Without her
It was raining out. Very fitting for how shitty I felt. I walked around town alone, head down. I didn't bring an umbrella. I didn't see the point. Hell, at this point I didn't even see the point in living anymore but, I had to. I had to keep living. For her. Frisk, my one true love.
She had just died not long ago. Only a day had passed and I already feel like I can't go on. It was too much, she was my everything and they took her away from me, just like they had taken everything from me. I wish I could just end it all here but her last dying wish was for me to keep living. For her. I can't just go against her dying wish, then I would be no better than them. If only that bastard hadn't ran over her. If only I protected her better, I could have saved her and maybe I could have taken her place. I dropped to my knees in the middle of the street and sobbed.
"I can't do this!" I shouted while sobbing. "I'm not strong enough! Please! Just take me, I want to be with her again!" My voice got quieter. "Please. Please." I said over and over, still sobbing.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "hey kiddo. can i take ya home?" Sans.
I nodded and he teleported us home.
"look kid, i know you miss her, we all do, but you gotta try to move past this. she was a great person and non of us will truly get over the loss of her but we have to look forward to a better future. she wouldn't want to see any of us sad so try to cheer up, alright chara?" Sans said and gave me a sad smile.
"Yeah." I said sniffling. "You're right." I put on my best smile, got up and went off to my room. I was still sad but I just had to push past it. Eventually it won't hurt as much, right?...
~time skip~
It's been a couple days and I'm having a hard time keeping my smile. We had a funeral for her and I stayed with her grave all the time. I couldn't bring myself to leave. I kept faking a smile but on the inside I was broken. It only got worse with time. I had to stay happy, keep smiling...
~time skip~
It's been a month and all I can do is cry. No one sees me though. I keep a smile so people won't see how I'm hurting. I stay in my room and silently sob into my pillow for hours at a time.
They had taken out Frisk's bed from our room. I remember that most nights she would sleep in my bed with me. My pillow was drenched with tears and I found it in me to sit up.
I went to the bathroom connected to my room and took out my old knife. I gripped it tight and balled my other fist. I took the knife and slowly cut down my arm. It was pretty deep and blood spilled from the wound. Tears trickled down my face as I did this.
*This isn't good.* I told myself. *but maybe one of these times I will black out from blood loss. I could bleed out. I could join her again, see her one last time.* I smiled, tears still filled my eyes. I laughed a bit but then my smile faultered.
*Oh who am I kidding. This is messed up. I shouldn't do this.* I walked over to the sink and rinsed off my arm and then my knife. I bandaged my arm and went back into my room to put on a sweater. I got out my old green and yellow sweater. It reminded me of the one she had.
We always wore opposing colors. I smiled slightly remembering how she would always laugh and say that opposites really do attract.
I put my sweater back and took out her old one. I nuzzled into it and inhaled. It still smelt like her. I put it on and hugged it to my body. I left my room and faked a new smile...
~time skip~
It's been half a year and I don't think I can do it anymore, I really don't. I had dark circles under my red puffy eyes from the late nights of crying myself to sleep, I was getting sick from all the infected wounds on my arms that I had failed to patch properly, I could no longer bring myself to stomach food any more. The worst part of it all was that I couldn't get myself to admit to anyone that anything was wrong.
I knew nobody believed me anymore when I said I was fine. I knew everyone had started to worry for me but I couldn't tell them. I didn't want anyone to know the pain I was truly going through.
I was damaged. I just had to accept that.
I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like crap every day and I just wanted it all to stop. "One more day." I told my self and for the first time in months, I actually had a good night's sleep...
~time skip~
The next morning I woke up and put on a smile and for once it was genuine. I walked downstairs to see everyone sitting on the couch talking. I walked up to them and gave each one a hug.
"What was all that for my child?" Mom asked.
"Promise me if I leave, you all will remember me." I requested.
"What? Of course we will, you have been a great child and we will never forget you." King dad replied. I nodded slightly and walked back up into my room and into the bathroom.
I grabbed my knife one last time and smiled, a single tear sliding down my cheek.
*I'm sorry Frisk. Please forgive me. I can't do this anymore.* I thought, putting the knife up to my neck.
*I miss you. I can't wait to be with you again.* I pressed the knife harder against my skin untill I drew blood. I closed my eyes and smiled one last time.
"I'll be with you soon." I said in a horas voice before slowly sliding the knife across my neck. My vision got blurred and then went black...
I never did see my true love again. I never saw anything again. I guess after what I did I didn't deserve a happy ending did I...
~End~
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