The sun rises and so does Roxy's journal. My fingers trail the rim of the cover before I open it again. The curvature of her letters bring tears to my eyes, they're beautiful and untamed just like her.

I reread her stories, her thoughts and epiphanies. One of my favourites; I don't know why, but my plan to leave the miscreants is starting to crumble. I don't want to admit that I actually care for these losers, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't. There's no point in denying the facts, so I just won't admit it to them. They'd let it get to their bloated heads- especially Adam.

I finally watch how her views of us change. How she stuck her nose up at us before laughing at our jokes. James went from a know-it-all lanky man-child to an argumentative, lack of people skills man-child. Someone who Roxy cared for because he was honest with her and showed her what everyone thought of the situations we faced.

An example; James pointed out how Adam was pacing when we discovered we were being followed by someone. He said that Adam is a baby and is relying on Jean to help him with his decisions. Izzy is more curious and perspective of her surroundings, but she's more worried about the people while Jean is ready to fight for us. It's admirable, but she's scared. I understand why, but I still think she's a loser. Then James said I was trying to figure out everyone's motives because I'm skeptical and have major trust issues. He then proposed we ally with each other, and if things turn for the worst we'd leave. I agreed, at least this dumb nut has a plan.

James reciprocated Roxy's affection with his own. Though his grief for her is silenced by his logistical reasoning. His brain doesn't comprehend caring for people, but maybe it would have if she was around longer.

Adam went the handsome leader who will probably have a midlife crisis to an equal rights activist. This made me laugh, Roxy always has ways with words. She said Adam will lead with me and might prove to be a reliable asset, if not with his brain- than his brute force.

An example; Adam is strange, he's having a premature midlife crisis and is constantly asking for Jean's help. It's like he's afraid to be sexist or to put his foot down. When James calls most females inadequate, Adam instantly steps up and calls him out. He then argues with James for an hour about equal rights for all genders. Adam is a leader, just not a very good one yet. I'm afraid if he practices trying to lead he'll kill us, guess it's a good thing I am secretly running the operation. 

Izzy went from the annoying forgotten older sister with learning disabilities to a much-needed nurse with a mild case of ADHD. It's no secret that Izzy and Roxy rubbed shoulders. They were opposites. Izzy was a people person and couldn't stand being alone for long. Roxy lived and survived on her own her entire life, dependancy and love was vacant in her life. The one thing that startled me was a reason why Roxy hated Izzy was because of me.

The example; Izzy is always in the way. I try to get close to Jean, the one person here besides James who I'm comfortable with. I don't know why, but I am so annoyed with the fact that Izzy will always be closer to her than I'll be. Izzy has this personality that makes you want to hate her because you want to like her. Everyone loves her, and no one loves me. I can't stand how she always needs to be doing something and never sits down. With Izzy's perfect personality, I can't help but hate her more. Why doesn't anyone love me?

Tears collect on the page, smudging the ink. I gasp and try to dab it away. Roxy... I'm sorry no one kind and good loved you until we met you. I love you, but I never said it. I let time be my worst enemy when it could've been an ally.

I flip through the pages and sob. Our journey together has even shaped me from an annoying child to a leader she could trust. Roxy didn't want to associate with me at first, but she stayed for my protection. She learned to care for a girl who bugged her for attention and insults instead of ignoring them.

An example; Jean is a brat. She's sheltered and has never felt what true fear for her life is like, but that's why I like her so much. I'd never seen so much child-like innocence in a woman who'd set her life on the line. I'd like to be more like her, to have her ocean blue eyes and selflessness instead of my empty steel eyes and insecurities. Jean is a woman built of iron will, leadership, sacrifice and blind hope. I will follow her into a set of blazing flames as long as she has her dumb bow with her. Not like she wouldn't, she always has the stupid thing with her. Are they married or something?

I run my fingers over the Sincerely, Roxy every time she finishes a page. When Luke said we're breaking up, I thought my heart broke, but it broke long before that. It broke when I watched my best friend get slaughtered in an arena covered in blood. I just pretended that I was still intact when really, I was blowing away in the wind until I completely disappeared. My sister, James, and Adam watched me fade into nothing. Alaric has only known my "nothing," Roxy was the last one to see me alive.

I turn my chin up to the late afternoon sky and let a blood curling scream rip past my lungs until they collapse. I gasp and grab my knife and throw it at a tree. It plunks and falls helplessly to the ground and I fall to my knees. Slumped over, I rest my forehead to the ground, crying and empty.

I have to accept this pain. I have to accept the fact Roxy will never be a part of my life again.

All this time I thought I was healing, but I was really bleeding. I've been putting my happiness into other people's hands when it should have been in mine. I convinced myself I needed Luke, or Alaric, to comfort me when who I really needed was myself. I said I was independent when I depended on everyone else to make me feel powerful. I begged for their forgiveness when I needed my own. I and the only person that can make me happy.

When this is over, Roxy will lie at rest, and I will continue to grieve her. I grieve now, under this cliff side, with the sun setting and my heart failing to beat. Because now that I am truly broken, I can grow again.

I flip to the last page; the ink rolling into her final letters I will ever read. I push the journal down and wipe my snot and tears away. Once more I pick the journal up, and once more I shall watch Roxy fade with these last words.

My Last Journal Entry:

My hand presses to my empty chest, where my heart is supposed to be. "Once more," I whisper and lower my eyes back down. "I must lose Roxy one last time and the pain will subside."

Today I die. I die for the Immunis; I die for freedom and more importantly, I die for Jean.

I know this plan won't work, Izzy is the only one who knows where to go, therefore I am left to go into the Pit to be Jean. Lady won't be pleased, she won't let me get away for lying and I won't leave alive. Lady is ruthless and uncaring, she will kill Jean. Jean, the girl who's kind and warm, who deserves a fate much kinder than the one dealt to her. She will die if I don't.

I know that this world is unfair. I've survived sexual abuse and torment. The darkness was all I knew until Jean showed me the light. Now I walk into it for her.

I hold no regrets; I want to do this. I must do this.

Dearest Jean, one day when you read this journal entry (because you're a snoopy, persistent, annoying girl) know that none of this is your fault. So many years I have held a guard up and a stone cold face, but then I met a sweet, gooey, invasive child name Jean. She opened my heart with the food she willingly gave me and a smile that stared into my soul. No one ever cared about me like you did, and I never cared about someone until you.

I was a terrible person most of my life, but you taught me to be good and somewhat kind. I know my death will bring darkness, but only in darkness will you find stars. In the end your stars will lead you to the light again.

I wish I could do to repay you for your friendship, but I can't. There is nothing I can do except give my life for yours. You've given me a reason to live, and now I must be the reason for you.

I truly love you, Jean.

Sincerely,
~the hottest best friend you'll ever have~

Tears burn my eyes, and I muffle another agonizing scream. Roxy may have been constantly cold, but she's easily a reason I will not give up on my life or the ones I love. She didn't die for nothing, and I will make sure of that.

Roxy, I love you too. More than I've ever said or could show, because you will be the reason I live. For you and the rest of the humanity, I will fight. I will love, and I will give all of myself to the world.

Thank you.