key once more-
Nate - Nate
Bee - guess who
Harley - moi
Asteri - Aster
Sappho - Saph
Achilles - Ekko
Juno, Acadia, Mars and Altar - irl friends
Circe - why don't I have a witch girlfriend yet
Leafie - walmart eda clawthorne with dead parents
Skyzee - walmart lilith clawthorne also with dead parents

-

Asteri : clownery. tomfoolery. absolute fuckery. I am going to revoke your life privileges.

-

Sappho : I'm not mean. name one mean thing I've ever done

Achilles : when we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real

Sappho : they're not

Achilles : haha, very funny

Sappho : I'm serious. didn't you hear?

Achilles : no, what happened?

Sappho : why would you fall for this again-

-

Asteri : if you water water, it grows

Bee:  what-

Acadia : they've got a point

-

Leafie : look at the buns on that guy!

Harley : *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*

Skyzee : this is the comedy police! the joke's too funny!

Leafie : I'm not going back to jail!

-

Altar : I have no respect for Santa. don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

-

Harley : the only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable

Harley : and also assault with a deadly weapon.

-

Bee : fun fact! the average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime

Harley : I like how this is a "fun" fact

Acadia : it's fun because they didn't decide to murder you

-

Nate : I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. and I want to be set loose.

-

Mars : fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit

Mars : fruits that do live up to their names?

Mars : orange

-

Leafie : ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Skyzee

-

Achilles, after getting a job as a life guard : hmm...I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Bee : THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING

-

Sappho : what's wrong? you look 10 seconds away from ripping someone's throat out

Juno : fucking Acadia and Mars were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

-

Altar, looking at a dead phone : how do we bring this thing back to life? magic? live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

-

Acadia : I owe you one

Sappho : that's okay. you can just date me and we'll call it even.

(their ship name is saphcadia)
(I need to give them more chemistry in draft 2-)

-

Mars : I was put on this realm to do one thing

Mars : luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want

-

Asteri, pouring honey into a cup of tea : yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce

Bee : hey, do you take constructive criticism?

Asteri : I absolutely fucking do not

-

Achilles : some of us are still 'it' from a childhood game of tag

Sappho : way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday

-

Nate : I couldn't do this without you, Harls

Harley : sure you could. not as stylishly, of course

-

Harley : what am I supposed to do?

Achilles : If I were you? I'd try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in

Harley : I'm an atheist

Achilles : then just get ready to die I guess

-

Juno : why do you look like that?

Circe, laying face-first on the floor : like what?

Juno : like you're dead

Circe : it's because I'm dying. leave me here to perish.

Bee : Circe accidentally called Harley "babe" in front of everyone today

Circe : *sobs into the floor*