don't go yet.

My shoulders shake as I delete every photo of Sunwoo and me on my phone. Anniversary photos, birthday photos, valentine's photos... they all disappear with every tap. How do people do it? How do people move on so easily and delete these precious photos like they never happened? It's unbelievable thinking that it must be so easy for everyone.

Finally, I delete our last photo together. Sunwoo, I'll stop talking about you. I'll stop referring to you as your name, as "she", as anything that resembles you. I'll forget everything you've taught me and stick to Rena, even though your knowledge is just as valuable. It's hard, but at least I know that you and I finally have no bad blood. I'm rather glad about that.

"Hey, Jungwon," Someone softly calls out, causing me to wipe my tears and any dried ones that might linger. Rena makes her way in front of me in her wheelchair, her smile sad as I help her sit next to me. She sighs softly, patting my shoulder as the silence consumes both of us. She decides to scoot closer, ready to start a conversation. "You're a horrible liar, you know?"

I chuckle, shaking my head before turning to her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Saying you're always okay, lying to us that you don't remember anything, saying you're going home when in reality, you went to visit Sunwoo..." She trails off, causing me to look down. I'm not surprised she knew. If anything, Sunghoon's the one who wouldn't get the hint. He's often confused about what everyone else knows. "Jungwon, I want to be there for you, even after all the crap we go through. I know, we both made mistakes this past month... but even when I try to forget you, the sight of you crying pops up in my mind. I just can't leave you like that, you know? I'm certain that it's the same for me."

I let her continue, looking down. "And I know that you don't want to tell me everything. That's okay too. I just... want to be the one you can tell everything to when that day comes. I want to be the branch that holds your flower, or the bag that holds your needs. Depend on me, Jungwon. I don't care how bad you use me or if you leave me for dead. I want you to be happy."

I slightly sigh, stressing over her genuine words. "Rena, please-"

"I mean it, Jungwon," She grabs my face, turning me. My lips are squashed together, her face slightly stained with a fresh waterfall of tears. She nods, being as cute as she could be. "Depend on me."

So, I slowly lay my head on her shoulder, her hands patting my hair like my mother would when I was little. It gains lots of nostalgia, and I can't help but sniffle. The emotions were like a whirlpool, one that would gain strength with every kind word you'd throw at it. I know she's doing her best to help me, but Rena isn't stupid. One day, she'll find it all out. Though it would be surprising, she'd lose her mind.

And the last thing I want is to lose her.

I feel tears wet Rena's pink sweater, causing me to cry even more. My emotions are all messy, causing me immense pain every time I think about the mistakes I'd be making. Why was there so much to apologize for in this world? Nobody truly forgives and forgets. It's only said to forget about the topic, to somehow let it go. However, it stays in our soul and grows until one day, it's spewed from our body through anger. Like a train, it continues from soul to soul. I've created so many trains that haven't taken off yet. I wonder what type of day it would be when I certainly do.

I like to think that I often make more mistakes than I have accounted for. For all the love unfound, for all the things I couldn't say... I broke so many souls because of my realistically broken soul. Like every lingering light, not everyone can light another. Rena, somehow, you lit something inside of me. After all of this, after we clear up everything and we can live like a normal pair, I want to take you out to dinner. I want to take you to get your favorite food, I want to get your ice cream after, and take you home. I want to get your parents' permission to date you, and I want to put a ring on your finger when we're stable and at a good age. I want to try everything with you, for you.

Rena, I think you're a pretty woman. It may go unsaid, but you're a pretty woman inside and out. Eternally and beautifully, you're a tree that roots and connects to my own. It's impossible to create such a mutant plant, but if it grows, we can call that our love. After all, we're an experiment. We fill unanswered questions, while also gathering new ones from people who've never understood them before. Although it's hard, I'll gain redemption for all the variables we didn't cover. 

From here, I want to start a new experiment with you. It's what you deserve after a failed one.

But first, I need to fix everything, starting from square one.

"You've been doing great recently, Jungwon," Ms. Ma hands me back my recent test, the happy 100 soothing my soul. I feel Sunghoon's stare on me as he picks up his backpack, joining Ms. Ma and me at the front of the room. "Have you found yourself a new inspiration?"

"Not really," I shake my head, smiling at her genuinely. "It's the same girl. She told me that if I needed anything, I could depend on her. So, we talked about lots of things. She... is currently helping me move on from such a sluggish time."

"That's great to hear," Ms. Ma winks, patting my shoulder. Her eyes meet Sunghoon's that lay behind me, her hand dragging down my arm before patting it again. "Well, I'll see you two on Wednesday! Have a great day."

"Bye, Ms. Ma," Sunghoon answers for us both as Ms. Ma goes back to her table, Sunghoon elbows me softly on my back, leaning towards my ear. "Meet me in the courtyard, Jungwon. Let's talk."

I didn't know what kind of talk he wanted, but he left first. Only a minute after, I decided to trail behind him and head to the courtyard. Did he want to ask me about the girl? Did he want to tell me something so unearthly... that I may just want to punch him? Sunghoon knows well that after what he told Ms. Ma and what he told Rena, I won't hesitate.

I walk into the courtyard, looking down at all the garlic flowers and dandelions. It was an awkward and weird assortment, but they sure were pretty. Rena was the one who taught me to appreciate flowers. She says they keep the world moving, even though we never realize it. They play a key factor in keeping us alive. I see Sunghoon sitting on the left edge of the bench, leaving me space to sit on the right. When I take a seat, he doesn't look at me.

"Have you and Rena reconciled?"

"Yes, we have."

"That's... good to hear," Sunghoon clears his throat, sighing. "Listen, I didn't mean to... rat you out like that. I just thought that Rena deserved an explanation, especially if she's going to get used as a doll-"

"What makes you think she's getting used, Sunghoon?" I question, interrupting him. He sighs once more, trying to vent his frustration, but I think he's confused. "Is it because I used to tell you she was? Because she resembles Sunwoo so deeply that you think that if I continue liking Rena, it'll be as if I'm dating Sunwoo? I promise you Sunghoon, I do realize that it was a concurrent question back when I was holding onto her, but now, I would give the world to that girl in the damn wheelchair."

"You still don't want to realize it, Jungwon? You're still in love with Sunwoo!" Sunghoon scoffs, trying to explain what's already been said. "I'm just saying-"

"I visited Sunwoo's grave. It's been years already, Sunghoon. Give it up," I vigorously respond, chuckling to myself. "After all, I wasn't the only one who knew you had feelings for Kim Sunwoo."

"That's not true, Jungwon, it's-"

"You liked her more than I did, right? That's why you told Sim Jaeyun that I was the reason she committed," I say, finally turning to him. As Sunghoon looks over at me, I can see straight through him. He did it. "That's why you told Rena. You didn't want me to have another happy ending. Sunghoon, just what kind of friend are you?"

"I reassure you, I never liked Sunwoo. She was just... pretty," Sunghoon causes me to laugh in disbelief, my eyes losing it as they roll around. "And I'm sorry for telling Jaeyun, okay!? He came to me asking if I was Sunwoo's boyfriend, and I knew if I didn't tell the truth, we'd both be in trouble."

"We? God, when was this about you?" I question, shaking my head. "You know what, forget it. From now on, if you and I stay friends, I never want you to bring up Sunwoo again. I'm over Sunwoo, and I mean it this time, Sunghoon. I'm not running back to her."

I stand up, grabbing my backpack. "See you tomorrow-"

"I like her, Jungwon," Sunghoon interrupts, causing my heart to fall. I slowly turn around, seeing his eyes full of sorrow and regret.

"I like Rena."