Several Months Later

As we throw our hats in the air I'm consumed with the thoughts of what my future might bring. I glance around at the graduating class of 2019 and although it looks much different than I thought it would, this is home now. Two rows behind me Levi and Angela sit several seats from each other, but the tension radiating off of them from everything is clear in my eyes. Ethan is a few rows back from them and he catches me off guard giving me a friendly smile. I can't quite see Shae from here, but Jackie is in the row behind me and she takes my hand in hers.

"We did it," she says.

Last year at this time I still expected that I would be graduating with everyone back in Tulsa, I never imagined graduating in any other place. Here I am though, ready to leave this new place behind to start college. I do worry about the years ahead and about Mr. Holmes and Lawrence, but with his father in jail and not a peep from him I think I'm in the clear for now.

In a way I wish things would have worked out differently, and that friendships wouldn't have been tested the way that they were, but it happened and we are all ready to move past it all.

Mom comes rushing over with a big bouquet of flowers in her hand.

"Sweetie, you did it. I"m so proud of you, I can hardly contain my excitement," she squeals.

I take the flowers and breathe in their scent, Orchids my favorite.

"What time will you be home tonight?" she asks.

"I'm not sure, do I have a curfew?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "it's your graduation night. Live it up, but live it up responsibly - my dear."

Mom can't seem to contain her smile or her tears. I do hope they are happy tears. Since we got word that I will be heading downstate to Long Island for college she's been a little sad. It's only a few hour drive, but the fact that I'm leaving home has hit her hard. I'm leaving in mid-August to get settled and learn the area. Next week we get to pick up my new ride and I'm so excited to finally have a car of my own.

"Ethan darling," mom says, as he comes over.

Ethan smiles at mom and hugs her like they've known each other forever. I love that even through everything I have Ethan. I may have missed my chance with him by choosing Levi all those months ago, but he still no matter what has never left my side. I'm grateful for that. Even though Levi and I aren't together, Ethan and I have continued to just remain friends.

"Take care of this one tonight."

Ethan throws an arm around me, "I'll make sure she stays out of trouble," he says, tightening his grip on my neck. I reach up and run my hands through his shaggy hair.

"Alright. I'll let you go live your best life now, but tomorrow it's you and me," she says.

Ethan releases me as Jay comes over to chat with him. I give mom one last hug and go look for Shae. I find her by the bleachers with her mom. Mrs. Thomas is crying her eyes out, hugging Shae as tight as possible, not wanting to let go.

"Hey."

My heart still reacts to Levi's voice. It does one of those double beats and I have to put my hand on my chest to calm down. When I turn he's got his usual cocky grin on his face, but it doesn't reach his eyes. In fact his smiles never do anymore after what he did. He's getting better day by day, but he's still got a long way to go. Him and his dad have been seeing a counselor to work out their family issues.

"What's up?" I ask.

He swallows hard as he fishes around in his khaki shorts pocket for something. He pulls it out and hands it to me. He says nothing as I take the paper and just walks away. It's folded up, so carefully I unfold the crinkled paper to see what it says. Some things never change, when he can't say what he wants he draws it. This one is a picture of us on the roof with the time 9:05pm written on top. I look up to try and find him in the crowd, but he's already gone - almost like he was never standing in front of me in the first place.

I take a deep breath as someone touches my shoulder from behind. I quickly fold the paper and turn back to find Shae watching me with curious eyes.

"Levi," I whisper.

She nods, "what are you going to do?" she questions.

"I'm not sure," I sigh. "What I do know is that he leaves for that football camp next week and by the time he returns I'll be gone already."

Shae sighs, "you're not thinking about trying to make things work after what he did, are you? I mean I know it's been months since everything happened, but if he wasn't faithful while you guys were in the same town, I don't think he ever will be."

I nod, "I know. Maybe I just need to say goodbye. These past few months I've missed him. Sure we talk and hang out when everyone is around, but it hasn't been the same," I say, holding onto the paper in my hand. "I know we can't be together and I don't want to be, I just can't leave for college knowing we never said what needed to be said. You know?"

Shae nods, "Yeah. I get that one-hundred percent," she says.

I hop in the car with Shae and Jackie to the party. I wanted to spend more time with my best girlfriends as much as I could before we all headed off to college. Shae is off to the West Coast, while Jackie is taking a semester abroad. This is our last chance to be together before that and I want to soak it all up for as long as I can.

As we step into Levi's yard for probably the last time together I stop myself from going beyond the treeline of his property. I urged Jackie and Shae to go on without me, that I needed a minute. I started my school year right here and now I'm ending it here. I scan the yard and find Levi in his usual spot at the grill. He sure loves his steaks. Angela, Jay and Tori are also on the deck, near Levi but not talking to him.

Angela keeps glaring at him like she's done every day since he told her to screw off. Levi yelled at her in front of the entire school. It was only a week after I had caught them together and Levi was still ticked off. I don't think anyone had ever seen him so angry, even after fighting with his father. She kept trying to make her move again and he yelled in front of everyone in the crowded halls. Angela hasn't been the same since, but honestly she deserved it. Even if that's an awful thing to think, she really did.

"Parties that way Adams," I hear Ethan's warm voice say.

I turn to my left and he's walking up towards me with a red solo cup in his hand, and a sweet smile on his face. I bite down hard on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying or saying anything stupid.

"I know. It's kind of sad though isn't it? This is the last time we will all be here together. It feels like I've known you guys a lot longer than only ten months."

He stands in front of me and places his solo cup on the ground. When he straightens he reaches for my hand and pulls me into him swaying to the music that blasts through the outdoor speakers. I can't help it, Ethan always has a way to make these moments better. I start to loosen up a bit and dance with him. People walk around us and stare like we have completely lost our minds, but neither of us care. We are so entangled with what's going on between us that everything surrounding us blurs, at least for me.

After our little dance Ethan and I head up to grab some food. Passing Levi is a little awkward, but we both give smiles at each other. Ethan and I fill our plates with food and then go sit with Shae and Jackie on the docks. With our plates on our laps and her bare feet emerged in the lake we stayed like that for hours just talking.

I pull my phone out to check the time as night falls, and it's just nine o'clock now.

"Guys I'll be right back," I say.

"Need some company?"

"For the bathroom?" I say, not wanting to lie to Ethan, but knowing that this conversation I'm about to have with Levi is none of his or anyone's business.

He chuckles, "okay. Have fun."

I stand and take a deep breath before sneaking off to Levi's roof. Walking through the house reminds me of the first time he invited me to his room. I'd been told that he never does that unless the person really meant something to him, so it was a bit of a shock that I was that person after only an hour of knowing me.

I have to stop outside his door to clear my head. I've gone this long without any urges to be anything more than friends and I need to stick to that and not fall for his charm. Inside it's quiet, but I can see the outline of his body sitting out there. I don't say a word as I crawl out the window and sit down next to him.

"You came," he says it like he's surprised.

"Of course I did."

Levi studies me, while I glance around at everyone below partying under the moonlight. I'm caught off guard by his hand resting over mine. It catches my attention enough to look over at him.

"Before we never see each other again," he starts, clearing his throat like he's having trouble getting out what he's going to say. "I wanted to say," he takes a deep breath. "That I'm so terribly sorry for what happened between us. I know I've apologized a million times, but I feel like no matter what I do it will never be good enough."

I run my fingers over the rough tile on the roof, and then back over at him. A tear falls from the corner of his eyes. He tries to wipe it away quickly, to get rid of any evidence that he was crying.

"I forgave you already," I tell him.

"You really do though?" his voice goes up an octave.

I nod, "I do." I pause for a breath. "I still love you Levi. Getting over you was harder than getting over Lawrence. You made me feel things that no one has ever made me feel before. I just know that from this point out we can't be anything but friends. What I do know, is that I'll always have a place in my heart for you," I whisper the last words.

He turns to face me completely, and I do the same. I take his hands in mine as we stare into each other's eyes in silence for a few seconds.

"I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you. They say you fall in love more than once and damn Morgan you were my first. Angela didn't mean that much to me and I don't even know why I did what I ... no - you know what?" he paused. "I do know why. I was a scared little boy who was looking for a way out, because I was too afraid of loving you."

I swallow with such force that it hurts. Hearing him saying those words is eating me up inside. "Next time you fall in love, don't be so scared Levi. It could be a great thing. Promise me you will never do that to anyone."

"I promise. I wish this wasn't goodbye," he says.

I nod, tears falling from my eyes.

"It doesn't have to be. I know things have been rocky with us the past few months, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear from you. I miss you."

He sniffles, "you do?"

I nod, "of course I do. I've missed talking to you so much. I could probably use some of your drawings to get me through freshman year of college."

My lips pull into a smirk and that gets him to smile and my heart feels a bit better. As he smiles at me the big gaping hole that's been there for the past several months suddenly closes. It's a sign letting me know that both of us will be okay without loving each other romantically.

He chuckles, "I'll send them to you every day."

"I won't hold you to that, what about every week?"

"It's a deal," he says, holding out his hand, like we are actually making a deal.

I take his hand in mine and as I do he pulls me into him and gives me a hug. It's warm and caring, but feels nothing like it did before. Closure feels nice and now with it I might be able to move on and tell the person I truly love how I feel.

"I should go," I say.

"I'm gonna miss you," he whispers.

I lean forward and give him a kiss on the cheek. I linger for an extra few seconds and when I pull away he's smiling.

"Goodbye new girl."

I laugh at his comment and stand, brushing off my shorts. For a brief second I look over my shoulder and smile, "goodbye Levi."

Leaving Levi's room I expected to break down into tears for some reason, but after shedding a few while being with him I've got nothing left. My heart tells me things will be okay, and I trust that feeling. It takes me a minute for my legs to comprehend that I need to walk away, but after a good long minute I'm ready. As I descend the stairs Ethan is waiting at the bottom.

"How'd you know?"

He shrugs, "I just had a feeling. How'd it go?"

Concern fills Ethan's voice. He's been my rock these last few months. Aside from my heart break I've had a lot of recurring nightmares of my past and days where I stare at my phone expecting Lawrence to call again like he did that day, but he hasn't.

I take the last step and stand in front of him.

"It went surprisingly well. I'm just glad I got to say goodbye. Sucks that everyone is going off to do their own thing this summer."

Ethan sighs, "tell me about it. We still have each other though. I'm not going to California until the end of August. So you've got me."

Ethan smiles and a wave of calm rushes over me. Shae is my best girlfriend, but Ethan he's something much more than a best friend. Mom keeps urging me to ask him out and that the two of us will live happily ever after. Sometimes when he comes over she gets that look in her eyes and I know Ethan notices it, but he always laughs it off.

"What should we do then? I ask him.

Ethan looks up like he's coming up with a great plan.

"What have you never done?"

I raise my brow at him, confused by his question.

"Like, somewhere you've always wanted to go but have never gotten the chance."

"Well." I purse my lips as I think. "I'd love to go to Japan, but that's a far fetched dream." I pause to think of something more reasonable. "The beach. I've never been to a real beach."

Ethan's eyes grow wide like that's the craziest thing he's heard all day. Behind his eyes I can almost see his brain running a million miles a minute. A smirk creeps up on his face.

"I'm taking you to a real beach then. That will be our summer to do. My cousin has a house down on Long Island, in Montauk that he rents out in the summer. He said if I ever wanted to get away he'd make it available. Let's do it. A road trip, just you me and an open road."

I smile at the thought. I'm not sure what road tripping with Ethan will bring, but it could be a lot of fun.

"Oh, can we stop in New York City? I've never been there either."

"Okay."

He makes a check-mark in the air like he's checking off a list. My lips hurt from smiling so much as he continues to make a mental checklist of places we could visit on our way down to Long Island. He stops for a brief moment and stares at me like he's never done before. His eyes are only focused on mine and the happiness radiating off of him is contagious.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just look really happy."

"I am. We can talk to my mom tonight. I'm sure she'd go for it."

He chuckles, "oh she totally would. She's already planned our wedding and probably the names of all five of our kids."

I throw back my head and laugh so loud it almost echoes through the house. Now my laughter is contagious and he's joining in.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asks, after we both finish our fit of laughter.

"Yeah." I whisper.