i want to take you out, show you to the world you're mine.

The one thing I had started to worry about was the tiredness that was in Rena's eyes. She's slowly losing the energy that created the woman she is. Though nothing could change the love I had for her, I had wished she was preserved for much longer. She didn't know when she'd die. I didn't know, either. All I knew was that it was going to happen soon.

Rena has been writing often these days. I don't know what about it. She hides it from me every time I enter her room or when I ask her about it. I don't pressure her forward. It's her privacy, and one day, I'll get to read it.

I bought her Cherry blossoms for the first time today. I walk towards the hospital, seeing her sitting in the lobby of the hospital. She's too busy writing to notice that I'm standing over her, waiting for her to look up with the bouquet in her hand. When she does, she gasps at the flowers in my hands. "Good afternoon, Sir Yang. Mind giving those to me?" When she reaches for them and I pull back, she whines. "How childish of you! You buy me those objects of significance, you love me, and yet, you still don't give them to me?"

"Read me one of your entries. One of your pieces of art," I reply, giving her an ordeal. My woman purses her lips, thinking of the deal that could get her some flowers. "C'mon, Rena. Anyone of your choice. It's a good deal!"

She sighs, nodding. "If you put them in my hair as I read them to you, then it's a deal!" She says, causing me to nod. I slowly pull the branches out, one by one, and lay them into the vacant seat next to me. I slowly start to braid Rena's hair, something I learned through her direction (and online videos.) Left, right, put through the middle. I'm doing my best, I swear. Braiding is still somewhat hard, just like learning how to wink.

"Okay, here we go," She sighs as I lay one of the braids over her shoulders. Luckily, it stays in place, which allows me to start placing the small sticks of blossoms. As I place one between one of the layers, I hear her heavy exhale.

"There are days where I'm with others, but I feel lonely.
I am in a room full of beeping monitors, but I hear none of them at all.
I feel warm in my hospital bed, but the discomfort spreads through me.
People always smile at me, yet I still feel invisible.

Is it because there's something wrong with me?
I was never like the other kids.
I thought I was just a late bloomer, that things would change.
I thought I'd become stained glass, colorful and elegant.

Instead, I became shattered glass. Fragile, often portrayed as dangerous.
I don't know why I thought I could be better than who I thought I was.
There are days where instead of me being elegant, I stab myself with my own glass.

I wish I could control that,
even when I can easily be painted into a prettier canvas.
I just want to stay alive, to stay in love.
But glass can't stay around forever."

I know she's nervous. I know those words were worrisome as I see them through her trembling inhale. She was honest, and I loved that about her. A part of me hurts though. If these were her true feelings, jotted down a piece of notebook paper, what else could be in there? If this was one of the several poems portrayed in her shaky eyes, what else was there? Stories? Journals? Ideas? I don't want to overthink her feelings. It's her concern, and if she wanted to tell me, she would.

Won't she?

Damn it, I'm overthinking.

She closes the brown book, placing it in her lap. I could see the small bit of joy on her drained face. "So, how was it? Are you almost done with the flowers? Mother is coming to see me today. I have to look cute and show her I look strong."

"Yeah, I am," I say, nodding before moving in front of her. I ignored the mother part. I knew that if I said something, I'd regret it. I pick up the scraps of branches, her happy expression as I pull out my phone written on her face. She poses as I take a photo of her, eyes crinkling as her joyous laughter is heard around the building. How I wish it could stay that way. "You look beautiful as always, Rena. Have you been taking your medicine, though?"

"Yeah, too many pills. I look dehydrated a bit, don't I?" She frowns, crossing her arms. "I'll have to ask Chenhan or mom to cut down on all the pills I've been taking. I'm getting tired of them, and not only do they make me feel weird, I just don't find comfort in them."

"I'll ask Chenhan to do that then," I stretch my arms, slowly pulling up her chin before giving her a chaste kiss on her lips. She giggles softly, causing the jolt of electricity to surge around my heart. I pat her head softly, waving to her. "I'll get going. Head back to your room and get some rest, okay? I'll wake you up a bit later."

"Okay, I love you!" My heart races.

I laugh a bit, allowing her to wheel past me. "I love you too."

As we move opposite ways, I swiftly turn the hall to Chenhan's office. I can hear the loud music that portrays her hidden personality in the hall. As I walk up to her office, I knock on the door. The music stops, suddenly, terrifyingly,—and Chenhan's opening the door with beads of sweat on her forehead. "You knocked?" I nod. "Come in. We have a few things to discuss."

As she sits at her dove-white desk I rub my sweaty palms together. She places her glasses over the bridge of her nose, a quick clear of her throat introducing the conversation. "Discard the loud music. I was told by uh, another doctor, to listen to it. Anyway, I suppose you're here on behalf of Rena. What's the matter?"

"She said her pills have been creating some additional symptoms for her, that's all," I say, pressing my hands against my knees. I don't know why I was so nervous this time around. I had something else I wanted to say, but I couldn't figure out what. It was there, but what was it? "Also, Chenhan... are you okay lately?"

She looks over at me, raising an eyebrow. "Surely, I have. Why?"

"Just asking," I reply swiftly. "I heard that your mom's coming today. I know it might become stressful."

"Every moment with that woman is stressful. She's been telling me to continue changing Rena's pills to work without knowing how damaging that can be. She's so demanding that I'm a "good doctor" for once that it affects me thinking I'm not. That's why her daughters are so distant from her. She doesn't understand a thing they say," Chenhan complains, leaning forward. "Whatever, I'm not here to scare you of the many tales my mother has done. I've got a question for you, seeming that we're talking about Rena's health."

I nod, listening.

She sighs, getting ready to tell me something I think I'm not ready to embrace. "When are you going to tell her everything, Jungwon?" She questions, causing me to avert my gaze to the marble tile. "You guys are dating, congratulations. What about what we've been preparing for? Telling her that you used her to move on from Sunwoo? Using her as a rebound? Loving her simply because of the similarity? You should tell her now before she finds out with pain in her eyes."

"I want to, I really do, Chenhan. It's hard. She's going through too much pain, why should I add more?" I question, causing her to sigh in frustration. "I understand where you're coming from and I'll consider it. I know she'll get mad. I know that it risks everything, which is why I'm not ready for her to find out yet. I can't lose what we have."

"Every day, you stray farther and farther from her heart. You should let go of everything before you also lose her," Chenhan frowns. "She'd be mad knowing I know. She'd be mad knowing she was a replacement, of all things. I know we shoved this to the side, but now's the right time, Jungwon!"

"I can't do it. Not yet," I whisper with a shake of my head. "I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"But you did," Rena. It's Rena. The rough texture in her voice, one that's unusually rougher due to the swelling of her throat. It's almost as if I can hear the tears drop from her eyes. Chenhan widens her eyes, my position is frozen as Chenhan stands up. "How lovely that I, too, was a replacement. Like every friend, every accompaniment I had, I had been a simple piece of fun. Did you have fun toying with my feelings, both of you?"

"Rena, please. Jungwon and me-"

"I'm not upset at you, sister. I'm not upset at the fact you knew before I did, because hell, I'd keep this a secret from myself too!" She starts to yell, and I can't help but feel ashamed. I deserved it. "I'm upset at the fact that I was right. That love was impossible. That this sort of attachment was only temporary, intended to harm someone without the intention of doing so. When have I ever been wrong?"

Our silence allows her to continue. "I'm not surprised. I used you too, but why does mine hurt more? Is it because you loved her so much, that it still affects me too? Because I feel like the second option when Sunwoo had always been at the back of your mind, being the first? You never let go of your first love, Jungwon. Nobody does. I knew it would include you too."

I try to speak but no words could form. "R-Rena, I-"

"Let's talk in my room," She carefully backs away, out of the room. "Where at least I can land safely if I choose to give up on you and die on the spot."

And I let her leave.

Like her heart,

I shattered glass.