I just need to vent for a second. Feel free to ignore this.

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I hate my mom. I genuinely hate her. I know for a fact that she is emotionally abusive towards both me and my brother. I've called her out on this before and she defended herself. She listed examples of how she wasn't and then proceeded to call me stupid.

She constantly compares me to her friend's kids. She makes me the butt of almost every joke when she hangs out with them and I get brought up. She never talks about my achievements, she only ever criticizes me.

And yet she wonders why I have crippling depresstion and axiety.

On top of that I have an auto-inflamatory disease that effects my skin. I am in almost constant pain and I hate myself for it. This isn't something that can even be cured, I'm just stuck with it for my entire life.

I have no motivation to ever do anything. I'm almost constantly sad, numb, or pissed of at myself to the point I don't remember how to feel happy anymore unless I'm alone and distracting myself.

I honestly want to die. I have for over seven years now. I couldn't care less if I live or die, but I would genuenly prefer death. I know its not good, but I honestly don't care anymore. I've always said I would never go out of my way to hurt or kill myself, but now? Now I'm not so sure.

I'm tired. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I crave attention because I never got any when I was younger. I have no idea how to have normal friendships with people because they always either end up forgetting about me or I end up doing something to fuck it all up.

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Ok I'm done.

I'm gonna probably go cry until I need to sleep now.

I hope you guys have a great day/night <3