Ang mga sumunod na araw ay ibinuhos ko kanila Mommy at Zach. I found solace in routine, throwing myself into caring for my mother and ensuring she received the medications she needed. Alam kong hindi mapupunan ng kahit anong pag-aasikaso ko ang ilang taon kong paglayo sa mga ito, but I still wanted to let her see how much I care.

With each passing day, her strength seemed to wane a little more, and I could see the toll that her illness was taking on her fragile body. Ramdam ko rin na pinipilit ni Mommy na lumaban para sa aming lahat na nagdadasal at naghihintay na gumaling siya.

In between tending to my mother's needs, I dedicated myself to helping Zach navigate through his trauma. Our therapy sessions became a lifeline for both of us, a safe space where we could confront the demons that haunted us and find a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness. I listened as Zach recounted the horrors he had endured, offering words of encouragement and reassurance whenever the weight of his past threatened to overwhelm him. Sa ganoon man lang ay matulungan ko siya. Alam kong mahaba-habang proseso pa ng pagtanggap ng mga nangyari ang pagdadaanan ni Zach pero handa akong samahan siya hanggang sa tuluyan niyang mapakawalan ang lahat ng sakit na naipon sa dibdib niya.

Despite the temptation to succumb to anger and bitterness towards my father for the pain he had caused, I made a conscious decision to let go of those negative emotions. I realized that harboring resentment towards him would only serve to poison my own spirit, and I refused to allow his actions to dictate the course of my life any longer. Instead, I chose to focus on the present moment, on the people who needed me the most—my mother and Zach.

Miski si Hans ay pinagsikapan kong alisin sa sistema ko. Whatever it was that we shared, matagal ng wala iyon. Nawala na. Naglaho na. He was getting married anyway.

"Pupunta ka ba kay Zach ngayon?" Tanong ni Mommy matapos kong salinan ng fresh orange juice ang baso niya.

Sabay kaming nag-aalmusal ngayong umaga sa veranda. Nasabi kasi sa akin ni Icen nang tumawag ito kagabi na pupunta raw si Dad sa Cebu para tignan ang minamanage niyang hotel doon, kaya alam kong walang kasama si Mommy dito.

"Sa susunod na linggo pa ulit, Mom. Ang alam ko'y balak nilang umuwi ng San Jose this weekend, eh." Sabi ko. Hindi ko sinabi kay Mommy ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit panay kong binibisita si Zach. I just told her na required ang therapy sessions nito. "Kinukumusta ka ni Mama Nae, nakausap ko siya kahapon. Baka sa Lunes ay lumipad daw sila ng Manila ni Uncle Roy."

Tumango si Mommy bago sumimsim sa juice na hinanda ko sa kaniya. "Oo, birthday na kasi ng Uncle Exodus mo."

Agad akong sumubo ng pancake para maiwasang maisip pa ang katotohanang pilit na bumabalandra sa aking isipan nang banggitin iyon ni Mommy. But no, it didn't help. Sa birthday ni Uncle Exodus rin gagawin ang announcement ng engagement nina Audrey at Hans. Iyon ang narinig ko sa usapan nina Lance at Kourtney.

I couldn't help but feel bitter, even if I had no right to feel that way. I forced myself to focus on the present, on my mother's needs.

"Sa tamang oras mo ba naiinom ang mga gamot mo, Mommy? Baka mamaya kapag wala si Dad ay hindi mo na rin nababantayan ang inom mo. Ayaw mo pa naman mag-hire ng personal nurse."

"Ano ba? Personal nurse pa! Mas lalo ko lang mararamdaman na may sakit ako kapag ganyan." She looked at me with a small smile. "Kabisado ko ang schedule ng medications ko, Caice. Every morning and evening, just like the doctor ordered. Dr. Reyes mentioned the importance of consistency, kaya makakaligtaan ko na ang lahat hindi lang 'yan. The Tamoxifen, the aromatase inhibitors—they're all crucial. Gusto ko pang makita ang mga magiging apo ko sa inyo ni Icen, ano!"

Hindi ko pinansin ang huli niyang hirit. Tumango lamang ako. "I'm glad you're following the treatment plan. Have you been experiencing any side effects?"

She sighed, setting down her glass of juice. "A few, anak. Sometimes I feel a bit nauseous, and there are days when I feel more fatigued than usual. But it's manageable. Sabi naman ni Doc ay normal ang mga iyon. Isa pa, nasa bahay na lang naman ako madalas."

"That's true," I agreed. Hindi ko lubos maisip kung gaano pinahihirapan si Mommy ng sakit niya. Hindi ko naman masabi dahil palagi ay nakangiti lang ito at para bang walang iniinda. "The side effects are tough, but they mean the medication is working. Kaya natin 'to, Mom. I'm here with you..."

She squeezed my hand gently, her eyes softening. "I know, Caice. You've been such a strong support for me. I couldn't do this without you."

Buong araw kong sinamahan si Mommy sa bahay. Kung anu-ano rin ang ginawa namin para lang alisin sa isip niya ang bigat ng katotohanang hatid ng sakit niya. Mom seemed happy I stayed until dinner. Wala akong inintindi kundi si Mommy lang, everything else could wait.

As the evening drew to a close, I tucked her into bed, ensuring she was comfortable and had everything she needed within reach. I watched her drift off to sleep, her face peaceful, a stark contrast to the worry lines that had been etched deeper in recent months. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, my heart aching with the hope that she would have a restful night.

Leaving her room quietly, I tiptoed downstairs, mindful of every creak and groan of the old wooden floor. Ayaw kong magising siya o ang mga kasambahay. I had to leave before Dad got home. I didn't want to cross paths with him—not tonight, not with everything weighing on my mind. Baka hindi ko lang mapigilan at mauwi pa kami sa away.

Nag-taxi lamang ako pabalik sa condo ni Icen. Hindi pa ako nakakapag desisyon kung dapat na ba akong kumuha ng sarili kong sasakyan dahil mukhang tatagal pa nga ako dito sa Pilipinas gawa ni Zach at ni Mommy.

The city lights blurred into streaks of color as we drove, my thoughts racing despite the fatigue that tugged at my body. I leaned my head against the window, letting the hum of the engine and the motion of the car lull me into a semblance of calm. Sana kayang alisin sa isang araw ang lahat ng gumugulo sa aking isipan.

When the cab pulled up to Icen's condo, I paid the driver and stepped out. Tumuloy na ako sa loob ng building at didiretso na sana sa elevator nang makita ko ang isang pamilyar na bulto, my steps faltered. Rye was there, sitting patiently on one of the benches. Tiningala niya ako ng tingin, mukhang kanina pa ako hinihintay.

"Rye," tawag ko sa kaniya na agad tumayo mula sa kinauupuan at tinungo ako.

Aaminin ko na masyado akong naging okupado nitong mga nakaraan at bahagyang nawala na sa isip ko ang pag-aalalang inilaan ko kay Rye. Siguro'y dahil kampante rin akong kahit gaano pa kasamang tao si Silas gaya ng mga sinasabi nila ay hindi nito magagawang pabayaan ang anak.

"You left without even saying goodbye," walang emosyong sabi niya. Nasa kaniyang mga mata ang pang-aakusa.

I understood that Rye must've felt like I abandoned him. Sa akin na lang siya sumasandal tapos nawala pa ako. Alam ko rin na kahit naman ipaliwanag ko kay Rye ang naging sitwasyon ko ay baka mas lalong hindi niya lang maintindihan.

"You found out about Dad, didn't you?" Tahimik niyang tanong.

Napatango ako, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. For a nine-year-old, Rye spoke with a gravity far beyond his years, making it hard to remember just how young he truly was. He looked straight into my eyes, unwavering and strong.

"I'm going back to Italy in three days," sabi niya.

My heart sank. If only you knew, Rye. If only I could tell you I would come with you. But that was impossible. Kailangan ako ni Mommy. Kailangan ako ni Zach. I wanted to help everyone, to be there for each of them, but I couldn't. Ang dami kong gustong ayusin, ang dami kong gustong alagaan, pero hindi ko kayang pagsabay-sabayin lahat.

"Oh, Rye," I whispered, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes. "I wish I could go with you. I wish I could be there for you, but... it's complicated."

He gave a small, understanding nod, one that broke my heart even more. "I know. It's always complicated with adults."

Bakit nga ba ganoon? Bakit kailangan maging mahirap at kumplikado ang lahat?

"I came here to thank you, Caice. For your genuine care. You've done more for me than anyone else has in a long time."

"Rye..." I began, but he interrupted me, stepping closer and wrapping his small arms around my waist in a hug that felt both comforting and heartbreaking.

Kung puwede lang na sa akin ka na lang, Rye.

Kung sana puwede.

"You've been like a mother to me than my mother ever was," he murmured against my side. "And I love you for that."

I held him close, stroking his hair and trying to keep my composure. Natutunaw kasi ang puso ko sa mga sinasabi niya. Rye was never this vocal to his feelings. At nalulungkot akong isipin na maaaring ito na ang huling pagkakataon na magkakausap kami, ganoon rin siguro ang nararamdaman niya kaya sinasabi niya ang talagang nasa loob niya.

"I love you too, Rye. More than you know. I wish I could do more, be more for you."

"You already have," he replied, pulling back to look up at me with those wise, penetrating eyes. "Just knowing you're here makes a difference. And I'll be okay in Italy."

I nodded, though my heart ached with the thought of him being so far away. "Just promise me you'll stay safe, okay? And if you ever need anything, you'll call me."

He gave a small smile. "I promise. But you need to promise me something too."

"Anything,"

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself. You always try to take care of everyone else, but you need to look after yourself too. It's important."

Sandali akong tumingala upang pigilin ang amba kong pag-iyak. Rye shouldn't see me cry. Tumikhim muna ako bago muling nagsalita. "I promise. I'll try my best."

He nodded, satisfied. Dahan-dahan siyang kumawala sa akin, hindi pa umaalis si Rye pero nadudurog na ang puso ko. Ang tanging magagawa ko na lang ay hilingin na sana maging mabuti sa kaniya ang hinaharap. God knew how much this kid had suffered, at sa kamay pa mismo ng nagpala sa kaniya. Alam kong mabuting bata si Rye at balang araw ay magagawa niyang landasin ang tamang desisyon.

"Good bye, Caice..."

"Good bye, Rye..."

I watched him as he turned and walked away. Hindi ako umalis sa aking kinatatayuan, pinanuod lamang siyang tunguhin ang daan palabas. Nasa exit na siya nang huminto siya at muling magsalita.

"I hope you don't hate me for what I'm destined to be," he said quietly, his back still turned to me.

My heart clenched at his words. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath and found my voice. "Rye, I could never hate you."

Wala naman siyang kasalanan. It wasn't his fault that he was his father's successor.

He turned slightly, just enough for me to see the sadness in his eyes. "But it's my reality. And sometimes, I feel like I'm trapped in a fate I never wanted."

"Don't let your destiny define you. You have the power to make your own choices, to be more than what's expected of you." Pilit kong pinatatag ang aking tinig dahil hindi ko gustong isipin ni Rye na nanghihina ako para sa kaniya.

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do," I said firmly. "I believe in you."

I watched as he turned and walked away again, his figure gradually disappearing from sight. This time, I didn't try to stop the tears. I let them flow, each one a testament to the love and hope I had for Rye. It wasn't his fault that he was born into a legacy he didn't choose. And it wasn't fair that he had to bear the weight of it.

I sank into the nearest chair, the flood of emotions too overwhelming to contain any longer. I wept silently, for Rye, for Zach, for my mother, and even for Hans. But most of all, for the fragile strength within me that was being tested like never before.

I couldn't stop hurting, could I?