t/w
knives, stabbing threats, mention of parents fighting

I was born an oopsie baby, under the name Holly Mildred Arlington. My brother, Jason, was ten. Well, nine, but he turned ten in a few days, so whatever. I was the perfect little girl. I was everything my parents could have ever wanted. A perfectly healthy baby girl, born a couple weeks early, but that's because my birth was literally a scheduled appointment.

One time, when I was maybe a few weeks old, they took me to my grandma's house, the same grandma who would later tell me I ruined Thanksgiving, but we're not at that part yet, and I just slept the entire time and everybody was like "aww she's so cute". Everybody loved me. 

Everybody loved me.

When my parents got married and spent the night at a hotel, my grandparents and some aunts babysat little three month old me. They all wanted to spend time with me. They all loved me.

They all loved me.

Honestly, I'm glad my earliest memory is just a singular frame of mermaid diapers. Not my parents fighting, surprisingly enough, but no. Just mermaid diapers. I was spared of that.

I don't remember a lot from my childhood, I'll be honest. I thought "oh, okay, that's normal. I was a little kid, it makes sense that I don't remember anything". Yeah, that's a sign of trauma. And you know, for once, I would just like everything that goes on with me to stop being a sign of 'trauma' or 'mental illness', maybe I'm just a Capricorn.

Though, there is something I do remember: it's kinda fucked up, but it's fine, that seems to be par for the course.

My brother pulled a knife on my father.

And, before we go any further, I'd like to establish, I have a father, not a dad. There is a difference.

Right, where were we? Oh, yeah!

Jason pulled a knife on my father. I couldn't have been more than four or five when this happened. I remember it, although, very fragmented.

My father said "Jason, if you stab me, I am calling the police."

And I remember thinking "If he stabs you, you'll be dead, so how will you call the police?" I wasn't worried, I wasn't scared, I wasn't sad, I don't remember what I was feeling but it wasn't any of that, I was just thought "wow my daddy's so stupid, thinking he'll live if he gets all stabified".

I want Holly's innocence back.