL tHo$e Ch1cKeNs!!!!!" Erratum shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

"Fre sha va ca do!!!!!!!!" yelled Blue, standing on his chair.

"Goodbye," Killer said, exiting the kitchen and retreating to the living room.

Nightmare looked up from his coffee, a comically large pair of fluffy earmuffs around his skull, obscuring his crown. "You saw the Meme Duo, then?"

All Killer could do was nod.

-----

Error stormed into the kitchen. "What the fuck are you yelling about? I'm trying to sleep!" He promptly realized he just cursed at two smol childs. "Sorry? But seriously, stop screaming or I'll get Fresh to murder you in your sleep."

"JoKe$ oN y0u!" Erratum exclaimed. "1 d0n'T sLe3p! Go0d LuCk KiLl1nG m3 n0w!"

Error, slightly concerned, walked out of the kitchen and into the main room. "Is Erratum okay?" he asked Dust.

"Physically? No," Dust replied. "Mentally? Also no. Why, did something happen?"

"I told him if he kept screaming Fresh would murder him in his sleep--"

"WHY would you dO THAT he's fIVE--"

"--and his response was that he didn't sleep????"

Nightmare nodded placidly. "Yeah, just ignore it. If worst comes to worst we'll get Blue to make him sleep."

"1 c4n He4r YoU!" Erratum called from the kitchen.

"Oh, so you're saying that WOULDN'T work?" Dust yelled back.

There was silence for a few seconds.

"No, 1t ToTaLlY w0uLd--"

-----

Horror wandered into the living room and saw almost all his friends sitting on the furniture. "Woah, is there a meeting or something? Why didn't you tell me?"

"No," Nightmare answered. "We're just taking refuge from the kitchen."

Horror frowned. "Why, what's in the kitchen?" he asked warily. "Is it a ghost or something?"

Just then, the sound of outraged screeching filled the house.

"Worse," Dust said. "C h i l d r e n."

"It is Wednesday my dudes! AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" they could hear Blue yell.

"1t'$ Fr1d4y YoU cUt3 iDi0t!" Erratum exclaimed.

"...I see what you mean," agreed Horror.

-----

XChara, or CC as they liked to be called, had been dormant for the past week or so.

Therefore, when they floated invisibly into the kitchen to see if breakfast was ready and maybe scare Horror by moving things, they were not expecting two five-year-olds screaming memes at each other.

"What the ever-loving french toast?" they murmured as the one that was probably Error's illegitimate child yelled something about "an avocado, thanks!".

They also were'nt expeceting the child to immediately whip around, eyelight s locking onto them. "HoLy-!" the smol exclaimed. "YoU sTaRtLeD m3! HeLl0, Cr0s$'s Gh0sTy PaL!"

" 'Ghosty pal'?" the other smol mouthed incredulously, squinting in CC's direction. It seemed that only Error's kid could see them.

"WeLl, 1 n3v3r GoT tHe1r NaMe!" the glitchy one defended.

"You can call me CC," the ghost intervened. "May I ask your names?"

It appeared that both Error's child and Not-Error's child could hear CC, though, and they introduced themselves as Erratum and Blue, respectively.

CC decided to get information straight from the source. "So, whose kid are you, Blue? Erratum's dad is pretty obvious, but I can't seem to pin you'rs down. Maybe Dust?" they speculated.

For a few minutes, the smols were laughing too hard, but eventually Blue answered, "Why would you think I'm Dust's child??? He found me and RuRu next to a dumpster and took us home."

That was pretty much confirmation that Dust was Blue's father, so CC moved onto the next question-- food. "Is breakfast ready yet?"

The smols shrugged. "Do you want me to cook something?" Blue asked.

"N0!" Erratum yelped at the same time as CC answered, "Sure!"

Blue frowned and used puppy dog eyes on Erratum until he reluctantly agreed, "bUt 0nLy 1f 1 g3t To Co0k, To0! CC c4n $uPeRv1s3."

The ghost in question shrugged. It wasn't like they had anythiinng bettter to do.

-----

Nightmare, sitting curled up on a chair, suddenly frowned. "Don't you think it's a bit too quiet?"

"Yeeeeaaaaah," Horror said suspiciously. "Why isn't there any memes being screamed?"

"Nah," replied Error, "they've pRobably jusT settled d0wn a littl3."

"I dunno," Killer joined in. "Aren't kids supposed to screech like they're possessed by the devil?"

"I bet they're dead," Dust said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, probably," Nightmare agreed, going back to his book.

They all stood up at the same time to go check on the kids.

-----

They found Blue cracking eggs into a pan while several papers floated like they were being held and Erratum was inside the fridge for some reason.

The reason became apparent when Blue reached out his hand and Erratum threw a carton of milk at him. The milk stopped abruptly at the same time as the papers fell to the ground. "SoRrY, CC," Erratum said to thin air after a few seconds.

"I require.... sosig!" Blue said, grabbing the milk and dumping the entire container into the frying pan.

"Th1s WiLl Be Th3 w3iRd3sT Br3aKf4sT eVeR," Erratum commented.

Blue stuck out his tongue. "It's not my fault I'm only good at making tacos."

"...Ye$, iT i$," Erratum refuted, "b3c4u$e YoU'v3 oNlY tRi3d To Le4rN h0w To MaKe TaCo$."

"Hush," Blue said. "Pass me the sosig." Erratum yeeted a package of breakfast sosig at him."Thanks!" He put thirty sosages into the pan and started stirring.

Meanwhile, Cross was looking at Erratum in confusion. "You can see CC too?"

Erratum jumped and whipped around, one hand flying to the markings on his cheeks. "St4r$-- y0u Fr1gHt3n3d Me!" he exclaimed, glitching slightly more than normal. "Of CoUr$e 1 c4n $e3 tHeM, 1t'$ aN uPs1d3 t0 b3iNg--" Blue elbowed him, cutting him off. "0w! Uh, 1 m3aN, wHaT gHo$t?" he tried.

"How'd you know CC was a ghost if you can't see them?" Cross asked.

"...UmM..."

Blue took over. "We... guessed?"

...Well, that was a good try, Blue. Nice job. Totally not unconvincing at all.

Dust raised his eyebrows. "Well, and here I thought Cross was making it up! If the two weirdest five-year-olds that have possibly ever existed can see your imaginary friend, Cross, then I guess I owe you an apology for doubting you."

"...Thanks, I guess?"

Nightmare facepalmed. "Cross, that's not-- your not supposed to thank people for aplogizing."

"For the record," added Blue, "I can only hear CC, not see them."

This was possibly one of the oddest mornings CC had ever experienced, and that was saying quite a lot. "Hey, Blue?" they interrupted tentatively. "The egg-milk-sausage thing is on fire."

"Oh stars!" Blue ran back to the pan, which was on fire. "How do I put it out how do I put it out how do I put it out, uhm--"

"WaTeR!" exclaimed Erratum.

"No!" shouted Nightmare.

"Erratum give me some of your strings!" commanded Blue.

Erratum gave a heasitant glance at the rest of the gang, who were peering through the doorway and also in a state of panic, but complied, sheilding his face from their view. Blue grabbed his strings and threw them in the pan, where they caught fire.

"Wh4t Th3--"

"Language!"

...At least the fire had moved from the pan to Erratum's strings. Wait, that was a bad thing.

Erratum decided to forego hiding his powers from the gang as the fire slowly crept up his strings. He ran through the living room, Blue following to make sure nothing else was on fire, and faceplanted in the snow outside. Blue dumped the flaming strings next to him, and they, too, were extinguished.

For some strange reason, although they were flammable, Erratum's strings could not be destroyed by flames (or anything, really), but, all the same, Erratum decided he would rather not have the inside of his skull be on fire. He had never experienced it before and was loathe to try it now.

The rest of the gang finally came outside to see smoking, electric blue strings spread all around Erratum, who was laying face-down in the snow. "Are you two alright?" asked Nightmare.

"We're fine," answered Blue. "RuRu almost caught on fire, though."

Erratum's voice was muffled as he chimed in, "AlMo$t! I h4veN't CaUgHt 0n FiRe YeT, wHiCh 1s BeTt3r Th4n YoU!"

Blue pouted. "It was one time!"

Although no one could see Erratum, it was clear that he was giving Blue the 'oh, really?' look.

"...Fine, three times. Technically. You know, since it was your strings that you manifested that caught on fire, I could technically say you've caught on fire, too."

Erratum finnally sat up, allowing the gang to see that the strings were coming from his eyes, specifically where the tear-like markings were, and tangled around his fingertips. "Alright, two times for you, then, and none for me," he bargained.

"Deal," Blue agreed.

"...Did they just compromise over how many times they've caught on fire?" Dust asked no one in particular.

"Erratum's magic looks a lot like mine," Error noticed aloud at about the same time.

"Can we go one day without something crazy happening?" wondered Nightmare in the tone of voice that meant he was actually saying, "Why, stars, why?"

"Probably not," answered Cross.

"Definitely not," Killer told him.

"Maybe?" Horror added his opinion.

Although only two people could see them, CC simply shrugged uncaringly.

"You brought this onto yourself when you invited two random children to stay in your mansion with a semi-violent gang," Blue stated, and Nightmare figured he was probably right.

There was a long moment of external silence (though several people were internally screaming), then--

"Oh shi-take mushrooms! The tacos!" Blue exclaimed, and ran back inside to finish breakfast.

-----

A bit shorter than usual, but I figured this was a good stopping point. If you can read this, I've finally remembered to upload it. Have a good day!

Pun of the chapter: What's it called when a catgirl/catboy can't sleep? Insom-nya~

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