FOURTEEN.   my words shoot to kill

      Tatum Adler was indeed a cat with nine lives.  Whenever they thought she was gone, she always came back. Tatum wondered if dying and staying dead was less painful than almost dying and coming back. When she opened her eyes, she winced at the light and the pain that formed in her abdomen.

The people around her immediately stood up. "Tatum?" Said Jasper and he was the first one by her side. "Tate, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, soldier." She muttered while in pain.

Monty joined her other side. "You've got to stop doing this." He shook his head.

"It's not my fault the universe has something against me," she replied and laughed, causing another pain in her side. "Ow, okay, remind me not to laugh."

"I'll go get Clarke." He announced and jogged outside.

Jasper's hand rested at the top of her head. "Why is it always us?"

"The world's always cruel to the good ones." Tatum responded, her eyes fully open and she smiled up at him. 

He cracked a grin and his face turned red, tears filling his eyes. "I thought you were dead."

"Hey, hey," she spoke softly and grabbed his hand.  "I'm okay, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

He sniffed. "Good, yeah, you better not. If you or Monty go, I go." He declared.

"Let's hope we don't get to that day."

Clarke and Bellamy entered the drop shop at a fast past. "Good, you're awake." She said happily and with relief.

"What's up, doc?" She joked.

"How are you feeling?" 

"Wonderful, couldn't be better."

"You're very lucky. The knife didn't damage any internal organs. You'll just have to take it easy for now."

"Sounds okay. Just don't baby me." She warned while pointing at all of them.

Clarke and Monty helped her sit up. She realized she wasn't wearing shirt. "Um. . . can I get a shirt possibly?" She awkwardly asked.

"I'll go see what I have." She offered and left the drop ship to go to her tent.

"Do you need anything?" Asked Monty.

"Water?" Jasper followed up.

She smirked. "Dang, y'all are never this nice when I'm not injured." She teased.

"Oh, ha ha." The tallest of them mocked and they left the drop ship to find some water.

Bellamy stood a foot away from her with his arms crossed. He found it hard to look at her. She locked her hands on her lap. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Why are you so quiet?"

He shrugged. "Just thinking."

She tilted her head. "About what?"

"How you almost died for someone else."

His bluntness made her frown. "You should know me well enough to know that's what I'd do."

He nodded his head slightly. Of course he knew that. But it didn't hurt him any less.

Tatum reached out her hand. "Come here."

His velvet eyes stared at her hand. Hesitant, Bellamy stepped forward and took it. She pulled him closer and grabbed his other hand as well. He still couldn't look at her. "Bellamy, please, I'm okay."

He shook his head. "No, you're not."

She furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

"Tate, you've been in pain your whole life and now you've almost died, twice." His voice raised. "How on Earth can you be okay?"

She shrugged. "Hell keeps bringing me back."

Bellamy scoffed at her joke and looked away, taking away one of hands to run it through his dark curls.

"Okay, okay, i'm sorry," Tatum quickly apologized and reached for him again. "Bellamy,  i'm sorry."

Bellamy Blake was not a crier. Even as a child, he hardly cried. He was forced to grow up too quickly and he had to be strong; strong for not only his people but for Octavia. Crying was a sign of weakness and Bellamy was not weak. But when it came to Tatum, oh god, he was a mess. He sucked in a deep breath to keep himself from falling apart. "I thought you were dead, Tatum." He let out.

"But i'm not. I'm right here." She quietly said.

A tear slipped down his cheek. Even when he found out the truth about his mom and the guards when he was a kid, he didn't cry. Because he needed to be strong for Octavia. And he tried not to cry now but it was so hard.

Seeing him cry made her feel vulnerable. "Y'know, I try to act like I'm okay all the time. You know that." He looked at her. Her eyes welled with tears. "When I was in the sky box, I was ready to die. When I for attacked by that cougar, I was ready to die." A tear slipped down her cheek. "But I don't want to die now. Not when I have you. Not when I have all my friends. I'm just tired of always feeling empty."

Bellamy frowned deeply. "It's okay not to be okay sometimes, Tatum. You're still stronger than any of us."

She nodded slowly. She released one of his hands and wiped her eyes.

"He can't hurt you anymore, okay?"

That made her cry again. "He can't hurt me anymore." She whimpered and closed her eyes tightly.

Bellamy stepped between her legs and pulled her into him. She wrapped her arms rightly around his waist, her face buried into his chest. She cried but this time she wasn't ashamed of it, because he had her. He'd never judge her. He wasn't Riley. Riley couldn't hurt her anymore.

Days passed since the storm and the camp was a wreck. The wall the delinquents were building since they got to ground was blown over. Tatum begged to be able to help but her request was denied due to her injury. All she was able to do was lay in the drop ship while her injury healed. 

"Hey there, trooper." Jasper greeted when he saw her exit the drop ship. 

Clarke had given her one of her tank tops since her old one was basically a rag. "Hey, soldiers." She said back.

"Feeling any better?" Monty asked. He handed her a pack of nuts from the ration station.

"Loads, like I can do twenty cart wheels right here." Tatum responded and did a twirl. She popped some of the nuts in her mouth.

Clarke approached them and let out a chuckle at the statement. "How about we wait another week for that."

She pouted. "You're no fun."

"Wanna get out of here?" 

Tatum blinked. "Are you suggesting something, Miss Griffin?" She asked and sent her a flirtatious smirk.

Monty and Jasper looked at each other with wide eyes.

Clarke's face tinted red but and masked it by rolling her eyes. "Very funny. I'm sending Bellamy on an outing to look for supplies and I figured you would want to go." She explained further.

"Me? Why me?" 

"Well, you've been stuck in the drop ship for a few days. Figured you'd want to get out," she answered with a shrug. She took a pause. "And other than Finn,  you're our best tracker."

Tatum smirked with flattery. "Why, thank you. When do we leave?"

"About ten minutes."

She blinked. "Oh damn, okay. I should get ready then."

Before she left, she noticed how Clarke's eyes fell on Finn and Raven, who were just a few feet away from them. Her dropped when she saw them kiss. 

"Clarke? Are you okay?"

Clarke quickly looked away from them. "Yeah, of course I am." She lied.

She wasn't convinced. She took her by the arm and led her away from the boys. "Clarke, did something happen between you and Finn?" She quietly asked.

Sadness and guilt filled her eyes and she looked down at her boots. "I didn't know he had a girlfriend, Tate.  He never said anything about her." She admitted.

An angry feeling rushed through her and she looked over Clarke's shoulder, glaring at Finn. "That little sleaze ball."

Her eyes widened when she began walking over to him. She quickly grabbed her. "Wait no, Tatum, please don't say anything. I just want to forget about it." She begged.

"Clarke, he cheated on my friend with my other friend.  He deserves a good kick between them legs."

"Just please don't say anything,"

Their eyes locked for a minute and Tatum could see just how heartbroken she really was. She liked Finn and he betrayed her. He betrayed both females involved. Tatum always had a hatred for cheaters but she never expected her childhood best friend to be one. "Okay, I won't say anything. Doesn't mean I have to be nice to him." She grumbled.

Clarke smiled. "Thank you."

She winked before going to her tent and packing a bag for the trip. She ate what was left of the nuts and slung her back around her shoulder. Walking out of the tent, she found Bellamy standing by the rations station. "Hey, Freckles." She greeted cheerfully.

Bellamy flinched slightly and turned around. He gave her a small timid smile. "You're going with me?"

She scoffed. "Don't sound so excited."

"No, no, it's not that," he said with a shake of his head. "Just thought you would still be healing."

"Well, like I told Monty and Jasper, I feel as if I can break into gymnastics right now." She joked and bounced back and forth on her heels.

He chuckled. "Let's save that for later."

She watched him pack his bag full of rations. "That's a lot of rations. Do we plan on staying longer than a day?" She asked with an innocent raise of her eyebrows.

He shrugged. "No. Just a lot can happen in one day."

"You're telling me." She laughed and took some rations herself. She held her hand out to him. "Shall we?"

A penitent feeling struck Bellamy in the chest as he watched a beautiful, happy smile stretch on her lips. He took a hold of her hand and smiled another tight lipped grin. "We shall."

Bellamy watched her practically skip around the forest. "What are you so happy for?"

"I've been stuck on that dark, depressing drop ship for days, Bell," Tatum responded. "I needed the fresh air.  to feel the sun on my skin." When she noticed his staring, she beamed at him and bumped her shoulder on his arm, making him stumble and laugh. But she could tell something was bothering him. He was more rigid than normal, like he was on edge about something. "You know, now that Raven's got the radio fixed, the first drop ship will be here soon. You should try talking with Jaha." She suggested and started a new conversation.

"How did you—"

"Clarke told me."

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Right, I forget you two are gossip buddies. I can't tell either of you anything."

She giggled under her breath. "She's right though. You can't avoid him forever." 

"I can try." He replied stubbornly.

This time, Tatum rolled her eyes. "Must you be so stubborn?"

He looked at her and smirked. "Wonder where I learned it from."

"Certainly not me." She responded with a sarcastic gasp.

It fell silent between the two. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was just comfortable. Tatum liked being in Bellamy's space whether they were talking or not. Their eyes searched for the depot as they made their way deeper into the forest. She glanced at him.  "I'm sure he'll understand if you just tell him the reason." She started again.

Bellamy went stiff again. "It's not that simple, Tate."  He denied once more.

"i know, but, if—"

"I shot the man!" He said louder than he anticipated.  She flinched back. "He's not just gonna forgive and forget!"

She went quiet. Her shoulder slumped over and her eyes moved away from him to her shoes. 

He sighed. "Let's spilt up. Cover more ground. Stay within shouting distance." He walked away with a hatchet in his hand, leaving her standing there. 

Her mouth was open slightly from surprise and she closed it. Tatum felt her throat tighten and she gulped. "Don't be such a baby, Tatum. Get it together." She criticized herself.

She began walking through the woods by herself. She tightened the grip on her knife, not liking the feeling of being left alone when they knew grounders were out.  Her eyes wondered up into the trees and squinted down at the ground in search for the depot. Not paying attention, she felt her foot step on something hard that didn't feel like the ground. Looking down, she found a metal door. "Hey Bellamy, I think I found it!" 

Bellamy came rushing to her side. 

"I think it's rusted shut." She grunted after not being able to open the hatch.

"Here, watch your foot," he ordered and she moved out of the way. He swung the hatchet over his shoulder and collided it with the door. "Okay, give me a hand."  He quickly told her.

Together, they used their strength to pry the door open. Once it finally opened, Tatum sighed in relief and squeezed her hand to relieve the pain. 

Bellamy peered inside and walked down the staircase,  her following immediately after. 

Cobwebs and dirt later the stairway and dust particles floated in the air. Tatum could feel her already dirty skin getting coated with dust. "Really think this place hasn't been touched since the war?" He asked while moving his flashlight around to see in the dark.

She took out her own flashlight and looked around her surroundings. "A girl can dream." She muttered in disgust. They walked deeper through the underground chamber. Tatum shivered again in revulsion at all the cobwebs around her. "God, this is disgusting."

Bellamy looked back at her and smirked. "Is Tatum Adler afraid of spiders?" He made fun of.

She shined her flashlight at him. "Listen, I don't fuck with anything that has more than two legs and can potentially kill me."

He looked around his surroundings until the flashlight shined on a skeleton sitting against the wall.  Tatum gasped loudly and covered her mouth. "Hell of a place to die," he muttered disturbingly.

"So much for living down here. This place is disgusting."

"Everything down here is ruined." He stated with a frustrated sigh.

"They must've used the last of the supplies before the bombes went off," Tatum insisted. She moved to another part of the chamber with her flashlight. She lifted the lid of a container in the middle of the room and smiled at what was inside. "Found blankets." She announced.

"Excited about a couple of blankets?" He sneered,  causing her excitement to deteriorate.

"It's something." She mumbled and shut the lid back on the container.

"How about a canteen? Or a med kit? Or a decent freaking tent?" Bellamy fumed and kicked down a metal barrel.

His frustration made her flinch. Her eyes scanned the liquid that began oozing from the barrel.

He noticed it too and the frustration died down. "Oh my god." He breathed out and hunched down on the ground.

"What is it?"

Bellamy looked up at her with a mischievous smile and revealed what was in his hand.

Her eyes widened in realization when she saw the oil on his palms. "Guns?" 

"Guns," he confirmed eagerly. "This changes everything."

She watched as he moved to the other side of the room. He grabbed a red sheet from the corner and tied it to the ceiling, revealing a large X in the middle. "No more running from spears," he declared. When he was done, Bellamy turned to her. "Ready to be a badass, Tate?" He asked with a smirk.

Tatum scoffed. "I already am but sure, why not."

His smirk widened and handed her one of the weapons. "We're lucky the riffles were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means we're not sitting ducks anymore. You need to learn how to do this."

She eyed the riffle before slowly accepting it. It felt heavy in her grip. She walked to the middle of the shooting area, keeping some distance. She placed the end of the riffle over her shoulder. "Like this?" She asked him.

Bellamy grinned from behind her. "Uh yeah, just a little higher," he replied and came closer to her. He stood behind her and fixed the position of the riffle over her shoulder. His warm hands fell on her shoulders to straighten her posture. He could feel her tense up under his touch. His velvet eyes stare at her as his hands fall from her shoulders to her waist.  "Stand like this." He ordered, his voice low and cracking slightly. He moved her waist with his hands to have her stand sideways. "Just like that." He said again, hush toned, and he felt himself start to sweat.

Tatum tried her best not to gasp at the feeling of his hands on her. She gulped silently, feeling his eyes on her. The tension between them suddenly made the air very thick and hot. She felt his breath hit the side of her neck, causing goosebumps to form her skin, and she turned her head slightly — meeting his eyes. They stared at each other for a minute before he cleared his throat. "Right, um—watch and learn." 

The loss of his touch made her heart drop. Her cheeks flushed and she let out the breath she was holding.

Bellamy positioned himself with the riffle. His fingered laid on the trigger and squeezed it but nothing but a clicking sound coming out the other end.

Tatum snorted on accident. "Wow, some great experience you got there." She said and sarcastically clapped.

He glared at her.

She stopped clapping and her lips rolled back into a smile. "Too soon?"

He rolled his eyes. "My bullets are duds. Try yours." He said with a grumble.

She got back into the position he showed her and lowered her head to align her vision with the X. Her finger wrapped around the trigger and she squeezed one of her eyes shut before pulling the trigger. A loud pop went off and they watched the bullet fly through the middle of the X. She immediately laughed out loud. "Holy shit, that was awesome!"

Bellamy chuckled and shook his head. "You're a natural. Try again." He insisted.

"No, we shouldn't waste the ammunition."

"You need to practice."

"What we need to do is talk about how are we going to keep these around camp without someone trying to steal them?" She differed. "Is it just gonna be you, me, and Clarke with the access?"

Bellamy didn't answer and instead took the riffle from her and positioned himself again. This time, another pop went off and the bullet ripped through the X.

Tatum blinked rapidly and raised her brows. He smirked at her, causing her to roll her eyes again. "You are so full of yourself."

He shrugged cheekily. "You like it."

"Whatever," she muttered and took a pack of dried nuts out of her bag. She ate some before holding them out on his direction.

He graciously took them. "How are you feeling?" He asked, motioning to her stomach.

She glanced down at her clothed abdomen. "Oh, I feel okay. It really only hurts if I stretch or anything like that."

"I could've came by myself, you know."

"What, and leave you to have all the fun? No way," she teased. "Besides, i'm a better tracker than you."

Bellamy scoffed. "Says who?"

She gave him a pointed look. 

He closed his eyes and sighed. "God dammit, Clarke."

Tatum laughed. She went silent and ate more of the nuts. "How come you left Miller in charge?" She suddenly asked.

His demeanor changed at the question. He shifted on his feet and shrugged. "I trust him, I guess. You should keep him close. The others listen to him." He answered unconvincingly.

"Keep him close," she repeated with another laugh.  "What do you mean?" When he didn't respond, Tatum frowned and stepped closer to him. "Bellamy, what's wrong? You've been acting off all day."

He still didn't say anything and instead just stared down at her, his velvet brown eyes scanning her face. Then, something clicked in her head and she backed away. "You're leaving?" She said like it was poison on her tongue.

"You don't understand—"

"You were just going to load up on supplies and vanish?" Her voice hardened.

"I don't have a choice, Tatum. The Ark will be here soon." He stated in a deep voice.

She shook her head in disbelief, still not fully grasping. "You're just going to abandon us? Abandon Octavia—"

"Octavia hates me. She'll be fine." Bellamy fired back.

"What?" Tatum nearly shouted, her face scrunching up. "Bellamy, no—"

"I shot Jaha! They're going to kill me, Tatum!" His voice gradually raised. "Best case scenario, they lock me up with the grounder for the rest of my life and there's no way i'm giving Jaha that satisfaction."

"So running away is the best solution?" She asked with a scoff. "You don't think i'm scared too, Bellamy? I killed someone. I actually killed someone. My knife went through him. You don't think i'm thinking the same thing? I was going to die the second I turned eighteen." She threw at him while slowly walking closer to him.

Bellamy just shook his head. "This is different, Tate."

"No, it's not!" She loudly contradicted. "They'll kill me too, Bell. But i'm not running away from my problems, am I? I'm not running away from my people."

"They'll be fine without me—"

"What about me?" She shouted this time, her blue eyes glossing over. Bellamy went silent. "What about me? You're just going to leave me? After everything we've been through together, you're seriously okay with abandoning me?"

He shook his head again. "You don't need me, Star Girl." He spoke more softly, trying to convince himself.

"Bullshit!" She shouted louder and shoved him backwards. "That's bullshit! How the hell are you going to come into my life and make me feel the way I do just to leave?"

His eyes soften miserably. "I'm sorry, Tatum."

"No! No, you're not leaving!" She protested and shoved him again.

He did not react and just stared at her sadly. "I have to."

Her face twisted sorrowfully and she ran her hands through her hair, gripping it. She shook her head. "Then go." She said through her teeth.

Bellamy stepped forward. "Tatum—"

"Then go!" Tatum yelled and shoved him again and again. Her fists began to hit against his chest. "Just go and do your thing then cause it's very clear you don't give a shit about me or anyone else. Go! I've lost enough people so I guess I can just add another to the list." She cried out in resentment and betrayal.

It went silent again and she held her face in her hands. Bellamy didn't know how to react and just stood there, jaw slacked. "Keep practicing. I need some air." He uttered and left before she saw him break.

As soon as he was out of sight, she broke. A loud sob escaped her mouth and she shakily covered her mouth with her hand. Tatum slowly fell to her knees.

Her heart crushed in her chest. She thought about the first time the two of them met when they arrived to the ground. He did not like her and she found it hilarious. Their constant banter and throws at each other only made them fall more. She thought of all the times Bellamy protected her and tried to keep her safe. The smiles, the gentle touching, and the sweet talking. But she would hold back because she was scared. Riley haunted her every day and it affected her terribly.

But Bellamy was not like Riley. Being with Bellamy made Tatum feel free. He relieved her of the constant pain she went through and he reminded her that she was bigger than her past. She was strong, brave, valiant, good hearted, and most importantly, she was loved.

A shuffle is what broke her from her deep thoughts and she lifted her head, looking around. "Bellamy?" She asked softly. When she didn't get a response, she scrambled to her feet and looked around. "Bell?" She called out again.

"Hey, Tate." A voice said behind her.

Her bones chilled and it felt like her heart stopped. Tatum slowly turned around with wide eyes, seeing who the person was behind her. She gasped and a lump formed in her throat. "Riley?"