breaking under pressure is easier than breaking a heart.

My feet are antsy. I don't know whether to run or to cry. I don't know if I should start praying for Rena or start mourning. It's been hours. I haven't seen her. I feel so deprived from seeing her that it hurts. Is she alive? Is she alright?

Doctor Liu leaves the emergency doors, ripping off her mask hurtfully. She looks at me, almost wincing. "Jungwon, why are you still here? It's so late... are you... waiting for Rena?"

"I... am."

Doctor Liu softens, smiling to herself. "I'm glad you care about her so deeply, but I reassure you, she's fine. She had light asthma after taking one too many mints, which caused the nurse taking care of her to panic. Nothing major- well, until we did more check-ups," Rubbing her temples, Doctor Liu sighs. "Her hemiplegia has been seemingly spreading farther up Rena's spinal cord, possibly trailing towards the thoracic spinal nerves. Chances are that if we're unable to save Rena before then, she may be completely paralyzed- bed-ridden."

I feel the fear erupt in me, but as I hear the light rolling off a wheelchair out of the electronic doors, we both turn her way. "Rena, I thought I told the nurses to escort you out!"

"I've been a long-term patient, they know I can get around just fine," Rena looks at me, sighing. I blink, noticing how she stares deeply into my eyes. So, turning away briefly, I wipe my teary eyes. I feel the soft tug on my sleeve, allowing me to turn back around. Rena continues to stare, pulling harder so I lean down. Carefully, the girl lifts her hands, using the back of her thumbs to wipe my tears. "I told you, Jungwon... you shouldn't get attached to someone like me."

Her words spin around my head like an ugly swirl of stars, my eyes falling as I feel my heart torn to pieces. "It's alright though, after all, experiencing another near-death experience in front of your face must be heartbreaking for a new friend. Let's go, push me. We have things to talk about." I oblige, gulping as she places her soft hands back in her lap.

Grabbing her wheelchair handles, Doctor Liu and I exchange sympathetic glances before I push Rena along, the both of us leaving in silence. I let my feet allow us to walk around, my head in space. I look down, seeing her still body. She sighs suddenly, laughing to herself. "Jungwon?"

"Yes?"

"Did you... drop those flowers over there?" She laughs swiftly, using her free hand to point to the fallen bouquet. I widen my eyes as I push us over there, turning her towards the lotuses. I let go of the cold, metal handles, walking slowly towards the bouquet. Squatting down, I pick it up, tears pooling in my eyes again. "It's alright, Jungwon. They're pretty, but there's no need to ponder over a few fallen flowers. Next time, we can get flowers together- whenever that may be."

I ignore her words, tears dropping onto the white petal. "...Jungwon?" She hushes, worries lacing into her voice. "Jungwon, are you okay-"

"I thought I'd lose you today, Rena," I cry quietly, the girl silent as I weep over the flowers I prepared for her. "I thought I'd lose my friend. I worry so much for you, Rena, and I barely even know you."

I could feel her touch place against my back, the girl sighing softly. "Jungwon, you, too, are highly important to me, you know?" She questions, sniffling. "The whole time in that surgery room, I thought of you. After all, you've been here through thick and thin, and experiencing this first-hand is not something everyone can do. I'm happy you're here, and I'm happy you're my friend."

"So please don't cry further, it's breaking my heart," She whispers, her words let me wipe my tears and keep it together. "I appreciate you getting lotuses for me, as well. I'm glad you think of me so highly to get me flowers of such divinity- even if they're splayed across the ground."

She helps turn me around, picking me up off my feet even in her wheelchair. Like a cautious person, she holds my face in her hands, her eyes deepening into mine. My heart... what is this feeling? Why is she... so... precious to me? She's more to me than Sunwoo this time, but... why?

"Shall we go back to my room? I could tell you a few stories to help lighten the mood."

"It better not be your near-death experiences again."

"...No promises."

I enter her hospital room the next day, the girl looking up from her magazine. Her eyes sparkle like the stars in the deepest evening sky, her hands picking up as they raise to the roof. "Jungwon! How was school?"

"Boring as ever. I wish you went to my school, I wouldn't have to depend on my friend all the time just for answers," She giggles sweetly at my words, her eyes watching me as I place my school bag down. "How about you? Did you get any new tests?"

"Nope, but I think I'm getting a blood test tomorrow to see if I have any new side effects to my... disease," She narrows her eyes, crossing her arms. "Although it isn't a disease, I like how you call it one. Makes me believe that it'll be over soon and I can return to my normal life."

"I hope you do," I respond, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Oh, and if nobody told you today, you look beautiful as always."

"You flatter me, Jungwon," She rolls her eyes, leaning forward. "But you don't always have to tell me. Don't you deserve some praise too?"

"For what?" She scoots closer, adjusting her legs so that they dangle off the bed. I help her, letting her body sit next to me.

"You know... just for whatever you do, Jungwon," She eases, grinning like a kid. "I think you're pretty awesome, Yang Jungwon."

I don't know why that caused such immense butterflies in my stomach, but it did. They were probably yellow, maybe even monarchs. Those butterflies had every amount of toxic trait they were born with- but they looked so beautiful.

That's how I felt with Rena.

That I was going to be the toxic side of her,

but she was going to bring out the beauty in me.

"There you go again, thinking about things," Rena hits me slightly, waking me up from my admiration. "You know, there's no use in overthinking. It hurts, it pains, and overall, it just makes you reveal scenarios that would never happen."

"How do you they'll never happen?"

"Because I don't ever think that they'll happen," She grumbles, pouting. "After all, don't you get to live one life? Why waste it thinking of things that have nothing to do with the greater being of you?"

"It's fun... overthinking," I tell her, causing her to raise an eyebrow. "I think of things in broad color. I used to describe your sister as a wavy-haired chestnut brown, her coat being a little over an earl gray. Everything I've done was said in color... but for you, I couldn't specifically hand you a color. You had so many, that I couldn't name one."

She shakes her head, chuckling to herself. "You know, Jungwon- you're a special case. In a good way, of course, but-" She clears her throat, lifting herself as she lays back against her bed. My eyes follow her, her eyes set on the roof. "There's no need to overexert yourself and name a variant of colors for remembrance. There's no need to find somebody's color to help yourself recognize them. There's no reason to try to remember it, even if it's a daily occurrence. Yes, the world is beautiful, but that means there is no color to describe it. Everyone... should be indescribable."

I watch as her eyes fly to mine, her eyes softening. "Perhaps... did you learn that from your ex?" My face answers her question, the girl raising an eyebrow. "What color was she?"

"She... at first, was a beautiful purple. Lilac, maybe even heather purple," I respond, fiddling with my fingers. "Then, she became a dark red. A dark red so dark that it turned black- and it put me into suffering."

She stays silent, which allows me to continue. "She taught me that everyone had a color. Everyone had an identity, but the color was a better way of describing it. It stuck with me, and I felt obliged to learn every color in the human eye," I laugh to myself, shaking my head. "She taught me a lot of things, to be honest. She loved cherry blossoms. She used to call us a sweet, cherry blossom love since the flower itself represents love. I... never liked them since she left. I call them sakura petals since no flower is supposed to have a person hate them so bad. I loved her so irresistibly, but in suffering."

"I see," She nods, causing me to nod as well. I feel a harsh tug against the collar of my shirt, pulling me down next to her. I widen my eyes as we are inches away, facing each other. She's not scared, however, and starts to speak. "If she left your life, there is no reason to hang onto casualties you both shared. She's gone, and you can move on as you please. Don't feel so controlled to stick to what she loved. There's no need to talk in color, nor memorize them. There's no reason to dislike cherry blossoms, too. Hell, there's no need to call your love a cherry blossom then, Jungwon."

"What do you suggest I call a cherry love then, Rena?"

"Hm," She hums, licking her cherry lips. "Cherry love. No blossom, because it's already bloomed. The fruit... cherries. A sweet, irresistible love- but it's too good to be too sweet."

"Then what are we, Rena?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we... a cherry love?"

She hums, smiling softly. I feel her arms wrap around me, and even as she scoots closer, placing her head on my chest, I'm frozen.

"No, Jungwon, not yet," Rena whispers just barely, and my heart fluctuates.

"We're just a cherry affair."