"Mommy, I'm leaving." 

I sat on the monobloc beside her. I couldn't attend her funeral because my father was there and I didn't want to see him anymore, so I just waited until it was over and everyone was gone. 

"I decided to leave." I sighed heavily. "I feel so... so ashamed. I want to start a new life... I want to save my mental health, Mommy. It's getting worse. I'm getting worse each day." 

Ilang araw na 'kong umiiyak. Wala nang lumalabas na luha sa mga mata ko, but I could still feel pain. All I could ever feel was pain. Wala nang galit. Sakit na lang ang nararamdaman ko. 

"I can't stay here anymore..." I bit my lower lip. "Kuya's already taking care of my papers... I will go with Ida. I will work at their company abroad until... until I finally feel like I'm living again... Everything is so sudden." 

I felt dead. I felt so tired of having my goals all set in front of me. My life with Sevi was so amazing, but at the same time, I felt tired of always trying to achieve more. Maybe I was really too young to settle and deal with everything that happened. 

"I will come back and visit you again. I love you, Mommy." I smiled at myself. 

I went back to the car where my brother was waiting. He refused to leave the car and see my mom's coffin below the ground. He said it was too much for him. He was full of regrets. He said he could have prevented it. 

I also thought of that. I could have prevented it... but her condition was already getting worse in the first place. She didn't tell me. She always acted okay in front of me... What could I do? It happened already. I shouldn't be bothered by the things I can't control anymore. I should look forward. I should live my life for myself this time. 

I stayed in my brother's condo for a week until I saw him leaving in formal attire. 

"Hiro's birthday party," he informed me. "Aren't you going to attend? You should go outside and meet other people." 

I was already feeling a little better, so I decided to attend his birthday party. I didn't expect to see Yanna, though! Did they get back together already?! 

I remembered how she used to tease me with Sevi. It annoyed me again! Hindi pa rin siya nagbabago at ganoon pa rin ang mapang-asar niyang ngiti. I rolled my eyes and left to look for my brother. 

I couldn't see him, so I just went for a drink. When I saw Yanna leaving, I went to the veranda and saw Hiro there on the bench, contemplating. I leaned against the wall beside the bench with a glass of champagne in my hand. 

"How are you?" I asked. I was curious if he already met Avi. 

"I'm fine." He nodded. "How are you?" 

"My mother died last week," I informed him.

"I'm sorry, what?" His eyes widened. He didn't know, huh. My brother did not tell him? "I'm sorry... I... I didn't know..."

"Maybe you were away on a flight when it happened. It's okay." I gave him a small smile. "I'm... leaving soon. You were right. My dad was an asshole." I laughed a bit. 

"Did he do something to you?" He raised a brow, ready to hurt somebody. 

"Well, he slapped me and hit my knee with a golf club, but I'm okay no-"

"He did what?!" he exclaimed. 

"I'm okay now. My brother came and punched him in the face. His lips bled." I laughed again. It was funny to tell the story in that way. 

"As he should..." He shrugged. "Your dad deserved it." 

I nodded and sipped on my champagne. I looked at the sky and sighed heavily. The night was so peaceful, but I couldn't stop thinking of him. 

Sevi. 

"Elyse," my brother called me. "Let's go?" 

"Yeah, sure." I nodded. "Bye, Hiro. Happy birthday." 

"Hatid ko lang 'to." My brother looked at Hiro. "She needs to rest. I'll come back for the after-party."

That was what he did. I was again, left alone in his unit, nakahiga at nakatitig sa kisame. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. Something was bothering me. I finished counting all the sheep, the dogs, the cats, everything, but I still felt so awake.

I looked at the ring on my finger and touched it. My face started to heat. I was already on the verge of crying when Jewel suddenly crawled beside me. I smiled and caressed her head. I had no choice but to leave her with my brother. 

"He will take good care of you," I whispered. "Take care of him, too." 

I closed my eyes again as I dozed off to sleep. For the next few weeks, I just waited for the processing of my papers so I could finally go abroad and work there. I got approved, but I did not feel happy. 

Because I will be leaving the day after our fifth anniversary. I sighed heavily, staring at the ceiling again. 

"I miss him, Ida," I whispered. 

"Oh, come on!" reklamo niya. "You say that every day! What now?" 

"We haven't really... broken up yet. I need closure." 

No, I really just wanted to see him again for the last time before leaving. I just wanted to know if he was doing well so I would be at peace. That way, I wouldn't hesitate to leave.

"Then go see him." Ida pushed me to do so. "The question is... Gusto ka ba niyang makita?" 

Ouch. I smiled painfully. He was probably mad at me after I left him in that unit... at mas lalo pa siyang magagalit dahil aalis ulit ako. I stared at the ceiling again and thought deeply. 

Maybe I should really see him before I leave... or else I would regret it.

"Even if he doesn't want to see me, Ida... I will try to see him. Hindi matahimik ang utak ko. I don't want to bring emotional baggage to America. I will go nuts. I want to feel peace. I want to make peace with myself and with him, kahit ayaw niya," I said desperately. 

And I did. I waited until the day of our fifth anniversary. I got out of bed and sat in the bathtub for more than thirty minutes, thinking deeply. At that moment, I was prepared to receive anything. Sevi's anger, pain, everything. I was ready for that. 

"I'll wait at the parking lot," my brother said before dropping me off.

I smiled at him before leaving the car, holding a damn cake to celebrate our fifth anniversary for the last time. I wasn't even sure if Sevi would come to the unit or if he was already there, but I was just trying to test my chances. 

Kapag nandoon siya o dumating siya, then okay. Kapag wala, then the universe wanted us to end that way. I will celebrate this day by myself and would just leave an apology letter together with the cake. It was enough. I hoped it was enough. 

When I opened the door, I looked around and saw no one. There was no one in the unit. I smiled before placing the cake on the table. I took it out of the box and put five candles around it. 

Umupo ako at nangalumbaba pagkatapos sindihan ang kandila. I was just staring at it, remembering how we used to celebrate our anniversaries together. It was fun. All of them. I would cherish those moments forever. 

I scoffed when I realized that I was already crying. I wiped my tears with my hand and sighed heavily. I closed my eyes to make a wish, but before I could blow the candles, I heard the door open. 

My eyes widened, and I immediately stood up when I saw Sevi entering the unit, holding a blueprint. His lips parted for a moment when he saw me, then his gaze went to the cake in front of me. 

"I'm sorry, I thought you... you were not around," I said, looking away. 

I suddenly wanted to back out. 

He stared at me for a moment with cold eyes before shaking his head and walking inside the bedroom to place his things. I bit my lower lip when he walked outside again, and our eyes met. My eyes were hopeful, the total opposite of his. 

"Bakit ka nandito?" he asked in a cold voice. 

"I have two reasons." I gave him a small smile. "The first one is to apologize." 

"Hindi ko kailangan." He shook his head and leaned on the countertop, standing far away from me. He was quick to refuse me. 

"I'm sorry." I still apologized. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for wasting-"

"Sabi ko hindi ko kailangan," he cut me off. 

I nodded as a sign of defeat. I didn't want him to get angrier. 

He was cold. He was mad about a lot of things. Maybe it already hit him, huh. That I was as horrible as my dad, that my dad ruined his family, killed his unborn sibling, harassed her mom, manipulated her, and abused her with his power. Maybe he realized that seeing me won't stop reminding him of what my dad did to his family. 

And it was the same for me. Seeing him made me feel so ashamed of my dad. Seeing him just kept on reminding me how I called his mom a liar, like how I hit him and yelled at him in anger. 

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" He raised a brow. 

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Nothing. I was just thinking of something." 

"Para saan 'yan?" He looked at the cake. 

"It's... It's nothing. It's just..." I stopped talking when he started walking towards me. 

He stopped in front of the table and glanced at the cake. Namatay na 'yong sindi ng mga kandila. When he saw the number of candles, he scoffed sarcastically and looked away in disbelief. I felt guilty once more... and embarrassed. I shouldn't have done this. I should have just left. 

There was too much damage made, and I couldn't control it anymore. 

"Fifth anniversary," he whispered in a bitter tone.

"I'm sorry..." I pursed my lips and played with my fingers. It was all I could ever say. 

Kahit anong pigil ko sa luha ko, tulo pa rin sila nang tulo. Akala ko wala na 'kong malalabas, mayroon pa pala. I tried to wipe them away so he wouldn't see it. I was afraid it would just make him even angrier. 

"Umiiyak ka na naman." His jaw moved. I was right. Mas nagalit lang siya.

"I'm sorry." My voice was shaking as I tried to wipe my tears away. "Fuck, they just won't stop." 

He pursed his lips and placed a handkerchief on the table before turning his back against me. Kinuha ko 'yon at ginamit pamunas ng luha ko habang nakatalikod siya sa 'kin, mabigat ang paghinga. He was trying to calm himself.

"Let it out," I said while crying. "Let your emotions out. Scream at me. Curse me. Hurt me-"

"Hindi ko kayang gawin 'yan!" He faced me in an instant. 

"Why not?" I smiled sarcastically. 

"Bakit kita sasaktan, ha?" He looked so mad and disappointed. "Ultimo lamok, Eli, hindi ko kayang padapuin sa 'yo, saktan ka pa?" 

"But you're mad, right?" My lips were shaking. "Right? You're mad at me. Right?!" 

"Oo..." He gritted his teeth. "Galit ako. Galit ako sa 'yo. Galit ako sa tatay mo. Galit ako sa sarili ko. Galit ako sa mundo kasi... tangina..." His voice broke. 

"Kasi ano?" I urged. 

"Bakit nangyayari 'to?" His tears started to fall. "Bakit? Ang saya-saya natin eh, hindi ba? Maayos na ang lahat. Nag-aaway tayo, oo, pero hindi tayo dadating sa... ganito... Tangina, bakit?" 

"I'm sorry..." I sobbed.

"At ikaw... Bakit nandito ka na naman?" He covered his eyes so I wouldn't see his tears but his shoulders started shaking. "Bakit nagpakita ka na naman? Pagkatapos mong magmakaawa sa 'king paalisin ka, nandito ka na naman sa harapan ko? Eli naman, huwag mo naman ako paglaruan, oh... Nahihirapan ako."

"My second reason was that I..." I bit my lower lip and inhaled a large amount of breath. "I want to say goodbye." 

"Tangina..." Sevi covered his face while crying. "Paalam na naman... Paalam na naman! Hindi ba ginawa ko na 'yon? Ano pa bang gusto mo? Pinapahirapan mo naman ako lalo, eh." 

"You won't see me after this, Sevi. I'm leaving tomorrow." I grabbed his wrists and pulled them gently out of his face, so I could see him. 

He looked at me with so much pain, anger, love... and longing. His tears started falling through his cheeks in silence. Both of us could only hear our pain. 

"Aalis ka na naman." He looked down as he cried. "Umalis ka na, pinaalis na kita, tapos magpapakita ka rito para sabihing... aalis ka ulit?" 

"Tell me you're breaking up with me," mariing sabi ko. I needed to hear that. I needed closure. 

"Ayoko..." Sevi closed his eyes and turned his back against me.

"Sevi, please..." I cried, already begging. 

"Kung gusto mong makipaghiwalay, ikaw ang tumapos nito. Huwag mo 'kong pilitin kasi hindi ko kaya, Elyse... Hindi ko kaya..." He cried again. "Please lang... Huwag naman ako." 

"Okay, then..." I slowly nodded. "Sebastian Vincent, I'm... breaking up with you. You can hate me all you want. Do what you can to cope with your pain. I am a horrible person who doubted you and your mom. I sided with my father. I hurt you. I left you once... and I will leave you again. I have done too much damage, Sevi. You will find a better woman." 

Sevi did not talk. His back was facing me as he cried and cried. I covered my mouth so he wouldn't hear my desperate sobs. I slowly walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist to give him a hug from the back. 

"Elyse." He cried as he held both of my hands with his. "Kung aalis ka... Umalis ka na lang, parang awa mo na... Huwag nang ganito. Huwag mo na 'kong pinapaniwalang mahal mo pa 'ko... Tangina, nagmamakaawa na 'ko sa 'yo..." 

"I do love you." I cried. "I love you... but we just can't be together." 

"Huwag ka nang magsalita, please." His voice broke. 

Sinandal ko ang ulo ko sa likuran niya at hinigpitan ang yakap ko. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay 'yong iyak naming dalawa. I was holding onto him like I couldn't let him go, but I already did. I already lost him when I begged for him to let me leave. I already lost him when I called his mother a liar. I already lost him, but he was trying to hold on to our memories together because they were his comfort. 

"Kung aalis ka, tangina, umalis ka na..." Tinanggal niya ang yakap ko sa kaniya. "Parang awa mo na. Huwag nang ganito..."

"I will." I let him go. "But can I ask you for one last favor?" 

"Ano na naman ba 'yon, Elyse?" He faced me, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. 

"Let's greet each other," I pointed at the cake. 

Sevi sighed heavily before sitting on the other side of the table, staring at the cake in front of us. Sinindihan ko uli ang mga kandila at umupo sa tapat niya. I looked at him with so much pain and regret, and his eyes mirrored mine. 

"Happy fifth anniversary." I gave him a small smile. 

"Happy fifth..." His voice broke, and his lips started to shake. He covered his face as he tried to stop himself from crying. He inhaled a large amount of breath before taking his hands off and looking at me again. "...anniversary. Happy fifth anniversary... my love." 

My tears fell when he called me his love for the last time. I still gave him a small smile, ignoring the tears on my face. 

"Let's make a wish," I encouraged him.

He closed his eyes, and I closed mine. 

I wished that his pain would stop. If only I could transfer everything to me, I would gladly endure even thrice of what he was feeling right now. 

"Ready?" I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me. 

He nodded. We both leaned over the table to blow out the candles and then went back to our seats, crying our hearts out. 

He stood up when he couldn't take it anymore. He looked away and clenched his fist. 

"Umalis ka na, Elyse," he stated in a cold voice.

I nodded and slowly stood up. "You won't ask where I'm going?" I sounded hopeful.

"Hindi." He shook his head. 

"Why?" I bit my lower lip. 

"Baka hanapin kita..." He swallowed hard. 

Tumango ako at kinuha na ang bag kong nakapatong sa table. 

"Ayaw kitang hanapin, Elyse. Ayaw na kitang makita," mariing sabi niya. 

"Okay," I said in defeat, giving him a small smile. "Goodbye, Sevi." 

As soon as I turned my back against him, I started crying silently. I slowly walked towards the door, not wanting to leave and not wanting to stay either. I just wanted to stand there without doing anything. 

I knew if I stepped out of the door, I was already leaving everything behind. Those five years of love and hardships. My happiness, my comfort. Those five years were the best moments in my life. 

I held the doorknob and twisted it, closing my eyes as I sighed heavily. 

"Sevi..." I called.

He did not talk, but I knew he was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. 

"This isn't over yet," I whispered.

"Ano?" He sounded confused. 

I will ruin him for you. 

"Nothing..." I sighed. "Goodbye." 

"Huwag ka nang babalik. Huwag ka nang magpapakita sa 'kin. Parang awa mo na," he reminded me.

I covered my mouth to stifle a sob as I nodded. I inhaled before pulling the door and stepping outside. I managed to walk until I was already inside the elevator, silently breaking down. 

"How did it go?" My brother asked when I opened the door of his car. 

"It went..." I didn't know what to say. "...fine." 

He will heal fast, and I will be the one stuck, but it was fine, as long as he wasn't hurting anymore. Maybe someday, I can redeem myself in front of him. 

Someday.

"Alfred is looking for you everywhere," he informed me. "He lost the heiress of his company. He is going crazy."

"You got your shares, don't you?" I looked at my brother. 

"Yes," he whispered. 

"Make him step down from his position." I gritted my teeth. "And I will take over the company." 

Someday...

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