Glaze

Hard Love // NeedToBreathe (ft. Andrea Day)

As I work in the kitchen, I'm surrounded by peace and calm now that the Master has left and taken the terrible force of his presence with him.

Drue remains close by, watching as I rove about gathering what I need. Having been the one to organize and clean the entire room, I am now quite familiar with what the space has to offer and where everything is kept. My mixing is efficient and soon I am kneading the dough on the work surface. In his inability to put any space whatsoever between us, Drue stands too close as I flour the dough, becoming ensconced in a puff of white powder. His dark suit looks dusty and grey.

"Careful, you might become part of this loaf if you get any closer." I warn. He smiles and the glow in his eyes stops my cajoling. "You are a vision." My words sound like a tease, but they are completely true. With the joy back in his face, Drue is every bit the dashing prince of every tale I heard as a girl. His eyes are molten chocolate mirroring the sweet ganache from my party cake. But still, the sense of hope shining in his eyes so strongly when we met is missing. I wonder when it will return.

"It would be an honor to be baked into one of your loaves." Drue winks. I laugh at his playful tease.

Returning my focus to the task at hand, I add the ingredients I watched my mother use while baking this same loaf a few days before. As I roll and twist the dough, I think of her during my childhood and smile. It's the first time I've been able to feel gratitude for those memories. I spent so much of my life woeful and mourning over my loss I had no room for warm memories. Then I think of Drue in the forest, glad to have him by my side once again. We will overcome our circumstances in time. I must believe that.

"I am always fascinated to watch you at work baking." Drue states simply. His eyes have been on my hands the entire time I've worked. "This, now my third time to have such pleasure, is no exception. You are remarkable." He speaks with reverence, as though the act of baking dough is religious.

"You have odd hobbies, Lord of the manor." I mean to tease him but he tenses at my words. I turn to him, finding his eyes downcast and his arms crossed. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

His eyes slowly find mine. "I never wanted a title, a position of power. Not the way this father of mine has trained me to carry it."

Drue is as lost and broken as I have been. Perhaps the brokenness is what makes our connection so strong. I never felt this type of shared understanding from Ellete that I feel from Drue. She and I both lost our mother. We both suffered under the mystery of her disappearance. Of course, there are more circumstances which underlie my differences with my sister. Yet, it is Drue who has felt his losses as deeply as I. It is Drue who has suffered.  And today, hearing his regret with his life, I believe he's suffered even more than I have.

He never had the hope to find his family. He had no one left at all.

I grasp his hand with my flour covered one, wishing to touch not only his skin but his soul. "You are not the Lord that your father has trained you to be. All evidence points to the contrary. You are a man seeking to make things just. That in itself is priceless." I lift his hand to my mouth and kiss it tenderly. "I love the man that you are. Exactly who you are."

The peace which settles over Drue is so powerful it pours out of him and into me. He smiles then gestures back to my task. I return to the dough, now ready to bake in the oven that is a twin to the one back home. I approach the monstrosity as one would a wild animal. The strife and pain this oven has cost my family, and even Drue, hurts me beyond anything physical. I have no love for this tool.

Regardless, the dough is set to bake so I begin to clean. Now that my demonstration is done, Drue picks up a rag to help with the work. We clean in comfortable silence, in spite of the difficult conversations we've had in this room. Soon, the dough is ready. I can tell by the scent of the herbs in the room it is time to remove the dough. When I place the tin tray on the cooling surface after removing it from the heat, both Drue and I lean over the bread to inspect it.

"Did it work?" he asks.

"We have to wait for it to cool a bit before we find out." I hold back my excitement at the prospect it worked, but it does smell perfect.

"Bread is best when it is fresh from the oven, is it not? Can we not try even a little taste?" Drue's voice is that of a little boy.

I steal a glance at him, spying the wistful expression on his face. It reminds me of how I'd look at my mother when she'd bake a new recipe. I would bounce up and down, begging for a taste until she would relent. Drue's excitement is clear, and this simple act of baking in the kitchen has brought a joy to his eyes I know has been missing for far too long. Although baking is nothing remarkable, sometimes it is the everyday tasks with the people you love which brings the most joy.

"Fine. One small taste." I find I cannot deny him when he looks so happy. I take a knife, separating a small piece from the swirling loaf. After he takes the piece, I watch nervously as he opens his mouth and plops it inside. The instant his lips close around the morsel, I know.

Drue's eyes widen. "The moon above." He practically moans the words. "What have you done to this dough?"

Curious, I cut my own small piece. Before it is fully on my tongue I can hardly keep the reaction from spilling out. "Oh!"

"This is most definitely the best bread I have ever had the pleasure of eating." Drue declares as he goes back to the loaf for more. "It rivals every loaf you'd had in your bakery. And I am not lying when I say I gained a full stone eating your bread each day. I couldn't resist. But this..." Drue stops speaking as he eats yet another bite.

I have no words. Drue is most accurate because this is the best bread I have ever eaten as well.

I stop eating as a thought invades my mind.

"What?" Drue notices the look on my face immediately.

"I know what to do." I knew baking would help me think. But the combination of this recipe, this kitchen, and talking with Drue about his regrets...this has given me the knowledge required to find a way back home.

"Do you now?" Drue asks as he steps behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and bending low to bring his mouth to my ear. "Tell me."

A shudder runs through me from where his voice tickles against my ear. For a moment I lose all ability to speak. This man has rendered me speechless in one form or another daily since the first hour of our meeting, but on this day it is something else entirely.

I turn, still wrapped up in his arms, slowly finding my voice once again. "It will take a bit of strategy. I need to contemplate this for a while longer. Then we can discuss it. However, I will tell you this. Your father has been disappointed in his bread for a long while. Perhaps I can impress him enough with my baking to have him owe me a favor. And as you have assured me, a favor from a most respected lord will carry much weight. If that is the case, then how much more valued would a favor from a Master of the realm be?"

The same look of wicked delight, the one he gave me so long ago, returns to Drue's face, now reminding me vividly of the arrogant lord who spent an afternoon in my bakery's kitchen. But the moment he pulls me closer and presses his lips against mine, the past ceases to exist. And I know, standing here in the arms of the man that I love, the future is ours to determine.

See you tomorrow!