"Abby?" The question in her tone quickly morphed to delight,"Abby! You're here!"

I didn't hesitate before tumbling into mom's arms, taking a shuddering breath in to keep the tears in bay,"Hey mom."

She hugged me back and gave a gentle pat on my shoulder,"We missed you, baby."

After all that happened, I didn't know what to do. I ran, ran and ran, letting my feet take me to any place which wasn't near him.

He didn't mean it. He just couldn't control himself. It's all his head, it's not his doing, he was out of control, he loves me he loves me he loves me so much, I kept telling myself, but the words tasted like sawdust in my mouth.

After hours which blurred and merged together into a hazy dream-like state of wandering around hopeless, I realised I was standing in the porch of the house which once used to be my home.

Nothing really seemed different. My mom's smile was just as bright as it was and her arms still contained warmth which no other can provide.

And God, I've never felt so fragile before. I wanted to fall in her arms and cry forever.

He hit me, mom, I wanted to sob, I loved him with all I can and he hit me he hit me he hit me.

But I simply bit my lip and nodded vigorously, "Me too, mom. Me too."

She immediately started waltzing around the place, tidying up things which already looked fine,"Gosh you could've told me you're coming. It's a mess here. I would've cleaned up a little."

If it was any other day, I would've rolled my eyes and said,"Mom, I think you're forgetting the fact that I'm your daughter. I used to live here."

But just trying not to cry drained all my energy. I nodded feebly.

Mom paused her cleaning spree as if waiting for my reply. That was the way it has always been between us; we didn't do all those heart to heart conversations. It was always a fiery back and forth banter equipped with sharp laughs and snark. When nothing came from my side, she glanced back, hands on her hip and eyes singing worry,"Are you okay, Abby?" her frown deepened,"And why are you dressed like a homeless person?"

My hand automatically went up to my neck, almost making me cry out in pain. The bruises on my neck and cheek were very much visible, and I had no other option than to wear a oversized black hoodie which hung around my frame loosely, with the hood up. Thankfully, the hood was so huge that I looked like fucking grim reaper, making it impossible for anyone to even look at my face properly.

I looked down and let my hair curtain my face further, wishing the ground would swallow me as a whole. I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes for a second, sending a quick prayer to the big guy for some sort of distraction.

I sighed in relief when my mom's attention turned towards Elena's loud shouts.

"Abby?" The sound of Elena bounding down the stairs with such speed made me wince. That girl had such heavy steps that she might as well been bigfoot,"Mom, is that loser finally here?!"

I laughed, but it came out choked. I averted my gaze from mom's concerned eyes and croaked out,"How much you love me, my asshole of a sister."

I couldn't even speak one full sentence without slurring in the end. I blinked and tried to snap myself out of whatever trance I was in.

My mom hit the back of my head and hissed,"Language!" just as Elena hurtled towards me with such force that I stumbled back.

Realising that she showed too much affection, she stepped back, her cheeks bright,"Whatever. I didn't miss you that much anyway. Kinda felt relieved that you weren't here to torture me."

I decided to let it go, which I never do. I ruffled her hair,"Sure."

She narrowed her eyes,"What's up with you? You're acting weird today."

I fisted my hands in my pocket. I should tell them. I should tell them what happened and they'll tell me what to do.

I wasn't surprised when all that came out of my mouth was,"I'm just very, very tired. Can I go to my room and sleep for sometime while you guys prepare dinner? Please?"

Mom raised her hand to touch my shoulder and it took all of me to not just scream and move away. Don't touch me, I wanted to say, please just don't touch me.

I steeled myself to stand rooted on my spot. I don't know what I why, but when she touched my shoulder gently, it made me want to fucking die, "Go rest. We'll take care of it."

I didn't need to hear it twice. With a curt 'thanks', I bolted up the stairs to my room.

I closed the door behind me with a soft click and fell on my bed. There was a deep ache in my chest which made it hard to breathe.

I closed my eyes and wondered, what would someone see if they cracked my ribs open? Would they see my heart, looking like an engine smoking and beyond repair, pumping out blood as black as coal? Would they see bones as sharp as daggers piercing through my lungs, puncturing it so skillfully that every breath I take leads me to my painful demise? Or would they see a heart and a pair of lungs that seemed just fine? What would they see?

It was all so vivid, the images. They were flashing through my head and they refused to leave until they left a scar.

"You make me so angry."

Tears trickled down my cheeks and there was an inexplicable urge to howl all my pain out to the night sky. Moments like this reminded me that deep down, we're all just what we keep denying that we are- animals. How else do you explain the urge to squeeze the life out of a puppy, or they way you strike hard enough to bruise or sometimes even kill someone when there's rage pouring through your veins, or the constant, nagging thought in the back of your mind telling you to run away from everything?

A sharp gasp pulled me out of my train of thoughts.

Elena

I fumbled to pull down my hood, but it was too late. She had seen them.

Her hands were over her lips and she looked mortified,"What the hell?"

I hugged the cloth closer to my body and edged towards the door, closing it before she can get away,"It's nothing, Lena."

She blinked and hissed harshly,"What the hell happened?"

She pulled down my hood and gripped my chin, examining my bruises. White-hot pain shot up my neck.

She stepped back and reached for the door,"I'm calling mom."

"No!" I said a little too loudly,"Please, Elena, don't tell mom. It's really not a big deal."

Her eyes started to water and I just wanted everything to stop,"Please don't cry, Elle, please. I can't see you cry now."

She glared at me, eyes glassy but refusing to let the tears fall,"If you don't want me to tell mom, I want to know what happened. Every single detail."

I gulped. Even in that moment of helplessness, I still felt a pinch of surprise on how much she looked like mom. Then it turned to sadness when I realised I looked nothing like her. Looking at myself was a constant reminder that I'll never know who I truly am. How could I? I looked like a man who I barely remembered. That brought another wave of tears to my eyes.

"Okay. I'll tell you."

Liar, liar.

She exhaled slowly, "Does your boyfriend know about this?"

I couldn't hold the tears in anymore. I broke down.

Fucking tears. I loathed them. What's their point of existence? What point is there for something to exist when all it brings is misery and embarrassment?

Elena had always been a clever girl. She was quite good at connecting dots.

She pointed a shaky finger to my neck,"He did this to you, didn't he?"

I didn't answer. I just curled into a ball and trying to stop the hiccups. Maybe that was all the answer she needed.

"Oh my fucking god," she breathed. She was crying,"He fucking hit you, Abby."

"It was a mistake. He apologized. He never meant it," was what I wanted to say. But it all came out sounding like gibberish.

She touched my neck, feather-soft, and cried harder when I yelped,"What the fuck, Abby?"

"He didn't mean it, I swear." I managed to say,"It was a mistake. It was all just a crazy mistake. It was my fault, too."

She wrapped her arms around my shivering frame, careful not to hurt me. The disbelief in her voice was overwhelming,"Abby, he hit you. And you're saying it's your fault. It's not."

It wasn't possible for me to cry that much, I thought. But I did anyway. There was dam broken down deep inside me and it kept flowing out of me, a never-ending river of sadness. I clung on to her like she was the only thing holding me down.

"Abby. Promise me you'll leave him. Look at me, look at me - promise. Promise me you'll leave. Please."

I nodded, making another promise  just to break. Just to give myself comfort of being brave, even if it was just for a second, knowing that I would never be able to go through with it.
***
March 2019

Everything was blurry. I blinked and gripped the glass of water in front of me, willing myself to stop jerking. I couldn't stop it; I was shaking uncontrollably and my vision was short-circuiting.

"Abby? Abby, are you alright?"

Noah's voice sounded far away. Everything was out of focus.

What's happening?

I stared down at my arms, which were now peppered with bruises. All of them were a mistake, Noah had promised, it would never happen again.

But it did happen. Again and again.

It was strange; the way my bruises suddenly seemed green. There was moss growing on them, I noted calmly. My body was rotting

There was an echo of his fingers snapping in front of my face,"Abby! For fucks sake, what's wrong this time? Did you forget your meds or something?"

I tried to stand, and immediately started falling back. I couldn't stop shaking. It felt like my body took a long time to fall down on the floor. I wanted to reach out for my pills, to down another bottle in one go, but everything felt unreal and out of my grasp, almost dreamlike.

"Abby!"

Of course I couldn't leave him. I loved him. And he loved me. What sort of woman would I be if I left a man who loved me with all he can? A heartless wench, that's what I would be. Love heals all. He's just having a rough time facing his demons and I'm the one who can help him battle them.

And he would fucking kill me if I left him.

I saw it in his eyes the day I came back from mom's place. He looked feral, in the edge of insanity. There were scented candles and wilted flowers on the dining table, and he hit me for the second time that night. He apologized the next morning, of course. He always did. I thought it was all over. Everything would be fine. We would be okay. He would never hit me again and everything would be okay.

What a fool I had been.

I saw it in every movement, I felt it in every kiss and heard it in every 'I love you's he uttered; a warning. He loved me, oh how he loved me, but I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill me.

His fingers were splayed against my cheeks. His voice was cracking and even in that state, all I wanted to do was brush his tears away.

"Hello? 911? It's... It's my girlfriend. She's having a seizure. Please. Please come fast. Hurry."

There was a strange feeling in me. Something I couldn't explain. I did know that it was horrible and that I needed it to stop, though. But I couldn't do anything. There was a wetness in my cheek; tears? Drool? I didn't know. I didn't know anything.

Everything was fading away into oblivion and I could barely hear Noah's desperate cries,"Abby? Abby, stay with me."

How could I not?, I wanted to ask.

I was falling, falling, and nothing ever felt so peaceful. Is this what death must feel like?

The soft lullaby of sirens lured me into a sleep which was just as innocent as death.
***

A/n.

'sup? that was... intense?

uhmmm yeah this is the last chapter please don't kill me.

There's going to be a epilogue, don't worry. I may be evil, but not that evil. It'll provide all the closure needed.

ALSO

If you guys didn't figure why she's having a seizure yet: it's because she overdosed on her medication, xanax. I've been peppering the fact in the last few chapters; you can find it if you paid attention. I constantly mentioned that she has been taking more dosage than prescribed.

Confusion? Tremors? Rapid heartbeat? Slurred speech? Difficulty breathing? Yup, all symptoms of a xanax overdose.

I can't believe this book is almost over T-T imma miss y'all so much <3

byeee <33