wednesday, january 19th, 2022.

I poke her cheek, the female raising an eyebrow. She opens one of her eyes, the other following before she grins. Rena must've been asleep. "Oh, you're here. I fell asleep due to all the tests on me this morning," Rena informs me, my hand out of instinct brushing back strands of her hair. I kiss her head, grinning at her. "How was school?"

"It was fine. I'm glad you had a good nap," I say, laying next to her. She nudges me, which makes me move her arms into her lap. Though she can't move as much, at least her head can. Though, it's getting worse every day. I lay the blanket over her hands, her eyes looking over at me with curiosity. "I have a question for you today. It's a question I'm wondering for when I prepare for your death."

"I doubt you're prepared. You weren't even prepared the first time I went into the surgery room," She rolls her eyes, but sighs. "Go ahead."

I chuckle briefly, watching her pouty expression. "What do you want to wear when you're in your coffin?"

"I was kind of hoping you could cremate me or something, but I guess being six feet under is fine too," Rena replies with a laugh. "I want to wear mahogany. For you. I don't care if it's a dress or some suspenders. As long as I look cute in mahogany, I think that I'll be fine laying in wood."

"When I die, I'll wear mahogany so that we're laying together."

"Okay, weirdo. That's enough of that," Rena furrows her eyes. "I hope you're joking. Must you be so attached with me?"

"Of course, I'm joking. I was just trying to be as meaningful as you were," I roll my eyes. "Anyway, I've got a test tomorrow. You haven't asked me of any tasks yet, so I'm going to assume you have one for me today."

She hums, nodding in a struggle. "Yes, I presume. I was thinking about it today, what I should give you. I'm saving my favorite task for next week, though I must say I think I could withstand one more week after that one. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure you wouldn't mind sticking with me for one last week, right?" I nod, staring at the side of her face. "Well, ever since I've been getting worse, I've forgotten to say hi to the kids in the hospital. I'll leave that one up to you. I don't have anything for them, but I've heard them ask the nurses where I've been. You aren't allowed to lie to them about my situation. Tell them just enough so that they don't cry- but you're good at making people cry."

"You didn't have to add all that extra information. I was fine with being told the task and not all the downsides that come with it," I say with a stoic expression, hearing her quiet laughter from an inch away. I take the blanket off my lower half, getting up. "I'll go say hello to kids for you. If I have anything to report back, I'll make sure you're the first to know."

I salute her as she simply watches, giving me a childish grin. She doesn't have to respond to me before I'm already outside of her room, closing the door behind me. I stand there for a second. That second felt like a minute, but it was certainly a second. In between that moment in time, I gave myself a reason to think about all the tasks. It felt like unfinished business, of course, under her name. It felt obvious that these were things she wanted to achieve before she died, even though it is nothing major. She'd either die next week and if she persisted on living, the week after.

I wasn't prepared. I thought she'd be able to live until dying of old age, but with her conditions, why did I think so foolishly? I thought I was prepared. I always thought I could be stronger than I ask myself to be. Of course, I had been through lots of pain, but why did this time feel different? Is it because it wasn't family, wasn't me? It was someone that I loved without reason, unconditionally? She was a piece of me, somewhat my family... it just felt different because it was a certain type of love.

Nobody wants Rena to die. Nobody should wish for someone to die, though those things happen more than the fingers on my hand. I wished for a miracle, but not always are those granted to certain people. 

I asked for miracles all the time. 

If I realized earlier that Rena was my miracle, I would be grateful. Right? If I only knew by the time we shook hands in that corridor that she was the one blessed from grace, I bet I would have.

The second feels like an eternity, but I'm walking away the next second.

I walk to the lobby, where kids all run around the visitation area. One of them notices me. Her eyes sparkle, and I can remember her vaguely. Her acquaintance wears a stoic expression as she wheels him over, waving at me. "You're Miss Rena's boyfriend, right? I'm Nari, one of her younger friends."

I'll admit, she's probably a teenager. "Yes, I'm Jungwon. How old are you, Nari?"

"I'm thirteen," Close enough. She points to the boy in the wheelchair, who doesn't spare me a glance. "This is my best friend, Dowoon. He's fourteen, and he had blunt force trauma when he was little. So, he's paralyzed."

"Nari, that's my business. Why are you telling Rena's boyfriend this?"

"You liked Rena at one point, didn't you?! You're just jealous."

"N-Nari!"

I chuckle at both of them, squatting slightly. "Don't worry, I was like that too. Just know that Rena loves all of you here so~ much, okay? Don't get mad at each other," I pat Nari's head, causing her to giggle. "Rena's currently in a dire situation, so she won't be able to say hello to you guys anymore. Is that alright?"

Nari nods, Dowoon looking away. "Of course it's alright! If she's struggling, as long as she gets better, I'm okay with it. She promised me one day, we'd be able to leave the hospital. Though I don't think I can... I always hope that she will," She giggles, holding onto the wheelchair handles. "Dowoon, too. I hope that the both of them can safely leave without any problems."

"Nari..." Dowoon trails off, the female giggling still. They're cute. I have a feeling Dowoon has hidden feelings for her. Nari's just there for the ride, for him. I'm sure even after Rena has passed, they'll enjoy their time together. "...Nevermind. Thank you for telling us, Rena's boyfriend. We appreciate you being able to say hi to us, though we don't know each other well."

"I hope you both have a safe recovery," I say, standing up straight with a groan. "I agree... that I want Rena to safely leave the hospital, Nari," I agree, nodding slowly. "...By whatever means possible, in whatever way."

Nari nods, but it seems that Dowoon was the only one who got the message. I could see into those glassy eyes of his, reflecting my face in his pupils. He clears his throat, lifting his chin onto the palm of his resting hands. "Let's go now, Nari. He has more people to greet."

"Oh okay!" She waves to me, but before she wheels Dowoon away, Nari turns back around. "I couldn't catch your name, sorry! What was it, again?"

That phrase kicks me with a large sense of nostalgia. I exhale, grinning brightly.

"Yang Jungwon."

"Well, nice to meet you, Yang Jungwon!" She exclaims, waving as I wave back. "Tell Rena we say hello!"

"Will do. Recover safely," I say in a farewell, watching Nari point to the sky and Dowoon shrugging her off. I hope that both of them will be fine together. They give me a good feeling.

Ah, the long-not-awaited.

Three weeks down,

one more to go.