I do this instead of writing

key thingy
Harley - me
Nate - Nate
Achilles - Ekko
Sappho - Saph
Bee - Bee
Asteri - Aster
Juno, Altar, Acadia and Mars - irl friends
Circe - I really want a witch girlfriend

Harley : Nate, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?

Nate : my doctor just said I should avoid-

Harley : being a wuss? I agree

-

Nate : why don't you go talk to Circe?

Harley, sarcastically : oh, yeah, sure

Nate : what? so you go tell her she's cute, what's the worst that could happen?

Harley : she could hear me

-

Harley : you know what's funny about Nate? they're my best friend, and anyone who'd hurt them is someone I'd murder, probably

-

Harley : we have a problem

Nate : no, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them

-

Altar, at the slightest provocation : I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else's blood and I'm not afraid to leave the same way

-

Nate : for self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely

Juno, Altar, & Harley : okay

Nate : if you don't want to die, give me all your money!

Juno : bold of you to assume I have money

Altar : bold of you to assume I don't want to die

Harley : bold of you to assume I can die

-

-

Bee : Look, Asteri, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and it's Monday

-

Sappho : hey Achilles, do you wanna help us?

Achilles : oh, I would... but I don't want to

-

Achilles : why are you on fire?

Juno : this is just how my day is going

-

Circe : dammit, Sappho, you ruined everything!

Sappho : you're welcome

-

Juno : hey, Bee you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform

Bee : have you ever been to a mortuary?

Juno : yeah, my dad lives there

Achilles : that is the worst response to that question

-

Achilles : there are three ways to handle a difficult situation. the right way, the wrong way, and the Achilles way

Sappho : Isn't that the wrong way?

Achilles : yes, but it's faster

-

*While the racket is in a battle*

Circe, trying to warn about the location of an enemy : to the left!

Harley : take it back now y'all!

-

Nate : even Bee and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich

Bee : I mistook them for a garbage can

-

Mars : I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway

Sappho :

Mars : vroom vroom, come out already

-

Acadia : I wanna sleep for 40 hours

Sappho : you know that's called a coma, right?

Acadia :

Acadia : that sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now

-

Sappho : do you want to play 20 questions?

Acadia : sure!

Acadia : what's your favorite color?

Sappho, laser fucking focused : triangle. do you like girls?

(the angst in the third book is gonna be fuckin real)

-

Altar : it's time to turn this into a real business

Juno : what do you mean? like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?

Harley : wait, have you not been paying your taxes?

Sappho : I handle our accounting

-

Bee : my heart is guarded but like...very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie

-

Nate : can I have some water?

Harley : *starts chugging their water bottle*

Harley : *chokes from drinking too fast*

Harley : *spills water all over themself*

Harley, coughing : I don't have any water.

-

Asteri : let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience in the Lunar Realm and Human Realm

Achilles : conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience in the Lunar Realm and the Human Realm

-

Achilles : strawberry milk doesn't taste like strawberry OR milk

Sappho : go the fuck to sleep Achilles

-

Juno, seeing a banana on the car seat : what the FUCK??

Juno, buckling the banana up : fucking buckle UP, it's the LAW!

-

Bee : hello, I'm Bee. I work here at Buzzington's Bar & Liquor Store. here to help. look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. very helpful, as that does happen.

-

Altar : we can't lose. because we have this. *points to their chest*

Circe : we have heart?

Altar : heart? no, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us

-

Harley : I've connected the two dots

Nate : you didn't connect shit

Harley : I've connected them

-

Harley, excited to go on a road trip with her parents : we're all gonna be safe

Harley, just going outside to her pond for a little bit : and we're all gonna have a great time

Harley, after falling in, being pulled to the bottom and waking up completely dry in the fucking woods : what the jesus christ was that