Crumbs

Free Bird // Lynyrd Skynyrd

"When did the time come, Father?" I ask despite the pit in my stomach. I'm not certain I will be able to take what he will say, the bargain he made for my mother. "When did...Ukko return?" Bile rises in my mouth as I speak his name.

My father buries his head in his hands. He takes shuddering breaths before facing me again, utter sorrow in his eyes. "It was nearing your birthdays. Ellete was about to turn six, and you were just going to be five. Both of you would play in the kitchen as I baked, pretending to create your own delicacies with twigs and rocks, leaves you had found along the forest edge."

I cover my mouth in wonder. I had forgotten that Ellete and I used to play that way. I hadn't remembered in all these years that we both used to love being in the bakery. But we did. Ellete did love to bake. How had I forgotten? Pulling my hand away from my mouth, I return my focus to my father's confession.

"Your mother was at the storefront, speaking with Mrs. Naimer about an order when the bell jingled and all of the air in the room seemed to be forced through the door." Father pauses to take a deep breath. "I knew that he would want something I had no desire to give. I never spoke of the bargain I made to gain her freedom from that monster because I knew your mother would not have agreed as easily as I had. I felt ashamed for her to find out from a confrontation with the monster himself, so I rushed into the store and greeted him, nearly pulling his arm as I guided him into the kitchen and away from your mother."

Father looked over to the back of the kitchen where Ellete and I would have been playing that day. "I spoke in hushed tones to keep things a secret, all the while keeping an eye on the door to the store, hoping beyond hope that your mother didn't finish up quickly and rush back here. But it was a mistake. I should have left him out in the storefront." Father shakes his head. "Because he took one look at Ellete and made his decision. My heart fell before he could say a word. When Ukko turned to look at me, a dark shadow taking over his gaze, I thought my life had been snatched from me. I knew right then I could do nothing to change the course I was on."

I couldn't take another minute of the tension, but Father needed to let this out. He'd been carrying the truth far too long. If he had confided in Mother from the beginning, perhaps the course could have been changed. But we will never know.

Anger burns deep inside of me, not able to land on one target. It bounces from Father to Ukko and back again. The power. I believed the control Ukko wields to be the worst weapon imaginable. But secrets, I realize, are equally powerful, having destroyed my loving family.

"So he demanded Ellete instead?" Drue speaks next, interjecting into our family drama. Rage and disappointment fill his voice. I wonder if his anger is aimed at my father or at his. Probably both.

"Not in so many words. Ukko remained silent, shifting his dark eyes from me back to the girls." Father looks at me. "He took smooth strides right to you both and asked your names. Ellete blushed and averted her gaze. She said her name in her quiet way with her head down and her hands behind her back. I remember Ellete always being proper. Even while playing in the kitchen, she hated getting her hands dirty.

"But you, Daralis, stood straight and tall. Your eyes narrowed, looking at him dead on with no fear. You stated your name, your little voice strong and confident. Flour covered your face and sprinkled all over your dress. Your hair was in knots since you refused to brush it more than once before rushing out the door. You were so sure of yourself. But it was obvious Ukko was not inclined to children with a spirit like yours. He turned to me, dismissing you completely, and made his bargain.

"He said he wanted the girl with manners to be trained in decorum. That he would make the arrangements for Ellete to learn appreciation for the finer things in life." Father took in a shaky breath. "And when she was of age, she would be betrothed to his son," Father looked up at Drue, "and live in the high dwelling with you."

My father looks defeated as he continues. "He spoke with authority. I had no power to refuse. It wasn't an offer. There would be no bargaining. It was his demand and I was to comply." His eyes find mine once again. "I had no choice. After your mother returned, she spoke easily with him, no idea what had transpired. Ukko left with the bread your mother made, lingering for a few moments to gaze at her. My very soul cowered at the possibility he could easily take her from me." He sighed deeply, defeated.

"So I began to coddle Ellete. He arranged for Mrs. Naimer to oversee her training, in secret of course. Even Ellete is unaware of it."

I reel.

"So she knew? All this time, Mrs. Naimer has known about your bargain?" I am shocked, although knowing that she's been involved should not be a surprise. I have always believed Mrs. Naimer to be less than honorable.

"No, Mrs. Naimer did not know about the bargain. She believed she had been chosen by Ukko and I because Ellete was my oldest and we wanted a more elegant lifestyle for her. Your mother never fully agreed with me, but I insisted that Ellete was not meant for the kitchen."

I choke back a sob. Drue immediately wraps me in his embrace and holds me close. I always felt I wasn't as highly regarded as Ellete, that she was the favored child and I was only worthy of the kitchen. Now that this truth is being exposed, my heart breaks in an entirely new way. It was desperation, every word spoken and every deed done, not because I was less.

"But Mrs. Naimer knew about Drue." I whisper the words, seeing all of her matchmaking in a new light.

"Yes. Ukko spoke of it with her last year. He visited with her on occasion to monitor Ellete's progress."

"He took Mother! Why would he still have the bargain over your head if he broke it?" I feel like shouting the words but find the strength to remain calm. I have never been so emotionally conflicted in my life, wanting to cry and scream and bludgeon Ukko all at once.

"No." Father shakes his head. "Until you returned today, I was never positive about your mother's whereabouts. I suspected, but he would never confirm a thing. I tried to find her. I had secured a map some time before, during my years of waiting, from a traveling peddler who told tales of a faraway dwelling. But I was never able to leave you long enough to find anything."

The map I had used. I believe him when he says he tried to find her. But did he do enough? I take purposeful strides to stand in front of Father, burning my gaze into his. "Did you ask Ukko? Did you even push him for the answers when she disappeared? Or was it easier to let the rumors run rampant? Mrs. Naimer should have known Mother would never leave, but she told everyone Mother had run off with..." My words die away as I remember what Mrs. Naimer said all these years.

"She thought Mother left with Ukko." I cover my mouth and turn away.

"How could I explain what I had done?" Father cries.

"Of course! You wouldn't want your reputation sullied! Instead you let everyone believe what they would and continued to sell Ellete to a monster!" I am shouting but I no longer attempt to squelch the emotions warring within.

A clatter breaks at the kitchen door. Our attention at once turns to the sound in time to see Ellete, white as a spirit from beyond, standing in the doorway wide eyed.

"What?" Ellete clearly confused as she scans the room, seeing first Father in tears and then myself wrapped up in Drue's embrace. "Daralis? And Lord Nicandros? But I thought you hated him?"

Where do I begin to explain to Ellete the course of events leading to this moment in our life. She has been a pawn in the master's game. My only consolation is knowing that Ellete's life will now be her own. It is Mother's life that has been taken.

Before I can answer my sister, Drue's deep tones vibrate through the room. "There is a fine line between love and hate. Lissa simply needed to decide which side of the line she was on." He looks down at me, love in his eyes. "I always knew where I stood."

"Ellete," I say. "There is so much to tell you about what happened with Mother all those years ago. I want you to know everything. However, it will take time to understand because none of it is simple."

Ellete, looking suddenly more serious than I have ever observed her to be, studies each of us in silence. Resolute, she turns her gaze back on me.

"Tell me."

Free Bird, kind of a hint btw...

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See you soon!