t/w suicidal thoughts

so basically some context: it was thanksgiving when I call 911 (bc I didn't remember the number for the suicide hotline) for the thoughts I was having

today, while were at my grandmas, she told me that I had ruined thanksgiving for everyone and that next time that happens, to just wait a few hours before calling someone

I'm sorry that I can't put my suicidal thoughts on hold, Cynthia. would you rather I just went ahead and did it? that sure as hell would've ruined thanksgiving

and according to her she apologized to me but no she fucking didn't????

and her reasoning for being upset with me for doing that, aside from it being thanksgiving and everything, was because when she was younger she had to suck things up and bottle up her emotions for a time 

WELL I'M NOT YOU CYNTHIA

I also think she called me selfish for calling someone????

like 

??????

fucking w h a t