i will never not think about you.

It's 2021.

I don't know why I'm here, nor why I decided to hold my heart out in the open.

I don't know why I'm sitting on this hospital bed, strapped in a lily-colored white,

but all I knew was that I missed you.

I missed you deeply.

I missed you by inches, by a strand of your hair, but even the godly grasp could not hand you back to me. I'd be stuck in my own, deadly paradox for days, weeks, even months. I had no answers. I had no reason not to believe you did it on purpose. What was the purpose of leaving on such a bad note?

Just to ship away?

Just to move on to another place, for another time? For your own life?

Couldn't you bring me with you? After all, it's been a year. I feel like I'm reliving the past, reliving every day without you. Call me lovesick, call me obsessed, possessive...

but nobody loved me as you did. Like you, Kim Sunwoo.

A girl of your time, must I say. I'm not that old, not that young, but I'd marry you if I knew you'd leave me without a place to go, and inspiration to bloom off of.

I didn't know what love was before. I wish I had a better chance of cherishing things if I knew it would turn out like this. To be honest, I wouldn't have fallen in love if I knew that things would turn out like this. Life has always been against me. Falling in love with Sunwoo was the only time the gods had given me a godsent lucky piece to bestow on my life...

and they revoked it the moment I got you.

Maybe it was me.

Maybe it was some other reason that had you running out the door, running into the woods. The trees were monsters, so why would you decide to run right into their grasp? The dark woods of sharp hands and piercing skin, and to save yourself... you dug right into them. I didn't know if it was to escape me, to escape the greater unknown called our future, but...

I, too, must have been a monster...

leaving you there, dead.

The chatter grows outside my hospital door. I lift my leg, only to groan softly. Lifting myself to brace me for the barricade of words that might be thrown at me, I watch as the doctor enters carefully. She held the beige, slightly tan-shaded clipboard, slapping it against her pale hands. With every smack against her right palm, I feel my heart jump another beat. "Yang Jungwon..." My name comes out like a pale ocean blue sort of silk, smooth yet utterly anxiety-inducing. "How are you?"

"...I could be better," I answer truthfully, crossing my arms. In an attempt to lean forward, I prop myself up on my elbows, trying to move closer. "Do you... know what happened to me? You know, to be in this position?"

"Well..." She clears her throat, almost to prepare for an inevitable outcome of pain. "You have a broken leg. Although not much is clear about what happened, from your grandmother, you had fallen off the roof trying to help her fix her olden TV."

Oh. Nice. Although falling off a one-story house was not what I had planned for myself to be in this condition, it's the lesser of the many thoughts that could've potentially given me a therapist. "I see. Is my grandmother okay, though?" I question, eyebrows raising in expectancy. "She... didn't frighten herself, right? Didn't tell my mother or father?"

"Not necessarily, no," The doctor taps her bright-colored Birkenstocks, tilting her head to show her silky-washed locks. "However, they are here. Do you want them to come in, give you some company?"

"...No."

"...Okay, well, there's another person here, too," And just for a moment, my heart leaps. However, I knew it couldn't be you. It never would, never could. You're gone now. Why would you come now? "Name... name... Ah, yes! Park Sunghoon is here."

"Oh," My most reliable friend. A person who knows everything about me, about what happened from start to finish. I nod softly, causing the doctor to smile. She must want some company for me, considering that she might be thinking I've completely lost my mind. Her pinecone-colored eyes fall deeply on mine, smiling brighter. "You can let him in. Thanks."

"No problem, I wish you a fast recovery," The doctor nods, walking hesitantly to the door. "Oh, and, Jungwon?"

"Yes?"

"It's optional to leave the hospital, y'know, maybe if there's something on your mind," She turns her head, eyes meeting mine again. With that sparkly glint in her eye, she knew I must've been contemplating a few things. "You'll be checked again in a few days or so. Only then... is it required that you must leave. Speedy recovery, again."

And she leaves with no purpose to say thank you in response. So, within seconds, Sunghoon hyung enters the hospital room, sliding the door closed quietly as he chuckles deeply. "To ring off your own parents but not me?" He questions in a proud tone, his midnight-colored hair bouncing along with his voice. "I feel quite honored, Jungwon."

"Please don't flatter yourself, hyung, I just don't want my mom and dad to pour me on questions and pitiful questionnaires," I blatantly deadpan, causing hyung to roll his eyes. "Although it's nice to see you so proud of yourself for being my long-term friend, do know that your efforts will go in vain."

"Although I am displeased to not even be on "best friend" terms with you, it seems I'll take what I can get," He mocks me, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. "How are you feeling, though?"

"My leg is just fine, Sunghoon-"

"No, I mean, mentally, Jungwon," He interrupts, causing me to purse my lips. "Sunwoo again?"

"Yeah... I just... can't forgive myself, you know?" I laugh slightly, almost spilling an aching amount of tears. It starts to hold me captive until the point I choke on my own words, possibly even my own tears. "Sunwoo deserved better than to be left with the trees."

"You know, you don't have to use pairing similes and descriptive details to hide the truth," Sunghoon crosses his arms, turning away to let me compose myself. "You don't have to hide behind color and exaggeration to hide your discontent, either. Doesn't it annoy you when you think like that? With color?"

"It's what Sunwoo taught me."

"One day, you're going to disregard your morals because "that's what Sunwoo taught you" or whatever BS you like to pull because you're hanging onto her love by a thread," Sunghoon wasn't wrong. My excuses were for Sunwoo. My parents knew it, too- that every time I'd dodge their questions, I'd pull a "Sunwoo didn't want me to." And they don't push any further.

Though I don't mean to use your departure as manipulation, it would be better for me to do so until I figure out my heart.

"I know," I respond, smiling. He's not surprised by the sudden smile, of course, because it's his utter reassurance that he's right. "But don't worry. One day, I'll move on."

"That one day will definitely not be today, it seems," He grumbles, checking the time. "Shoot, I have to head to practice. Will you be fine here? Want me to signal anything to your parents, who are still frantically waiting for the chance to talk to you?"

"I'll be fine by myself, that's who I am. Just tell them I'd like to stay here until my required discharge," I nod, causing Sunghoon to respond with one as well. "Oh, and please don't forget to rally me my homework. I'd appreciate it."

"Of course, I have to be the messenger, ugh," Sunghoon says sarcastically, but soon lets out a soft, satin giggle. "Anyway, will do. Oh, Jungwon?"

"Yeah?"

"Think of her sweetly instead of deeply this time," Sunghoon crosses his arms, shaking his head to fix his hair. "Because after all, she is a constellation, Jungwon."

As he walks to the door, leaving me to ponder his short phrases and deeply moving words, I see the smirk that writes across his face.

"And constellations don't touch other constellations."

With his words and my mother's uproar to Sunghoon's name, I watch him close the wolf gray door. The day would come when he'd prove to be right. Of course, he always was.

Sunwoo and I always starred in our own constellations.

But even a star, light years away from the other... can dream.

and I, too, will dream of you.