My weekend ended up not being too bad. Actually, it was pretty good. On Saturday, my sister in law Kayla arrived with fourteen year old Jesse, seven year old Zoey and two and a half year old Hannah. I adored my nieces and nephew. Mason and Jesse, being the same age were very close. Seeing little Hannah was bittersweet, because my own daughter would have been the same age. She and her sister were just the sweetest little girls.

Since Mason and I were all alone, and I had the room, I invited them to stay with me, rather than my dad's smaller house.

Kayla gave me a big atta girl when she found out about Ryan, and gushed how happy she was that I had such a hot boyfriend.

On Sunday, we all gathered into the living room for the race. I was excited to see what Ryan and the team would do. They were riding on a hot streak and leading the points.

I watched devastated, as not even through the first stage, Ryan's car was wrecked. Taken out by another driver driving way to hard, way to early in the race. I wanted to cry. Ryan was fine, he had driven the car back to the garage. The damage was to extensive and they were done for the day. Goodbye points lead.

In his interview, he was clearly disappointed and frustrated, but he managed a smile and maintained his positive attitude.

"Mommy was right Aunt Kelsie. He is a hottie." Zoey said, and I couldn't help but laugh.

I sent him a text, not knowing when he would get it, but knowing I had to reach out.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. I miss you. We'll talk soon. ❤️ u."

It was at least a half an hour before I heard back from him. I figured he didn't have his phone on him.

"Miss u too. I'll let you know when I get back home. Love u."

I was a little disappointed. I really wanted to hear his voice, but he probably didn't feel like talking.

I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my family. My dad came over and we all had dinner together. The kids provided a good distraction, but I just really wanted to talk to Ryan.

I finally got ready to go to bed. I was the last one up. It was almost eleven, and I knew I needed to get some sleep, I had work in the morning, however, I just couldn't fall asleep.

I heard the text alert on my phone, and I jumped and grabbed it.

I know it's late and you're probably asleep. Just letting you know I'm home. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.

I was going to text back, but I wanted to hear his voice, so I called him.

"I'm awake." I said, when he picked up the phone.

"Good. I really needed to hear your voice, especially after such a shitty day." He said, and my heart went out to him.

"I really need to see you Ry. Is it alright if I come over?"

"I would love that, but baby, it's really late, and you have work in the morning." He replied.

"I don't care. Screw work. I just need to see you."

I realized I had never been to his house. I had no clue where he lived, I had just heard it was out in the boonies. He texted me directions, and I quickly grabbed a bag and filled it with everything I would need for the morning. No way was I going to sneak back into my own house and do the walk of shame in the morning. On my way out, I wrote a quick note to Shane letting him know where I went, just in case he woke up early, then I was on my way.

It took me about fifteen minutes to get to his house. He had even left the front porch light on for me.

"It's so good to see your face." He said, as he opened the door and wrapped his arms around me." We stood like that for a long time, before he finally realized we were still out on the front porch. "It's late. We should probably just go to bed. You have work in the morning and I just feel drained."

I nodded and followed him into his bedroom. A short kiss, and he was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, as I was tucked to his side. Lulled by the the steady rise and fall of his chest, it wasn't long before I also drifted off to sleep.

********

Why does the last hour of the workday seem the longest? I wondered to myself once again, as I checked the time for what seemed like the hundredth time. I was anxious to get this day over. Ryan was coming to my house tonight to meet my family.

When I got up this morning, he was still sound asleep. I quietly dressed and got to work. About an hour later, I got a text from him.

Thank you for being with me last night. I know I wasn't in a talkative mood, but I really did appreciate you dropping everything, especially in the middle of the night to be with me. I love you!

Seeing this made my heart seriously happy. I couldn't wait to see him tonight.

*******

I stood back and watched as Zoey and Hannah climbed all over Ryan. He was so great with them. As expected, my family loved Ryan, but little Hannah was especially smitten.

I knew Ryan was amazing with kids, just from what I had seen over the years as a fan, especially with his adorable nephew. Seeing him with my nieces should have made my happy, but all I felt was sadness.

When Hannah has fallen asleep on him, and he carried her to bed to lay her down, my heart soared, but then immediately sank. This man was born to be a father, but he would not get that with me.

I couldn't breathe. I needed some air, so I snuck out to the front porch and sat on the swing, and allowed all the thoughts that had been spinning in my head, that I kept pushing down, to surface. I don't think this is going to work.

"There you are. I was wondering where you disappeared off to." That voice that I adored snapped me out of my thoughts. He came and sat next to me. "Hey, are you alright? You've been really quiet. The concern was evident in his eyes.

I had to ask. I needed to know. "How do you feel about kids? I mean about having kids of your own?"

"Are you....?" His eyes grew wide.

"No, I'm not." I reassured him, even though I knew it was highly unlikely, and if it wasn't it was too soon to know anyway. I waited for his answer.

"I mean sure, I guess I want kids, one day. I just haven't really thought about it." He answered.

"It's obvious you adore them, and they adore you, but Ryan, if we are together, I may not be able to give you that, and that scares me."

He put his arm around me and drew me close to him. "If it doesn't happen, then I can live with that. I'm happy being an uncle, as long as I have you and Mason."

I still wasn't entirely convinced. "Ryan, we have only been together for a few weeks. Are you really sure you want to throw all of that away?"

"I'm certainly not going to throw us away Kelsie. I'd rather have you and Mason any day over the possibility of future kids. Don't you realize how much I love you?"

"I love you too Ryan, that's why I'm bringing it up." I felt so torn. He was saying all the right things, but I still had my doubts. "What if a few years down the road, you decide you want to be a father?"

"As long as you are by my side, I'll be fine. I'll be the best uncle anyone has ever seen. Between Louie and your nieces and nephew, not to mention Mason, I'll have more than enough kids in my life."

He kissed me softly, and I literally melted. I tried to push my doubts aside and focus on his words because God help me, I did not want to have to let him go.