"it is for the fucking better." donghyuck muttered, placing his head between his crossed arms over the table.

"hyuck? everything alright?" renjun asked, taking a sit next to the sad boy.

"yeah, just... mark, you know?" donghyuck replied nonchalantly, lifting his head for a second before putting it back where it was.

"so, you really fell deep for him..." the smaller stated, almost chuckling.

"mmh..."

"i can still remember you yelling at us that you didn't want a relationship last time we told you about a girl." this time, renjun chuckled.

"guess what, time changes." donghyuck mumbled.

"yeah." renjun nodded. "so, you want a relationship now?"

donghyuck shook his head. "i want a mark. it's very different."

"yeah, i know. the only thing you want is him, and you don't mind waiting for years to have him. but you'll never replace him by someone else."

the tanned male stayed silent for a while, just thinking about his life.

he tired imagining himself in the future, and the different scenarios that could happen.

first, him and mark getting together, in a utopian world, and never being separated.

then, mark and dahyun breaking up, and mark getting with donghyuck, causing his whole family to hate them.

then, mark and dahyun breaking up, and mark and donghyuck never getting together, because they couldn't do that to dahyun.

then, mark and dahyun breaking up, but mark disappearing and never coming back to donghyuck, because the tanned male was the cause of his break up.

anyway.

those scenarios weren't the most optimistic.

but hwat could donghyuck do?

he had to stay away from mark, and let his feelings fade away.

it was for the better.

"yeah..." donghyuck sighed, approving renjun's sayings. "you know what you're talking about, don't you?"

"i used to, yes." renjun nodded.

"wait, you used to?"

"mmh." renjun looked at donghyuck with a smile. "i- "

"junnie! you didn't wait for us!!" a voice cut renjun's sentence.

donghyuck's eyes widened as jeno and jaemin walked towards renjun, the younger cupping renjun's cheeks with his hands and pecking his lips as soon as he got close enough.

the tanned male was already utterly shocked by this, but to add a coat, jeno leant forwards too, kissing renjun for a bit longer than jaemin had.

"w-wait a damn second!" donghyuck exclaimed, rubbing his temples. "how?!"

"jeno and jaemin confessed their feelings to me. we're a couple now." renjun smiled brightly, leaning into his boyfriends' touch.

donghyuck's brows furrowed as he looked at the old couple. "and you guys didn't even think about telling me?!"

"you weren't talking to us." jeno informed.

"we've started to talk again for a week, i could have been informed!"

"you could have noticed too that renjun always sit between the two of us and cuddles whenever he wants to." jaemin raised a brow.

"don't blame him for not realising... he's too focused on mark for that..." the older boy giggled.

"thanks for reminding me." donghyuck groaned, going back to thinking about the boy.

"so, that's it? you don't want to be better than him anymore?" jeno asked.

"i want something better than being better than him." donghyuck replied. "i want him. but i obviously can't..."

＃

"how about we have a sleepover this weekend to help donghyuck getting his mind off... things...?"chenle asked when the six boys were peacefully eating together at the canteen.

"seems cool." renjun nodded.

"my parents are visiting my aunt for the weekend, so my house is free for us to destroy." chenle informed.

"you surely meant your mansion." jaemin stated uninterestedly.

"i want to have a sleepover." jisung smiled at the chinese male.

"yeah, well, we're not having a sleepover to have you two disappearing wherever to do whatever ten minutes after we get here." jeno told, making both chenle and jisung blush.

it is true that during their last sleepover, the two youngers had vanished after 10 minutes, leaving donghyuck, jeno, jaemin and renjun alone inside chenle's huge ass house.

not that they didn't have a good night, quite the contrary actually.

but they didn't miss pointing out that both chenle and jisung's lips were obviously swollen and that they could see hickeys on both their necks when they showed up after hours.

"w-we were cleaning the basement!" chenle squeaked.

"yeah, just admit your feelings to each other, then get together, and you won't have to make out clandestinely during our meetups." jaemin rolled his eyes, making chenle and jisugn glance at each other and blush even more.

"anyway, so, this weekend, chenle's mansion. everyone's okay with that?" renjun interrupted them.

"y-yeah." chenle nodded.

"yup." jaemin pecked renjun's cheek.

"i'll be there." jeno confirmed.

"same." jisung added.

all head turned simultaneously towards donghyuck who hadn't spoken since the beginning of their conversation.

the tanned male had his eyes focused on his plate in which he was making his spoon swirl in something that looked like mashed potatoes.

"hyuck? you're coming this weekend?" jisung asked, lightly nudging donghyuck's shoulder to wake him up from his trance.

"i don't really want to go out." he replied nonchalantly, his eyes never leaving his plate.

"come on donghyuck..." jaemin sighed.

"it could help, you know...?" renjun added.

"you need to think about something else..." jeno nodded.

"but i can't." donghyuck replied harshly, looking up and glaring at his friends, making them tense. "i fucking can't because he's so perfect, and god, how weak am i to be this heartbroken?! when you told me about it, i thought it would be easy. it's not by kissing and having sex with someone that you develop such a strong bond anyway. i was sure forgetting him would be easy. but, hell, it's impossible! he's running on my mind all day and all night. i can't fucking forget about it!" donghyuck continued, annoyance and exasperation evident in his voice. "and i- "

"hello guys! how are you doing?"

"oh god, my day was already so bad, and you made it worse..." donghyuck rolled his eyes, turning around to look at his sister who had just interrupted his monologue.

however, as soon as he turned around, his eyes fell on mark, who was awkwardly standing there, obviously uncomfortable because he had been dragged by his girlfriend.

donghyuck stayed silent for a few seconds, admiring the boy that had made his heart go crazy. mark was truly beautiful, and donghyuck would give everything right now to pull him in a hug or place his lips on his. but they couldn't. no more interaction.

it was for the better.

"hi dahyun, hi mark." jaemin spoke as he noticed donghyuck dozing off. "what are you doing here?"

"well, i was thinking that we could have a meal together. i think donghyuck hasn't introduced his friends to mark yet. this could be a good thing to do now." dahyun placed her tray on the table before sitting down next to jeno, leaving the seat next to donghyuck for mark to take.

"how about no?" donghyuck looked at his sister.

"i don't care about what you think. this is my life." dahyun gave him a fake smile. "have a sit mark."

mark gulped, looking between the empty seat and donghyuck, the boy he wasn't supposed to interact with anymore.

why was everyone making things impossible for them?

mark just wanted to jump into the comfort of donghyuck's arms right now, and have the younger boy telling him that everything would be alright.

but it was obviously impossible.

and it was for the better.

"i'm not hungry anymore." donghyuck declared as mark sat down next to him hesitantly. "bye."

and with that said, he walked away, never turning around, although he was tempted to see mark's beautiful face looking at him with his confused orbs.

but he held himself, because odnghyuck knew very well that if he glanced backwards at his crush, he wouldn't be able to walk away anymore.

＃

donghyuck stared at the blood pouring out of his hand on his way to the infirmary.

it was quite late, but donghyuck had stayed after the end of his classes to work at the library.

jokes on him, he hadn't been able to concentrate, so he had wandered around the classrooms and corridors of school, trying to get his mind off mark.

long story short, he failed miserably, and his anger made him tighten his grip a bit too much on the chemistry beaker he was inspecting, and so his whole hand had cuts that were bleeding quite a lot by now.

thankfully, he hadn't lost enough blood to feel lightweight or to have a seizure, but he knew that he would surely start feeling unwell in a few minutes if he didn't do anything for his wounds.

"hello?" donghyuck knocked on the door before entering the room. there was no answer. "huh... hello?" he repeated, walking further.

the nurse's office was empty, but donghyuck heard a low groan coming from one of the beds, making him look in that direction.

his eyes widened when he recognised the boy that was lying there, in a basketball attire.

"mark?!" he exclaimed, forgetting about his bloody hand to get to mark's side. "what happened? are you okay?"

"yes, it's fine." mark rubbed the side of his head. "i was thinking about something else, and the ball hit me full force, making me fall to the floor and hit my head." he explained.

"god, mark. you need to be more careful. you could have been seriously hurt." donghyuck said immediately, the words leaving his mouth before he could even think about them.

at that point, he didn't even realise that he was 'scolding' mark because he was worried about him.

and the older boy seemed lost and confused too, as if he wondered why donghyuck kept being so caring over him when they were supposed to stop interacting.

but did they care? no.

a simple conversation had made them both go so much better already.

"huh... the nurse isn't there?" donghyuck asked after a while.

"she accompanied a student to the school's entrance with the paramedic. she broke her leg i think." mark explained. "why were you here?"

"i hurt my hand." donghyuck shrugged, showing mark his bloody hand.

"oh god! it's bleeding so much!" mark gasped in horror.

"it's fine..."

"bring me the cotton and alcohol. oh, and bandages as well. they're on the table over there." mark ordered, pointing at the nurse's desk.

donghyuck was about to protest, but with a quick glance at his hand, he realised that the sooner it was treated, the better. so, he followed mark's orders anyway and came back to the bed mark was lying on, sitting on the stool in front of him after handing mark the medicine.

"give me your hand." mark told.

the tanned male lifted his arm, placing it into mark's palms, making the older boy wince as he was able to see the wound from up-close.

anyway, mark opened the bottle of alcohol and poured some on a cotton before gently pressing it on donghyuck's wound to disinfect it.

"fuck..." donghyuck gritted, almost pulling his hand off mark's grip.

"sorry..." mark mumbled, lowering his head. "i'm almost done, i promise."

donghyuck swallowed his pain and stared at mark to distract himself.

he inspected the way mark's hand was holding his with care while the other pressed the cotton into his palm, making the blood slowly disappear.

"bandage now." mark informed, putting the cotton away before grabbing the bandage donghyuck had brought him.

donghyuck left his hand on mark's lap, allowing the older boy to do whatever he wanted with it. he trusted him anyway.

"is it too tight like this?" mark asked, looking up into donghyuck's eyes and getting lost there for a few seconds. donghyuck couldn't blame him, he had quite some trouble looking away from mark's pretty face.

"no, it's perfect." donghyuck coughed, looking down.

"okay."

mark got back to wrapping the bandage around donghyuck's hand, making sure not to tighten it too much so that blood could still circulate into donghyuck's limb.

he was so concentrated while making sure everything had been done well, and donghyuck couldn't take his eyes off his face.

it seemed like mark was getting even more perfect with each time donghyuck looked at him.

when mark was done, he looked up proudly, meeting donghyuck's eyes once again.

and just like seconds before, he stayed stuck with his eyes looking through donghyuck's.

his emotions were a mess at the moment, his heart beating erratically and begging him to stop ignoring the younger boy he liked so much.

it wasn't possible. they were made for each other. they couldn't stay apart...

but sadly, they had to...

"i... i should probably go." donghyuck coughed, looking away. "thanks." he gave mark a small smile. "and bye." he added, turning on his heels and walking towards the exit.

"n-no, wait!"

donghyuck's whole body tensed at the sound of mark's voice.

mark wanted him to come back.

mark didn't want him to leave.

honestly, he didn't want to either.

but he had to. otherwise, he would do something stupid that will prevent him from ignoring mark. and as much as he iddn't want that, it was for the fucking better.

"what?" he asked, rather harshly, keeping his back facing mark.

"h-huh..." mark stuttered. "i know we have to ignore each other and everything, but... i have one last thing to ask. just one."

donghyuck sighed, still not moving. "go on."

"c-can you... can you kiss me? one last time."

a wave of warmth, comfort and love hit donghyuck's system, making him almost dizzy.

kissing mark... this sounded so great... oh, how much he wanted to do that.

but it wasn't reasonable, he couldn't.

he knew one last kiss meant the beginning of a billion others.

he couldn't get enough of mark, and he would never be able to do so if he kissed him right now.

it was certain.

"i'm not sure i'll be able to grant your wish, mark..." donghyuck sighed, looking at his feet without turning around to face mark.

"w-why...?" mark asked, sadness evident in his voice. donghyuck could almost picture him crying his eyes out.

"b-because..."

donghyuck turned around in a swift motion, finally seeing mark's pained face. the older boy was looking at him so expectantly, with eyes that held galaxies within them.

they were irresistible – well, mark was irresistible.

the tanned male bit the inside of his cheek.

he needed to get out of this infirmary.

he needed to run away from there.

he needed to get far from mark.

because he couldn't hold himself anymore.

and he wouldn't be able to do it ever again if he gave in now.

"d-donghyuck...?" mark spoke, tears slowly filling his beautifully shiny eyes.

"i won't be able to grant your wish because i can't hold myself mark." donghyuck declared, taking quick steps towards mark until he was standing in front of the bed. his hands reached for mark's cheeks, cupping them in his hands to bring their faces closer. "this won't be our last kiss, baby."

and before mark could reply, their lips met, creating a burst of feelings simultaneously inside their chests.