Kelsie's POV

I woke up feeling refreshed, feeling desired, satisfied, and overall, pretty damn good. Then, I looked over at Ryan asleep next to me, and suddenly, all of my anxieties came rushing back. Anxiety, and...guilt.

What the hell did I do?

He was gorgeous. He was sweet. He was sexy. Easy to talk to. Comforting. Incredible in bed. He was also a good eight plus years younger than me. However, what stuck out most in my head was that I had made love to another man in the bed that I had shared with my husband. Granted, Kyle and I had not been intimate in a while, it still didn't change the fact that this was our bed that we shared as husband and wife. Worse was that I had taken the very man Kyle had claimed over and over that I lusted after into that very bed.

I couldn't breathe.

Last night I had been so sure of what I was doing. Well, mostly sure. I had wanted this. I asked Ryan to make me feel good, and he more than delivered.

I didn't want to lose the friendship Ryan and I had begun to develop. I especially didn't want to ruin the relationship Ryan had with Mason.

I really fucked things up.

I was probably overthinking things. I tend to do that a lot. It was just comfort. Comfort and sex. Sex between two consenting adults who shared a mutual attraction. Nothing wrong with that. Right? It was sex. Really hot, mind blowing sex, but that's all it was. That's all it could ever be.

Needing a moment to myself to think, I got up, being careful not to wake Ryan, and threw on a short satin robe, then made my way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I replayed the events of the previous night in my head. I had acted like a cat in heat. A cougar if you want to call it. I pretty much seduced a younger man in my own home. This was totally out of character for me.

How did this happen? How could I let it happen? Something about Ryan put me at ease, and it made me let some of my guard down, and I opened up to him on some things. I let myself cry and be comforted.

Ryan is an amazing guy. Someone I could completely fall for, but I can't let myself go there. He's a young, hot superstar. He can have any girl he wants. What does he need with a widowed mother with years of emotional baggage to sort through?

I was hit with another wave of guilt when I realized I had not thought about Mason since last night. What the hell kind of mother does that? Last night, I had put myself first for a change, and now it was biting me in the ass. I would hate for the bond that Mason and Ryan had formed to be destroyed. Could Ryan and I put this behind us and just remain friends?

Lost in my thoughts, I did not hear Ryan enter the kitchen. His hair was wet, and somehow, that made him look even hotter, and I had to bite my lip to keep the lusty thoughts out of my head.

"I hope you don't mind, but I helped myself to a shower." He said. Mind? Hell, had I known, I might have joined him. I needed a shower myself. A cold one.

"No. That's fine. Would you like coffee?" I offered. Why did my voice sound so strange? I suddenly felt awkward. I tried to compose myself, to think of what I wanted to say, and how to even say it, but then he kissed me, and every thought in my head went out the window. At that moment, all I wanted to do was bring him back to my bedroom.

The kiss intensified, and when his tongue caressed against mine, I couldn't help but moan into it, and I totally lost myself in it. Fuck. He really knew what he was doing. When his fingers began untying the belt of the robe at my waist, I snapped to my senses. Forcing myself to break free from the kiss, I braced my hands against his chest and pulled away.

"Ryan, we need to talk about last night." I began, trying to ignore the look on his face. I couldn't really read his expression, but it almost looked like rejection. He didn't say anything, obviously waiting for me to say what was on my mind, so I continued. "Last night was a mistake. It never should have happened. Do you think we can put it behind us, and just remain friends!"

This time, I couldn't ignore the look of hurt on his face. I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.

"If you want me to forget it happened Kelsie, I can't do that. It did happen, and it was incredible. I'm sorry you think it was a mistake, but don't regret any of it." He finally spoke.

"I'm trying to be an adult about this Ryan..." I began, in a sharper tone than I had intended, but he cut me off.

"Really Kels? Do you seriously have to go there? I know I'm younger, but I am not a kid." Ryan rolled his eyes, and I realized how condescending I must have sounded, even though it was not my intent. At least I don't think it was.

"I'm sorry. That was not what I meant. I know you are not a kid. I'm just trying to sort this out, and I'm having trouble wrapping my head around everything."

He made a move towards me, his arms extended, but I halted him. If I didn't say this now, I never would. I really just wanted to succumb to him, to give into my feelings, but I couldn't.

"What do you see with this Ryan? With us? What are we? I thought we just friends, but I can't explain last night. That was not me. I don't know who that was, but I don't go around hopping into bed with guys, especially guys I just met." I was getting flustered, because I just could not sort out my feelings, and it confused the hell out of me.

"I am your friend Kelsie, and I would like to continue to be your friend, yours as well as Mason's. Last night was two people who are attracted to each other acting out on that attraction. Why do we have to put a label on it?"

"Because what you saw last night was not me Ryan. I don't do things like that. I don't open up to people. I don't get emotional. I especially don't sleep around. I have had two lovers in my life. My husband of fifteen years, and you." If that admission surprised him, he did not show it.

"You say that wasn't you, but what I saw last night was raw and it was beautiful. I saw you come alive Kelsie. You didn't think about anything, you just felt. I think you put on a face, and you put up walls to keep people out. I think I managed to get through some of those walls, and I think the person I saw was the real you, but for some reason, you won't admit it. Why is that? You don't have to hide yourself. I want to know you Kelsie, but you have to let me in."

His last sentence was almost a plea. I didn't want to let him go, but I was afraid I could lose myself in him. He still wanted to be my friend, and I wanted that too. Why couldn't we still be friends? We were both adults after all. Then another thought rushed through my head: Why couldn't we be both? Because I'm going to fall for him. I answered my own question.

"I think we should just be friends Ryan." I made my decision.

"I can be your friend Kelsie, if that's all you want, but I'm still going to want you. Last night changed something for me, and I can't just make it go away. Can you?"

I had seriously underestimated Ryan. Sure he was young, but he was mature beyond his years, and he was really making me cross examine myself. While I appreciated his honesty, I was forced to really ask myself what I wanted. I wanted him. I wish like hell I didn't, because I did not feel emotionally ready for a relationship, but I didn't want to lose him either.

"I honestly don't know Ryan. I know I want you in my life, but I don't know to what extent. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but I can't give you any more than that." My frustrations were coming back out again. I was feeling so exposed right now. Part of me wanted to let him in, another part of me wanted to shut down more, and there was yet another part of me that wanted to lash out.

"You want to hit something don't you?" He said with a smirk.

I was taken aback. How was he able to read me so well?

"As a matter of fact, I do." The thought actually sounded really good.

"You don't want to hit me do you?" He asked, with mock surprise.

I burst out laughing, and it felt really good. Some of the tension began to ease. "No. I don't want to hit you."

"Good. When is Mason coming home?" He asked.

"This evening. Why?" I wondered what he was up to.

"Go get dressed. We're gonna go have some fun."